The usual disclaimers apply as ever-I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS.
Not too sure how long the wait for subsequent chapters will be-I have rough ideas and an ending worked out, but no solid plan as of yet, but that's just the way I write. Any ideas, let me know. They just might make it in...
So, here we go...the final stage of Padme' Amidala's slow demise.
STAR WARS: THE EMPEROR'S SHADOW
TRUE IMPERIAL
CHAPTER ONE: BECOMING THE MASK
I am the Emperor's Shadow, servant of the Emperor.
Formerly Queen and Senator Padme' Amidala of Naboo, I have come to realise that my former name no longer holds any meaning to me. Over my ten years as the Shadow, I have been subjected to so many forms of physical degradation and mental torture and anguish that the woman whom I once was has now ceased to exist. I have lost my family, having been forced to slaughter many of them at my own hand. I have subjugated my own home planet and condemned my people to a nightmare of Imperial propaganda and suppression. I have been augmented so that I am now at least part machine. I have committed atrocities that are only surpassed by the Dark Lord of the Sith that was once my husband, Darth Vader himself. The acts that I have been forced to commit horrified and appalled the woman that I was, until she could take no more.
I realised that I have changed…that I am no longer Padme' Amidala.
Accepting that all I have is the identity of the Emperor's Shadow, I submitted to my Master.
Pain and loss had taken their toll, rendering me more desensitised with every act of barbarism. Now I an utterly devoid of emotion… no matter what action I am carrying out. Happiness, sadness, anger, outrage, these are all just words to me-memories of a time when I felt something. Now I feel absolutely nothing, as unfeeling as the dead. By accepting my lot and carrying out the will of the Emperor, I was able to experiment with my emotional responses. During one particularly dark mission, I learned that I am capable of feeling emotions of some form, provided I am following certain tasks-committing a supreme act of violence or fulfilling the Emperor's will.
I craved these emotions…any emotion. Even if they were rage or bloodthirst, they were the first true emotions I had felt in some time, and I felt in the deepest place of my blackened soul a craving…an unquenchable thirst…for such emotions, any emotional response. This meant surrendering myself to my Imperial alter ego…and accepting that Padme' Amidala was forever lost, never to return. While this meant giving up on my desire to return to my old self, I was finally forced to admit to myself that she was dead-I had even attended her funeral, though it had been years before she truly died. Adopting the identity forced upon me by the Emperor was a fate that I would once have abhorred, but at least this gives my ongoing life a purpose. I am the Emperor's Shadow, my past self all but erased. I follow the Emperor's will, my own as dead as my emotions.
It had been a long road, but I was finally starting to become the agent that the Emperor desired me to be. I was emotionally dead, cut off to anything even vaguely resembling conscience and mercy. I was also completely subservient to him, carrying out any order without question thanks to the serum that kept me firmly under his control. I was ruthless and efficient, my own abilities enhanced by the serum that ensnared me-and still kept me hopelessly addicted, unable to function without it. My cybernetic augmentations allowed me to survive in even harsher environments than normal, and to push myself further than any human. My armour kept me anonymous and encased, a faceless nightmare waiting to strike. In truth, the all-concealing armour would likely make it even easier for me to forget the woman that I had been, as it successfully hid her face away-a face that I have only seen a handful of times in the last decade. Not being able to see my own face would make it easier to slide into the new identity that was being forced on me.
To cut a long story short, I was leaving Padme' Amidala behind and transforming into the Shadow.
The nightmare was becoming all too real-and was on the verge of utterly consuming the woman she had been previously. Lost without trace…leaving behind an emotionless monster of the Empire.
However, there was some way to go before I was to become the agent that he desired…
I was once again in the throne room of the Imperial Palace of Coruscant.
"What is thy bidding, my Master?" I said as I knelt before him.
Thanks to my emotional degradation, I no longer felt any of the emotions that I had once felt when carrying out my serum-programmed actions before the Emperor. Where I had once felt revulsion and horror at my situation, and sorrow for all that I had lost, I now felt a hollow emptiness. Even the defiance of not referring to Palpatine as Master in my own head was gone-he is my Master, and nothing can ever change that. Besides, he was the only person I could interact with…which was starting to look essential in my emotion-craving state.
"Ah…Shadow. How long have you been serving me now…?"
"I have served you as the Shadow for nine years, Master. You took me into your service a decade ago." My words were only half chosen by the serum's conditioning by this point.
"Ah yes…you are truly a different person, my Shadow. Do you remember the woman you used to be? Before your life changed? You may speak freely…" His voice took on a subtler, probing tone as he spoke.
I felt the serum conditioning guiding my words. Even so, my words rang true in my heart…
"That woman is dead. I attended her funeral. The name Padme' Amidala now has no meaning for me. You know that…"
The Emperor cackled. Again, I felt no revulsion or fear-I had nothing left of either to expend.
"I sense your feelings, my servant…and I feel inclined to believe you. Your year in the Royal Guard Academy honed your skills to such a lethal edge even I was surprised by how well you did. You eventually accepted your new life, and how the serum can enhance your abilities and keep you focused. And then you started to change…"
He pressed a button, and a recording started to play on the screen on the near wall. The Emperor turned his throne to view it, and I turned to stand beside his throne like a loyal servant.
It was of the throne room, and it showed Padme' Amidala-my former self- having been brought before the Emperor. Fresh from my kidnapping from Polis Massa, I had been bound and dressed in an Imperial jumpsuit. This was a decade ago…it felt like a lifetime.
I got a proper look at the woman that I used to be for the first time in years.
Dishevelled, as well as visibly repulsed by what I saw as the evil represented by the Emperor, Padme' was different to how I remembered her being when I was her. I had recalled her accepting her fate with dignity and with resolute spirit-at least that is how my memory recalled the incident. However, I got to look into her eyes…fear. Honest to Shiraya fear was all that I saw. The calm composure was all that I could see. And as for her resolute spirit, it had not held together. Far from finding a way to escape her fate and return to her life, she had become utterly lost to the pain and the trauma. I was the inevitable result…
"Hardly the paragon of strength, were you…?" the Emperor commented, specifically drawing my attention to my reaction to the revelations about Anakin and his transformation into Darth Vader. "All it took was that day to send you on a downward spiral…"
In that moment, I realised that my former self had been weak. Pathetic…And the mere revalation of what had truly happened to Anakin had started her down this path…it had been what first broken me. Everything that had happened afterwards had built on that traumatic day…
Padme' Amidala had gone into fatal decline on that day…
The Emperor turned to the keypad on his throne. Pressing a command into the keypad, this time the screen called upon another image. I stood by his side, silently watching the next recording.
It was of my training, specifically the final fight that formed my graduation test. The one that the Emperor had personally overseen. My battle with my former Instructor, my mentor Ravenna. I had been forced to kill her in a fight to the death, simply to prove a point. A year over which I was torn apart physically and mentally and rebuilt from the ground up…
But it was not the searing memories of that year that stood out to me.
It was watching myself fight for the first time…fighting while on the serum.
Even in my emotionally deadened state, it was quite an experience to witness.
"Padme' Amidala could never do that, could she…?" the Emperor mused as I watched.
"No…she couldn't." That was all I could say at that moment in time.
"Limited by her pacifist ways and her physical limitations, you have now surpassed these barriers and now command abilities that she could only have dreamed of…" he carried on.
The thought that kept entering my head was that he may have been right…
One further thought did cross my mind when I compared it to the previous recording.
I looked stronger…more focused…
The Emperor then typed in another command into the keypad on his throne. The image changed again. I simply stood waiting patiently.
It was of the Black Queen as she presided over a public execution. I was completely hidden by a black mask and shrouded in regal black robes and gloves. I guessed that this is what the Emperor had been using to keep track of progress on Naboo…The recording was no doubt intended to remind me of how I had been the one to subjugate my home planet…I had slaughtered thousands in such trials and subjected who knew how many more to fates worse than death…
Once, the sight of myself as the Black Queen would have appalled me beyond measure. Now, I felt nothing. If this was my reaction to the sight of the woman whom Padme' Amidala would have regarded as a pestilence on her home world, then I was truly dead inside-and she was utterly gone.
But why was he showing me these recordings…?
"The Black Queen…the woman who brought the resistant planet of Naboo to heel. The woman who forged a jewel in the Imperial crown. You did this, my servant…under the guise of the Black Queen, but nonetheless it was carried out for the Imperial need. But what would Padme' Amidala have made of the Black Queen's reign, my servant?"
I thought my answer over…
"She would be appalled at such barbaric methods being used on her people, even if the end result is a far more stable world talking its place in the Empire. She spent her entire life fighting against injustices and battling tyrants, valiantly defending the lot of her people-against all who sought to destroy what they had. She would fight you until she could give no more…and she did."
The words would once have tasted like ash. But now…still nothing.
The Emperor said nothing. Instead, he typed another command, and revealed one final recording.
It was my last visit to Naboo, the mission where I had assisted the current Black Queen-my own niece-in putting down a resistance cell. As I watched, it dawned on me that this recording was meant to demonstrate another side of me-how ruthlessly cold and efficient I could be as a stealth operative. I infiltrated using a disguise, and used said disguise to slit the throats of all I found within. No conscience, no mercy. No emotion and no remorse…
The Emperor looked me over.
"This is how efficient you are now…do you see how you have changed in your years of service to the Empire, my Shadow? You have grown stronger, more efficient, and are no longer held back by your emotions. And yet, in that battle, you felt a pang of emotion…you enjoyed yourself. You felt a rush of emotion when carrying out my will…didn't you?" he asked.
I considered. I couldn't deny what I had felt…
"Yes, my Master. I crave those emotions…I need them…"
The Emperor held up his hand, and my conditioning silenced me immediately.
"Patience, my servant…you will grow accustomed to these feelings while you are serving me. However, there is one more thing that we must do before I can truly call you my faithful servant. I expect unquestioning devotion, absolute loyalty to the Empire from you. To achieve this, you will need to embrace the Imperial regime that I have set up, believe in it in your heart, to become a true Daughter of the Empire. Although the work you have done is exemplary, to truly taste the joys of carrying out my will, you need to cut loose any morality that you once held. See things from my moral standpoint…that is what we will work on in the foreseeable future, my Shadow."
He paused.
"The fact that you have submitted to my will is a good sign that things are proceeding according to my design. But I must know…does Padme' Amidala still live within you, my Shadow?"
I thought long and hard. "Perhaps a little of her morality lingers on…"
"Then we will work together to cut it out. It is a weakness that you cannot allow to hold you back. You are no longer the senator and former Queen Padme' Amidala, you are the Emperor's Shadow, soon to be Voice of the Emperor. Think back to all of the things that you have done…Padme' would never have committed those actions. The fact that you did is testament that you are no longer her. It is time her spirit was laid to rest for good. Only then will you assume your true place at my side…
I bowed. "Yes, my Master."
It would be a long and hard road, and would take me all over the Empire, but I would undertake it.
The Emperor had shown me the truth about my past self, and how I had changed…improved…since.
Now it was time to embrace the Imperial system and banish the last of her spirit…
My once-precious morality.