Prologue:

The sky is all colorful in shades of orange and yellow, and I can still feel the grass tickling my feet like it was back when we were running through the woods and down to the dock. I wiggle my toes along the wood and notice that they're warming up since the sun's hitting them.

This is the kind of thing I've only ever seen in movies.

It's kinda like how when the hero flies down from the sky and smashes into the bad guy's house — WHAM! And he goes BOOM BOOM BOOM, BAM! And he beats the bad guy up and he wins and then he finally gets to sit on the beach and relax with his feet up and a straw hanging out of a coconut. Then the camera zooms out and everyone sees how the sky is red and yellow and orange and white, all at the same time. It's the moment when the movie is finally over.

"I kinda wanna hold your hand," she says without looking at me.

I get a little mad at her for a second because she interrupted me with my thinking and I don't like it when people do that. Plus, it feels like we're doing something bad by talking since we were just being super quiet. Maybe it was only quiet so we could catch our breathing, though. Swimming does take a lot of energy outta you, you know.

"...is that weird?" She says again and this time, I'm not so mad at her for talking anymore.

Even though she's not looking at me, I want to look at her when I say this. So I turn my head and my ear falls into a puddle that my wet hair made by dripping, but it's okay to get my ear wet because I don't have them stupid tubes in my ears anymore — Daddy said so.

When I look at her, I see something different. It's like there's little tiny hairs all over her body and they're white so it looks like she's glowing. Does she glow in the dark? Cool! How come I never noticed that before? I usually notice everything about her. Like right now, I notice how her mouth is shaking and her teeth are all clicky. Maybe she's cold.

"I kinda wanna hold your hand, too." I say that quietly like I'm telling her a secret because I dunno why, but it feels like a secret. "...S'that weird?"

She shakes her head "no" at me and puts her hand down on the dock where there's nothing but empty space in the middle of us. The waves in the water are making the dock go splish splash back and forth and some wind makes it smell like summer all around me. The wind makes me shiver a little so maybe I'm cold too but then I put my hand on top of her hand and I feel warm again.

She looks at me in my eyes and I always kinda knew that her eyes were green like the jungle, but today they look a little different. I wonder if she thinks my eyes are pretty like I think hers are. My eyes are just boring brown but she told me they look like honey the other day so maybe she still thinks that.

She smiles at me and it feels like fireworks shooting across my tummy. I feel weird now, like something inside my body is different and it will never be the same ever again. I don't want to look at her anymore, so I don't. And she looks back up at the sky too.

"...I kinda think I might love you." She talked under her breath like she always does when she's mad at me. It's the same way I talk to Dad sometimes and then he threatens to make me go to my room for backtalk.

I feel like I should say something back but I don't know what. I thought that saying "I love you" was something only grown ups can say to each other or something you only say to your Daddies when they kiss you goodnight. She isn't a grown up, she's eight like me. She's not tucking me in bed and telling me goodnight. Could she still love me, even though she's my best friend? And am I allowed to love her back?

"Say something… ya weirdo." She breathed really hard like I do when I don't want to do something and then she puts her hand back on her Powerpuff Girls shirt instead of holding mine. Maybe she's mad.

"Are you sure?" I ask and then I sit up instead of laying down because laying down is making me feel not good and dizzy. Also maybe I can understand her a little more if I sit up, maybe. Daddy told me not to mess with the straps because I break them when I do, but I can't help it. I have to pull the straps on my jelly sandals. It makes me feel better. "Like, for serious sure?"

"I mean, I think so," she sits up instead of laying down too, and she makes the dock move. I don't know why because it's still gonna be wet anyway, but she twists the water out of her shirt. "I mean, I always wanna be around you and stuff."

I fold the strap on sandals. "...Do you even know what love is?"

"Sure I do!" She talks really loud like she's excited and her eyes are sparkly and her fat cheeks look even fatter. I like her face. "Love is kinda how like when you give me your cookies at the bonfire when you don't want them no more. And you don't even care if I eat them, 'cause you don't care if I'm fat."

She makes a laugh come all the way out of my belly when she says that. She is so funny without ever trying sometimes and I think that is important.

"You're not fat," I tell her. "Just fluffy."

"I'm eight-years-old and have to wear extra large. I'm fat, it's okay. You can say it." She breathes hard again. Daddy calls it "sighing like a brat."

"I don't think you're fat," I shake my head "no" and water splatters all over the place. "And I don't think me giving you cookies is what love is, neither."

"I know what love is." She looks at the sky and sometimes she does that to avoid looking at the globs of fat on her legs. I happen to like the globs of fat on her legs, but she doesn't. She says they make her feel "shamed" and I don't know why. I think she is pretty no matter what. "It's like… Christmas."

"Christmas?"

"Uh-huh," she nods her head "yes" at me. "Like how whenever you stop opening presents for a minute and you just listen. Love is what's left in the room when you just listen."

She looks out into the spot where the sun meets the water and squints her eyes like it hurts. I have to think about what she said to make it make sense but I don't have to think about it for too long to know that it makes me feel different again. I feel like maybe the world makes sense to me like it hasn't made sense before. I feel older than eight-years-old. Only for just one minute though.

"...Have you ever kissed anyone?" I ask her like I'm saying a secret again.

"You mean like how Fred kisses Daphne in the Scooby-Doo movie?"

"Yeah, like that."

"No," she sighs like a brat and shakes her head. "I don't think I can… 'cause of my braces. Have you?"

"Just my dads."

Sometimes things happen between us where we don't have to think. It feels like she knows what I'm thinking and I know what she's thinking too and I think it happens that way only because we're best friends. It happens all the time. She says something but before she finishes saying it, I already know what she means. I'll think something and she'll whisper it in my ear and it's like she was thinking the same something. It's sort of like that this time, only a little different.

She scoots on her butt over to me and I scoot on my butt over to her. And I've seen this a million times before actually, like in Spy Kids and the Hunchback and Stuart Little and Harry Potter. I know from watching movies that I have to close my eyes… I think it makes you more brave or something.

She closes her eyes too and I can't see, but I know it's her lips that are touching mine because they're soggy and slippery and wet. I wonder if my lips feel soggy and slippery and wet to her. It's only official when we make that sucking noise. That's how I know that I'm really kissing someone. I wonder how people kiss when their noses touch and it's not comfortable.

We only do it for like two seconds maybe five or no actually I think it was ten. We both take our lips away at the same time and open our eyes slow. It feels like fireworks exploding across my belly again but with more fire this time. She touches her finger against her braces.

"...I kinda think I love you, too." I put my hand on her leg and I think it's cool how her skin was really white when she first came to camp and now it's almost as dark as mine except not really. "Promise we'll stay in touch when camp's over."

"I'll call you all the time. Even if it's long distance calling and uses up all the money." Her fingers make my hair move away and go behind my ear. "I'll call you every day until it's time to come back next year. I promise."

"You promise? Pinky promise?"

"I promise, Rachel. I'll keep in touch."

Our promise is made…

But for some reason, I don't think it can be kept.