DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from the wonderful world of Harry Potter. ALL rights go to JK Rowling.
AN:Big thanks to all those following and favoriting Katarina all these months after I started her story. These characters will always have my heart.
Kerschtin1611: huge thank you for your review! It got me back at my kitchen table writing until my fingers hurt. I hope you keep coming back to this story continue to give me your thoughts :)
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The weeks passed by in a blur of Black avoiding, nausea suppression and being waited on hand and foot from my fellow Slytherins. Living in this constant state of feeling out of control has become almost normal. More and more frequently my magic has been expressing my emotions without my knowledge producing less than desirable results.
Take last Tuesday for example; I was awoken from sleep to screams coming from my dorm mates, reminding me grossly of the night my family perished.
"Kat! Kat!" Dona screeches from her bed.
I shoot straight up, post traumatic stress running rampant in my brain from the night of the fire. Strangely I smell the smoke, the same way I did all those months ago.
"Kat, move!" Dona continues to yell as she runs over to my bed, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. It is only then that I feel the heat. The burning sensation runs through my body as my eyes meet the flames decorating the canopy of my bed. My heart rate accelerates and the fire worsens.
"Leah! Go get Slughorn!" Dona shouts at the redhead. "Kat, you have to calm down," she insists, rubbing my shoulders reassuringly. Her panic makes me panic.
"Aguamenti!" Narcissa tries over and over to put the fire out to no avail, and though the flames continue, they do not spread. Amid all of the chaos I close my eyes; I bring my breathing down to a safe level and focus on clearing my mind. It's a practice that I have been working on with Severus as my magic has plagued my peace lately.
I hear Dona exhale slowly, "Good, Kat. Keep doing that."
She encourages me which means that whatever I am doing must be working. Slowly the smell of smoke dissipates from the room as thunderous footsteps climb the stairs.
Slughorn barrels through the door with my dorm mate. He stands there; eyes wide as the last of the flames vanish into thin air.
"Again?" He quietly asks Narcissa. My eyes are closed but I assume she nods as he sighs loudly.
Events like this have not been few and far between. I feel more powerful than I have felt ever in my existence. Severus believes it's because of my ever-evolving connection with the Dark Lord. That the closer I get to him the closer I get to his power source. Though we have only had but a few meetings, it feels as though he's grown a part of me. Like a constant string of thread that sits in my belly and pulls each time he thinks of me, wants something from me.
I have a second theory- my continual, relentless and pain staking emotions are taking control of my magic. To feel this many things at once should tear a person apart and it's materializing through my powers. The guilt of my family's death, my fear of Voldemort yet the abominable attraction the deepest pits of myself feel for him, my magnetization toward Sirius and the desperation to keep him safe, the distaste for my fellow Slytherins who treat me like a child bride and the love for the ones who don't. It's no wonder my bed lights on fire every time I let myself feel nothing through sleep, it's my subconscious telling me I cannot obtain serenity even for a moment.
"I still think we should be working harder on your Occlumency skills," Severus' voice pulls me from my thoughts. I'm absently doodling, quill scratching back and forth on on what's supposed to be my homework
We're sitting in an abandoned classroom in some forgotten corridor of the castle. It's small, strangely warm and rather cozy. We have a tendency to gravitate toward the castles more private spaces when we discuss the latest shit I've gotten myself into.
My friend is exhausted. I can see the dark circles under his eyes that have become more prominent in the last few weeks. Day after day his head is deep in books to appease the Dark Lord, to research the next great thing that will put him ahead in the ranks. Not that he seems to care much about rank these days after everything I have told him regarding my interactions with Tom. Now his motives are purely primal; to stay alive. The more useful he is to the cause the less likely he is to be killed.
I run my hand through my long messy hair and slump back into my chair, "You're right Sev. I just don't have the energy for it right now."
"You don't have the energy for anything anymore," He says sullenly, but with a hint of accusation.
Right again.
"Maybe you need this silly Equinox Formal more than the rest of us," the Slytherin mutters under his breath, quill returning to his parchment.
I swallow hard, staring into the worn down mahogany of the desk I sit in. The Equinox Formal…how could that have crept up so quickly? Of all the things I worry about in my life these days a school dance was hardly going to make the top of the list.
I now recall the girls squealing over it throughout the week, yelling for me to pick a dress, pick a hairstyle, pick a date- it went on and on. The boys had no trouble reminding me how inappropriate it would be for me to take a date. Not when I had a betrothed waiting for me at Death Eater headquarters. I wanted to bring one just to spite them, to spite Tom. But who would want to go with me anyways? I'm a shell of the person I was when I walked in the doors of this school all those months ago.
My thoughts swim to whom Sirius would be bringing and a distinct envy beats under my skin. I force that sensation to sink to the back of my brain as quickly as it had come up.
"It's this weekend," Sev reminds me.
I turn to him, finally disregarding the crack in the coffee brown wood before my eyes, "I know."
He leans forward as if to listen for the next thing I am going to say and then proceeds to look disappointed when I don't follow up with another statement. He looks at me deeply, as if willing for me to say more on the topic, to say anything at all really.
I give into him, "I have a dress, so you can stop worrying about that at least. I won't be showing up naked, I promise."
He cracks a small smile at that. "Good, I didn't feel like crucioing all the upperclassmen who would oogle at you."
The corners of my mouth turn up.
"Are you bringing anyone," I ask lowly, "to the dance?"
He runs a hand through his dark oily hair, focused back on his book, "Of course not."
My heart hallows. I wish just once he would indulge in the youth he has, the time he still has.
Hypocrite, my soul shouts at me.
I bite my bottom lip in contemplation, "How about one of the girls? Natalie or Leah?"
He lets out an unamused chuckle. "They have had dates for weeks now Katarina, surely you have heard them brag up and down the corridors about them."
No, sadly I haven't. Even if my ears heard their excitement, my mind was completely closed to it. I haven't heard much of what has been going on around here lately, I realize.
"Kat," Severus is staring me down, eyes ablaze.
I know better than to ignore him when his serious tone is on. I look back at him, holding his gaze. Just the way he looks at me, pulls at my heart. He's trying so hard to get through- to pull me from this darkness.
"It's time Kat," he nearly whispers. "It's time to let yourself be happy. You may only have a few months left to be carefree, with no real responsibility. I'm begging you; please enjoy it, at least for a little while. After we graduate we can all go back to being miserable."
I straighten out in my seat and my throat bobs. Yet again, Severus is right. I can spend the next few months being sorry for myself, for the people around me; or I can tough it out and enjoy this last bit of freedom I am given.
I give Severus my first genuine smile in weeks, "Let's go find me a date, then."
A laugh falls from my lips as those black eyes of his roll.
The following day I sit in transfiguration, tapping my quill on the desk, mauling over my prospects for a Formal date.
Merlin kill me for immediately thinking of Sirius Black. There has to be someone, anyone that would want to go with me that isn't taken yet. A sixth year Ravenclaw asked me last week, I remember. Tall, dark hair, quidditch player, Colin, I think his name was? He ran away the second Lucius even looked at him the wrong way, taking that as my answer. Then it hits me, as though he'd been right in front of me all this time and I didn't even realize, because he literally is sitting right in front of me. Why didn't I think of this earlier?
"Hey Remus!" I shout to him across the hall once class was let out. I perched myself against a wall just waiting for that sandy haired Gryffindor to walk out the door.
His cheeks turn a rosy pink shade as he approaches me. "Hey Petrovsky, how are ya?"
I smile at him, as I wave my hand down the hall. "Care to walk with me?"
He grins back giving me a gesture that says after you.
"You look good," He says, cheeks reddening even further as if he doesn't comprehend what he just said. "I mean- uh- you look like you're way better than you were."
I smile at him, ever the observant one. I never properly thanked him for cleaning me up after my last interaction with Tom. Remus really pulled through in collecting me before I re-entered real life after that moment.
"I feel way better," I admit, speaking the truth. "After a long talk with a friend I decided that I will make the most of these last few months of school. Before all the adult stuff, ya know."
Remus shrugs, "Yeah it is all a bit daunting, isn't it?"
Oh you have no idea.
"Quite," I mutter. I pinch the arms of his robes slightly as he turns to me and we stop our walk. "Hey, I wanted to thank you. Properly, I mean."
He looks at me confused. "For Hogsmede…when I wasn't feeling well," I continue, picking at my fingernails.
His head nods in understanding, "You ever gonna tell me what happened that day?"
As fair of a question as it is, I know there will never be a circumstance in which I can tell Remus that story. It's too chilling to retell in any case.
"Probably not," I mutter honestly. I'm met with a tight-lipped smile in understanding- he doesn't push the issue.
We continue on, passing through the halls of the school. Buttery sunlight pours in through every window we pass, brightening my mood. Eyes from classmates follow us, the Gryffindor and Slytherin walking in such close proximity, smiling and engaging as if it were more than normal.
"So I was wondering," I start, tucking my hair behind my ear. "If you didn't have a date for the Spring Equinox formal, that you and I could perhaps go together. You know, as friends."
Face hot as a tomato he looks at me stunned. So stunned that he stopped walking to stare at me. "Are you sure?" He asks so tentatively, as if I were out of my mind.
I squeeze his hand in confirmation. "I am absolutely sure! We deserve a little fun, don't you think?"
He shakes his shaggy hair from his eyes as he turns back to keep walking. I make to catch up with him.
"I suppose I ought to ask Sirius first," He mutters to himself more than me. "But that sounds stupid," He reasons with his own mind.
I cough to interrupt his critical thinking; "I would consider it a personal insult if you ask Sirius Black if you can take me to a school dance."
His eyebrows rise high, "Alright, we can go together. But as friends!"
"Deal," I smirk and shake his hand in agreement. "Pick me up by the Great Hall at 7 on Saturday," I determine as I break off to another hallway, waving at him as I go.
I hold my books tight to my chest, feeling absolutely giddy inside. Mostly because I picked a date that would have fun with me this weekend but also because I picked one that would make my friends angry. I smile at the ground as I walk; too busy in my own thoughts to watch where I was going when I felt my front barrel into something sturdy. Someone, I should say.
My books tumble to the floor.
"Whoa there, watch where you're walking," draws a voice I know all too well. I feel his calloused hands on my upper arms, steadying me, through the fabric of my cotton blouse.
I dare to look up at him finally. "Sorry," I let out weakly.
A girlish giggle emerges from my right, "What a klutz."
A strawberry blonde Ravenclaw stands beside Black, looking down on me as I collect the books from the ground. Black's head nearly merges with mine as he leans down for the same one I reach for. Our eyes meet for a millisecond- a smoldering millisecond that I blink away quickly as I gather my things and stand.
Black erects the same time I do and we just stand there for a moment, eyes locked. As if our eyes were saying everything between us that has been silent for weeks.
"Uh, Sirius," the Ravenclaw grabs at his sweater. "You can stop staring at her now."
I see the lump go down Blacks throat as he runs a hand through his onyx tendrils. "Oh yeah, watch where you're going next time Petrovsky. Wouldn't want you running like a train into my formal date." He throws an arm around the witch.
A low blow, even for Black after everything we have been through.
The girl straightens out and looks more proud than a mama watching her kid leave for the Hogwarts Express on a cold September morning. She throws an arm around his waist in delight.
I make a gagging noise as I play along, something I haven't done in a while with this Gryffindor.
"What a shame," I mention slyly, "Had you rounded that corner a moment sooner you would have run into me and my date." Green eyes narrow into silver.
"Ah ha!" The girl squeaks again, making Black and I both nearly jump. "And who exactly would that be?" The nuisance asks. Her finger twirls in one of her short curls and I hold back the urge to break it by gripping my schoolbooks just a little tighter.
The corner of my mouth turns up as smirk, "Remus Lupin."
Well that did it. Black steps toward me, the girl nearly being thrown off of him.
"What do you mean- Remus Lupin?" He asks, daggers glaring at me.
I just shrug and grin politely at him. "I asked, he said yes. That's how it usually works, right?"
Pure rage is written across the face of my counterpart. The blonde even senses the emotion emanating off of him and she takes a step back, the finger that was in her hair dropping slowly.
"Sirius, who cares?" She demands, clearly feeling threatened by his outburst as he continues to glower at me.
My eyes on fire stare right back at him, "Yeah Sirius, who cares?"
He swallows hard, stands upright, grabs the hand of the girl next to him and rages off down the hallway. I turn to watch them as they storm away, reveling in this small victory.
I stand in front of a long mirror, days later. In the reflection I see a witch who is on the mend. Weight has been lost in the last month, hair appearing more brittle, a lingering fear striking her eyes. I blink hard; reimagining what I see- focusing solely on the good.
That same figure in the mirror is clad in the most lovely silk gown money could buy; Merlin bless Eva Malfoy for her taste. It's positively chic yet the most simple of the other girls in this room. My facial beauty puts me above the rest, despite my lack of shimmers and sparkle. The scoop neck of the dress meets right above my breasts, covering me but not leaving a ton to be desired. The thin straps hold securely against my shoulders while the fabric slides down the rest of me. Hugging any and all turns of my body for dear life. The color is completely and utterly Katarina Petrovsky- a red that would make kings fall to their knees.
Seeing as this is a spring formal, I doubt many would show in this color, but I knew I needed to have it. I needed the taste of home to give me that last push I needed to pass doors of my dorm tonight.
I pin my hair so that it rests only to one side, still down and casually resting on my right shoulder. Make up is light, as I have no one to impress tonight other than myself.
"How is it that you always end up with the best gowns?" Natalie asks from behind me. I see her through the reflection in the mirror with her hands on her hips.
I turn to her, pulling the dress with me as I move. "Just lucky, I guess."
I don't even try denying that she's right. By the fate of chance wonderful clothes find their way to me; clothes that my fellow Slytherins couldn't even imagine. Some are sent from Russia, some sent from Eva. A luxury that will only continue once we graduate, as I am sure my future husband would have me in nothing less than the best.
"Alright ladies, shall we go?" Narcissa beckons us all forward toward the door. I take a moment to look at my friends. They are all lovely in their spring bests. Narcissa appearing like an absolute angel in pure white, while Dona, forever the epitome of pureblood society adorns a mint green gown. Leah in lavender, making her hair striking, and Natalie in pink, never failing to be the counterpart to her best friend.
Descending the steps one by one, we follow each other into the pits of the common room. The men stand there, waiting patiently for us. Each witch is united with their handsome Slytherin pair as I hook arms with Corban. Dona nestles into his opposite side warmly. He smiles giddily at us, throwing some vulgar compliment towards his betrothed and walks us out of our house.
My plan is working flawlessly thus far. We've made it far enough from the common room that I know no one will want to escort me back for my so called forgotten item.
"I only left it in my room, it will take me no time to grab it!" I shout at them as they all groan in response to my 'I left something behind!' forgetfulness.
Lucius rolls his eyes, "Just meet us on the pitch, Katarina. Don't get lost."
Throwing a cheeky grin at him I scurry off back toward the Great Hall where my forgotten item awaits.
Walking through the hallways of this castle in heels never gets easier, I determine as I clack clack clack on the stones.
"Finally," Remus groans as he stands from the bench he was situated on. "We might be late at this rate."
I scurry toward him, my feet already throbbing, "Sorry, sorry." I grumble, "You try speed walking in these death traps from one side of the castle to the other. That will teach you not to tell me to hurry up!"
My date lets out a hoarse laugh, putting his hands in his pockets. " Yeah, might have to take your word for it on that one."
I finally make it to his side and huff in relief that I get to just stand for a moment as I beam at him. "You look dapper!"
His cheeks redden, "You look pretty nice yourself."
I wave my hand at him in thanks and reach to take his arm. He looks at me skeptically as I place all my body weight into him. "They'll kill me, I'm telling you." I nearly laugh as my feet pulse beneath my body weight.
The Gryffindor shakes his head in amusement, "Alright enough of this."
He pulls out his wand and mutters a spell over my swollen feet. The ache is immediately relieved and I feel as though I could run a marathon.
I look at him wide eyed, "Remus Lupin, I didn't know you fancy yourself a healer." I say proudly, re taking his arm.
He shrugs, embarrassed again. "I've spent a lot of time in the hospital wing."
I nod my head in acknowledgement. Merlin only knows what those Gryffindor boys have gotten up to in their years at this school. Madam Pomfrey must be a pseudo mother to them all at this point.
Remus and I make our trek down to the Quidditch pitch in relative quietness. It feels comfortable, walking in silence with him. Like there is no pressure to fill the void of these hallways with mindless chatter. He is so internally contemplative that it radiates off of him.
Luckily once we make it to the outer edge of the castle a carpet appears upon the grass to lead us to the Formal. Leave it to Professor Dumbledore to think of everything- even ladies shoes getting stuck in the muddy terrain of the grounds.
A widespread, huge white tent meets us at the pitch, glittering in a million lights. Peonies, my favorite flower, are floating among the heights of the tent, dancing with the music, while vines of waltzing ivy create an archway of sorts, that leads every couple to the festivities. This atmosphere is quintessential spring and I love everything about it.
Arm in arm, Remus leads me through the threshold and I brace myself for the stares and reticule I am about to face from my housemates. Surprising no one, Donatella is the first to approach me, only seconds after crossing the entryway.
"Kat…" She draws kindly with a nervous laugh, half smiling at my date. Her arm loops with my free one and her eyes scream of concern and confusion. "What are you doing?"
I smile widely at her through my red lips as if nothing is amiss. "I had to pick up my date, so sorry for running behind."
She lets out another unamused chuckle and tugs on my arm so that my ear pulls closely to her face. She whispers, no so discretely to me, "You know I meant… what are you doing with him?"
I tighten my grip on my dates arm, giving him a reassuring grin. "Remus is a dear friend," I say proudly. "I knew we'd make this a night to remember so I invited him to take me. If you could back off, I'd appreciate it." My voice is laced with acidity and warning, which Dona doesn't take lightly. She releases my arm and steps back, eyes narrowing at me.
"You do realize all of us will be implicated if this ends badly," She spits, gaze swimming over my date and me with a hint of disgust.
I shrug at her, glaring unforgivingly, "So be it."
Self-pride washes through me as I pull Remus in the opposite direction of my fellow Slytherins. I even think I hear Dona say to them, "She's gonna get us all killed." I still don't look back at them; I know their daggers are burning holes into me.
An open cocktail table in a back corner calls to us as we get comfortable standing behind it, watching the festivities take place. Couples cover the dance floor, moving merrily to the music drawn from the band. I bite my bottom lip and tap on the table, surverying the room.
"You might need this more than I do," Remus laughs as he hands me a flask. Happy that we chose a table in the corner of the tent, hidden from wandering professor eyes, I take the cool metal from his fingers.
The sip makes my eyes water as Remus laughs at me again. "You took this from Black didn't you?" I ask wearily, remembering my first experience with tequila.
A smirk mars my friends face as he takes another sip himself. I never expected Remus to be much of a rule breaker but the welcome we received from Dona was plenty uncomfortable for me so I can only imagine how it made him feel.
I let out a breath of laughter, tucking my clutch under my arm. "I'm going to get us some drinks we can mix that with so we don't end up at the bottom of the Black Lake tonight."
He nods and shoos me away, taking yet another sip. I shake my head with a grin and leave him in our little sanctuary of the tent.
Passing my Slytherin friends on my way to the bar is a calculated risk. The chances of one of them sneering something ugly in my direction was high so I simply stuck my chin in the air and meandered past them as if I couldn't care less. Making it to the counter I order two tonics for my date and me and lean against the wood as the attendant pours them. I should have known better than to stand at a bar alone because before long, a figure makes its way over to me.
I can sense him before he even speaks. "So you're the designated negotiator, are you?"
Severus leans up against the bar on one arm right in front of me, "Are you surprised?"
I let out a humorless laugh as I reach for the two drinks placed before me. "Not in the slightest," I say. "Out with it, say what you must so I can go back to enjoying my date."
He gives me that look I know all too well, the one where he looks bored and disappointed in me all at the same time. "When I said you should use this night to have fun, you know I didn't mean bringing the Gryffindor boy to play with."
I glare at him, anger rising in my voice. "First of all Severus, I didn't bring him here to play with. And secondly, I want to have fun my way, not in your way. You may be content to sit with our housemates and chat about the latest Dark Lord missions and murders but I am not. I have mere weeks before that becomes my life so excuse me for wanting a change of pace before I'm doomed to listen to that hippogriff shit forever."
And with that I turn my back on him and strut away toward my table with my head held high. I hate using a biting tongue with my best friend, but his constant siding with his fellow Death Eaters gets on my last nerve.
"Gimme that," Back at the table, I reach my hand for the flask and pour a hefty amount into my glass to the amusement of my date.
"Snape give you a stern talking to over there?" Remus asks nonchalantly, nodding his head toward the bar.
I grunt in response, taking a sip of my drink.
The music plays loudly and after a few sips of my drink I find myself calming enough to actually enjoy it. That moment of peace is ended all too abruptly, however.
"Moony!"
I groan, throwing the rest of my drink back as Potter and his mousey counterpart walk up to us. They look more put together than normal at least. Potters hair isn't in the mess atop his head that it usually is and his suit is actually quite well cut. Pettigrew, on the other hand, looks just as disgruntled as ever as his tie hangs lazily off his neck.
Potter looks between Remus and I a few times before he puts two and two together.
"This is who your secret date was!" He points at me as if he'd just figured out the answer to life's hard-pressed questions.
"Your grasp of the obvious, Potter, is really quite inspiring," I mumble, looking bored, my pointer finger running along the edge of my glass.
I'm met with a grimace from the dark haired Gryffindor, "You could have done better Moony, I gotta say."
My eyebrows narrow, "Yeah and who exactly did you bring tonight?" I look around him for any sign of a female and find absolutely no one. "Doesn't look like you managed to get a witch to say yes to a torturous evening with you."
Potters face turns fiery, redness rising in his face. "Not that it's any of your business, Petrovsky but I'm holding out for the most brilliant and most beautiful witch in our year. Taking no one was better than taking someone who wasn't her."
My brows raise at this admission, knowing he's talking about Evans, and I let out a contemplative yet not convinced, "Hmm."
Remus cuts in before Potters head blows up, "Where's Pads?"
The ridiculous nickname bites at my core as I know immediately who he's referring to.
The tiny one speaks up, "Don't know, he hasn't left the side of that Ravenclaw all week."
Potter lets out a laugh, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Willing to bet 10 galleons he's taking a romantic stroll with her on the less populated grounds."
My throat bobbles at the way he says stroll and the four eyed Gryffindor notices.
"Jealous, Petrovsky?" He smirks at me with an amused gleam in his eyes.
I purse my lips, turn to Remus to grab the flask, take another sip and say, "Not in the slightest. Lupin, lets dance."
I don't even give him a moment to protest as I pull him by the lapels onto the dance floor. In no time we are lost in a swarm of students, all laughing, playing, enjoying themselves and it's impossible not to join in on their splendor.
Time doesn't seem to exist when tequila runs through your veins and rock and roll pours through your ears.
I was never much of a free style kind of dancer but this is what I had in mind when I decided I was finally letting go. Letting go of the doubt, the guilt and the fear of the future. Remus taking my hand and swirling me in circles does the trick of unwinding all my worries as we soar through party.
A hazy, slightly intoxicated mind is what I needed. Needed even more so when a new couple takes the floor right next to us. I recognize the back of that strawberry blonde head, and immediately knew whom her sloppy face was connected with without even looking.
Remus notices my look of disgust and pulls me close to him for a silly dip that makes me laugh louder, pulling a dark curly haired Gryffindors attention right to us.
"Moony?" His voice rings over the band, nearly yelling. His face of surprise was priceless as Lupin continues to swing me around and around.
"Hey, mate," Remus hollers back, laughter rolling off his tongue. His moment of distraction nearly throws me off balance and I slip right into my dates grasp before hitting the floor.
We let out boisterous laughter again at the near accident and continue to move our bodies. Black's eyes remain on us and continue to until his gaze meets mine.
The smoldering silver orbs pull me in like magnets. I see his arm move slightly, almost like he wants to reach out to me. His fingers curl into a fist and he pulls his arm back in a swift movement, like he was telling himself he knew better. My focus goes to the other hand still wrapped around the broad in the magenta pink dress. The color enough makes me want to vomit but her sweaty face attached to Black's neck nearly pushes me over the edge.
I narrow my eyes at her and the Gryffindor doesn't miss it for a second. He puts both hands on the girls waist and pushes her off him slightly, "Wanna go get us some drinks?" He asks her, "I'm parched."
She grins at him and throws a glare in my direction. "Be right back, babe."
The little wave she throws at him after she's only a few feet away makes my stomach churn.
"I need some air," Black rasps out as he grasps the back of his neck with his palm and pushes past us to get to the exit of the tent.
I stop my movements and just watch him walk away. I turn back toward my date and see his usual understanding expression. He gives me a small smile.
"Go," He says, nodding toward Black's retreating form.
My tight-lipped smile is enough to make Remus turn to go find his housemates and I stand there for a moment alone. Less than a second later, I take a deep breath and follow Sirius Black into the darkness.