I have always been afraid of one thing in particular. That is failing my 4 younger brothers. Don't all leaders fear failure? Anyway, a few nights ago, this fear became a reality, for a few hours.
"Scotty! Help me! I'm trapped!" Virg shouts! He's panicking, which makes me panic too! I never heard Virg beg until today and now! What happened!
"HOLD ON VIRG! I'M COMING!" I yell, more panic rising when my brother fails to respond and all I can hear is static over the comms. 'GOD NO! PLEASE VIRG, BE ALIVE' I think, running to where I know my brother is trapped. He lays there, blood pouring from a nasty deep gash on his forehead. How did this happen? Why didn't I notice the aftershock coming, followed by the avalanche? Why didn't I warn them when I did notice it? So many thoughts fill my head. One more than the others, 'you've failed your team. You failed Virg, you failed your mother! You didn't try to save your mother, and you haven't warned Virg! Your brother could die because of you!'
"NO! GET OUT OF MY HEAD, STUPID VOICE!" I scream, clearly startling Virgil. The only comfort I have that I can redeem myself is his pulse after all. He's alive!
"Scotty?" Alan's voice brings me back to the world. "Are you ok, brother?" He asks, the concern for his family... No... OUR family is evident! Should I tell him?
"Not really, Al. When I reached Virg, a voice in my head kept telling me I'd failed him. It even said I had failed mum all those years ago! It said I didn't try to save Mum from the avalanche 10 years ago, and that I failed to warn Virg!" I admit, my face betraying the calmness in my voice. Alan wraps his arms around me and I do the same. "Alan, is Virg gonna be okay? If he dies, I'll never stop blaming myself, you know? I'm scared that I have failed, that I'm gonna lose him!" I add.
"Scotty? Al?" Gordon's voice asks, also filled with concern. Unlike Al, he notices the tears in my eyes, threatening to show my fear and guilt of failing them. "Scotty? What's wrong?" he asks, diverting his attention to me. "It's ok, big brother. Tell us." he adds, using my line of "Tell me". I sigh at this, I use Dad's lines too!
"Gordo, is Virg gonna die?" I ask, the tears now being released, my fear and guilt pouring down my face in 2 streams. "Have I failed him, or you? I should have spotted the avalanche sooner. If he dies..." I have to pause because my body is shaking with silent sobs. An avalanche killed Mum, has snow claimed another family member?
"Scotty? Gordo?Al?" Virgil's deep voice asks, "I'm fine Scotty. You haven't failed. There was no way you could have spotted the avalanche! We were saving lives." Now both of us get involved with 1 particular everyday event. Throwing Gordon into the pool and running off! "Haha!" Virg laughs, running to the pool's bar.