A Tremor in the Force
Ch1
He didn't understand what was happening.
He couldn't focus.
It was like sand sifting through his fingers, more so now than ever before. Even after he turned his saber on his own father.
No. Kylo closed his eyes, trying to focus on the cool steel door of his chambers against his back. Not that. Don't think about that. But when he closed his eyes, all he could see was her face staring down at him, impassive. No hatred, no fear, no compassion. Disappointment, maybe. Not at him. At herself. For thinking she could have helped him. And that was worse.
His hands shook, waves of confusion and fear spiking into rage. The Force quivered around him, rattling the contents on the desk in the corner. He pushed, lashing out with the full extent of his power, but the data pad resting there scooted minimally on the desk's smooth surface. Like he'd barely nudged it at all.
Kylo howled in rage, stalking over to the table, grasping the damn thing in his fist, and hurling it against the wall.
I'm broken, she thought, staring at her upturned palms resting on her knees.
Every day it was farther away. That hum. That spark. The righteous power she felt coursing through her while beating back Preatorian guards; the elation she'd felt at moving those rocks and freeing her friends from certain death.
Even meditating with Luke's saber, broken in her lap. Even pouring over the texts. It was slipping away from her, like trying to keep water held tight in her hand.
Rey shook her head, trying to clear it, but when she closed her eyes, all she could see was his face. Mournful. Like he knew what was about to happen. Knew how the closing of the Falcon's door would trap him once again in some dark, windowless room of his own creation.
She wanted to hate him. She wanted to seethe with her hatred. Sometimes, when she let herself feel it, the Force would ignite and she would be brimming with power again. But she couldn't stay angry at Ben, and so the terrible power would fade, and she'd be left hollow. Cold.
Alone.
A sound behind her made her jump, like something small and breakable had smashed into the wall behind her. Whirling around where she sat on the floor of her small room on the Falcon, Rey expected to see… something.
But no. Nothing.
Rey frowned, slowly standing, eyes searching the room for broken glass or twisted metal and found not a panel out of place.
Auditory hallucinations now too? Not a good sign.
It happened in bits. Little grains that slipped through, falling from the sky and pinging off control panels, rolling along the floor to rest under cockpit chairs.
She had shut him out, and he had not gone searching for her, but it was happening again. Just barely enough at first that they didn't even realize. It only grew, enough to make them turn at the sound of some door sliding open halfway across the galaxy, or make them duck at a training staff whizzing overhead, searching only to find the room empty. Only then did they both understand. And it was completely out of their control.
Rage filled him. Despair welled in the pit of her stomach. They could feel it in each other, even if they couldn't see.
It wasn't fair.
But deep down, whenever the seams stitched between them would gap, letting through what little murmurs it could, something else rode that wave. A power that had been eluding them, taunting them; running from their grasp.
Being filled with such a delicious hum, only to have it ripped from you moments later, it wore them down.
As much as he wanted to resent her for leaving; as much as she wanted to curse him for staying.
In the end— in their exhaustion, their solitude, their loss— they just couldn't fight it.
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