I wake up in a small room, there is a bed and dresser inside. I go to the closet and pull on my orange polo, a set of jeans and take my ARGGH! branded walkie talkie in case my best friend decides to radio me, though I think he's in one of his biweekly therapy sessions today. I slowly open the door to my room and…

A skeleton popped out of the room on the left-hand side, rattling its bones and making a sinister cackling laugh! Dang it, I thought that after Operation: Fear Itself that she took that thing down!

"Apologies, Elder Brother, it appears our macabre sister pranked both of us."

"Wait, what? LUCY is pranking us now? I thought that was Luan's schtick?"

"So, did I, but I assure you, my osteoskeletal model will be taken down. Anyway, I'm much too busy with my research to bother with your emotional trivialities. Begone."

She shuts the door to the room.

"Sorry about that, readers. But that green shirt brunette with comically large glasses is my sister, Lisa. She's a child prodigy, having earned a doctorate of science at age 4, all of us are still wondering how she did it. She's well known in the scientific community, especially in the Nordic countries, since she has spoken at a conference in Sweden and the Norwegian government has given her grant money for research. She and our youngest sister, Lily share a room. I can't tell you much about her, since she's 1 and ¼ years old, but what we know so far is that she is a creative spirit with light blond hair that loves ice cream and the color lilac."

Sounds of fighting are heard in the room parallel to Lisa's room, on the right-hand side.

"LANA! WHERE'S MY HOT PINK PRINCESS DRESS?!"

"YOU'RE WEARING IT RIGHT NOW!'

"YOU UNCULTURED PHILISTINE, THIS IS FUCHSIA, NOT HOT PINK!"

"LOOK, I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME STUPID PAGEANT GOING ON…"

"HOW DARE YOU, THIS IS THE TOXIC TERRORS PAGEANT, AND I HAVE TO SHOW UP THAT LINDSAY SWEETWATER AND PRESERVE MY CROWN!"

"Oh dear…"

I enter this room and see a blond-haired princess and a blonde-haired kid wearing overalls and a red hat fighting each other again. Both of them notice me and make me the tiebreaker in yet another one of their quarrels.

"Lincoln, Lana doesn't understand I have to keep my winning streak alive. Get her to help me prepare for my pageant!"

"Lincoln, Lola is just being her bossy self once again to rope me into helping her with something she knows she's going to win!"

"Well no, I did get 4th place in that southeastern Michigan pageant…"

"Exactly, so why do you care so much about winning?!"

I've heard enough.

"Both of you, quiet!"

They look at me.

"Lana, do you remember what F.U.N is?"

"Oh, yeah, that SpongeBob song!"

"Actually, it stands for functional universe value!" We all hear Lisa respond

Lana begins to sing the song, but I interrupt her.

"F is for futile, know that you can't resist; U is for useful, all are cogs in a machine; N is for nothingness, now cease and desist in totality."

Somewhere, a small black-haired girl in goth like attire nods silently at the U.N.F.U.N song in approval.

"That's not how the song was!" Lana protests

"She's right, Linky; Because it was, F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for uranium…bombs, N is for no survivors when you conquer the city."

"Well, that's just completely idiotic."

"I like my version better. Anyways, Lana, help Lola with her pageant."

Lola fist pumps the air, her brother finally sided with her instead of Lana for once! She was about to do a celebratory dance before I interrupt her.

"If you do a Fortnite dance, I'm changing my mind!"

I sigh as she decides to salvage some of her dignity by not doing something that the entire world would cringe at. I see that Lana is indignant at having to help Lola.

"Don't worry about it, Lans. Once Lola is at the pageant, you can do anything you want without her bothering you until she gets back."

"Alright, fine."

I leave them and head toward the second left room. It is parallel to the stairs heading toward the living room, as I do so, I speak to you.

"Those two are Lola and Lana, they're polar opposite twins, with Lola being into all things princess-like and Lana being a tomboy that loves nature and mechanics. They are both 6 years old, but the odd thing is that Lana is older by 2 minutes and she is scared of Lola; To be fair, we all are. But maybe Lola can apply to be the Lil' Ms. Ultimate Psychopath…huh, she does kind of remind me of her, now that I think about it. Anyways, you've only met half of my crazy family."

I open the door to the room, only to find the room devoid of sisters.

"Well, Since Lynn isn't here, I'll give you a quick rundown. She is 13 years old, is kind of short, is an athlete, is a brunette, is tenacious but also arrogant if she wins believe in superstitions more than her roommate, and loves spicy food. She ate 8 of those Carolina Reaper Fries from Taco Bell during a carbo-loading session and she didn't even notice it was spicy! She even put diablo sauce on it! Meanwhile, her teammates couldn't even handle the spicy ranch on their Cheesy Gordita Crunches! I heard that Flip's bathroom was destroyed because of that!"

I prepare to head to the next room, but I run into a small object.

"Hey, Lincoln."

"AAAGH! Oh, hey Luce."

"I heard you talking about us to the Great Old Ones, so I thought I'd introduce myself."

"Great Old Ones? Lucy, we aren't in some Lovecraftian horror story…"

"I know, that's just what I call the cosmic entities that watch us."

"How do you know about that?"

"You talk to no one sometimes, so there might be some transuniversal portal that you can talk through."

"Well, Lisa did build that Dimensional Watch in a dream I once had…oh…right. That wasn't real…"

"Anyways…"

She turns to face the 4th wall.

"I'm Lucy Loud. I am an 8-year-old girl that is into morbid and macabre stuff. My hobbies are poetry and running the morticians club, with fellow co-president and my friend, Haiku. I hang out at the cemetery sometimes to get inspiration for my poems, with which my brother sometimes helps out with. I have a pet bat named Fangs that sometimes keeps me company. Well, I should let Lincoln have his introduction back…"

She leaves…well, that was awkward, but at least it saves me the trouble of explaining her to you.

I move on to the final room on the left, my eardrums practically burst hearing Megalovania being played at supermax volume by one of my sisters, but at least it drowns out the terrible puns that her roommate tells.

"Lincoln!"

The two of them immediately stop what they're doing and proceed to argue. I really should have kept those Noise B Gone earplugs…

"It's your fault for playing your music too loud! People in Detroit can hear you! No wonder Mr. Grouse yells at you most of the time!"

"It'd be doing them a favor, since they can't hear your terrible puns!"

"I'm surprised we haven't gone deaf yet! No wonder Lincoln bought those earplugs!"

"He was ignoring us, that's why we had Lola emotionally manipulate him!"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

A girl with a brown ponytail comes over to help me. Luckily the tinnitus I had stopped so I can hear her.

"Lincoln, are you ok?"

"What, no glib remark? No pithy comeback?"

"This isn't the time for jokes. Seriously, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I think I'm fine now."

"Luna and her music are going to make everyone deaf!"

"Please, Lisa's chemical explosions will do that."

"I'm going to get something there that I left behind."

She enters the room, grabs a pair of headphones and leaves.

"You know, Linc, those earplugs were a great idea, that's why I got these."

"What is it?"

"A pair of headphones that can block even Luna's music. The inside is made of the same things that YouTubers use on their walls to dampen sound!"

"Awesome!"

"Well, wish me luck. I've got to perform for some kid's birthday party."

"Oh, you don't need my help?"

"No, I'll take this one solo."

With that, she puts on the headphones and prepares to practice her routine.

"So, that was Luan, she's the scariest out of all the sisters I have. She's 14 years old, loves pranks and puns and will do anything for a laugh. Her favorite color is yellow. And just between you and me, Mr. Coconuts said she finally asked her classmate/boyfriend Benny out. But enough about that, she only really dangerous on April Fools' Day. Her roommate is Luna, she sports a pixie cut. She's 15, loves the color purple, is an anglophile and is the resident musician in our family. She has caused at least 5 separate blackouts, and is responsible for at least 77 percent of all of Mr. Grouse's noise complaints. She's also dating a girl named Sam, but for some reason people are freaking out about it, I don't know why."

Luna is too busy making music to pay me any mind.

"And the last room is for our eldest sisters, I can't enter their room because our totalitarian eldest sister put a security passcode on the door. I don't know how our second eldest can get in when she forgets the passcode each time. But thanks to Lisa, I can disable the system with this!"

I pull out a what looks like a taser, I electrocute the panel, frying it and disabling the security system. No one is here.

"Ah, they're not here. Well, I'll just rush through this quickly. Our oldest sister is Lori, she's 17 and wears a cyan tank top. She is a bossy blonde-haired girl who is obsessive over Roberto Alejandro Martinez Millan Luis Santiago Jr., or Bobby for short. She has a superiority complex and is the only one of us who can drive. She is not above extortion to get what she wants. Leni, on the other hand is 16, and an aspiring fashionista. Her favorite color is monochrome but she wears turquoise. She works at Reiningers part time and is probably the most responsible one of us. It feels so weird to be saying that about Leni, but it's true. She is a worse driver than SpongeBob SquarePants, even though she would have passed had Lori not intervened that one time. She is also the nicest out of all of us, but she really isn't intelligent on anything that isn't fashion."

I finish explaining every sister in my family.

"Oh, right. I'm Lincoln Loud. I'm 11 years old. My favorite color is orange and I like video games and comic books. I also enjoy making models and coin collecting from time to time. We all live at 1216 Franklin Avenue in Royal Woods, Michigan. And that is a brief overview on all of us kids."

I walk outside and head toward my favorite hangout, Gus' Games and Grub when I notice a small tear in the sky. It looks iridescent and bathes me in a strange light…

Oh well, I'm sure it's nothing.