Title: Text Messages from the Edge of High School (How I survived Midtown as a Synthetic Teenage Stark)

Summary: Being human is hard. Being a teenager is harder. However, being a teenage Stark trying to pass as a human is impossible (especially when you're preparing to prevent the end of the world at the same time). But Starks don't believe in the impossible, especially Starks that have Steve Rogers as their future stepdad.

Text messages from the life of a teenage LMD navigating the halls of Midtown School of Science and Technology the best way that she can.

Alternative summary: The State of New York believes that Tony should not raise a child, so his friends and AI Friday create an LMD teenager for him. It would be so much easier if his boyfriend were in the country.

Consider this an emotional palate cleanser after watching Endgame and probably crying your eyes out.

Welcome back to the Use Your Words/I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging universe. Although since I haven't posted the last post-credit scene yet, it's like you haven't left. Before we head into the battle against the purple one, I thought we could use some fluff or at least teenage angst with a dash of fluff. I needed a little break before trying to fix Infinity War/Endgame. So this is going to be a short filling in the gaps story between the epilogue/first post-credit scene and the remaining post-credit scenes (that I will upload once we get to the point where it won't spoil the story). Think of these as the Agents of Shield episodes or Marvel one-shots in the grand universe of this series. However, there will be relevant plot points in this story for the series. This is still an MCU story even if we are now in the "Steve and Tony, have their shit together" timeline.

You need to have read "I Hope You Have Unlimited Text Messaging" to understand this story. Too much changed from canon. At least up to IP 18, otherwise, you'll have no idea why Friday is now an LMD going by the name Afia. However, she does respond to both names. She thinks of Friday as more of a nickname now.

Continuity-wise: Alternate timeline for AOS post episode 4.9 onward. Dr. Strange is happening around this time as it did in canon. Cloak and Dagger S1 will begin in about a month but will not be changed. We are Pre-infinity war/Endgame/Ant-man and the Wasp/Ragnarok. Information about the characters discovered during Spider-Man: Far from Home will be used throughout the story. However, no real spoilers because we are in a different timeline.

Rating: T for teenage angst, allusions to past child abuse, and cursing. Also, teenagers having to deal with parents that have an interesting sex life. Additional warnings will be given later in the story.

Warning: The only beta for this story right now is the Grammarly program. On the positive side, faster updates, but there are some things that you really need a human to point out. I am always looking for more humans to proofread my stories. Please send me a PM on fanfiction dot net if you're interested.

Relationships: Afia (Friday)& Tony & Steve, Tony/Steve, Peter & Ned & Afia & Michelle, Afia & Vision &Wand, Pepper & Afia, Princess & Afia, Afia & Coulson and one friendship that's going to be a surprise.

Background romantic relationships: Vision/Wanda, Leo/Hunter, Fitz/Simmons, and May/Coulson. Also, a lot of unrequited pining on the part of Flash Thompson. For who I'm not saying. A few other surprises as well.

Text message key:

Girl Friday = Afia a.k.a. Friday

Boy in the chair = Ned

Dad = Tony

CapDad = Steve

BFF Peter= Peter

Princess BFF = Princess Shuri

Aunt Pepper = Pepper Potts

Uncle Agent = Phil Coulson

MJ = Michelle Jones

A few will be at the end of the story to avoid spoilers.

Final note, I'm fudging the New York City school schedule for the 2016 – 2017 school year. Since I had school start earlier in the last story, I'm having the spring semester also start a week earlier. However, all the breaks will stay the same because they work well for plot reasons.

Part one: The Trouble with Being a Teenage Stark (Fuck Christine Everhart and Ty Ty)

January 1, 2017

Boy in the chair: Hey Happy New Year!

Girl Friday: Happy new year to you as well. I got to experience it in two different time zones.

Boy in the chair: I guess that means you're back in the states?

Girl Friday: Yes. We arrived last night just in time to celebrate the New Year a second time.

Boy in the chair: Cool. Those Quinjets must be fast.

Girl Friday: Very. Which was good because Peter starts classes tomorrow. Peter is happy, I'm sad.

Boy in the chair: You can feel sadness?

Boy in the chair: Shit! I'm so sorry I said that. I'm terrible at putting my foot in my mouth. Let's talk about why you're not starting school until after MLK.

Girl Friday: Actually I'm not starting until after the Presidential inauguration. And yes, I can now feel things because Wanda gave me a boost. I think she did it to use me as a guinea pig for something they're planning with big brother. I'm pretty sure she's conspiring with the Princess on something.

Girl Friday: I cried twice when watching Rogue One again on the way home.

Boy in the chair: I am still jealous that you get to watch Star Wars movies at home when they're still in the movie theater. You are so cool. I still wish you could start tomorrow.

Girl Friday: Apparently, it makes no sense for me to start the school year when everybody's getting ready for finals. So I get to spend my days alone at the tower or in DC with dad until school starts. I think they want me to just get used to having actual emotions before I start high school.

Boy in the chair: That's a good point. At least you will not have two take finals until June. Peter is happy he is back because he's having trouble being around your father after walking in on him having sex with Captain America. Please tell me Peter got a car out of it?

Girl Friday: No because as I mentioned, dad ended up getting May Parker-Riley, a townhouse in Queens for Christmas. She said no more big gifts until Peter's graduation. She also insists on paying dad the same money she paid in rent at the old place.

Girl Friday: Also, Tony now knows about Peter watching porn in Germany, and it came out during the talk. That's making everything even more awkward.

Boy in the chair: I thought you were joking about the house.

Boy in the chair: That would be mortifying.

Girl Friday: Not joking. We're moving next door actually. Dad thinks it's better if I'm closer to school, and May agreed to watch me when he travels to DC, probably because of the house.

Boy in the chair: That's so unfair. He would be so cool if he showed up to school in an Audi. All the girls in school will talk to us then.

Girl Friday: Which can still happen. Once Peter passes his driving test, both of them, he gets full use of one of the cars from the garage, if he drives me to school. Although, on second thought, it's probably best he doesn't choose one of the Audis. It might be a little too flashy.

Girl Friday: Dad also says to avoid people that only want to be your friend because of what type of car you drive.

Boy in the chair: Your father is wise. That might be a good idea because Flash's Audi has been stolen twice, not counting when it was borrowed by our friendly neighborhood spider. Although they might be taking his car because he's an asshole. See flashy cars don't always buy one friends.

Girl Friday: That doesn't surprise me.

Boy in the chair: Hey, quick turn on the Christine Everhart report.

Girl Friday: I think there's still a block on that channel. Dad's ex-boyfriend is the majority shareholder of the parent company. The only media source that my dad distrusts more is the daily bugle dot net.

Boy in the chair: Christine Everhart just choked on her water when she read the breaking news about your father marrying Stefan Carter. Why didn't you or Peter tell me about the engagement? Captain America is going to be your stepdad. That is so cool.

Girl Friday: They got engaged on Christmas and Peter wasn't informed until the plane ride back. We all cried together for like half an hour, even if I found out a few days earlier. Peter was probably waiting to tell you tomorrow. Although, I'm surprised that the press release is only going out today. It would've been better if the news broke while we were still overseas.

Boy in the chair: Maybe they were holding it until your dad told Peter. I think your dad sees him as another kid.

Girl Friday: He does. He's in the will.

Boy in the chair: Okay maybe it's good that you're not starting school tomorrow. It would be a madhouse. Betty has already sent out a mass message to the entire academic decathlon team about it. And some of what she said isn't that nice. I thought she was better than that.

Girl Friday: I just received a text from Michelle lamenting Betty for doing that. She was expecting Flash to do it. I hope everybody will be done talking about me by the time I actually start classes at the beginning of the new semester.

Boy in the chair: Unless something else happens that makes everybody talk about you again.

Girl Friday: Outside of another alien invasion, I doubt there will be anything else that will cause this much gossip about me. Besides, I don't think that's going to happen until at least April of next year.

Boy in the chair: LOL

Boy in the chair: That was a joke, right?

Girl Friday: It's best that I don't answer that. Anyway, sorry your crush isn't who you thought she was.

Boy in the chair: I do not have a crush on her.

Girl Friday: We should holo-chat just so you can see my disappointed face.

Boy in the chair: Okay I'm not sure I have a crush on her anymore, maybe. It's complicated. She's cute. Perhaps this was a one-time thing? We started talking more recently. We have a lot in common.

Girl Friday: Maybe. Although now she is sucking up to Peter so he will give her my number. Obviously, not realizing that he saw her earlier message. So again, sorry about your crush.

Three weeks later.

January 22, 2017

Boy in the chair: OMG! I saw you on the news on Friday. How cool was it to be at the inauguration? Did you get to meet the President? What about the Vice President? At least this one isn't evil, right?

Boy in the chair: I'm still mad that my mom said I couldn't go with you guys and dad said it was her decision. Going to a Presidential inauguration is educational. She doesn't think your dad is that responsible and put her foot down as soon as she found out May wasn't going because of work.

Boy in the chair: Which is crazy because he's an Avenger. That's a big responsibility. Is your dad really going to be the new head of the ATCU? That also shows that he's responsible. I think she watches the daily bugle dot net too much. They really hate your dad, and it's gotten worse since he started dating "Stefan" publicly.

Girl Friday: I understand, though. You really have to keep her from watching that "news site," and I use the term news liberally.

Boy in the chair: I know.

Girl Friday: The President was kind. So was the Vice President. I'm pretty sure she's not evil. No Watchdog ties at least. And she didn't get ridiculously offended when Michelle challenged her policy record. Yes, Michelle did that. Twice. The VP wants Michelle to actually apply for a White House internship.

Boy in the chair: Of course, she did. It's so unfair that she got to go with you. Her dad was totally okay with her being there, and he's like ridiculously paranoid. Justified, because his niece was kidnapped as a baby in the 80s, but he was still okay with it. That just shows how out of it my mom is.

Girl Friday: I blame the daily bugle dot net. Michelle was with us because her dad was with us. Maybe by Easter, your mom will trust my dad, and you can come with us to Europe for spring break. It's supposed to be the big Pepper Steve meet up. I'm going to need emotional support.

Boy in the chair: I hope so. Getting to meet Captain America would be so cool. I can't believe he will be your stepdad soon. That's instant popularity right there.

Girl Friday: Of course, no one knows that my new stepdad is Captain America or was Captain America. He still going by the Nomad code name. Besides, I rather have people like me for me and not who my parents are.

Boy in the chair: That's very true. I totally like you for you. I liked you when you were still Friday.

Girl Friday: I'm still Friday, mostly. I'm still trying to navigate life in the physical form of a teenager with actual emotions instead of just the proximity of emotions. Any last words of advice before I join the world of high school tomorrow?

Boy in the chair: Flash is an asshole. He thinks he can get away with anything because his mom and dad are rich. Although your dad is richer, so he's either going to try to date you, despite you being two years younger than him or turn you into his new enemy. Don't be a Flash, even though your dad is Tony Stark.

Girl Friday: Noted

Boy in the chair: Abe is cool and has turned burning Flash into an art form.

Girl Friday: I feel like that wouldn't be hard. What else?

Boy in the chair: According to MJ, Betty is probably going to try to be your friend only to get you to do an interview about your father on her school morning show because she'll know that it will go viral and get her the internship at WHiH. If you want to do an interview with any of our classmates, go with Jason.

Girl Friday: I don't want to do an interview with anybody, but I will take that under advisement.

Boy in the chair: Also, according to MJ, Betty is looking for a new BFF since Liz is gone. Betty cut her entirely out of her life due to her dad being a criminal. Michelle's recommendation is to avoid her because "real friends always have your back."

Girl Friday: And your recommendation?

Boy in the chair: I'm starting to wonder if she only started talking to me because I'm friends with you. She did start eating lunch with me after pictures of us hanging out ended up on twitter. And I know what she wrote about you before, and I don't know. My mom always said that outer beauty does not equal inner beauty.

Girl Friday: That is very wise. So I should avoid Betty?

Boy in the chair: Yes, for the moment anyway. Let me fill her out a little bit more for you. Asked Tiny to play chess, and you'll have an instant friend. Although he's going to want you to join the team. Cindy's also cool.

Girl Friday: I'm aware. And we've met. Also, I've read her Shield file.

Boy in the chair: Why does Cindy have a Shield file? When did you meet each other?

Girl Friday: Is there anyone else I should avoid?

Boy in the chair: Thompson but we've already covered that. Also most of the cheerleaders and at least half the basketball team.

Girl Friday: Midtown has a basketball team?

Boy in the chair: Just because we are a science magnet school, doesn't mean we don't have a sports team.

Boy in the chair: Turn on WHiH right now. I just got a Google alert.

Girl Friday: Again, that channel is still blocked because of the ex-boyfriend nonconsensual sex tape thing.

Boy in the chair: Thank you for sharing that. Definitely not something I thought I would ever know about Tony Stark.

Boy in the chair: Betty just sent an alert to the entire decathlon team. This is not good. Don't read anything in our discord channel right now. Stay away.

Girl Friday: Okay, I just unblocked the channel over Ana's objections. Why are they still talking about the engagement three weeks later, even though dad was just named as the new acting head at the ATCU beginning March 1? I didn't think the ex asshole would be this bitter.

Boy in the chair: Unfortunately, they're not talking about your dad being engaged to Stefan Carter anymore, but Steve Rogers.

Girl Friday: Oh, Fuck! How did she figure that out?

Boy in the chair: From a video file of gritty footage from the daily bugle dot net. It looks like it is from Malta at Christmas. Look, they have an eyewitness to collaborate.

Girl Friday: Ana alert Jane but I'm sure she knows. Also, dad and Aunt Pepper. I think CapDad is sleeping right now but sent a message to Nat or Robbie. They never sleep.

Ana Junior: Jane already knew from when it showed up on the daily bugle dot net earlier. I was ordered to not let you find out until morning.

Girl Friday: I am not surprised. You think dad would've learned from Grandpa Howard's mistakes. But nope. Ned, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I need to go yell at my dad.

Girl Friday: Dad, I know that you're trying to protect me from the cruelty of the media, but I do have friends, and I know how to undo the parental blocks. Also, Betty just emailed the entire decathlon team, which means the whole school will know that Steve Rogers is my stepfather within the next three minutes. I've been told not to go into the decathlon discord chat.

Girl Friday: Remember your number one parenting rule: don't be Howard. He tried to keep the truth from you, and you hated finding it out as an adult.

Dad: Sorry sweetheart. I promise I was going to tell you in the morning, I just wanted to do damage control first. Also, I wanted to keep the initial wave of outrage away from you t because that's always the worst. I also want you to find out from me, not Everhart or Betty from the decathlon team. And yes definitely stay out of the discord chat.

Girl Friday: It's okay.

Dad: Look, this is a "dad" problem, not a "you" problem. You don't need to worry about this. We knew it was going to come out eventually. Not everybody was going to stay in denial land. At least we were lucky enough that it came out after I was announced the new head of the ATCU. I wished it would've waited until after I was actually on the job, but Jane has a plan.

Girl Friday: A lot of people knew. Chris Evans just sent out a Tweet lending you and Steve support.

Dad: As well as a private text message of support. That was nice of him. Oh god, Baker is calling. We'll talk in the morning. Get a proper night sleep/recharging.

Girl Friday: I will dad.

To be continued.

I swear I wrote 99% of this chapter before Far From Home came out. Any resemblance to a particular post-credit scene is purely coincidental but hilarious. Although I did change it from being generic paparazzi to the daily bugle dot net.

All secrets come out eventually.