Hey Danni2016! Thank you for not giving up on me!
I hadn't posted the other stories I had written yet, because I don't want to start something here that I'm not sure I'll finish, but your kind words prompted me to post the first chapter of Draw, so that you can check it out. It's just a smutty story that I hope you'll enjoy! I haven't finished it yet, though I have a pretty clear idea of where it's going, so, there you go!
For the other stories, I might be dawdling into a different fandom, so I don't know if you'll follow me there. Plus, I'll wait until their outlines become clearer to me before maybe posting them. But I'll let you know!
EPISODE 101 – Still Gotta Mean Something – Part I
I searched everywhere for Daryl after that. I needed to tell him he was wrong, that none of it had been his fault. But it was too late. He had stormed out Alexandria's gates, and this time, there was no way I could have followed him out there.
Despite myself, I completely shut down and could only spend the day cuddling with Arley, reassuring him about his eejit father. He would come back. He always did. Sive came to sleep beside me that night, already more adult than I am. While Murphy and especially Connor knew to give me some space.
Murphy only entered my room the next day, to tell me that Paul had just arrived. He'd crossed paths with Daryl and had given him directions to the Kingdom, so he assumed the hunter had brought his recent game to them. To say I was relieved is an understatement. There, he would find Carol who had always been someone he more easily opened to.
I sigh and sink headfirst into Murphy's arms.
"Jesus, ye need to relax, lass!" His hands have clamped my tense shoulders, and he chuckles at the amount of knots he finds there. "Ye need to stop worrying about everybody else and worry about yerself first. No wondering ye're still walking like a grandma with yer muscles all wound up like that!"
I slap his arm for that comment without any conviction and mumble some lame insult against the fabric of his tee-shirt.
"C'mere, hun." With a mocking grin, he pulls me by the hand toward the bathroom. "Ye need some 'me' time in a bathtub..."
"I can't take a bath yet. My sutures come off soon but Siddiq is a very strict doctor." I childishly complain.
"Even better," my saint answers with a wink and his smile turns sly.
I raise an eyebrow at him. Both boys have been especially mindful since I came back, not even hinting that they wanted more from me. And it's true that I needed time. But I can't shut off the little part of me that still whispers in my ear that they won't want me after what I've done. That I'm forever sullied in their eyes. If I could strangle that little voice with my bare hands, I would.
I find myself awkwardly standing in the middle of the bathroom while Murphy warms water in a basin. And he quickly frowns when he turns to look at me, before his mischievous expression comes back with a vengeance.
He takes a step forward with a sparkle in his eyes. The back of his hand comes to tenderly caress my cheek, and my breath hitches in my throat. I have to lower my head when I witness his concern at my reaction. He slowly comes closer to lay his lips on my temple for a chaste soft kiss. And smiles when he feels me unconsciously leaning into it.
His fingers brush down my neck, his nails lightly grazing at my skin to reach the first button of my shirt. My eyes are closed. I force my breathing to slow down, trying and failing to surrender to his touches.
Because my mind is twirling with disturbing thoughts still. It treacherously sends me images of the moments of intimacy I shared with Negan. Not when I had sex with him, but when we laughed together. The few times I relished in that man's embrace because despite it all, in those few ambiguous moments, he had felt reassuring. We had felt close. Now, I hate myself for these more than anything else. And I don't think I deserve Murphy's tenderness.
"Cheer up, hun…" The pad of his thumb caresses my frowning eyebrows to smooth them down. "It's just ye and me and that big sponge there to wash it all off."
Aye, I'm pretty sure he can read my mind. I huff with a sad smile as he kisses my cheekbone.
So, he proceeds to unbutton my shirt. Leisurely. While we're still standing face to face. And I let him do that without moving a muscle. My arms hanging on my sides, my eyelids still shut, focusing on breathing to avoid bursting into tears.
After he softly pushes the shirt off my shoulders and lets it slide on the floor, I feel him lower himself in front of me to tackle the buckle of my belt and the buttons of my pants. His own breath tickles the flesh below my navel, the tip of his nose ghosting over my skin. He pulls my pants down my legs, then my knickers, in the most sensual manner without actually indicating that he intends for more at all.
He simply stands up afterwards, and gently takes my hand so that I would step into the empty bathtub. He thoughtfully warmed up its sides with hot water so that it wouldn't be uncomfortable and takes a stool for himself to sit behind me. Thus, he can carefully lather the sponge with soap and starts rubbing it in languid circles on my back, while his other hand massages my shoulder.
I might have landed in heaven somehow. There is absolutely no way I could have resisted these ministrations and not relax under his care. After only a few minutes of this treatment, I've melted into putty in his hands.
He even pulls my head back to wash my hair with a long and divine scraping of my scalp that has me moaning in ecstasy. Which I can hear makes my poor love gulp. So, he then wraps my hair into a towel, which doesn't mean he's done with me in the slightest.
Because then, the sponge slowly comes back up my spine to brush around my nape and slither up to my throat. Murphy has to lean into me then, so that I can feel his controlled breathing in my hair. I hope he can see the blissful smile he's brought on my face.
My head falls back on the crook of his neck when his hand guides the sponge down my sternum, right between my breasts, with the promise that it'll come back to them. And my toes curl when he circles them in turn, with his cheek now grazing mine as he watches his own motions above my shoulder.
"God, I hope ye know how much I love ye, Murphy…" I mutter while my legs writhe between each other and the sponge now fondles one of my tits.
"It goes without saying, hun, though it doesn't hurt to hear it now and again."
I can feel his smile has widened against the side of my eyes. Those are brazen words from someone that hasn't ever said it himself. However, as they always have, his actions speak for him.
"I guess it does go without saying…" I sigh in contentment, turning my head toward him so that I can lay my lips on the corner of his mouth. And his hands knead my breast more forwardly, making me arch back into his touch.
"Ye two could at least lock the door, for Christ's sake…"
Murphy and I both jump in surprise at the sound of Connor's voice.
"Hey, we're just taking a sponge bath, brother, nothing fishy here!" Murphy quickly recovers and jibes.
I bite my lips to swallow my laughter. Before I cheekily supplement: "Though I wouldn't mind if ye locked it behind ye."
I thought my intentions were obvious enough; however, I see him uncharacteristically hesitating. I can't believe he's serious as he asks: "As I leave?" Although the shy tone of his voice clearly indicates that he'd rather not.
It takes me a second to realise that he's truly not sure he's welcome. That he probably thinks I'm mad at him for fighting with Daryl. Maybe I should be, I don't know. But right now, I couldn't care less: "C'mere ye eejit!" I answer before he could have got the wrong idea.
"Aye, gobshite," Murphy adds as he throws him another wet sponge that splashes all over Connor's clothes. "Make yerself useful!"
I laugh as I wriggle my toes until he takes the hint. If I'm being a princess right now, why deprive myself from a foot massage. His saucy smile, when he kneels at the bottom of the bathtub and grabs my ankle that's hanging at the rim of the bathtub, is informing me that he's not going to be as – falsely – innocent as his brother was until now.
I still don't think I deserve these two angels in my life, but let's be honest, these are the moments of peace we're fighting for.
Hum... Why does my smutty chapters always end up having to be split into at least two parts with these three naughty idiots? It's like they're making me drag it on on purpose.