mgowriter's note: I've recently just finished playing TLOU2 for the first time. Usually a fanfic story comes to me piece by piece, slowly over a period of weeks to add to something I love. This one came all at once to fill what felt like a deep void, and I couldn't separate myself from it until it was written. It made me realize how much I've grown to care about Joel and Ellie.

Chapter 1: Blank Slate

"Ellie."

She tried to focus on his voice, but it was muffled, coming in and out of sharpness.

"—you hear me?"

The rag she had placed in her own mouth was ripped out. Someone was shaking her.

"Ellie!"

She blinked. The voice was clearer, and along with it, the immediate attack of the intense, burning pain in her right arm.

Ellie inhaled sharply, the pain continuing to build past a frightening threshold.

"What the hell happened?" Joel's voice competed for attention with the unrelenting pain. She blinked again, realizing she must've passed out.

"Did you do this?"

Ellie looked down at her arm. The skin was raw and bubbling open, revealing an angry red mass of damaged tissue underneath. An empty container of bleach lay next to her on the bed.

"Come on, we have to go to the clinic," Joel said as he lifted her off the bed. The movement brushed her arm against her shirt and she cried aloud in pain.

"Can you walk?"

She nodded, but outstanding upright made her dizzy. She took one step forward, falling as soon as she tried to balance herself.

Joel caught her by her good arm and placed it around his neck. "Ellie, I'm going to need you to move your legs and try to walk, okay? We'll get there much faster this way than if I have to carry you."

"Okay," Ellie said, hearing the shakiness in her own voice. "Let's do it."

They arrived at the clinic with Ellie leaning heavily on Joel, the multiple touches and bumps of her arm along the way eliciting shooting pain that now ran through the entire right side of her body.

The nurse at the front desk saw them and immediately called to the back for help. Ellie was brought to a treatment room, and a woman doctor rushed in with a cart full of equipment.

She gently but quickly examined the wound, noticing the trembling in Ellie's body. With swift, practiced movements, she prepared a syringe with a clear liquid and swabbed the vein in Ellie's good arm.

"I'm going to give you morphine, okay? It should help a lot with the pain."

Ellie nodded, gritting her teeth, and seconds later, the needle was in her arm. The doctor, Joel, and Ellie waited in silence. A minute passed, and Ellie found it a little easier to breathe. Two minutes, and she felt the tension in her body begin to shift. She leaned back into the medical chair, amazed at the power of the drug.

"I'm going to wash the wound with saline to get a better look at it, okay?" The doctor asked.

Ellie nodded.

The doctor retrieved a plastic bottle with an angled spout and carefully rinsed the wound. When she was finished, she looked up at Joel.

"Can you do me a favor and ask the nurse at the front to bring in some gauze?"

Joel agreed and exited the room. The doctor's expression sobered the instant the door closed behind him. She searched Ellie's eyes before speaking.

"I need to ask you a question."

The effects of the morphine continued to build in Ellie's bloodstream as she began to give into the sensation of floating above herself.

"Hmm?" she responded.

"Are you in any danger at home?"

"What do you mean?" Ellie turned to her, thinking she must have misheard.

"Did he do this to you?" The doctor stared at her with a steady expression.

"Who?"

"The man that came in with you."

"Joel? He would never—"

"You can tell me the truth," the doctor continued. "If there's something going on—"

"We don't even live in the same house," Ellie replied.

"I can help you, if you tell me what's going on."

"No!" Ellie exclaimed, anger seeping into her voice. "Joel would never do anything like that."

The doctor paused, softening her voice. "The shape of this wound is too perfect. It wasn't an accident."

Ellie looked down at the mangled skin, now beginning to swell and ooze with clear liquid.

"I did it myself."

"Why?" the doctor asked.

"I had an old scar there. I didn't want to see it anymore."

Before the doctor could respond, Joel opened the door and walked back in.

"Doc, the nurse said she gave you the bandages a few minutes ago."

The doctor turned to him with an apologetic smile. "Of course she did. Sorry, I forgot. I had it right here on the cart." She procured the bandages and a container of petroleum jelly.

"You ready for this?" She asked Ellie before proceeding.

Ellie's expression was still set in a frown.

"It shouldn't hurt too much. The morphine should've mostly kicked in by now."

The first contact of the jelly on the wound elicited a wince of pain.

"You're sure she has enough morphine?" Joel was quick to ask.

The doctor looked up with sympathy. "I can't guarantee she won't feel anything, but I can promise I'll make this quick."

She worked as carefully as she could in bandaging Ellie's arm. When she was finished, Ellie's eyes were heavy with drowsiness.

"Done for now," the doctor said as she cleaned her work area and stood to push the cart. "Try to get some rest. I'll check in on you a little later."

After the doctor left, Joel took a seat next to the bed. He remained silent, listening to Ellie's slow breaths in and out.

"I'm sorry," Ellie finally broke the silence. "I thought I had it under control. I didn't think I would pass out. Thanks for...getting me here."

Joel leaned in to study her features. His worried expression remained unchanged as he brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face.

"It's okay," he said. "We don't have to talk about it right now. Close your eyes and rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

Ellie followed his suggestion and fell quickly asleep.

. . .

The doctor knocked on the door of the treatment room and entered moments later, having changed into her street clothes.

Joel snapped his head up from the visitor's chair, realizing he had dozed off.

"The night shift's about to come on," she said softly, to avoid waking Ellie. "They can look after her if you want to go home and get some rest."

He looked back at Ellie, who hadn't budged from her position in the hospital bed.

"I think I'll stay, just in case she wakes up."

The doctor hesitated for a moment, then set her backpack down inside the door. "I'll be right back."

A few minutes later, she returned with two plates filled with slices of pizza on each. She handed one to Joel, and set down a canteen of water between them.

Joel looked at the food in surprise. "Where did you get this? I haven't had pizza in...more than a decade."

The doctor smiled, her striking green eyes hinting at a secret she was about to reveal. "It's one of the perks of being the town's only clinic. You save somebody's life and they're committed to feeding you for the rest of yours."

Joel took a bite and closed his eyes. It tasted exactly as he remembered.

"This is real cheese," he commented in astonishment.

"Yup," the doctor nodded, her mouth also full.

"How?"

"Bet you didn't know Jackson had an underground cheese operation, huh?"

Joel laughed. "That I did not know."

They ate in silence, both enjoying the food.

"You must be Tommy's brother," the doctor finally said. "I remember him telling me a few weeks ago you arrived in town. You guys talk the same way."

"Yeah," Joel replied.

"Texas, right?"

Joel turned towards her, surprised to hear the nickname he hadn't been called in over a year.

"Yeah, Austin," he finally replied.

"You miss it?"

Joel considered her words, then shook his head.

"Me neither. I'm from Nevada, but I like it better here. Too many memories back home."

Joel's attention drifted back to Ellie. "Doc, you think she's going to be okay?"

The doctor finished the last of her pizza and brushed off her hands before sticking one out to Joel. "Call me Holly."

"What?"

"That's my name. My parents had this thing about Christmas, so my siblings and I were all named something Christmassy."

Joel smiled as he shook her hand. "Holly. Nice to meet you."

"She's going to be just fine. It's going to take a couple of weeks to heal, and it'll leave a scar…" Holly's voice trailed off. "Look, I've gotta confess something. When you guys first came in—"

"I know what you asked her," said Joel. "I overheard it through the door."

"I'm sorry. It happens more than you'd like to think."

Joel shook his head. "I'm glad you did. You were looking out for her."

Holly stood to gather her things. "Well, she's lucky to have you looking out for her, too. I'll be back to check on her in the morning. In the meantime...let's keep the cheese disclosure our little secret, okay?"

Joel smiled despite himself. "Okay, Doc."

"Holly," she corrected.

"Alright, Holly. It'll be our secret."