Chapter 7: Most Hated

It's strange, isn't it? Oftentimes, we desire something. Not having it, we may work towards achieving it, if a path to do so is open to us. But sometimes, we want something that we can't really obtain by such straightforward means. In the absence of a way to do so, we dream. We imagine what a different world might be like, one in which we do have that thing. And mostly, these dreams are of happiness. We think of the bliss we might possess if we had that which we do not have. We like to believe things would be better. And sometimes, life chooses to just hand over that which we sought for, on a platter. And having the thing which you wanted right in front of you, you may come to realize, that perhaps the perfect happiness that you desired, was never possible at all. That this thing that you desperately wanted to hold, came with struggles and battles of its own.

Such is human life. The grass is always greener on the other side, and reality never matches expectations.

Throughout middle school, I had imagined what it might be like to confess to Orimoto and be accepted. And now, someone had confessed to me. Indirectly, perhaps, but that did not make it any less valid. I should have been overjoyed. I should have said "yes" on the spot. But that wasn't really something I could do.

I shook my head, removing these thoughts from them.

As complicated as the situation was, I was still overthinking it.

Yuigahama had indirectly told me that she had feelings for me. I liked Yuigahama as a person. Under other circumstances, I would have gladly accepted. But I liked someone else too. Hiratsuka Shizuka. It was an impossible romance, and she was an impossible goal, being my homeroom teacher, and probably ten years or so older than me. Driven by a desire to impress her, I had joined the Service Club, which I had found strangely fun. There, I had discovered a rivalry? No, that's not the right word. Let's call it a wager of sorts. With a girl named Yukinoshita.

What was my situation at present? I couldn't leave the Service Club. It would be equivalent to abandoning Sensei, and that was out of the question. My continued presence was only reinforcing a false impression she had of me. But for now, I couldn't leave. If I was staying, I'd do my best, because I wanted to help her. At the same time, Yuigahama wanted me to help with the chainmail situation plaguing her group. I don't give a shit about Hayama and his hanger-ons, but Yuigahama had helped me out as well when I had needed her, and I wasn't about to ignore this request from her.

Conclusion: Find the sender of the chainmail, and make it quick.

I nodded. Head clear, and mind focused on my goal, I sped up my walk as I headed towards Soubu High.

As I made my way down the corridor towards my class, I decided on a plan of action.

So far, I had only managed to come up with one suspect: Miura Yumiko. |

But after learning a little about her from Yuigahama, I started to doubt my theory. While it was entirely possible to be kind to one person and cruel to another, somehow, the description of her character just didn't make her seem like the kind of person to do something like this.

Obviously, accusing her in public was out of the question. But speaking to her in private, I might be able to get her to spill something. It was the only lead I had at the moment. Zaimokuza would not be able to connect Takahashi Kaori to her true identity. I couldn't ask him for help.

With my mind made up, I made my way over to my seat.

As I did so, I happened to look in a certain direction, and a pair of eyes locked onto mine.

Yuigahama.

I felt the heat rising to my face, and looked away, equal parts guilt and happiness coursing through me.

Storing my bag, I sat down, and waited for classes to begin.

Of course, the first teacher to arrive was the one taking homeroom.

Which meant, the guilt I was feeling doubled. Hiratsuka Sensei seemed to pause for an extra instant when her eyes landed on me during attendance, and she gave me a slight smile which no one else would have noticed. I was now feeling miserable.

Stay focused.

I didn't have the answers to this problem. It was useless to think about it.

In an effort to drown out all thoughts of it, I surreptitiously observed Yuigahama's group during classes.

The more I saw, the less I believed that Miura could be the one responsible for the chainmail.

In the middle of class, far fewer random people were interacting with her, and the ones who were doing so were mostly talking about things that had to do with the course. Thus, I was seeing the Miura who emerged when she needed to be serious. In complete contrast to the arrogant rudeness I had seen the day before, she was replying properly, if a bit concisely, and even offering help to those who asked for it, lending out her notebook or stationery. This included even the three victims themselves.

It was entirely possible that she was faking it.

But the more I looked at her, the less likely it seemed.

The certainty I'd had was crumbling away.

Could I really confront her, knowing that even I didn't truly believe anymore she was the one responsible?

I continued to work, taking notes of what the teachers were saying, while observing the group whenever I could.

I saw many things I would not have been able to spot just from a single look.

It was true that some of these people were closer to certain individuals than to others. And the entire thing was held together by something that definitely wasn't genuine. But even so, I'd been like that once. Did I need someone to show me how pointless the things I was chasing were? Yes. Would I have appreciated them doing so right in front of everyone? Not really.

I could help if someone asked. It was a simple thing for me to say: "You're wasting your time with these people. Go do something you really want to instead."

But none of them had asked me for that.

Knowing this, could I still tear this group apart?

That's bullshit. I'm not the one tearing them apart. Heck, if one forwarded slander message is all it takes to break them away, they weren't close to begin with, and were going to part ways sooner or later.

That may be so.

But I was asked to protect them, wasn't I?


I kept wrestling with my thoughts in this manner.

Recess came, and I decided to head outside and get some air. Before I could do so, however, someone called out to me.

"Hikigaya. These notebooks need carrying. Mind lending me a hand?"

"Hiratsuka Sensei… sure, why not."

Thus, I found myself once more carrying some stuff for her. The memory of the last time, and my pathetic attempt to show off came to mind. Honestly, it was so laughable at this point that I didn't even feel ashamed about it.

We reached her cubicle soon enough, and I put the notebooks where she indicated.

"Ah! Much better. We can talk in peace now, huh?"

She sat down and lit up a Marlboro Light, which she took a drag from.

Sensei had a smoking habit that I didn't really approve of. Though she didn't smoke nearly as much as some of the colleagues my father talked about, it was fairly unusual for a teacher to be smoking at school in the first place. I was on the verge of saying something about it, but ultimately chose not to. At the end of the day, she was older than me, and could make her own decisions. I didn't really have the right to tell her any better.

It's strange. I didn't really find it an attractive habit. When she did it, more than anything, it just drove home that no matter how invincible she appeared to be, she was only human. What was her home life like, I wondered. Did she have someone to take care of her? Parents, friends, siblings? Someone to talk to after the day was done? Right now, none of the energy or the formidable persona she had in front of the class was visible. Even though we were at school, I was seeing Hiratsuka Shizuka the woman, not my homeroom teacher.

"You're beautiful," I muttered.

"Hmm? What was that?"

"Nothing!" I said quickly, hoping she hadn't heard me. "Is there something you wanted to talk about, Sensei?"

"Well, yes."

She finished her smoke, and turned to face me properly, looking serious.

"You've been acting strange recently. Something's wrong, Hikigaya, isn't it?"

I simply stared in surprise.

Had I really been so easy to read? Making my thoughts so easily visible on my face?

I shook my head.

"I'm fine, Sens-"

"You told me that lie last time, Hikigaya."

My eyes widened.

I had seen a few of Sensei's different moods already. Happy, determined, knowing, smug, that fangirlish expression when she was reading Fist of the North Star… but this was the first time I was seeing her hurt.

No.

No, no, no.

This is exactly what I didn't want.

All thoughts of trying to label whatever it is we had were pushed aside. Seeing her like this was hurting me. Whatever else happened, this was the one outcome I could not allow.

"If you don't want to tell me, you could just say so, Hikigaya."

I clenched my fists.

"It's not like that, Sensei."

"Then why are you hiding this from me? I'm your teacher, Hikigaya. I want to help."

If only that's all you were to me.

"You can't always help people, Sensei," I said, before I could stop myself.

Once the words were out, silence reigned. It was sudden, like a blanket thrown over the scene. Or perhaps like a blanket torn away.

I looked up at her.

She was staring at me, mouth slightly open in shock.

This was precisely when I realized I had made a mistake.

It was too late, but I had said something I wasn't supposed to say.

That expression only lasted on her face for a second, before she covered it up smoothly, looking once more exactly how she did in class. The Hiratsuka Shizuka I had been allowed to see, the real her, was gone, hidden once more behind the facade she wore everyday as a homeroom teacher. I'd been allowed to see a little more of her, just for a moment, until I had pushed her away myself.

It hurt, seeing that smooth, cold expression on her face.

To her, I had just become just another one of her students.

I opened my mouth to speak, but never got the words out.

"Well then, that's fine," she said with a smile. "I'll see you in class, Hikigaya."

It took a moment for me to realize that she had just said that this conversation was over.

"O-okay."

With nothing really I could say at that moment, I turned and walked away quickly.

What had I been thinking?

Well, this was fine. It would never have gone anywhere anyway. Better for this to have been taken care of now, rather than become a problem later. Yeah, it would have been an annoyance to her, finding out one of her students had feelings for her. And anger was a far preferable reaction to hurt. Eventually, that anger would become indifference.

She would forget, and move on. Perhaps she already had. I was just a student to her, after all.

This was all right.

I was all right.

"Hey, are you doing it? Are you a badass?"

I shook my head. I didn't need to deal with this right now.

Strangely, my head felt much clearer through the rest of the classes that day. I could understand and absorb everything the teachers were saying with clarity, and take notes where needed.

When the day ended, I realized I still hadn't done anything about the chainmail situation.

But many solutions that I hadn't thought of before were making themselves known.

My end goal was to have fun, wasn't it?

Yuigahama's request, though unclear, had not been to catch the culprit. That had been Yukinoshita's intention, and I hadn't said I would be helping her. No, Yuigahama had simply said, "What about Yamato, Tobe, and Ooka?"

Meaning, she wanted them to be protected from the damage this slander might do to them. That was what she wanted on the surface level. Deeper in, the true meaning of her request was easy to read.

"Protect my friends. Don't let my group be torn apart."

Easy enough.

Slander only has power over those who care about what others think of them.

And haven't I said it before?

Ultimate power lies in not giving a single, flying fuck.

Thus, when the bell rang announcing the end of the last class for the day, and the teacher left, I made my way over to the blackboard, before any of the students could leave.

"Fucktards, assholes, and everyone in between. I'm going to need your attention for a moment."

Every eye in class turned towards me.

Now this. This is what I'm talking about.

I didn't give a shit about making some sorry loser who had to resort to chainmail pay for his actions.

No, back in the day, the student body as a whole had been my enemy.

I just happened to be strong enough to strike back now.

I put on the absolute best swag stance I could before continuing.

"As you all know, there's been some rumours flying around via message about three fine, upstanding members of this class. I'm going to start by saying: I don't give a rat's ass about Noname kun, Whosthat kun and Whothefuck kun."

I paused for a moment.

Yamato, Tobe and Ooka were pretty much staring in absolute bewilderment. I don't think they even knew stuff like this could happen. Hayama looked like he was trying to burn a hole through me with his stare.

Achievement Unlocked: Piss off a riajuu bastard.
"As I was saying, I don't really give a shit about you three. But here's the thing."

I looked around, making sure to lock eyes with everyone in class at least once.

"When you buy a disposable phone to start some shit, you should really be careful. After all, if someone were to find out your true identity… that wouldn't be good at all, would it, Takahashi Kaori san?"

Dead silence. They look like they've just seen a car accident.

I look around, analysing their faces.

Oho? This is interesting.

It wasn't Miura who looked like she was scared of having been found out.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't anyone from that group at all. It was some no name guy I hadn't even noticed before.

Found you!~

Good. Optional objective complete: find the one responsible.

Moving on to primary objective.

"Well, as you might have guessed by now, I know who did it, of course. Now you might be wondering, what exactly I plan to do with this information."

I looked at Hayama's group. Every one of them looked like they had something to say.

"Nothing at all, of course," I continued. "I've always wondered what it might be like to see the face of someone constantly living in fear. Now I'll get to see it every day. You know who you are. The rest of your school days suddenly became pretty awful. After all, you never know when I might decide it's a good idea to just… let the truth slip, huh?"

"Hikigaya!"

A loud voice rang out.

Hayama had taken a step forward, and had his fists clenched.

I smirked.

"Ah. The so-called king shows himself at last. I've heard a lot about you. But I don't really know you at all. And this doesn't really concern you."

"That's enough, Hikigaya. Stop it now."

I raised an eyebrow at his glare.

"Oh? What would you have me do, then?"

"Stop saying whatever comes to mind! If you know who did it, my friends deserve to know! Or better yet, just tell a teacher."

"Why?"

He looked at me in disbelief, as if wondering how I could even ask that question.

"Why? So that the right thing gets done! You think this person shouldn't be shown the error of their ways? That these rumours should go on?"

"Rumours go on? Why would that be? Unless… there are people here who believed them in the first place."

Hayama's eyes widened. In the background, I could see several people looking shifty, looking guilty.

And all of a sudden, an anger I didn't know I had came to the surface.

"All of you with your big talk about friendship and standing up for each other. One single rumour comes along, and that's all it takes for you to turn your back on your so-called friends. Here's a fun question: I know who started the chain. Anybody care to announce who kept it going?"

Absolute silence.

Almost there. Hayama's at his breaking point. Sorry, dude. I'm going to need to put you on the spot here.

"And I mean," I continued. "I don't mean to suggest anything, but if it was that easy for you to believe that shit, then maybe there's some truth to that mail."

"That's enough!"

I'd been watching his movements, so when he charged at me, I saw him coming.

Stepping forward, I struck out with a teep, a Muay Thai push kick, using the bottom of my foot. It caught him clean in the chest, and sent him sprawling on the floor. Yep. To be expected. I don't think he was ready for me to strike first.

"Hayato!"

Miura screamed and rushed over to him.

"Hayato, bro!"

The three former victims, as well as the rest of the group, all came over to him.

"I'm all right," he said, getting to his feet by himself.

Yes, he took the fall well. Is he experienced at that? Maybe wrestling, judo, or some other sport that involves grappling and groundwork, hitting the floor?

He was still glaring at me, but wary now.

Good. Time to finish this.

"Hmph. That's all you got?"

"What the hell is wrong with you, man!" shouted one of the trio, a guy with a modified school uniform and dyed hair.

"Yeah, what's your problem? What did Hayato do to you?"

Umm… I think he was about to push me or something. Though I did bait him into it.

Miura joined in.

"You creep! Talking all this crap and then attacking Hayato! You're actually the one who sent the mail, aren't you?"

That allegation doesn't bother me at all. If it gets as far as the teachers or the cops, they'll know it wasn't me.

I smirked.

"Maybe. Maybe this whole thing was an act. Maybe I just wanted to see if I could break apart the famous 2-F clique."

Looking around, somehow, my eyes landed on Yuigahama, who was staring, her eyes wide, pure shock on her face.

I ignored how much it hurt to have to put her through this.

Looking elsewhere, I saw Totsuka likewise staring in disbelief. As our eyes met, he opened his mouth, probably about to say something. I shook my head. I chose this. Couldn't let him interfere. A look of hurt crossed his face as I denied him this chance to help me.

Finally, I turned back to Hayama.

"Maybe I did do this. If you believe I did, then you should be the one to go to the authorities. I won't stop you. But maybe it doesn't matter who did it. A slanderer only succeeds if the target's friends ditch him. So tell me, Hayama: did you believe it?"

I could see many emotions cross his face.

Did this really mean that much to him? I thought he didn't care much about his followers.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he does consider them friends.

Finally, looking at me with determination, he answered.

"They're my friends. I'd never believe rumours about them."

Seeing their earlier reactions, I already knew that the rest of them felt the same way. But with their leader having said that in front of everyone, it cemented the fact in front of the class, and destroyed any possibility in their minds of there being any truth to the chainmail.

"That's right, you creep!" added Miura.

Others joined in with their voices of assent, and before long, the entire class had joined in.

Somehow or the other, those voices eventually started chanting something or the other against me.

"You've only been taken as a joke so far. The moment you earn some real hatred, you'll know you left a mark."

Oh yeah. He did tell me that, once upon a time.

The exhilaration of finally having been able to show a proper middle finger to society faded as I looked at Yuigahama. She looked on the verge of tears.

And in the midst of that exhilaration, I realized something. I had just destroyed my chances of being able to do the thing that I really wanted to at that moment: comfort her.

I picked up my bag and left the room quickly.

Every moment I delayed was now making the feeling worse.

As I walked, I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing.

It was fun, wasn't it? That should be all that matters.

I never had a chance with Sensei to begin with. What happened today was the best option. The less I think about her, the happier I'll be.

And as for Yuigahama… she deserves better. Someone who'd choose her first.


I kept repeating that to myself, all the way home.

I am invincible. This is nothing. I don't need others to have fun. I can do it all… by myself.