The Reality of Insanity
Hi Marshmallows. I'm not dead. I feel bad that I never finished TRI, so I'll be updating this alongside LYA. Quarantine is driving me crazy, all I do is work and sleep, so now I'm going to write. I'm going to update this weekly on Wednesdays until I deem it complete. Bro if this didn't have such a set skeleton, I'd probably consider abandoning this whole Akatsuki Kitties thing, I swear it's one of the most overused Akatsuki plots in FanFiction. But I'm stubborn, and an old reviewer (leeniejs) said that while it's common, I was doing okay so far. So here it is. A few other reviews on the old version said they wanted to read more, and while I don't think they're still around, I'll put it out for others. Have fun reading (I think).
Chapter 1- Kittens
"Aspen?" A curious voice calls into the backroom, "I know you're in here. Your shift is just ending, so there's literally no way you've left already."
For a minute, I don't move from my sprawled position across the bench in the backroom of the HotTopic that I work at.
"You're not even staff, how'd you get back here?" I poke my head over the back of the bench and look towards the door in the direction the familiar voice came from.
The familiar voice belongs to one of my two closest friends, Lynette. She stands over me at the bench with a blinding smile and pokes me on the cheek, "Because we're cute!"
I roll my eyes and look towards the third of our trio, Evelyn.
"Your co-workers didn't even acknowledge us, we kidnap you fuckin often enough." She then throws her head back and laughs at the put out expression on my face.
"Oh come on Aspen! Don't be like that." Lynn whines, "You're off shift now anyways."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, I'm up." I drag myself upright and into a standing position just as my manager, Carlos, comes through the door of the backroom.
"Hey Evelyn, Lynette! I'm guessing your shift is over then, Aspen?" Carlos smiles at my two friends and nods at me.
"Yeah I'm done, but Carlos, aren't you supposed to keep non-employees out of here?" I glare at him for being a pain in the ass.
"Hey, don't be a bitch!" Eve complains, jabbing me in the shoulder.
He laughs at me while I'm glaring at Eve, "But it's fun to get you riled up. Plus they never overstay their welcome, just long enough to drag you out of here."
I sigh, "Whatever, I'll see you later," I clock out on my iPhone while Eve and him laugh at me.
"Bye girls!"
"Au revoir, Carlos!" Lynn yells to him, while Eve drags me out with Lynn on our heels.
"I can't believe that you two always just walk in like you own the place."
"It's not like your manager gives a shit." Eve points out with her hands tucked into her jeans pockets.
"Besides! He said we never overstay our welcome!" Lynn smiles brightly at me and I sigh again. If they actually were in danger of getting me fired, they wouldn't do it. I knew that much.
Then Lynn's face changes into an even brighter expression and she starts to excitedly blabber a million miles a minute, "Oh my God, Aspen! They are literally so cute. Just wait till you see them! You'll fall in love right away. I mean thank you so, so much for agreeing to take care of them. Sure, they're a little odd looking but I love them so much. A few of them are kinda feisty but who cares! They're literally a-freaking-dorable! Aspen-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" I cut her off. It was better to cut her off early on, especially if her rants confuse you. The further she goes, the more lost you end up being at the end.
"The kittens!" She yells excitedly.
"What kittens?" I stare at her like she's suddenly grown a second head. Her face falls and I immediately feel a knot forming in the pit of my stomach.
"Oh, uhm, Lynn? I kind of forgot to ask her…" Eve trails off nervously.
"Wait. You didn't ask her?" Lynn turns her kicked puppy look onto Eve.
"Uhm, well you see…" Eve struggles to formulate a proper response and Lynn's sadness quickly turns into almost uncontrollable anger.
"How could you have possibly forgotten something so important?" Lynn starts to rage, her voice getting louder and louder the longer she goes. It lasts the entire ten minutes it takes to walk back to the apartment that Lynn and Eve have been sharing for six months.
Lynn shows no signs of stopping her tirade and Eve is still cowering shamelessly in the face of Lynn's anger, so I sigh and take it upon myself to unlock the door. About a month ago, I stole Eve's set out of her pocket and had a copy made for myself. Even weeks later, they still haven't asked how or when.
The first thing I see is a giant box in the middle of their living room. I walk over to it and gently prod at the cover.
"Mrreowwwww!"
I step away and my nose crinkles in disgust. This must be the box of monsters.
"You didn't even take them out of the box?" I look up at them in disbelief, I'm not a fan of cats but that seems a little cruel even to me.
"We didn't want the little shits running around for our landlord to find, since we're technically only allowed one pet."
"Don't call them names! They're little cuties!" Lynn attempts to tackle Eve, but I catch her around the waist before she makes it too far.
Eve's explanation makes some sense I suppose, "I still think you should've taken them out of the box."
She merely shrugs at me in response.
I sigh and move on to my next question and release Lynn, "Where'd they even come from?"
"We found them first thing this morning in the box they're in now and Eve was supposed to ask you if you could take care of them when she swung by your place this morning!" Lynn starts smiling at me and ends glaring at Eve.
"Oops."
With a final glare in Eve's direction, she then aims her puppy eyes at me, "Can you please take care of them Aspen? We can't have multiple pets in the apartment!"
"C'mon. You know you want to." Eve smiles mock-innocently.
Bullshit. Eve didn't forget to ask me this morning. She's just well aware that I'm unlikely to say no to Lynn but I definitely am not against saying no to her.
"Lynn, I'm really sorry but I can't."
"But whyyyyy!?" Lynn drops to her knees, laces her fingers together in front of her like she's praying, and amps up her puppy dog pout.
I wince a little, "I'm allergic Lynn, I don't know if I can do it."
"Shit, you act like they're gonna kill you." Eve laughs.
My sympathetic look turns into a dark glare as my gaze lands on Eve, "There are ten kittens in that box and I am allergic. You want them, so let them live with you." I snarl. They know that aside from being allergic, I hate cats.
"But the landlord of our apartment doesn't allow more than one pet! There's ten!" Lynn starts to cry and I wince a little harder.
I glare at Eve again when she snickers. She knows just as well as I do that my will to say no is wearing thin.
"Oh, won't you please?" Eve asks sarcastically.
"PLEASE!" Lynn grabs a hold of my shoulders.
"Fine, fine. I'll take the devil incarnates." I sigh in defeat. It's pathetic really, considering I didn't put up much of a fight. If only I didn't owe these girls my life, I could turn down the stupid box of demons.
"HOORAY!" Lynn wraps me up in a hug and I reluctantly wrap my right arm around her.
"Evelyn West, I swear to god," I smack her with my free hand when she starts to laugh at my misfortune.
Damn it all to hell. If I didn't care so much about these girls, I'd damn them to hell too. And they can take these freaking cats with them.
I left their apartment feeling rather defeated. I really need to work on not being such a pushover when it comes to my blonde friend. I set the box down gently on my living room table and sigh. As much as I hate cats, I hate animal cruelty more. I know I won't find it in myself to abandon them or bring them to a shelter.
Wandering down the hallway, I enter the main bathroom to grab some benadryl out of the medicine cabinet above the sink. I'm probably going to need a lot more of these because of those little shits.
I walk back into the living room and stare at the box on my living room table. It's still there, even though I was still banking on this being a nightmare.
"Well fuck." I mutter out loud.
I cautiously move towards the box and stare for a little bit longer. C'mon Aspen, you got this. They're just tiny, little kittens. They probably can't actually kill you.
I pull the first kitten I touch out of the box. I have to admit, he's pretty cute. He's a mostly black tabby with swirling ginger fur on his face. His right ear is black and the other is ginger. The poor thing has one of its eyes shut like he's winking. A cat fight maybe? The eye that I can see is black but for a second I think I see it flash red. The cat quickly starts to zigzag around the table top.
"You certainly are hyperactive, I'll name you sugar."
The kitten freezes and stops to stare at me curiously.
"It's not very masculine but you remind me of a young child with a sugar high." I explain to the kitten.
Sugar bucks his head against my fingers and purrs before resuming his random zig-zags across my table.
I reach for the next one but drop the kitten as soon as he's out of the box while yelping in pain. I drop Satan's spawn on the table next to Sugar. I guess there has to be at least one little bastard in the mix.
First, I inspect my right hand that is now littered in tiger stripes that are adorned with crimson liquid dots at the surface. Then, I glare at the silver van kitten with violet eyes that I'd just pulled out of the box. He has a grey Jashin amulet hanging around his neck and his fur seems to be slicked back over his head.
I sigh and reach to untangle the amulet so he doesn't choke on it, but he mangles my hand further.
"I'm allergic to cats you little bastard. If I end up dead, you all end up on the streets because the other two can't keep more than one of you in their apartment. That's the only reason why you're here." As I glare, I can hear the other kittens yelping and whining. The silver cat has the nerve to look proud of himself. That little shit! But I know I'm lying, I know that I took them in because I can't stand the thought of ten animals forced to be homeless or in a shelter.
"Chill, I took some allergy pills." I mutter and the whimpering stops. I stand up and move back to the bathroom to clean off the cut and bandage it.
"I should name you Fucker. Or Satan. All I did was try to take the necklace off so you don't choke" I tell him upon returning, as I unceremoniously drop myself onto the floor in front of the table where I'd been previously. There are noises of what sounds like kitten laughter from some of the others still in the box.
The kitten places a paw over the amulet and hisses at me.
"Yeah I get it, the amulet stays. Your name will be Jashin." The stupid kitten gives me a feral grin and moves himself as far away from me, Sugar, and the box of kittens as he can get while still being on the table.
I make a grab for the next kitten and silently pray to whoever will listen that this kitten doesn't maul my hand further. Instead of getting further injuries, out comes a gorgeous, navy, tabby kitten with gorgeous amber eyes, and a white origami flower tucked behind her ear. A dark spot of fur is below her bottom lip. I briefly wonder if cats even have lips. My thoughts quickly return to the cat herself and realize that this must be the sole female feline Lynn was referring to. The poor thing, having to put up with nine males. I can't even handle that many people in general in a personal situation. I put up with it at school based on pure necessity.
She sits on her haunches and looks up at me from the table expectantly.
"Angel. You deserve it for putting up with nine freaking males on the regular." She nuzzles my right hand, which lies on the table and I smile, I kinda like her. I can tell that this particular kitten is quite possibly going to be my saviour when dealing with the others. Angel jumps into my lap and once she gets comfortable, I hesitantly make a grab for my next new pet.
I quickly realize that I'm going to need both of my hands for him. I stare at the large, light blue tabby with gill-like markings on his face and sharp, shark-like teeth filling his mouth. He has these beady, black eyes that look like they're following your every move. Lynn wasn't kidding when she said some of these kittens were rather odd.
"Since you kinda remind me of a shark, I think I'll name you that." I watch as he traipses awkwardly across the table, almost like he isn't used to walking on four legs.
I stare at him curiously for a few seconds but then shake myself out of it and reach for my next victim- I mean kitten.
Out comes a bright red munchkin kitten, quite a bit smaller than my kitten-shark. Not ginger. I mean bright, firetruck red. He looks as bored as I always do. On his chest, the kanji for scorpion is over his heart and these beautiful hazel eyes stare apathetically back at me.
"Scorpion, for the kanji marking on your chest." It seems like a literal sign to me. I tend not to ignore signs when they're given to me.
The next kitten I pull out has to be the weirdest colored… kitten, that I have ever seen in my entire sixteen years of living. He's a himilayan that's split exactly in half. White fur on the right side of his body and black on the left. A tuft of green fur rests on top of his head. Yellow eyes and sharp teeth stare back at me.
"Oreo. Unoriginal, I know. Sorry kitty." I decide, speaking aloud to the kitten. He moves to where Sugar has finally settled himself and plops down near him, almost as if to keep an eye on him.
The next kitten, like Shark, also requires both of my hands to be pulled out of the box. It's a brown tabby that I instantly feel bad for. The large kitten has stitches that seem to be holding the kitten together everywhere. Who the hell does this to their freaking pet? I hate cats but I don't hate them to the point at which I'd abuse them! The hate simply stems from the allergic reactions from rude kittens like Jashin (also known as the Satan or Fucker).
The kitten doesn't seem to like being touched, more than likely from lack of trust. So I immediately set him down on the table for comfort and he sets himself down next to Jashin. He sets my wallet that'd been lying on the table in between his paws. The pupils of his eyes are a lovely green. But his eyes are oddly striking because the cornea is an angry, bloodshot red. And I don't mean veins. I mean pure red. He looks up at me expectantly holding a few dollar bills he managed to get out of my wallet and in between his paws. I don't worry about him clawing them though because it's almost as if he understands their value.
"I want to name you Stitches but I feel like that might be cruel."
I receive no visible response from the kitten.
"You seem to like money, so I'll name you Yen. It's the Japanese currency since calling you 'dollar' sounds ridiculous to me." This gets me a reaction and he seems to grin. Which on this particular kitten, is kind of terrifying.
The next kitten isn't the biggest but he's not small either. He's a ginger tabby darker patches of fur all along his also has the coolest fucking eyes ever. They're like the Rinnegan that Pein from Naruto Shippuden has.
"Meowwwww!" My head snaps away from the Pein kitty as Sugar yelps and moves away from Jashin.
That fucker just jumped on one of my favorite kittens! (Despite the fact that I hadn't even made it through the entire box yet). Some of the other kittens, both inside and outside the box, begin to hiss. They start yelping and meowing and making pained noises and at first, I don't know how to react.
Before I can even try, the kitten I had just pulled out of the box loudly makes a noise that sounds almost like a command. Immediately the kittens cease to make noises and they freeze before relaxing. The kitten begins to reprimand Jashin but I cut him off.
"Leader. Because you clearly have more control over this bunch than I do." He nods his head and jumps off the table and next to me. He settles himself close to my leg and close to Angel. It's at this point that I realize that they all seem to be partnered up.
Sugar and Oreo.
Yen and Jashin.
Angel and Leader.
Which leaves Shark and Scorpion partnerless. Temporarily, at least. I still have two more kittens in the box to go. Speaking of which, right before I pull out the next kitten, Angel climbs out of my lap and abandons me in favor of being next to Leader. They jump back on the table and seem to overlook everyone. Shark jumps off the table and rests his head on my leg.
The second to last kitten might just be my favorite. He's a beautiful black, russian blue kitten with onyx eyes and he possesses a calm that I never will. His gaze is calculating and he seems to be one of the normal kittens of the bunch. I blink when I think I see his eyes flash red. Just as I had with Sugar, I mark it off as a trick of the light. I'm probably just tired after a busy day and the late hour.
"Noir. It means dark in French and it's one of my favorite words." I pick up the kitten and set him in my lap. I begin to pet his fur, much like how I treated Angel before she picked Leader over me. Tch.
I feel more than hear the purr that goes through his body from my attention. The only reason I can tell is because my hand is resting on his head. But I highly doubt that it was heard by any of the others. It's not like they seem to be paying him any mind anyway.
Finally, the last but not least. I'm freaking exhausted.
He's a honey blonde himilayan kitten with shocking blue eyes. He has a tuft of fur over his left eye. And he has a scar on his chest.
I frown when I notice it. It upsets me that someone treated these animals so poorly. Some of them have their fur dyed, some have injuries, and Scorpion has a tattoo somehow. Even for the ones that haven't had much done to them, they were abandoned.
The last kitten scampers to the end of the table to stare out my window. I glance out the window and realize what's caught their attention. Some of the other kittens wander over to watch too.
"Don't mind the fireworks, it's July 1st so this Saturday is July 4th. My neighbors are fucking crazy so those will probably go on for another two hours, midnight or not. The kittens all moved back to their original places except Scorpion who plops himself down next to the blondie who is still watching, enraptured by the fireworks.
"Katsu!" I suddenly yell, accidentally terrifying all of the kittens as they all jump, yelp a little, and look around. They act like they thought the fireworks were INSIDE my house and not outside in my neighbor's yard.
They all turn wide-eyed to stare at me.
"Blondie's name is Katsu. Because art is a fucking bang, yeah." I explain using one of my favorite English translations of Deidara of the Akatsuki's verbal tic. Some of the kittens converse and others just stare at me a little oddly.
"You all sure are a ragtag team." I comment, observing the ten completely odd and completely different kittens. They don't seem like they'd fit together, yet they do.
They all turned to stare at me again.
"No worries. I'm just as bizarre."
Alright, there's the revamped Chapter 1. I jumped right in because the prologue was redundant and quite frankly, useless and unnecessary. Review to let me know how I did, if you'd be so inclined. Sorry for any mistakes there might be. Going through this took me awhile, I've come a long way since I was 16.