Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, and nothing is mine expect for several original characters.

_._

In a sense, I shouldn't have been surprised when it all exploded in my face like a calming draught gone bad. There is always a lesson to learn in life and mine was to keep my thoughts and feeling to myself. Instead, I chose to put those into words. And words into sentence and sentences into letters.

The idea came up to me the summer I turned nine and realized I liked a boy more than just a friend. I also realized that there are just some things that we cannot obtain and that sometimes feelings needed to be dealt privately. Even if these said feelings persisted and bothered me all summer. All I needed was a redirection, a cleansing if you will and I was ready to move on. Very clever for a nine-year-old. No wonder I was sorted into Ravenclaw. Funny.

In the years to follow, whenever I felt too much, I put my feelings to parchment and hide them away in my old clove shaped box I keep in my trunk and know I was done. All in all, I have written five letters through the year. Each to a boy I loved:

Dimitry Krum - he was visiting England with his father during the summer I turned nine and we hanged out a lot because of Dad and Aunt Hermione.

Christopher Thomas - who asked me to dance with him during the First Years Halloween Festivities.

Jonathan Goldstein - the Fifth year Ravenclaw prefect who helped me with charms during my second year and was incredibly nice and sweet.

Scorpius Malfoy – Third year from the Slug Club Christmas party.

Lysander Scamander – the first boy-friend I ever had who is not related to me. He is a year older, but we were always close since childhood.

Until he and my cousin Lucy started going out last year and I realized I loved him all this time. The problem was that Lucy, who is super nice and the kindest person in the world, knew how close we are so they brought me along with them on their dates to Hogsmeade, I always set with them during Quidditch matches, as Lysander and I always did, and I usually just hanged out with them.

Which brings me to the last weekend before the start of my fifth year, which was also Lucy's farewell party. Lucy was three year older than me and a year older than Lysander and was about to leave for her first international internship with Gringotts to Japan. She always had this quiet confidence about her that never made you question her choices boyfriend or career. Uncle Percy really loves it about her. Me too.

We were all gathered at the Burrow for the annual end of summer dinner, Lysander as well as his twin, Lorcan, were invited as well as they usually do, when things seemed to fall apart. Lucy was due to leave the following day and we were all set to board the Hogwarts Express the day after. Grandpa, Dad, and Uncle Percy toasted Lucy and James for their new beginning when Lysander cleared his throat.

"I-I have something for you Luc," Lysander said and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. He handed it to Lucy, who unfolded it carefully and once open, read it and seemed to hold back a frown. "Consider it an early Christmas present."

"This is…this a bit much Lysander."

"I figured you won't be able to come home before so I'd come over and spend the break with you." Lysander smiled proudly at her, while Lucy moved with discomfort in her chair.

"Can we talk?" she said, and the entire table went quiet as she rose from her seat with Lysander following her through the back door. We didn't get to hear the rest of their conversation but as we cleared the table Lucy came to help me dry the washed plates.

"Lysander and I broke up," She handed me a plate and dried it. "I told it was too much for me to ask of him. I don't see this working with me in Japan and him all the way here," she paused, waiting for my reply.

"I guess he wasn't pleased with that, was he?"

"No," she answered. "But I didn't want to string him along. I don't need a long-distance relationship right now. I need to focus on this position and my future."

"And Lysander isn't your future?"

"I-I don't know," she blinked and handed me another wet plate. "I don't think so. And besides, nobody stays together with their Hogwarts sweetheart," she glanced at grandma Molly's clock. "well, almost nobody."

"New is always better?" I asked and finished the last plate.

"Indeed," she nodded.

Later that night when I laid down in my bed, I kept thinking back to Lysdner's face and Lucy's reaction. I would have never done that to him, break his heart like that. It seemed unfair for me to think that but how can I not? He was my friend first, I loved him first. With that my eyes drifted to the small wooden box I took out of my school trunk. Getting out bed I took the box from my table and opened it. It contained five thick envelopes. I opened the one that said, "To Lysander Scamander" and read it:

Dear Lysander,

I hope you wouldn't find it awkward or uncomfortable when I tell you how I feel, how I felt about you. I have loved Lysander, for a while now. You were mine first, you know me better than anyone and sharing you was, is, hard. I know it's a bit of a surprise, believe me. But the thing is, the slight in my otherwise flawless secret feelings for you, is Lucy. And that's okay, really, I mean it a bit of a problem, okay maybe a big problem but Lucy's my cousin and how can you not love her when she is so prefect and wonderful.

I loved you first Lysander, please know this.

Love,

Lily Luna Potter

I took my quill from and after a bit thinking added a few more lines.

P.S

Had it been me, I'd pack you up and take you with. I thought I was over it, over you, but I know it's Lucy, it has always been Lucy, ever since she said yes to your offer to go together to Hogsmeade. I would've stay, I would have never consider leaving, not for anything.

I folded the parchment and placed it back inside the envelope and returned it to the wooden box and went back to sleep.