A heavy sigh leaves my lips as I glance to the window; the cold air edging its way through the crack. I hate this, although to be fair if you asked majority of the people in this hellhole of a town they tell you that I hate everything. They're wrong of course, hate is merely one of the few emotions I allow people to see, and when I'm stuck seeing a fat arse like Eric Cartman on a near daily basis can you honestly blame me? Him I do hate. But in contradiction to popular opinion, I am capable of feeling a multitude of emotions not unlike other humans. I have friends and I mean sure, Clyde can be a fucking needy crybaby, and token is too smart for his own good, but there's no hate in me for them; regardless of what I tell Clyde on a regular basis. I have Stripe, who although yeah he's my pet, fuck it he's one of my best friends too, and one who doesn't judge or talk back. Family.. My sister Ruby, I don't hate her.. my parents well I like my mum and I tolerate my dad.. maybe there's a little hate there; but I think this is pretty standard, what 16-year-old boy doesn't butt heads with his parents? To be more specific, what gay 16-year-old guy doesn't have problems with his dad who 'isn't homphobic.. just wishes it wasn't his son', Yeah dad fuck off, newsflash that still makes you homophobic. And I guess that brings us to why I am here, about to climb out of the window and let the cold slap me in the face. Another sigh escapes my lips, followed by a small smile as I glance down at the mess of blonde hair spilling over the pillow. The blonde hair I regularly run my fingers through, normally in an attempt to calm the boy to whom it is attached. I bite my lip smiling as I watch him sleeping, he looks so calm. Which let me tell you is something of a miracle, Tweek never squirms when he sleeps, and I'm the only one that gets to see it. A beautiful moment of peace that only I am able to bring about. A larger smile tugs at the edge of my mouth and I lean down to graze my lips over his forehead 'I love you..' I let out breathlessly against the skin before pushing off the bed pulling on my chello and heading over to the window, gracefully slipping out and down the drain pipe to the ground, something I'm well practised in. And push my hands in my pockets as I start walking towards home, the blonde upstairs still consuming my mind, yes that's right Craig Tucker can love.
Love I've discovered is a stronger emotion than hate; as shown by the fact that although my father doesn't accept my relationship it doesn't stop me from sneaking out most nights to hold my boyfriend till he falls asleep; the only thing makes him sleep. Tweek Tweak doesn't sleep, at least that's what people say, but they also dismiss him as a spazz, and that shows how much they know. He can sleep through 10 alarms if you let him, it's only falling asleep he has trouble with, and for some reason I make that easier. I'm not going to pretend I understand why, fuck I am not that special, but I learned a long time ago not to question the good things. The town is full of far too much doom and gloom, and too many ridiculous situations as it is. He's too good for this town I think to myself for about the millionth time. 'Too good for you' A smaller voice that I've the last five months trying to silence echoes. Fuck it, even if it's right he still chose me right? Just because I don't understand why doesn't mean he doesn't like me, that's what Token tells me. I sigh turning the corner onto my street kicking the snow by my feet, maybe only having one emotion would make life easier? Not that anything in life is easy anyway so that's a stupid sentiment in itself. Glancing up at my house relief rushes through me, at least everyone is still asleep.
I'd glide through my house silently and upstairs to my room before kicking off my shoes, pulling down my fingers jeans for sliding into bed, all without waking any of the other occupants. A ritual I've become somewhat of an expert at. Glancing at my clock I grumble softly seeing it read 2AM, schools going to be a bitch tomorrow. Unlike most guys my age I like school, not something I ever vocalise; well except to Tweek. The classes are dull and the majority of the students irritate me. But it's constant and mostly predictable ; two things I hold great value in. Unless of course that is Stan and those guys decide to fuck shit up. For the most part however it's nice, I get to spend time with my friends and my boyfriend without my fathers disappointed stare over my shoulder.
Closing my eyes as I relax back into my bed, I let the petite blonde invade my mind. Those perfect emerald orbs shining down at me, the crooked smile that I somehow manage to illicit from him. Damn I'm a lucky guy. Sure Tweek is different, lacks confidence and yes okay he's twitchy. But none of that compares to how kind and genuine he is, other things I've learned are important to me. And maybe love is blind but I tell you now his twitching is fucking adorable. Moreover being around me with my fingers gently pawing through his hair actually works wonders in calming him down. We all have our super powers I think to myself before rolling over, studying his face in my mind before my body too gives way to sleep.
My locker clicks open as I scan down the hall towards tweek's locker, I guess he's not here yet. "Craaaaaaaaiiig!" Clyde voice bellows as he runs towards me almost knocking me to the ground as he leaps at me arms open. I grunt as we both collide with the lockers and frown "get off of me idiot.." before pushing more upright and rolling my eyes as he pouts.
"But Craig-"
"No buts it's early.."
I tense slightly hearing an all too familiar snigger behind me, great fucking Cartman.
"Surprised to hear you say no to butts fag.."
My eyes roll again as I round on him in order to flip him off before turning back to Clyde to walk to class. That's about all the energy I can muster for that fat ass this time of day. In all honesty I don't know why it still entertains him. Yes I'm gay, and being referred to as a fag isn't something I'd typically stand for. But Cartman isn't worth the effort, he'd never change anyway and honestly I think he'd enjoy it more if I did react further. I have no desire to give him that satisfaction.
Clyde's general whining only just pierces my bubble as I watch the door from my seat. He's always late, I know that, but I can't relax till I know he's here. Token slides in next to my poking me in the arm.
"What is he on about this time?"
The boy asks raising an eyebrow with a glance to Clyde, I take a breath and raise my own eyebrow in return.
"What do you think?"
"Bebe?"
I nod curtly rolling my eyes "bingo.." before feeling a smile tug at the corner of my lips as the scent of coffee invades my nostrils, he's here, I know before turning my head. Token gives me a knowing smirk as he notices, I flip him off in return, the smile dropping almost as fast as it formed and turn to wave the anxious boy over. While I try my best to keep a neutral expression, he does no such thing, a wide smile invading his face as he stumbles over, an anxious grunt escaping his lips. I feel my lips tug again at the corners and look down at my desk. I can feel, but I don't need everyone knowing that. The three boys now surrounding me know and that's good enough for me.
Classes passed in a blur and before long lunch arrives and I'm sat under a tree with a mess of blonde hair running through my fingers, my boyfriends head resting in my lap as we chat absentmindedly with our friends. Months ago this was accompanied my gaping mouths and wide eyed stares from the other guys in my class, mostly now they've accepted it as the new normal. Cartman still gives us shit from time to time, but since Tweek broke his nose it's subsided substantially. I smirk to myself reliving the day, having always thought it was funny to mess with Tweek the fatass had snuck up on him, attacking him with an assault of words— at least he'd tried. Like most others he'd underestimated the nervous boy, causing him to simultaneously squeal and spin to face him, arm flailing as he done so; making sharp contact with the other boys nose. Sure Tweek hadn't intended to cause such damage, unlike me he tends to think before he acts. But this doesn't diminish the satisfaction I felt witnessing it.
"So what do you think Craig? You in?"
"Huh?" I blink in confusion suddenly pulled from my thoughts "in what?"
Token rolls his eyes smiling as Clyde groans pouting,
"You never listen to me! Wendy is having a party and Bebe will be there!"
My eyes roll almost audibly "I don't do parties.. you know that-" but I'm interrupted by a soft squeak from my lap, my eyes instantly leaving Clyde to focus on the boy below me an eyebrow cocking "you alright?"
"Ngh! Ah I uhhh I said I'd go!" His cheeks are burning as he fights to avoid my gaze; a simple "oh" tumbling from my mouth. Clyde and Token exchange knowing smirks and I flip them off in return. We all know I'm going if Tweek is.
My father doesn't finish work till 7pm, this means 3 hours of Tweek in my room after school each day, my mother not seeming to care, or if she does not enough to act on it. That's the more likely scenario, the Tucker family aren't best known for making their emotions apparent. As per usual upon entering he immediately positions himself on the floor of Stripe's cage grinning up at me, god that smile. His lips are scattered with small cuts, a mixture of his own anxiety and my need for dominance. A need for dominance that creeps into every fibre of my being, dominance is control and control makes things simple. But a large element of love is not having control, probably the main reason I fought it so long. Tweek however had pushed me relentlessly, calling me out on each insecurity one by one, I'd never seen him look so powerful. Never been so willing to let go of my own power; even if just so I could share in his. I return his grin with one of my own I can only assume was as goofy as his, and make my way over to sit next to him, one hand searching for his as the other works to scoop Stripe out of his cage.
My head finds his shoulder as the small rodent scurries beneath us. Tweek's eyes are wide watching him in amazement, I hum inwardly to myself considering the similarity of the two. Both unpredictable with crazy hair, both prone to squeaking, both unashamedly taking up the majority of my heart. Does that constitute me having a type? Sure I love them in completely different ways, I mean one isn't human. Almost as if he can hear the cogs ticking in my brain Tweek trembles "w-we-don't-have-to-go!" He squeals without breathing between words. Pulled from my thoughts it takes a moment for me to register what it is he's referring too, my head leaving his shoulder as I look up at him "you want to go. We're going." I reply almost daring him to argue,
"Ugh but you don't wanna man! Which means it's my fault if you have a bad night! Ngh! It's too much pressure!'
A small chuckle tumbles from my lips as I watch the conflicting emotions filling his face, a chuckle I wouldn't have recognised this time last year. Panic, that's ever prevalent; even around me, it's there hiding in the back of his eyes, concern however appears to have taken the foreground this time. Unfamiliar heat rises through my cheeks as I lean to press a small kiss to his lips "I'll be with you.. I'll be happy.." it would appear I've said the right thing as I feel a smile against my lips.
Those three hours as usual pass far too quickly, my room now filled with the smell of pubescent want and coffee, a mixture I've come to love. My father enters the house moments after Tweek left, a knowing state directed at me; but I don't give him the chance to talk, to ruin the mood. Besides the taste of Tweek is still heavy in my mouth, and my stomach now I think about it; he doesn't get to ruin this.
I return to my room and drop back onto my bed which suddenly feels far too empty and sigh. Before you think it no I'm not that guy, not the 'oh come see my cute pet so I can get into your pants' guy, that's Stan's gig not mine. It just so happens that Tweek has taken to Stripe in much the same way I have; hell I'd even consider him Stripe's second dad. Moreover I'm not in a rush; I'd rather us continue as what Clyde likes to refer to as snail pace and savour in each moment as it arrives naturally. I've never overly understood the competition most teenage guys seem to take in aim of losing their V card. I figure it's supposed to mean something right? I cant comprehend letting some random person seeing me in such an intimate situation. Hell I've been with Tweek almost 6 months and only in the last two weeks have ever of us ventured below the waistline; and till today only our hands have explored. My tongue darts to the corner of my mouth, a smirk filling my face as I remember his expression as I let my mouth take over. Eyes wider than I'd ever seen them as shock and excitement seemed to simultaneously grip him. It was sloppy, I mean hell I'd never done this before, and I gagged more than I feel I should have, but the stream that had filled my mouth at the end was enough for me to know my efforts were worthwhile. We exchanged 'I love you's' after and upon seeing the time I'd let out a groan realising my own hard on would have to be ignored for now; but as he'd left in an unexpected moment of boldness he'd mentioned 'paying me back next time'. I smirk to myself and ease myself from my pants finally as I relax back taking care of the current problem myself.
Like most nights the walk home from Tweek's is simple enough, it's only a few streets after all. But unlike most nights tonight I feel more like I'm floating than walking, not even caring about the rain assaulting my face, damn who knew a mouth could feel so different to a hand I smirk to myself, once again turning onto my street. Unlike most nights however the lights are on in my house. The smirk leaves my face as quickly as it formed and a sense of dread washes through me, fuck, someone's awake. I genuinely consider turning around, running back to where I've just come from. Fear, another emotion I like to pretend doesn't exist in my repertoire, but it does; sure not for the assholes at school I can silence with a stare or if it comes to it a fist. But my father doesn't work that way, sure he's never hit me, I'm not scared of that. But he doesn't need to, a talent of his being the ability to spit words with such venom that each one feels like a slap in itself.
Taking a deep breath I push into my house, not bothering to be as silent as usual, already knowing it's useless. He's sat waiting, arms crossed and a deep scowl embedded in his face. I consider momentarily flipping him off and just heading for the stairs. But he's standing now, a face like thunder; I'm nearly as tall as him now sure but he's got a lot of pounds on me, and in this moment I feel about five foot.
"Where the fuck have you been boy?!" Tumbles from his mouth in a low growl. Swallowing slightly I shrug "out.."
"Out?! You stroll into my house as 3 in the morning and tell me you've been /out/?!" I grimace sighing; I knew he wouldn't accept 'out' as and answer yet I still felt the need to test him.
"I.. I was with Tweek.." I try again, knowing while this still isn't what he wants to hear, he won't stop till he believes me.
This is the point at which in a cartoon steam would begin to pour from his ears, however all I get to witness is his skin flushing from white, to red then almost purple. "H-he just.. needed me.." I mutter my voice trailing off to barely a whisper.
"You are 16 Craig! And you live under my roof! You do not sneak out at night to fuck some guy!"
I manage to keep my eye roll inward somehow this time, knowing if I'd said a girls name his reaction would be far different.
"I didn't-" I begin to protest before being cut off by more of his furious ramblings, and decide just to listen until he sends me to my room. Grounded of course, not that I plan on paying attention to that detail, I close my eyes as I lay back letting the pleasanter parts of the night take back over. Every essence of Tweek's being invading my thoughts and assaulting my senses as I allow myself to drift off.