AN: (I just want to make a few things perfectly clear:
-As some of you might have thought, this story is inspired by Borbas comics 'I Will Survive' and Born to be Alive.'
-NO, I am not trying to throw a punch at him or anything like that.(Although I do know there are a lot of you that want to do that) I respect the artist for his drawings, and he does have the right to create his comics the way he wants.
-I'm not like those good writers like Cimar, Crewefox, Dizzie HamHam Writer or Tyler-Z-Crimson, so I ask you to please bear with me as I write this story.
-I'm rating this T for dark but that's only for the beginning, it does get better in the future I promise. By that I mean there is WildeHopps in a future Chapter.
-I could really use feedback on this please.
The length of this is probably going to be around 10 chapters. Fair warning: There is going to be lengthy flashbacks that have details on certain characters backstories, before the present.
I know that the story might contain potential for controversy, I'm not asking you to keep your opinions to yourself. But please be polite when you do comment.)
Chapter 1: Flashbacks
Disclaimer:I do not own Zootopia or any of it's characters, they all belong to Disney. Rated T for Dark
Sitting on her old bed, wearing a pink tank top and black sweatpants in her old apartment building, the Grand Pangolin Arms, was Judy Hopps. She moved back in here sometime after her breakup with Shay. She's busy writing about the events that lead up to this moment.
"I really didn't think this is where I would be right now." Judy said, in her journal.
"Sorry let me re-phrase that. Hi I'm Judy and I have a lot to say right now. I'll start by telling you what happened two weeks after Nick showed up." Judy started.
Flashback to Six Months Ago...
It's the middle of the day and Judy's day off. She had just finished cleaning the apartment when Shay came in. She was on her lunch break and came over to take her out, but that was when there was a knock at the door.: It was Judy's parents.
When they came in they were in shock at the look of the apartment, which was different to what she told them. They were even more shocked to see Shay here and not Nick.
"Who are you?" Stu asked with a stern expression.
"H-Hi I'm Shannon, nice t-to meet you." Shay replied while stuttering a bit.
"Sweetheart you told us that you and Nick had separate rooms." Bonnie said to Judy, sounding concerned, "Also where is Nick?"
"Well, I can explain." Judy said giving a weak smile to her parents.
"We're all ears." Stu said turning his attention to his daughter.
Everybody sat down at the sofa and Judy explained from the top, the things between her and Nick. It took her nearly half an hour to cover the whole story. To say that her parents were disappointed was an understatement.
"An ABORTION!? Are you Kidding me Judith" Stu shouted using her full name.
"Judith Hopps, bunnies don't just up and get an abortion like that!" Bonnie shouted, also using her full name, sounding a bit angry, "How could you do it?"
"It was my choice and I still stand by it." Judy stated.
"How can you say that?!" Bonnie said, "This isn't something you can just write off! Like it's not a big deal!"
"Not only did you chose to do this, you lied about it. To your own parents no less." Stu said while pointing at Judy.
"I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you. But I knew you guys wouldn't understand or approve." Judy said crossing her arms.
"Well you're right on the abortion but your wrong about Nick." Stu said.
"Wait, what?" Judy said sounding confused.
"Judy with everything you said about him, and seeing you two together at the homestead, we started looking at him as our son-in-law." Bonnie said calmly
"You did, when did you guys start?" Judy asked.
"A few months after you brought him to the homestead the first time. Although it did take your father a while to come around to it." Bonnie said while Stu scratched the back of his head for a moment.
Hearing that her parents approved of Nick was a shock to her, but she had to ask an important question, "Do you still see him like that?"
"Yes we do. Were just disappointed how things ended between you." Stu said, while crossing his arms.
"He left me when I needed his support. Doesn't that count for something?" Judy asked.
"Don't try and blame him young lady!" Bonnie said coldly
"But-" Judy started but was cut off by her dad.
"Judy how can you expect him to stand by you as you're killing his child, and our grandchild for your DAMN career." Stu said flatly.
That last sentenced burned Judy. Knowing that her parents still didn't approved of her being a police officer. But did approve of her being with Nick. That was the last straw for her.
"You know what? You can just get out!" Judy shouted at her parents as she got up," I don't care if your my parents! Nothing I ever do gets you guys off my back!"
Hearing their daughter speak to them like that was atrocious, but they complied anyway. "Fine we'll leave." Stu said, as he and Bonnie got up and made their way to the door. But not before saying a few more things to Judy.
"You know we used to be so proud of you. But now we're going to be asking ourselfs: what did we do to deserve a daughter like you?" Stu said.
"Another thing if you continue this NONSENSE of being with that fox!" Bonnie said while pointing at Shay, before she continued, "You can forget about stepping foot on the family farm again!"
Judy weighed the threat in her mind; she loved Bunny Burrow, and she did love her family. So the thought of never going back home terrified her. But she had enough of her parents as she shouted, "GO TO HELL, BOTH OF YOU!" before slamming the door to them. She stood there for a moment inhaling and exhaling very quickly before she began to sob.
"Judy are you okay?" Shay asked, as she stood in front of her and she looked up.
Judy went to Shay and hugged her for a moment before saying, "I'm okay."
The two spend a couple more seconds in silence, while Judy was smiling due to the embrace, before Shay broke it by saying, "I think I should go."
"Huh?" Judy said, sounding surprised while breaking the embrace, "Why?"
"I'm sorry Judy, but I should get back to work. My lunch break is almost over." Shay said, telling a half-lie.
"Wait is this about what my parents said because I-" Judy said but was cut off by Shay.
"NO! No it's-" Shay started, as she made her way to the door, but paused as tears welled up in her eyes, "I have to go, sorry." She said, then left through the door in a hurry.
"SHAY!" Judy shouted, but she was gone. As she stood there and thought about what happened earlier. What her mother said still played in her mind.
"Ugh stupid parents." Judy said, to no-one. But as she turned around she saw a figure standing in the living room area staring at her. But the figure vanished as soon as she blinked, "What was that?"
(ONE WEEK LATER)
Judy and Shay were on there way to work in silence. Both having different thoughts at the time.
For Shay the recent visit from Judy's parents brought back a memory that really hurt her, and she didn't want to think about it. She spent a few days after the visit being depressed.
For Judy she had a lot on her mind. Namely after her parents visit, she was no longer welcomed at the homestead. It was upsetting for sure. But what was bugging her was that strange figure that appeared.
When the two arrived, they agreed to meet up later at a coffee shop for lunch, per Shay's request. They parted ways after a quick peck on the lips.
Judy was on her to the front desk to chat with Clawhauser, like she usually does before going to roll call. But the way he was looking at her meant something was wrong.
"Hi Ben whats up." Judy said as she stood in front of the cheetah. Ben didn't say anything instead gave her an empty expression.
"It's funny you should ask." Ben said, giving a fake smile, before handing Judy a piece of paper.
"What is this?" Judy asked as she received the paper.
"Why don't you look at it." Ben said calmly but with a bit of venom that Judy missed.
Judy looked at the document, and realized what it was: her medical record. But what caught her attention was that a date was highlighted. The date that she had her abortion. Which was also the date that Nick resigned. Realizing this she looked up at Ben, and was met with an angry glare.
"It's the reason why Nick left isn't it?" Ben said sounding mad, while snatching the document back from her.
"Ben listen-" Judy started but was cut off.
"NO! You listen!" Ben shouted, which caught the attention of all the other officers. "How could you keep this a secret from us?!
"I just didn't tell you." Judy replied.
"We were on your side during the whole thing. But realizing the truth only now we should have sided with him." Ben said.
"I...I did it for my career." Judy stuttered.
"Are you saying that the rest of us should do the same thing you did?!" Came a voice that sounded very angry.
Both Ben and Judy turn to see who it was, and coming over to them. It was Officer James Wolford. This meant trouble for Judy, because she knew that James and Nick were so close that they acted like brothers to one another. So finding out that Nick left because of her means one thing. He would be very angry.
"That's not what I'm saying James." Judy said
"That's Officer Wolford to you rabbit!" James shouted while pointing at her. "And knowing that you did it and hid it from us here, disgusts me. To think we could trust you."
"But Wolford!" Judy said but was cut off.
"Don't bother! Besides I knew Nick was right throughout this entire ordeal. He didn't deserve any of the backlash I know you definitely gave him for your own selfish reasons." James said while turning his back to her, while trying to calm down but failing at it. "I can't be in the same building, let alone the same room with you. Which I think we all can agree to right?"
All the Officers in the area nodded their heads in agreement before James continued. "You don't even deserve to call yourself a cop with the way you treat your own kin, even if they hurt you in some way."
As he left Judy looked around her and saw that all the Officers gave her looks of disappointment and disgust. It was even worse than the looks she got on her first day here.
"*sigh* It's not like things can get any worse." Judy whispered.
"HOPPS MY OFFICE NOW!" Boomed Bogo's voice. This caught Judy off guard.
As she made her up the steps to the Chief's office, she heard her fellow colleagues gossip about her. One of the officers said something that made her heart skip a beat.
"Hopefully Bogo takes her badge."
When she arrived in the office and sat on one of the chairs, she could feel his death glare as he explained her current situation.
"SUSPENSION! Why!" Judy shouted in shock.
"If you really have to ask, withholding information and causing a riot in my precinct." Bogo said, while pointing at the documents on his desk, before continuing. "It was one thing to lose Wilde, but since last week a lot of the best officers here, have been requesting to be relocated because of you. I had to put their requests on hold until I spoke with you."
"But sir, my situation was different to other mammals and I only did it so wouldn't have to quit." Judy said but then thought about something else. "Wait, my secret only came out last week?"
"It did. I had both Wolford and Clawhauser do medical checks on all officers to ensure that they are in perfect condition and there is no major illnesses or injuries, and your name got red flagged since it tied with the date that Wilde left." Bogo explained
"But-" Judy started but was cut off
"No buts! Look Hopps this job is a give and take." Bogo said calmly. "I've been working here for most of my life before I met my wife. Even though I've been married for a few years, I still feel lucky to have her, do you think I didn't want that? You may have done what you did for your job but it's cost you a lot hasn't it?"
Judy didn't respond immediately, but instead glanced to her right to see the same figure from before. But just like before the figure vanished when she blinked.
"And that cost will only grow. One month suspension." Bogo said.
"What!?" Judy shouted, as she looked back at Bogo
"One month Hopps. And I'm giving you the rest of the day to get your priorities straight." Bogo explained calmly.
"You can't just give me a suspension over a stupid fox like Nick! And my priorities are straight, and it's RIGHT HERE CHIEF!" Judy shouted more forcefully than she intended, she immediately regretted it when Bogo glared at her, while she calmed down and sank back into her chair.
"For that, I'm giving you two months suspension and I'm taking away your position as lieutenant, for raising your voice to your superior and insulting a fellow officer. Also I'm putting you on parking duty until further notice when you get back." Bogo explained
"But-" Judy started but was cut off.
"No buts! I advice you to leave before I change my mind Hopps." Bogo threatened.
Judy then got up and when to the door, but stopped for a moment to say something to her boss,"I...I just wanted everyone to understand, and trust me."
"Trust is earned, Hopps. After all the work you put in, you have earned it. But after finding out about you and Wilde, and hiding it you'll have to earn all again. Especially Mine."Bogo said.
After that Judy left the office. She stood outside, for a moment, to process what just happened. She decided to take her phone out and text Shay that she's going home to change, and meet her later at the coffee shop.
"It sucks doesn't it mommy." Came a voice.
When she heard that, she immediately looked around to see where it came from. But saw nothing which lead to her putting a paw on her head when she said, "Ugh this is giving me a headache."
(Later that Day)
Judy got back home and changed out of her uniform into something comfortable, a purple t-shirt that matched her eyes along with blue shorts, and was waiting at the cafe for Shay. As she waited, with the a cup of tea for herself and hot chocolate for Shay, she contemplated on the events of the day. Her colleagues hating her, being on suspension for two months, doing parking duty when she gets back and that weird figure calling her mom. Luckily for her these thoughts were halted when the vixen arrived.
"Hey Judy" Shay said, still in her work clothes.
"Hi Shay" Judy said as she got up and hugged her. After a moment they sat down at the table, enjoying their drinks, and Judy started retelling what happened at work but left out the figure that's been appearing. "And that's it."
"Oh Judy, I'm sorry." Shay said.
"Thank you. I just wanted them to understand." Judy said softly, while looking down at her tea.
"Well, you didn't tell them a thing about you and Nick or the other thing you did so, them getting mad would be expected." Shay explained having placed some thought into it.
"I guess." Judy grumbled not wanting to think about Nick or the others right now. After a moment she looked up at Shay and asked her something, "Can I ask you, what you wanted to talk to me about?"
Shay took a moment to draw in a deep breath before starting, "Judy I wanted to talk to you about us."
"Okay." Judy said nervously
"Look, I do care about you a lot, but somethings between us have been a bit rocky." Shay explained softly.
"What do you mean?" Judy asked sounding concerned.
"The visit from your parents didn't go as I would've wanted." Shay said.
Judy was silent for a few moments, as she got mad just thinking of her parents visit, "And how would you want it to go."
"Well, it would've more or less been a short conversation because they've known a bit about me." Shay said, a bit irritated by Judy's tone, "But we already know that you didn't say a word to them about me."
"They still wouldn't be okay with it even if I told them! I mean did you tell your parents about us?" Judy asked.
"Yes I did." Shay said, "And they were surprised when I told them."
After hearing that Judy felt a cold dread creep up on her before asking, "What do you mean surprised?"
"Well, when I told them that I was dating a doe they were shocked." Shay said while frowning a bit, while looking down at her own cup. "And thought that I was going to get back together with my ex."
"Do your parents want you to be with your ex again."Judy nervously asked.
"Yeah, I mean when I was with him they were overjoyed for me and when we broke up, my parents invited me to movies at their place to cheer me up." Shay said with a weak smile.
Judy was silent for a few moments, processing what shes been told. She felt her heart clench a bit before asking, "Well what did they say when you told them you aren't going to see him again?"
"I didn't tell them that." Shay admitted "I actually bumped into my ex before I came here."
"You bumped into him?" Judy asked.
"Yes." Shay responded before pointing to a spot on her shoulder. "Didn't you see the tear stains on my shirt."
Judy looked to where she was pointing and saw a big spot on her shirt, "Dang how did I miss that." she thought.
"And you call yourself a cop, huh mommy." Came a voice
Just like before, when she heard that she looked around her to see where that voice came from but found nothing. This didn't go unnoticed by Shay as she asked with concern in her voice, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." Judy said softly.
"Are you sure?" Shay asked.
"SHANNON I SAID I'M FINE!" Judy shouted as she glared at her, but calmed down after a moment and mumbled, "Sorry." She felt her ears go droopy after that.
There was an awkward silence between the two of them for a while. Each one either sipping or staring at their drinks trying to think on what to say. It was the doe that broke the silence, with a shaky voice, "So...um...what did your ex want?"
Shay glared at Judy for a moment, because of her outburst before answering calmly, "Let's just say it was like what happened to Nick, but in a softer way."
"How so?" Judy asked.
"Well, he came to me and said "hi" at first. But I saw that pained look on his face, so I pulled him into a hug and patted him on his back." Shay said before putting a paw to her shoulder and smiled. "As I hugged him, he started crying and apologized for how things went between us."
"Wait, you let him cry on you?" Judy asked.
"Yes." Shay admitted, "Its part of our relationship if one of us has any emotions, like him for instance, just let it out. Anyway I told him I was in a hurry so, I promised I'll meet him later for a cup of coffee."
"Are you serious?" Judy asked, as she raised her voice a bit.
"What? It's mostly a conversation it's not a big deal. We're adults aren't we?" Shay asked
Judy rubbed her head for a moment, trying to get the image of Shay and her ex together out of her mind, before she asked "Okay who is this ex of yours? I would like to give him a piece of my mind."
"James. James Wolford." Shay responded.
When the news hit Judy her eyes bulged realizing that the ex was one of her colleagues who hates her guts. "James is your EX, are you SERIOUS?!"
"Yes." Shay responded
"How could you not tell me that?!" Judy asked in complete shock.
"How could you not tell your parents about us?" Shay countered, while crossing her arms.
Judy glared at Shay for a moment, for saying that, but took a few deep breaths to calm down before asking "You know he hates me right?"
"Hey, you were the one that broke Nick like you did. So you shouldn't be surprised when he yelled at you." Shay responded while pointing at her.
"So what your taking his side over mine?!" Judy shouted.
Shay rubbed the sides of her head as she let out a 'sigh'. She then took a deep breath before saying "That's not the point Judy. The point is that you make decisions that drove others away, those that you should care about and that isn't okay. If your not careful, all of this will come back to haunt you."
"Well what do you want me to do about it?" Judy asked rhetorically, crossing her arms.
Shay's expression changed from stoic to annoyed, "How about you just call your parents and apologize for the way you treated them. Then apologize to your co-workers for keeping them in the dark about your secret. Also go to Nick and just talk about the issues you two have. Like I will with James. It will be okay, you can trust me on that right?"
"No it won't!" Judy pointed out, as her voice rose which caused the other customers at the cafe to turn to them. "Cause if you remember, my parents forbade me from the homestead. I also just told you that my so called "co-workers" are turning their backs on me. Also I'm not going anywhere near 'THAT FOX' again!"
That last sentence caused Shay's jaw to drop and her eyes to widen, as she processed what has just been said, and her mood changed to shock. "Did you really just call Nick 'that fox' Judy?"
"What?" Judy responded calming down
"You just called Nick 'THAT FOX' Judy." Shay said, mimicking Judy's tone
"I-"
"Look, I get it he hurt you. But that doesn't give you the right to just discriminate him like that. I mean, how do you think I felt when you insulted another fox in front of me like that?" Shay asked, pointing to herself.
"Well-"
"You know what, I think I'll just go." Shay said flatly, as she downed the remainder of her hot chocolate and got up. But before she could leave she was stopped by Judy, who got up and ran in front of her.
"Wait wait wait. Shay I'm sorry I-"Judy tried to apologies but was cut off.
"Are you?" Shay asked, not believing her "You just went off on Nick like how other mammals look at us foxes."
"I did and that's not okay, I mean it." Judy said, as she drew in deep breaths while looking down for a moment before looking Shay in the eyes. "Look, I'm sorry for saying that. I just hate Nick, that's all."
"I'll be sure to tell him that when I see him." Shay informed, while crossing her arm.
"Wait what do you mean?" Judy asked nervously
"There was a rumor that he is in hospital right now." Shay explained "So I'm going over there to see him."
"Where did you hear this rumor?" Judy asked, already feeling that she knows the answer.
"I heard it from James." Shay said while shrugging her shoulders.
As soon as she said that Judy clenched her fists and had an angry expression on her face "You heard it from James are you serious. He can't be trusted."
"Do you not see the irony here. You won't trust me when I asked you to say your apologies, but you expect me to trust you to not be around James?" Shay defended
"That's different. They-" Judy stammered an explanation but stopped herself and sighed heavily "Look don't go, it's not even true."
"Is that just cause the rumor comes from James." Shay asked. Her only response from the doe was a nod 'yes' "Then I won't go."
"You won't?" Judy asked sounding surprised
"Yes." Shay replied before adding "If you promise to go to your parents and apologize as well as your colleagues, and go talk to Nick when he leaves the hospital."
After hearing that, Judy crossed her arms and glared at Shay before saying "I'm not going to do any of those things it's ridiculous."
"You make this so easy, you know." Shay said, with venom, as she moved passed the doe to leave. It was a short distance between the two before Judy spoke.
"You know what, James is just a lying jerk who is only going to hurt you more than he did! And you're being a fool to trust him!" Judy shouted at Shay which caused her to turn around and look at her.
Shay glared at Judy for a few seconds, before turning fully to her and started marching to her. She had an angry expression on, and point a finger at her, as she started yelling at Judy. "DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK LIKE THAT ABOUT MY FLUFFY, RABBIT!" She stood in front of Judy for a moment, still pointing and glaring at her, before turning around and walking off.
Judy stared at Shay for a moment, with a look of fear. Never before had she seen the vixen so mad. She tried to apologize "Shay wait I'm sorry, Shay!" Her apology fell on deaf ears as the vixen ignored her.
After Shay left, Judy went back to her seat, but the other mammals at the cafe who saw the exchange lingered a little while, giving her disdain looks, before turning back to their own things. While Judy buried her face in her arms. With what the vixen had said to her, she started to doubt and question the decisions she has made up till now.
"Kind of sucks when mammals aren't on your side, huh Carrots" Came a familiar voice.
"Huh?" Judy asked looking up. She looked around for the source but found nothing again. But the voice was so familiar to her that she whispered "Nick?" But when she looked in front of her she saw something that spooked her: It was Nick.
He was standing in front of her, wearing his usual pawaiian shirt and grey shorts, with a pawpsicle in his muzzle while smiling at her. Judy looked at Nick for a moment before rubbing her eyes. When she stopped to say something to him, he was gone. She closed her eyes and put her paws to her face as she mumbled "What is wrong with me?"
End of Flashback...
"*sigh* Suffice to say that month was pretty bad for me. I really didn't know why I kept seeing these hallucinations and hear those voices." Judy said, as she took in a few deep breaths before continuing. "Anyway when Shay got back that day, she told me about Nick's condition. Like how he's in a coma or something. I ignored it because I thought it was just a lie. But what really bugged me was that Shay said she is on speaking terms with James, but that scent on her is another story."
Judy placed her pen aside for a moment to rub her face and sighed before she continued, but when she opened her eyes that same figure from before appeared in her room looking at her. But just like last time, when she blinked at it vanished.
"*heavy sigh* When I asked Shay about that scent, she told me that it was none of my business. She even said that she was disappointed that I didn't go with her to pay Nick a visit. She did try to contact me but I didn't respond." Judy said, regretting that decision "We argued for a bit longer, and before I knew it she locked herself in our bedroom. I won't forget that angry look on her face." She paused for a moment as the image of Shay's enraged face went through her mind.
"She stayed in our bedroom, while I had to sleep on the sofa, and only came out when she had to go to work. Every time she did, I tried to apologize and get her to talk to me, but nothing. When I go to the precinct to try to apologize again she's not there. But when she is she's, as I hate to admit, having a pleasant conversation with James. This has been going on for sometime until one night when she-" Judy started but paused as she choked out a sob "When she left."
Flashback to Five Months Ago...
It's the middle of the night and there is movement in Judy and Shay's apartment. Shay had just finished packing all of her things into her suitcases, fully dressed, and was headed for the front door when the bunny got up from the sofa in her carrot pajamas.
"Shay?" Judy said drowsily.
The vixen in question didn't say a thing, just let out a sigh. Instead she just tightened her grip on her bags as she turned around.
"What are you doing?"Judy asked, slowly waking up.
"I'm leaving Judy."Shay stated plainly.
"L-Leaving, why?!" Judy asked, sounding shocked.
"I can't do this anymore." Shay started with a straight face. "Because everything you've been doing is not okay."
"I don't understand." Judy said, still being confused.
"Shoving your family out of your life, keeping secrets, lying to your colleagues and the way you addressed foxes." Shay said listing Judy's past decisions.
In that instant when she said all those things, especially of Nick, all of Judy's anger rose to the surface. The only sign of this is that she crossed her arms and had an angry expression on her face while glaring at Shay.
"What are you on about?" Judy said, sounding frustrated
"Judy the way you treated Nick was vile and cruel, when all he wanted was your forgiveness." Shay said "Not to mention, you shoved your own parents out all because you refused to tell them the truth."
"Nick abandoned me when I needed him the most." Judy said "And my parents wouldn't have accepted the truth, even if I told them."
"That doesn't give you the right to treat them the way you did." Shay said, while she put her suitcases on the floor to continue her explanation "Look, about what Nick did to you was wrong, but when I saw him that night he was filled with regret and realized how he truly wronged you."
"Hey I forgave him for that!" Judy shouted.
"You called him a shameful coward! Especially when he was on his knees, in tears, begging to be forgiven and given a second chance. That's not forgiveness!" Shay shouted as she clenched her paw into a fist. "You didn't have any decency to even visit him in the hospital!"
"After everything he did to me you expect me to welcome him back with open arms, and show him kindness because of a sob story or being in a hospital?!" Judy asked, losing her patience.
"I'm not expecting anything from you, not anymore actually. I know that he left you but, NEWS FLASH he came back begging you for forgiveness. But after everything he's been through, realizing his faults and admitting them, telling you how he still loves you and what a fool he was, you just gave him nothing but vile anger and bitterness." Shay said as she continued, "The way you treated him was not only wicked but heartless!"
"He just needs to move on, that's all!" Judy shouted. "And my parents don't want anything to do with me again and you know it."
" *nodding head no* To think I was with a cold-hearted mammal, who is willing to break the heart of an already broken man and to push away those she should care about like her own family and friends." Shay said. "I thought you understood the pain others felt after a breakup, like mine. Or the betrayal others felt when you kept secrets."
"I do Shay I DO!" Judy shouted.
"If that were true you won't have treated Nick, and everyone else, the way you did." Shay said, while Judy's jaw dropped, "By the way I saw you. I saw the way you smiled at Nick while he was crying, you smiled like some kind of sadistic creep!"
"I...I" Judy stammered trying to come up with an explanation, and failing.
"Another thing Judy while we are chatting about Nick, I actually had a nice conversation with him today." Shay said causing Judy to look up at her. "And you should really be ashamed of yourself. He is such a good guy." Shay said the last part on purpose, knowing it would get a reaction out of Judy, and it did.
Judy stared at Shay for a few seconds, trying to process what she just said. First she heard that Nick was in the hospital, in a coma. Now she hears that he is out of hospital. But hearing Shay say that about Nick caused her to drop any thought she would have place, and she had on an angry expression as she said "You spoke with him!?"
"I did." Shay replied flatly "And he helped me realize something: You don't really care about me."
Judys expression changed from angry to shock before she said "I do care about you, a lot."
"No you don't." Shay said "Because whenever something comes up, that you caused like your recent actions, you would push your problems on to me, and it's problems that I don't have anything to do with." Shay didn't get a response so she continued, trying her best to stay calm. "Your a grown woman Judy and you should act like one! By that I mean, you should just address your problems and not hide behind someone, in your own little world, and expect it to go away." After a small pause Shay asked "Actually here is a good question. When was the last time we did something I wanted, huh?"
"I...well. Hey, we were happy together y'know. Long before Nick even showed up." Judy said, purposely ignoring Shays question.
Shay was running low on patience now. The sign of it, is that she crossed her arms and had a very annoyed expression on her face. She would have confronted Judy about ignoring her question, but she decided to say. "Well it's a good thing he did."
"What?" Judy said.
"Remember I had a conversation with him today, and it made me realize something else." Shay started "When I saw you push him away, the one mammal that helped you keep your career in the first place, and your parents, who raised and love you, and your colleagues,who trusted you. I asked myself, what was different about me? Why didn't you push me away like everyone else?"
"Ahh... well" Judy said stumbling an explanation.
"I have a good hunch or two on that." Shay said getting Judys attention "It's because you don't want to be alone. But I think that's what you deserve after all the terrible things you've done." Shay then exhaled a breath she didn't know she had before continuing "My only regret is that, if I knew you would do these things I would have stopped you the moment I saw Nick on his knees 'That Night'."
Judy started to shake, and was breathing in short breaths. At first questioning herself, thinking back on what happened not long ago. But she looked at Shay with a glare, realizing that she is siding with everyone else against her. But before she could say something, Shay held up her paw to stop her from saying something so she could continue "Look, I don't doubt your feelings for me and I appreciate it but our relationship was never meant to be."
"But Shay-" Judy started but was cut off.
"No." Shay said while holding up her paw "Listen, the only reason that I was with you is because I was still in pain over James. You however are a monster." When she said that Judy dropped her arms to her sides. "I say this because you were willing to hurt the mammals, that you should care about, and not have remorse about it."
Judy was quiet for a moment before she said "While I should appreciate everything you're telling me, I don't. I also don't appreciate you telling me off like this. Besides it's-"
"The truth." Shay finished the sentence "Your to prideful to admit it."
After Shay said that there was dead silence in the apartment. The only sound heard is that of a doe breathing in breaths trying to calm down. After a moment Shay said, "By the way, the whole "Live a new life" is nonsense if it means throwing away everything that you hold dear in your old life." Shays only response is a small groan from the rabbit, so she said "You really need to grow up Judy. By the way I haven't mentioned the other hunch yet."
"Well what is it?" Judy asked in a cold tone
"Well it's something I know Nick would bring up if you ever met up with him. It's something we discussed." Shay said "The real reason that you were with me is because, unlike Nick, I can't get you pregnant. So you thought you can be in a relationship with me, without repercussions of your actions. I'm not Nicks replacement, your new light or a new chance at love, which is absolute rubbish right now. I'm nothing but a scapegoat to you."
Hearing Shay say that caused Judy to snap, all the anger that she was holding exploded when she shouted "You know what? All of this, is absolutely the stupidest things I have heard! Because you got all this from that LOW-LIFE of a fox and just saying it makes you a DAMN IDIOT like him." After she that she quickly calmed down, realizing what she said. Judy had a shocked expression on, as she covered her mouth, while Shay gave her a fake smile.
"Well I'm glad that we cleared this up." Shay said while picking up her suitcases and headed for the door. "Oh, and if having a heart and being logical like Nick makes me an idiot. Than I accept it. I won't be seeing you again." Judy then reached out to her and grabbed her by the arm, as she said in a panicked tone "Wait! Please don't leave me! I'm sorry for saying that okay! I can change!"
"I'm sorry but I'm not going to waste my time with someone so vile, cruel and selfish. Or live the rest of my life with a monster." Shay said having her back to her, while removing her arm from Judys grasp. "For the record I would have been okay with us being friends if you gave Nick a chance. Goodbye Judy, I hope I never see you again you witch."
"SHAY!" Judy shouted, but to no avail as she already left. Now all alone in the apartment Judy started crying feeling abandoned all over again.
End of Flashback...
Wiping away a few tears that rundown her cheek, she continued to write. "That was a very terrible situation. But if you thought that was bad, a few weeks after that I-." Judy started as she drew in a shaky breath with more tears welling up, "I went to Shay to apologize, but what I saw really broke me, especially what happened after."
Flashback to Two weeks after Shay left...
Judy made her to the precinct garage to see Shay, despite being on suspension. Along the way she mentally prepared herself for the confrontation from Shay. But as she stood outside the garage, about to enter, she felt her heart sink.
Shay was busy making out with James.
She then stood with her back against the wall, outside the garage. In that moment a series of emotions flooded her: guilt, pain, anger, isolation and sorrow. To make matters worse the, strange figure that appeared so many times before was stood opposite the street looking at her. But it was a shock.
It was of a fox kit, a tod, about 6-years old. He looked like a younger version of a certain other fox she knew, but had longer ears like those of a bunny, and her amethyst eyes. He had on a grey t-shirt and black shorts. That was all on the right side of him, but to the left was terrifying. There was no fur and his left eye was glowing red.
Just then, like before, when she blinked at him he vanished. She then made her way back home, while her ears have been droopy.
(LATER THAT DAY)
When she got back home, she was a wreck. She looked around the apartment and then all the bad memories, that had happened before, came rushing back. Memories of her fight with Nick, her parents, her colleagues and Shay leaving. Their voices ringing in her mind over and over.
"It would have been better for us if you kept me in the dark about your premeditated sin"
"An ABORTION! Are you kidding me Judith!"
"You can forget about stepping foot on the family farm again!"
"You don't even deserve to call yourself a cop."
"For the record I would have been okay with us being friends if you gave Nick a chance. Goodbye."
Then she exploded with anger. She grabbed things, like books, sofa cushions, and threw them at the walls. Occasionally shouting at the top of her lungs what jerks everyone was. When she was done the apartment was a mess, she then felt tears streaming down her face. She made her way to the bedroom were she collapsed on the bed crying.
What she didn't realize was that a figure was looking at her at this moment. But this one was different to the one that's been haunting her.
"Judy." A male voice called out.
Almost on instinct Judy jumped up, off the bed, to see who was calling her. Standing at the door to the bedroom was Nick Wilde, her former partner and lover. He was dressed in a green t-shirt and grey khaki pants. He also had on a blank expression.
"Nick?" Judy uttered in disbelief
"Now before you get upset. I'm not really here." Nick said as he held a paw up. "I'm just a hallucination of yours."
"Well then where are you?" Judy asked despite being mad with him.
Before answering the question Nick crossed his arms, "Now why would you care about that? You told me yourself to get out of your life forever. Remember?"
Nick then moved to the door and opened it. What was behind the door shocked Judy. It was a flashback to their last meeting, months ago.
"I found me a new love, with someone who loves and respects me! With her I gotta a new life to live, to start anew! I deserve to live a new life, Nick! I was BORN TO BE ALIVE!"
"Judy please..."
"Do yourself a favor and get out of my Life FOREVER. Goodbye Nick."
Nick then closed the door and turned to Judy, with his arms closed. Judy then felt her ears go droopy, and found it difficult to look at Nick, even if he is an illusion. She even felt fresh tears welling up, as well as hyperventilate a bit, as Nick spoke.
"I'm just going to cut to the chase on whats going on with you. All these flashbacks, the voices in your head, me being here, and of course you-know-who. They're all gonna be around because of the guilt you have." Nick explained, while Judy looked him with shock.
Almost as if on cue the kit appeared. Looking exactly the same as he did at the precinct, only this time he looked normal, with his arms crossed.
"Oh, hey kiddo." Nick said to his son while smiling
"Hi daddy." The kit said softly as he moved towards Nick, who picked him up.
Seeing the kit this way was a shock to Judy. Not once when he appeared did he look like that, just disfigured to his left. But seeing him triggered another voice to go
in her mind. Something Nick said to her about her pregnancy
"For God Sake, Judy! Give this unborn child the opportunity to do the same! I beg you! Please let your light continue to shine through him or her!"
"I'll bet you're wondering why he only looks like this now, and not before right?" Nick asked as pointed to his son, before explaining, "Well the reason is this. He's going to be a constant reminder to you, why everything has happened to you. That's when he is by himself. When I appear with him it will be like, you seeing what we could have had right now."
"I...I" Judy stuttered, as tears started falling from her eyes, unable to look at Nick.
"Can we go now daddy?" The Kit asked while looking at Nick.
"Sure kiddo." Nick said, as he turned to leave but was stopped by the bunny."WAIT STOP!" That caused him to turn around and look at her. "How do I get these hallucinations to stop?!"
"You can't." Nick responded "Because, they will always stay with you no matter what." As he pointed at her before, dropping his paw to add "Oh and to answer your question from earlier. I don't know where I am now. I mean I was in a hospital but we don't know which one because you chose not to go remember?"
Nick opened the door again, and another memory was shown. This time it's between Judy and Shay's argument about Nick.
"I'm not going to do any of those things it's ridiculous."
"You make this so easy, you know."
Nick then closed the door and turned to Judy, who was still hyperventilating. Judy was leaning down, with her paws on her knees, struggling to breath after witnessing that argument. There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them but was broken when Nick spoke looking at his watch.
"Well this is where we part. Ready to go kiddo?" Nick asked turning to his son, who responded "Yes daddy." They both looked at Judy one last time before Nick said, while he and his son waved "See ya Judy." The Kit also added "Bye mommy." as both of them vanished in a blue light.
"Wait Nick come back!" Judy shouted, "Come back." But they were both gone. She stood there for a moment but slumped to the floor on her knees, as the reality set in that she is all alone now. But it triggered a voice to play in her mind: Her own.
"Do yourself a favor and get out of my Life FOREVER.
Goodbye Nick."
"No!" Judy shouted as she leaned forward pressing her paws to the floor.
End of Flashback...
After writing that part in her journal she put it aside, along with her pen, and placed both paws on her face as she started to cry. She spent a few moments sobbing, and wiping her eyes, before continuing in her journal "I couldn't sleep at all that night. So I packed up my stuff, and in the morning I moved back here. I thought that by doing that the hallucinations would stop. But they didn't." Judy shuddered a breath as her kit appeared and disappeared again, looking deformed like the first time she saw him, "A few days later, after having had enough of these nightmares, I went to a therapist in the Rainforest District to discuss this 'issue' of mine."
"But that was a challenge on it's own, because a lot of mammals heard about what I did and gave me sick and disgusted looks. It's because of a news headline I saw: Judith Hopps: First Bunny Officer and Hero of Zootopia aborts second possible fox-rabbit hybrid. When I saw it the first time. I was surprised that a bunny before me also got pregnant with a fox. But I think she must have went through with it, unlike me." Judy explained sounding a bit sad. "Anyway, when I finally arrived at the therapists office, I had to speak to a Doctor Monroe, a timber wolf, regarding these things. Afterwards he explained to me that these nightmares, voices and hallucinations are caused because of the guilt I have suppressed over my actions, and that I should make amends on them. I thought about it for a while, but I denied it standing by my choice. Doctor Monroe later prescribed me some anti-depressants and arranged several appointments for me. He even suggested that I write these past events in my journal, like a confession. It was supposed to be make me feel a bit better, but all it's done is make me question the choices I've made up until now."
"And he was right." Judy admitted, while exhaling a shaky breath "I spent the next couple weeks after that, coming to terms with it. I realized, only now, that I really did hurt Shay, my parents, my co-workers and especially Nick. I've made up my mind to go to Nick and apologize for the things I said and did to him but also, like Shay suggested, talk to him about my issues."
(AN/ I'm sorry to interrupt your reading but I highly recommend you listen to 'If I could be where you are by Enya' for the remainder of this Chapter.)
"But the problem is I don't know where he is." Judy said, as she exhaled a shaky breath and the tears welled up in her eyes. "I mean I knew about that rumor that he was in hospital, but I didn't know which one. I also remember Shay telling me that he isn't in the hospital, but didn't ask if it's true. So I tried to ask my co-workers but they all refused to tell me anything, especially Chief Bogo who gave me an order not to make contact with Nick. Then I had to call a couple of hospitals in the city, until I found out he was in a hospital in downtown Zootopia. I was relieved at first, but they said he was discharged months ago."
"I even resorted to try and find Finnick, and ask him. But I couldn't find him anywhere. I searched for weeks and found nothing on Finnick. I don't know what to do anymore!" Judy shouted as she tossed the pen and journal to the side of her bed. She then leaned back against her pillow as she began to cry. It didn't help her that the voices from her past arguments, went off again in her mind. "I hate these stupid Flashbacks."
"Mommy?" The Kit said, breaking through the voices in Judy's mind
Judy looked to the source to see her son, despite her vision being a bit blurry, pointing at something through the window. She got up to look, only to see clouds in the sky. When she turned to ask her son what he was pointing at, he disappeared. She turned back to look at the sky for a moment, but then Nick's face started to form.
As she looked at the Nick shaped cloud, giving her a warm smile, she swore she heard his voice. Almost like he was standing right behind her.
"You know you love me, Carrots."
"Oh Nick, where are you?" Judy asked as the tears streamed down her face.
AN: So what did you guys think? Judy finally feels the guilt from her actions, but where is Nick? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Review Next time on Risen from the Dead: We get to see what Nick has been up to in these six months, which will be from his POV, and we find out Shays backstory before Judy. But again PLEASE review.