With Demi Lovato's big come back to the music and acting world, I got thinking about all the projects Demi has done in her career, which obviously brought me back to Glee, and with it, brought back my love for Dantana. Because of that, I wanted to write another Fanfic for one of my favourite ships ever. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
One
She was a loose cannon. She always had been, it was nearly impossible to tame her. This was something that anyone, who had ever been around her for long enough, knew about Santana Lopez. She was an extremely explosive girl, with a wickedly sharp tongue; she would often say things in the heat of an argument. Usually she didn't mean the things that she said or did and would ultimately regret them. She had all of these aggressive tendencies that she found extremely hard to curb, she would often overreact to even the smallest of things. It was so easy to get her to the 'yelling place' as she often referred to it. In fact, it really didn't take much at all.
In general- when it counted- she wasn't a terrible person. Most of the time, she was a larger than life person, who only wanted to have fun. She usually tried to do her best by, and for, other people. However, what she often thought was for the best, actually wasn't.
People often misconstrued her as being mean, or being a bitch, and Santana could admit it - sometimes, with certain people, she could definitely be both of those things. But for the most part, Santana just saw herself as being an open and, albeit bluntly, honest person. It just so happened, that a lot of the time, her honesty came out wrong, or just wasn't what the other person wanted to hear.
She was impulsive and would often do things just for the hell of doing it. Santana was the type of girl that would do what, and who, she wanted, whenever she wanted to do it.
She was fun-loving and free willed. Santana saw nothing wrong with being this way; the way that she saw it was that she was just enjoying her life, while she was still young enough to enjoy it. Her father, however, disagreed with his daughter, entirely.
That's why she was now sitting in the front passenger seat of her mother's car, staring blankly ahead at the road in front of her. She watched as the raindrops splattered against the window, spreading smaller flecks of water across the glass, making large taps as it made contact with the glass. Her mother set the windshield wipers in motion, they did little to help the situation, though. Instead of making the view from the window clearer, the water smudged against the glass, blurring their vision slightly.
It never failed to annoy Santana that the windshield wipers always left that small triangle at the top of the window. God she hated how it was always just out of reach for them. She would never understand why anything would be designed that way.
She sat, listening to the music that her mother had put on as a source of background noise, to ease the awkward silence. Although Santana would never fully admit it, and would definitely never say it out loud, she actually kind of liked her mother's taste in music. Sure it wasn't her favourite, but she definitely wouldn't complain about listening to the smooth music of Dr. Hook.
Santana was yet to speak to her mother since getting in her car. She had decided to take the time she had while traveling to think about everything that she had done that had resulted in her sitting where she was right now.
Santana had always been a slightly wayward person, but over the past few months, her attitude and behaviour only seemed to get worse. She had been staying out way past the curfew her father had set for her, even after he had extended it when she had begged him to. He never knew where she was, what she was doing, or who she was doing it with. She had been drinking herself into oblivion at parties around the city, both high school and college, she had even drank herself to the point of hospitalization- on more than one occasion- needing her stomach pumped.
Her father's patience had started to wear thin at that point.
She couldn't stop thinking about how disappointed her father had been when that had happened. Nor would she ever forget the worried expression on his face.
Mainly though, Santana focused on the events of that morning, the faithful one that had undoubtedly been the straw that had broken the camel's back for her father.
It had been a Saturday morning, and as per usual, Santana had been out drinking at a party the night before, she and a few of her friends had crashed another high school party, and once again, she had drank far too much. Not only had she broken her curfew, again, but she had stumbled home with another girl at three in the morning.
On that particular Saturday, her father had walked into her bedroom, only to find Santana lying in her bed, wrapped around another girl, in nothing more than a pair of sleep shorts and a bra. He had known about Santana's sexuality for a while now, and that had definitely not been the problem. Had he known this girl, and had Santana asked, he definitely wouldn't have minded her spending the night, provided, she spent the night in a seperate room to Santana.
The problem had been that once again she had been drinking and had broken her curfew, only this time, she had added sleeping with someone else under his roof to that list.
Javier Lopez was a strict man, one who had made a very strong set of rules for his two daughters. Santana only had one sibling, an elder sister, Carmen and throughout their life, they had both found themselves in a lot of trouble, there were just so many rules, that the two Lopez sisters had found so tempting to break.
One of the rules that he had set for them, was that he didn't want his daughters acting 'inappropriately' under his roof. This rule hadn't changed when Santana came out, he had kept that rule firmly in place, saying there were to be no double standards for his daughters, and that while Santana may not be able to get pregnant, he still didn't want either of his daughter's sharing a bed with a potential partner. Granted, Santana had broken that rule more than once, but thanks to the demanding nature of Javier's job, and the amount of hours he would have to work at the hospital, she had never been caught. That was, until that day, when Javier had just finished a shift, and had decided to check on his youngest daughter.
That had been it for her father. He had all but thrown the mystery girl out of his house, and once she had put on a shirt, had lectured Santana for the best part of two hours about how he was sick of her behaviour and blatant lack of respect for him and his rules, and how he wouldn't be standing for it anymore.
He stormed away from, muttering profanities under his breath in Spanish, leaving Santana sitting alone in the living room, close to tears. She had never wanted it to come to this, had never meant for it to come to this, and yet here she was.
Once her father had left the room, he picked up the phone and called her mother, Maribel in Ohio. Santana hadn't been able to hear the full conversation between her parents. Just her father's side of it. She remembered how he had tried to stay calm on the phone, but how his anger had spiked when explaining the situation, screaming down the phone as if all of this had been Santana's mother's fault.
It was clear for her to see where she got her anger from. Javier wasn't a bad man, he had been a great father for almost eighteen years; neither she nor Carmen had ever wanted for anything, he had given them everything they could have ever asked for. But, like his youngest daughter, he had a tendency to lose his temper easily.
He had spoken to Santana's mother and repeated the same things he had said to the younger girl. That her lack of respect was getting out of hand, that he had no idea what to do with her anymore when it was clear she never listened to a single word he said.
In the end, Santana's parents had been able to have a civil conversation, Javier having calmed down while speaking to his ex-wife. The phone call had ended with Santana's mother suggesting that she move away from Miami for a while, claiming that she thought Santana needed to be away from a big city, and how she felt Santana would benefit more from being in a more suburban, conservative town, and how she could stay with her in Lima, Ohio.
When she thought back to that day, the two major things she remembered most were how her father had verbally expressed just how disappointed in her he was, she had always felt that her parents being disappointed in her was much worse than them being mad with her. The second thing she remembered was how it felt like her whole world had come crashing down around her.
The more she thought about that morning, the angrier she got, she knew that was no good; an angry Santana was a dangerous Santana. Whenever she got angry there was no rationality behind any of her actions. She would lash out at people in any way that she saw fit in that moment of blinding anger. She had, in the past, hit people, verbally abused them, thrown things, hit things, and found herself in detention or the principal's office more times than she could count.
Whenever she got angry, she always felt like a completely different person. It was like someone else took a hold of her body and mind. So, when she was in middle school, when her anger had first started to show, when her actions had gone beyond rationality, she had decided to name her second personality, Snixx.
Her anger was one of her main problems, she hated how easy it was to get her so angry. As she sat thinking about the events of that morning, she could feel her hands starting to shake slightly. Though she could tell this time, they weren't shaking from anger. No, what Santana was feeling now, was an overwhelming sensation of nerves.
Santana was being made to move out of the only home she had ever known so that she could go and live with her mother, in Lima, Ohio of all places.
Her parents had split when she and Carmen were very young, Santana had only been two and her sister had been four. Santana couldn't even remember a time when the four of them had lived together. She had known that at one point, her parents had been very much in love, and that nothing bad had happened between them, they had simply fallen out of love with each other, and had grown apart. They had maintained a close relationship for the sake of their children, but simply couldn't be together anymore.
After the separation, Maribel had moved back into her home town, Javier had raised his daughters in Miami, they had both seen, that at the time it would be for the best. With Maribel moving back home, and going to stay with her mother until she got back on her feet, Javier had been the most financially stable of the two of them.
With their parents living so far away, they only saw their mother on special occasions, though they would alternate Christmases, but spend every Thanksgiving with their mother. As well as spending half of their summer vacation with her. Though Santana hadn't been back to Ohio since she was thirteen, she hated Lima and everything about it.
She had still seen her mother, the older woman would visit Miami and spend her vacation in rental homes. She just hated being in Lima. It was so dull there.
But now, she didn't have any other choice but to go back, and this time, it would be for a lot longer than just twelve weeks. This time, she would be spending the entirety of the school year living with her mother.
She only had a week to settle into her, not so new, surroundings before starting her senior year at McKinley high school. To say she was dreading it would be a huge understatement. She had never been a fan of change, she liked routine, she liked everything to be a set way. But this was a big change.
She took a deep breath, hoping that it would calm her nerves down. She glanced at her mother. The older woman was evidently a lot calmer than her daughter as she quietly sang along to Dr. Hooks, Sharing The Night Together, swaying slightly in her seat. Since the day she found out she would be moving, Santana had felt annoyed, mixed together with a sick, worrying feeling. As the days ticked by and the move got closer, the fear and anger only intensified.
But as she watched her mother, she felt a small smile spread across her face, she turned her head to look out of the window once more, before looking down at her hands and taking a deep breath.
"Are you sure that you don't mind doing this?" Santana asked quietly, finally finding her voice, she had greeted her mother with a soft hello, and they had exchanged all the obligatory pleasantries, all the 'how are you's?' and 'how have things been?' she looked back up at her mother's face, studying it, trying to read her mom's expression for any signs of uncertainty.
"I wouldn't have suggested it if I had minded, mija," she reassured her daughter, her voice soft as a comforting smile pulled at the corners of the older woman's lips.
Santana let out a breath of air that she hadn't even realised that she had been holding in, before returning the smile. "Well, thank you for this." she replied quietly, "I know that you didn't have to. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't, but you didn't have to."
"It's no problem," Maribel said, "I wouldn't have it any other way, you're my daughter." there was a beat of silence as Maribel took a deep breath before speaking again. "So. Other than the obvious that your father has already told me, how was life in Miami since I last saw you?" Her mom asked. Santana knew for sure that on the odd occasion that Carmen visited Lima, or called their mother she would have mentioned Santana at least once, she always did. But still, Santana knew her mom would want to hear the same words from her.
Santana sighed, "It was good." she said, almost half-heartedly, "I was the head cheerleader, despite only being a junior, I had pretty good grades, I was getting mainly A's with the occasional B." she informed her, she rested her head on the cold glass of the window before turning away from her mother.
Santana checked the time on her phone, she had checked online at just how far away her mother lived from the airport in Cleveland. She knew, that if she had her timings correct, and the estimated time of arrival was right, she was now only five minutes away from her mom's house in Lima.
Santana hadn't wanted her mom to meet her at the airport, or to drive her back to her home. She had originally wanted to take a bus, however, her parents had both quickly shot down that idea, each of them giving her a dry laugh when she had asked them. They had both quickly agreed that Maribel would meet her at the airport and drive her back to Lima Heights Adjacent. That way they could be sure that not only did Santana actually go back to Ohio, but she got there safely.
Santana was a wild card, and there was no saying that she would have actually gone straight to Ohio, with still a week left of summer vacation, the possibilities of Santana going somewhere completely different, and taking a short trip were too high for her parents to risk it. A heavy silence fell between the two of them. Santana had never known herself to be so quiet. But given the circumstances, and after not seeing her mom since she last visited her two daughters in May for Mother's Day, Santana wasn't entirely sure of what to say.
"Are you okay?" Maribel asked, her voice soothing as she tried to read Santana's expression, as her daughter sat, her spine rigid. "You seem… off." she said, struggling to find the right word to describe her daughter's distant behaviour.
Santana shrugged, "Scared, I guess." she replied, looking down at her hands and fiddling with her fingers.
"Why are you scared?" she asked, her voice soft.
Santana shrugged, "I don't really know anyone here anymore, I haven't been back here in five years, Mami." she said, the concern evident in her voice. "I guess that I am really scared that people will hate me." She admitted, "I am not exactly a nice person," she said with a humourless laugh. "My own dad doesn't even want me anymore."
Santana had never really had a problem with making friends in the past, they came easily to her, she had always been in with the popular clique, she was head cheerleader at her previous school, but still, she knew a lot of people had disliked her.
Most of the time, she felt like her so called 'friends' only spoke to her, or spent time with her in hopes of getting something more out of it, either invites to the hottest parties on Friday and Saturday nights, or, for a lot of the girls who were into girls, or were simply curious, sex. Nine times out of ten, her friends always got what they wanted. Santana didn't want to disappoint people, she had a large group of friends around her, even if they were wanting one thing from her, she didn't want them to abandon her.
Being alone was something that worried Santana. It was so easy for her to feel this way, she had been dropped by people so easily before. That was one of the many reasons that she avoided any close relationships, she had never had a real girlfriend, flings that lasted a month or so, but never any official labels. Back in Florida, she'd had a lot of friends with benefits style relationships, and that had always been enough for her.
"You stop that right now." Her mom said, "Your papi does want you around, we both just think that you need to be away from a big city like that." She sighed, "You used to have so many friends here. But then you just stopped visiting." She continued, "But don't worry. I am sure that people will like you now, just as they did back then."
Santana hoped her mom was right, and that she wasn't just saying these things because she felt like she was morally obligated to because she was her mother. It was true, when Santana had been thirteen she had been close friends with a lot of the neighbourhood kids, one in particular. But when she was thirteen, she wasn't as bitter, or angry as she was now at almost eighteen.
Santana looked at her hands once more before taking a deep breath. "Are you mad at me?" She asked, it had been a question that had been plaguing her since she saw her mom waiting for her. She knew her mom was a lot more laid back than her dad, she always had been. Nevertheless, she needed to know if she was a disappointment to them both or not. "Are you gonna send me away if you can't cope?" She asked in a sardonic manner.
"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." Her mom said with a slight joking edge to her voice. She turned back to face Santana, who had a sad look in her dark eyes. The elder woman smiled weakly, "no." She said, "I am not going to send you anywhere."
Santana nodded her head slowly and turned away to look back out of the window. Most people couldn't have coped with Santana, her father being one of them, that much was clear to the girl.
Although, after her dad had calmed down slightly, which took him longer than Santana had hoped it would, and all of the arrangements had been made for her to move, her father had started saying that the only reason she had to leave was because she needed to be 'away from the temptations'.
Santana had no doubt in her mind that it wouldn't work. That she'd be able to find trouble in Ohio, too. "What about my abuela?" She asked.
"I didn't tell her anything," She replied, "she knows you were misbehaving and that your father wasn't happy, to which she replied 'he never is'." Santana's mom said with a small laugh, Santana couldn't help but smile at that. "But that's all she does know." Her mom smiled at her, "she was counting down the days to you getting here."
It wasn't a secret that Santana was their grandmother's favourite. In her abuela's eyes, she could do no wrong. Santana liked that fact; she wanted to keep it that way. She was almost positive that if the elder woman knew about her antics that her opinion on her would soon change.
Her abuelita, her dad's mom, was completely different, she had always preferred Carmen and that had only become clearer with that way her grandmother had started to treat her lately. Santana's father had told his mom about Santana's antics, such as partying and never knowing where she was or what time she would come home, if she would even be coming home that night.
Her abuelita had no problem with voicing her disapproval.
Neither of her grandmothers were aware of her sexuality and she planned to keep it that was for as long she possibly could. She didn't know how the older women would react to her little secret.
"Seriously?" Santana asked, a small smile crept along her lips.
Her mom nodded her head slowly, "Seriously." She said,
A comfortable silence fell between the two of them, Santana was suddenly thankful that her mother was driving her from the airport to her new home.