AN: This is just a little side project I've been writing for fun the last few months about Steven becoming better friends with Spinel post-SUF. This story is set after I Am My Monster and before Steven leaves on his road trip. Some disclaimers before we start, because apparently shipping fictional cartoon characters is a matter of heated debate in this fandom: Connie is in the picture, and Steven loves her very much and always will. I will disclose I do like Stevinel as a ship and would like to work it into the story if it makes sense and I can do it in a way that is in-character, even if it's just one-sided. Accurate characterization is more important to me than indulging my own fantasies, so if it can't be done then I won't push it.
Making Amends
Chapter 1: The Gift
Four days had passed since the Incident.
Steven hadn't once had a moment alone in those four days. Garnet had taken to gatekeeping gems and humans alike who came asking what had happened, why was there a giant pink monster attacking the coast, where it had gone, if Steven knew about it, and of course, if he was okay. Family and Connie were the only people permitted inside the house until the pandemonium settled, but of course Steven couldn't keep something like turning into a rampaging monster a secret. It was all he could do to sleep to avoid the overwhelming barrage of text messages from friends and pointed worried looks from the gems. The concern was exhausting.
"Steven." The boy in question looked up blearily from the darkness of his pillow to see Garnet standing in the doorway. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glanced on the other side of the room. Connie was still there where she had been before his nap, perched in Steven's bean bag chair and studiously reading from a textbook. She had been a frequent visitor in the last few days since his meltdown. She had a small duffle bag next to her, mostly filled with books, but also a few change of clothes so that she didn't have to leave too often. Connie was determined to be here for him, but her presence wasn't filled with the stifling worry and paranoia of the gems. Connie didn't ask questions, didn't push him to talk, didn't look at him like he was a fragile eggshell she couldn't step on. She was simply there, and Steven loved her for it.
"You have a visitor." Garnet paused as she considered Steven's mussed hair, his vacant expression and dark circles under his eyes. "…But I'll tell them to come back later,"she offered.
"I don't want to inconvenience them if they came all the way here…,"Steven said slowly, swinging his legs over the bed, already moving to get up.
"It's not going to be a productive visit for you. I just needed to see you to confirm it."
"Garnet, I'm fine,"Steven tried to assure her, "I just woke up is all."
"They'll be back. You need to worry less about others right now, Steven,"she asserted, then looked over at Connie, "…I'll be back with a board game for Connie's study break in twenty-two minutes." Steven sighed and collapsed back on the bed with a resigned sigh.
"She's right, you know,"Connie chimed in. Steven leaned his head back so that he was looking at his friend upside-down. At this angle, she almost mistook his frown for a smile.
"It's sweet that people are worried about you and want to check in, but you do have a tendency to put on a face for people, Steven,"Connie stated evenly, "She just doesn't want you to wear yourself."
"She could have at least told me who it was so I can apologize later,"Steven grumbled.
"You'd just feel guilty. You know Garnet would have let them in if it was someone you needed right now,"she pointed out, "Come on, let me finish this chapter and then we can take a break together." Every minute was a break for Steven the last few days, but he wouldn't complain to Connie – not when she was so obviously going out of her way to be there for him, study schedule or not. Instead he just smiled and nodded, reaching to unplug his phone from its charger to glance at it and then immediately set it back down. 52 unread messages. Nope.
At first Steven had hated being overly doted on. But he was beginning to understand that it was simply what his friends and family needed. He resisted it at first, but as Connie had pointed out the other day – he spent all his time and energy helping other people to make himself feel useful, he didn't get to be the only one who gives and gives for some self-assurance that things were okay. "You're gonna have to sit down and let us love you and deal with it, Steven. We were scared. The gems loving on you might be just what they need to do to feel like everything's okay again."
"Everything is okay, though."
"Convince them." She thought a moment, then amended her statement. "No. Convince me." That got a frown and a resigned groan from Steven. They both knew what a harder task that would be.
Back downstairs, Garnet closed the front door behind her to face Steven's visitor. Spinel waited anxiously on the front porch, having abandoned standing and opting to curl her legs over the railing and hang from the beams upside down. She swung herself back upright at the sight of Garnet's return, her feet kicking off the edge of the railing.
"Hey! What's the deal-io with good ol' Steve-o?"
"You can't see him right now." Spinel's feet froze and then sunk to the floor with a comedic thunk. The frown on her face, though, was very real and genuine. Somehow, even after all Spinel had done to him to hurt him, hurt his friends, she still felt the pang of rejection at Garnet's words. She couldn't see him…or he didn't want to see her?
"Wait…what? Did… he say that?"
"No. I did." Spinel stared at the taller gem, not knowing how to react to such an admittance.
"Walk with me,"Garnet gestured, ushering for Spinel to follow as she walked down the steps, away from the house. Spinel looked forlornly back at the door she had been barred access to, the hurt giving her pause. Her gloved hands balled up into fists of their own accord. She didn't know whether she wanted to break the door down and demand an explanation from Steven himself, or quietly resign herself to an explanation that she surely wasn't going to like. Of course Steven didn't want to see her. Surely Garnet was just going to lay down every reason why he couldn't tolerate her presence. Still, she found herself springing off the railing anyway, trotting after Garnet in the sand.
They walked for a while in silence, Spinel's bouncing steps losing their vigor as she prepared herself for all the ways that Steven must hate her.
"You should know,"Garnet began, stopping abruptly and turning to the smaller pink gem, "There's not a single future where you don't hurt Steven again in some way." Spinel stared at the fusion, her eyes wide, struck speechless by such a statement.
"Most of them aren't on purpose,"Garnet amended, as if reading Spinel's mind, "But nevertheless, Steven will be hurt by you."
"Huh? I wouldn't hurt Steven again,"Spinel said, a pleading tone to the edge of her voice, "'Specially not after all that."
"I know you probably had good intentions in coming. You put him and the earth through a lot, and you may see this as an opportunity to make amends. I do see many futures where you and he are able to be good friends. I'm not opposed to letting him explore those possibilities with you." Garnet paused.
"But as his family, I can't let someone I know will cause him pain, even accidentally, near him so soon. He's very fragile right now, Spinel."
"Well obviously, that's the whole point! That's why I wanted to come cheer him up!"
"He doesn't need to be cheered up right now. He needs time." Spinel tilted her head to the side.
"Time for what?"
"Time to figure out how to be okay with himself. Without distractions." Spinel blanched at the unspoken accusation. For a moment, she was back in the palace, 6,000 years ago, hiding behind Pink's legs as White Diamond berated Pink for neglecting her diamond duties and wasting time with her little distraction. But no, Pink was gone, White loved her dearly, and Spinel had changed…surely she was more than what she was. It was so easy to forget the ever-present self-doubt when she was with the diamonds, but here, standing on the beach that Spinel had nearly destroyed with her mistakes, she felt herself feeling so small and powerless. Was that all Spinel was? A distraction?
"I just wanted to show him I can be a better pal and check up on him…"
"I believe you,"she said, much to Spinel's surprise, "But if you truly have his well-being in mind, Spinel, I'm going to need you to show me."
"Show you what?"she asked, her arm looping into the shape of a question mark as her hand came up to scratch her head.
"That your visiting him will do him good. He wasn't the only one you hurt. You'll need to earn my trust back, too. Otherwise, I can't let you in." Spinel stared hard at the fusion, testing her resolve. For a moment, she considered stretching herself all the way up to Steven's window, just because she could. She could see Steven if she wanted to. She had beaten this fusion once before – she could do it again.
Except she knew taking what she wanted by force wasn't going to put herself in anybody's good graces. She had learned that lesson the hard way. Hanging her head in shame, she remembered how Garnet had been moreover kind to her throughout the whole ordeal she had put them all through, and, just like Steven, had tried to talk her out of her rage. Garnet wanted her to show that she could do Steven some good? Fine. Spinel wanted to know that for herself anyway. Spinel wanted to be good.
So she left, with a promise of a quick return.
It took Spinel a day for an idea to come to mind, and another day to relay every possible pro and con with the diamonds before taking the warp pad uninvited back to Earth. Her presence got her a few pointed stares, but she was able to slip by most of the Little Homeworld residents and make it to Steven's house discreetly enough, her precious cargo secured inside her gem.
Garnet met her at the door as before, taking her in with a prolonged, characteristically stoic once-over. This time, however, Spinel was prepared. She presented Garnet with the treasure she had brought with a sheepish smile, feeling self-conscious under that emotionless stare. For a moment the only sound between them were the rolling waves of the ocean behind them. Spinel hadn't an opportunity to open her mouth to explain when Garnet abruptly nodded and stepped aside.
"He's upstairs. You get ten minutes." It took a moment for the realization to sink in that Spinel was being granted access after all. Whatever conflicting feelings she had for the fusion aside, Spinel couldn't help but punch the air in her excitement, springing into the house with a triumphant grin. Garnet just stared at her as she shut the door behind her, then wordlessly pointed to the stairs. Spinel took that as a green light.
"Steeeeeven!"Spinel called from the bottom. Her pigtails flopped as she poked her head up above the landing. He was alone today, reading something spread out on the bed and taking notes. She couldn't help the happy cartwheel the rest of the way into the room, nor the enthusiastic hug she flew around his shoulders. She was genuinely happy to see him.
"Surprise! Guess who came to say hi?!" The young human couldn't manage more than a surprised expression, already tense and ready to defend himself against another frontal assault – on his being, or his face. He was stiff against her, gently pushing her away to give himself some room before she decided to do more than just hug him.
"Whoa. Hey…Spinel. What are you doing here…on Earth, and…in my house?" Spinel released him with an oblivious giggle.
"Funny you should ask! I came to check on the ol' happy meter!"
"…The what?"
"Don't worry, Steven, I'm a professional!"she saluted, her hand stretching to him so that her hand bent straight and stiffly horizontal. Starting at his feet, she elevated her hand slowly while making intermittent "boop, boop, boop" sounds, as if Steven's body was a thermometer that only her pointed hand could read.
"Uh-oh, looking pretty low, there, mister!"she said when her hand stopped just at his knees, "The doctor's orders are in! You know what you need?"
"Spinel, I really don't think"-
"Some vitamin D! Come on, Steven, you been getting enough of that Earth sun? Natural light is supposed to be really healthy for you organics, you know."
"I don't have the energy for this right now, Spinel, just tell me why you're here." The smile on Spinel's face dropped immediately, and her pigtails sagged. His choice of words hurt more than anything, and Spinel found herself fighting back hard a familiar wave of panic.
"Ouch, straight to the heart,"she teased sarcastically, a smile still plastered on her face despite the real hurt behind it. "I didn't actually come to get you out of the house, anyway. Your gem friends probably wouldn't let me anyway. I just…came to check in and give you something." Steven's expression softened, thoroughly chastised for snapping at her now.
"You didn't have to check on me, I already got my sandal back."
"Not that,"Spinel said anxiously, shuffling her feet to distract herself from the sudden nerves. "Um…I wanted to apologize." This did surprise Steven. Slowly he sat down at the edge of the bed.
"You already apologized, after the explosion."
"Well yeah, but…I don't think I really told you how I meant it. Or I did, when you were…yeah. But I don't think it really counted if you didn't hear it,"she explained, nervously scratching her cheek, "Um. I'm sorry if I was part of the reason for…all that. I know I really, really messed up and hurt you and your friends a lot. I was a real wreck then, and I shouldn't have taken out my anger on you. You earned your happily ever after, and I know that now, seeing how different everything is for myself. I'm sorry I tried to ruin that for you…" Spinel paused, her cheeks flushing as she barreled on before she had time to overthink things.
"The diamonds are sorry, too. They really, really want you to know that. I don't think you heard back there, but White…White knows she didn't make things easy for anyone, least of all you. They're sorry, too, for putting you through more than you deserved. I know you don't like them, so I…thought I'd pass along the message." Steven stared at her, not quite knowing what to say to all this.
"It's…not that I don't like them…"
"They're not stupid. Why else would it have taken so long for you to ask for their help, much less visit?"
"It's not…it's complicated, Spinel. It goes back a long time. Their actions had effects on not just me, but a lot of people I care about."
"Mine did, too, though… So if you don't want anything to do with them, I'm guessing you don't want anything to do with me now, then, either."
"What? No, Spinel, we're fine. Thank you for the apology - really - but I forgave you ages ago." Spinel looked away, unconvinced.
"Sorry, I'm not good at this serious talk stuff. I just…I get kinda defensive of them, y'know? The diamonds are my family now. And they've worked so hard to fix their mistakes. I'm so proud of them, and I wanna show off all their hard work off. You told me I could change, but they're the ones that really made it sink in." Steven allowed a small smile to reach his face.
"You really love them, huh?"
"I really, really do,"Spinel said with a small smile, looking up, "Thanks for re-introducing me to them, Steven. And for…everything else before that."
"Of course. Is that all you came to tell me?"
"Well, yeah. And Garnet said I had to prove I'm not gonna try and kill you again if I wanted to get all serious, so I brought this. I didn't really get to explain, but she said it was enough. She's kind of cryptic, that one."
"What is it?"Steven asked, his curiosity piqued now. Spinel touched her gem, pulling out what appeared to be a container of some unknown chrome-like gem material. She held it in her hands for a moment, considering its contents before raising her eyes to Steven's with a knowing smile and folding her legs like a pretzel on the floor.
"It's a secret. Between friends. Got it?"she said with a wink. Steven slowly climbed down from the bed to sit with Spinel at her level on the floor.
"Got it,"Steven agreed, waiting eagerly for the reveal. Spinel hesitated, looking into the container one last time before abruptly turning it toward Steven to see inside.
"It looks like…a plant sapling,"Steven said, glancing up for confirmation. Spinel beamed.
"It's not just a sapling, silly! It's a metaphor!" Steven couldn't help but chuckle, leaning back with Spinel's precious pot in hand, waiting for an elaboration.
"See, I got to thinking, after everything that happened…Everyone, even the diamonds, they all got lots of opportunities to grow and change and live their lives, except for me. I…was kind of scared, honestly, when I first moved in with the diamonds, that I'd be able to change at all. I figured…I might just be the toy that got outgrown for these diamonds, too." She paused to nervously twiddle her fingers.
"It's kinda embarrassing to admit, but…I didn't do too well when I first got there. The diamonds were super nice and supportive, though, and I started to feel a little better about myself over time. I needed something to feel like I was making any kind of progress, though. So I went back to the garden…"
"Spinel…,"Steven said worriedly, looking concerned now.
"I asked Blue to go with me. Her clouds helped a lot. I don't think I could have gone back without her,"she explained quickly, "There were these flowers there. They were always there, just in the left corner of my vision. Pink and I planted them together a looooong time ago. They have these deep roots that keep stretching down if they can't get the nutrients they need at the top. They'll just keep burrowing and burrowing, so they never die. They were the only flowers that survived. Even after 6,000 years, they kept burrowing, finding nutrients to sustain them, fighting to keep going on. I kind of wanted to be like that, y'know? They're not the prettiest to look at, but I thought, if I can grow something from that place – the place I was stuck in for so long – then there's no reason why I can't grow in my new home, too."
"Wow…so you replanted those flowers."
"Bingo! I've got a few more pots back at home, but I have a good feeling about that one. Maybe it needs some of Earth's natural light to help it along, but it's strong….You can keep this one…if you want. If you really think I can change, I know you and this flower can, too." Spinel could feel Steven staring at her, and she shifted uncomfortably, self-conscious that she had said the wrong thing.
"Thank you, Spinel. This is really special, and it means a lot. I'm going to take really good care of it." Spinel smiled, her relief melting any tension in her expression.
"Don't forget to take care of yourself, silly!"she chided, stretching her arm across to him to gently boop him on the nose. This earned her a weak smile for her benefit.
"Heh…yeah. Guess I'm still working on that."
"Hey, me too,"she answered with a thumbs up. For a moment they just stared at each other, the distance between them still palpable but maybe – and Spinel hoped she wasn't imagining it – a little lighter. She wanted to believe that the soft smile on his face when he looked down at the plant meant that the gesture wasn't lost on him.
"Time's up." Spinel nearly jumped out of her gem at the sound of a voice behind them. She spun around to see Garnet, stoic as ever, staring at her from the landing.
"A-ah, right. Coming."
"She gave you a time limit?"Steven asked, raising an eyebrow. Spinel smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah, you try and kill someone one time and I guess that makes them untrustworthy or somethin'. Weird, right?" Steven chuckled, standing and bringing Spinel's pot to his bedside table.
"Eh, plenty of gems have tried to kill me. I think she's just being extra paranoid right now, all things considered,"he replied with a shrug.
"Heh, she sounds like Yellow. Oh well. She said I needed to leave after I gave you my present anyway. Something about 'not risking making anything worse,'"she said, using her hands as air quotes.
"The gems have been pretty protective of me lately,"Steven half-laughed, "I can…ask her to lay off for a bit, if you want. I know I kind of blew you off last time we saw each other when you were just trying to help. And you came all this way."
"Really?"she asked a little too excitedly. She wanted to stay. Stars, she wanted to stay. He stood there with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, literally asking for her company when she had an opportunity to try to put a real smile on his face – asking her to fulfil a long-ingrained purpose to cheer up a friend. But she forced down her selfishness with every ounce of self-control and offered a forced smile instead.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but. Garnet said I was gonna hurt you more if I wasn't careful. I don't wanna make things worse, especially not if you're still not feelin up to snuff. So I'm gonna take a raincheck today,"Spinel explained, looking embarrassedly at the floor as she considered saying something. Finally deciding, she blurted out, "Look, I know you just wanted my injector off, and maybe you didn't really care, but…you were the first person to be nice to me in 6,000 years. You introduced me to my new family, and I have a real home now because of that. Weird baggage aside…you kind of mean a lot to me, Universe. I wanna be careful with you from now on. Even if I really really really do wanna stay." Steven's expression softened.
"That's nice of you to say, Spinel. I don't know what Garnet saw, but whatever it is, you don't need to worry about offending me. I'm good at working things out, after all."
"Yeah?"
"Of course." Spinel beamed, her shoulders relaxing, having not realized she was so tense to start. That's right, she had to remind herself. Even if she messed up, Steven never gave up on anyone. She just had to believe she wasn't an exception.
"Even so, I know what it's like after a meltdown, hehe,"she said, nervously scratching her cheek, "Definitely needed some time to adjust and cool off from that one. I'll take a hug before I leave, though!"
She didn't wait for his consent before she roped herself into his space in one go, her arms wrapped twice around his torso. He tentatively hugged her back this time, a little more prepared now for her spontaneous closeness. Spinel hadn't been hugged by someone her own size in a long time, and the warmth emanating from his human body felt so nice and comforting, like being encased in a blanket. He smelled good, too, like dirt and sea salt - earth and sky and ocean all mixed together.
"Wowie, you give really good hugs,"Spinel commented with a contented smile against his shoulder. Steven was beginning to relax, realizing she wasn't going to shake him, or trap him, or assault his face this time.
"I was just about to say the same thing,"he answered back. Spinel unwound her arms to lean back with a grin.
"Well, they're free when you want one. Just give me a call. You know where I live."
"Thanks, Spinel. For coming over and…everything else. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I didn't know you cared that much."
"Well quit feeling sorry – you don't have to fix everything. I'm the one who came over to say sorry, anyway."
"Heh, I guess it's a habit." She stuck her tongue out at him, playfully flicking him on the nose.
"Hope you change out of that one!" Steven deadpanned.
"Ha ha…" Spinel giggled.
"See you on the flip-side, Universe!" Spinel waved and left before she could have second thoughts. She was halfway down the stairs when Steven's voice stopped her.
"…Spinel, wait." She paused at the landing, glancing back, unable to help her figurative heart leap a little.
"…The next wave of Little Homeworld students are graduating next month, and we were going to throw them a celebration party on the beach. I don't know if you know any of the graduating gems or not, but you're welcome there, if you'd like to come." Spinel blinked, uncomprehending. Steven invited her somewhere…? Her face broke into a huge grin.
"I'll be there!"she exclaimed happily.
AN: Please leave a comment and tell me what you think! Next chapter will be more Steven and Connie-centered.