Chapter 1: preface

I don't know where to begin. So much has happened between us and I still can't seem to comprehend it all. It feels like a lifetime ago, in another continent, in an another story of love and lost.

I, Derek Morgan was the toughest guy in the behavioural unit of FBI. Behind the persona of this guy smashing down doors and hunting the worst of humanity was the man full of emotions. I was a sensitive soul and didn't realize when and how I surrendered myself to love.

Spencer Reid, my love, my dearest, he was the complete opposite of me. The man with statistics and PHDs at his fingertips. Wherever we visited, people thought he was simply a human computer blurting facts here and there. But, only few people actually knew his worth and humility.

I don't recall the exact moment when it happened rather it was a slow realization. I never knew that my infatuation with Reid was in fact love. Well, honestly, it was more of Garcia's help that I noticed it all. I was always waiting for him to arrive to work, always wanting to get coffee together, always looking for him in the crowd, always listening to his useless rumblings. I later realized that it was his voice that I loved listening to. I had developed a secret crush on the genius and hid my feelings deep down in my chest. I was determined that he will never learn what he meant to me. Reid was my lifeline but I loved him enough to let him be. I was afraid of his rejection. He will probably think I am pranking him. He will laugh it off. He already assumed that I was with a different girl every weekend. What he didn't know was that this Derek Morgan was in love and failing miserably at connecting with any other soul. So, nicely tucked away were the feeling of this unrequited love. I was happy living this way. But all that changed. The storm began.

The new intern that joined our team was talk of the town even before she joined our team officially. The young lady was from a powerful background and was the daughter of very famous senator. Jocelyn Addison was bright, beautiful and super confident. People couldn't wait for the day to welcome her in the FBI headquarters. I had heard about her joining our team but didn't think of her as much. It was quite usual for many agents to come and go. The stressful job demands didn't sit well with most.

Alas, the day came where we sat in the meeting room discussing a pending case that Jocelyn finally arrived.

"Good morning fellow agents!" A confident cheery voice interrupted us. I turned back to see a beautiful woman standing at the door holding a red purse and her phone in the other hand. Hotch stood up seeing her.

"Come on in, Agent Addison" he said and pulled out an empty chair beside him. She smiled. I couldn't look away for a few seconds. She was breathtakingly good looking but what struck the most about her personality was the level of confidence. She was not shy or even nervous at all. I was impressed right away.

"Call me Jocelyn, that's what I prefer" She said as she sat down in front of me. I looked beside me to see that Reid was still lost in the file in front of him, reading something really fast.

"Okay Jocelyn, welcome aboard" Rossi exclaimed.

"Thank you. I can't wait to start. I am super pumped for my first case!" She rubbed her hands together. I smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Well lets not waste any more time and get on with this case" Hotch placed his file down for Jocelyn. The loud thud of the table finally knocked Reid out of his trance and he glanced up at the new agent. He gave no reactions as if he already knew her.

For the rest of the day, numerous eyes followed her every move. Agent Jocelyn made quite an impression already. She was laughing and chatting with everyone around. She acted as if she was our friend from long before, casually cracking jokes. She sat at her new desk and few agents from the FBI were all hovering over at her trying their best to impress. I looked up and saw few people even standing at the glass door trying to catch a glimpse of the new agent. The janitors, agents even parking officers were all coming and going to see what all the talk was about. She was a senator's daughter after all.

"Wow, already so many fans here" I said when she finally walked over to the counter where I was pouring my coffee.

"Nothing new, it's the usual for me" She rolled her eyes.

"No kidding?" I laughed a little as Reid entered the scene to refill his coffee. He continued to ignore the new agent.

"You won't believe some of them are even asking for my phone numbers. I thought here it will be more professional" she said as she eyed Reid pouring tons of sugar in this coffee.

"Gosh! Thats a lot of sugar!" She exclaimed. To my shock, Reid acted as if he never heard her. It was hard to believe that this man was going to cross all limits soon enough in the future to be with her. She just looked puzzled at the moment.

I later learned that Reid was smitten by her just like all other men in the building too but of course he thought his chances of ever being with her were close to none. Well, he underestimated himself. She fell for him hard, very hard. It was intense attraction right away according to her. For a change, Jocelyn met with a man who seemed uninterested in her. She was trilled to know that Reid paid no attention to her and wasn't desperate like others. She had never chased after anyone in her life. This was new for her.

Jocelyn noticed right from day one at her job that Reid was unlike any man she knows. He was obliviously complicated and simple at the same time. I learned of their love fiasco much later on.

So, by now you can have a feel for what happened in our lives. I and Jocelyn both loved Reid and fought with our destinies. Reid was in the middle of this all and yet out of the loop at the same time. Event after event, day after day, the complicated road to love twisted in agony. Who ended up winning him, whom he chose to love, who suffered heartbreak, the answer is not straight forward. The wrench in this tale is hard to believe but nevertheless here I begin to recall it all from the beginning.