The end of yet another summer was upon the grand metropolis known only as New York City. Labour Day was just around the corner, as were cooler evening temperatures which would soon turn into cooler daytime temperatures, which would soon turn into less ideal overall weather as was always the transition into autumn, which would soon force people to have to remember that summer never lasts forever, and how just like every other season, it changes with the time so that by the time it eventually returned, another whole year would have come and gone, which would mean another year closer to their inevitable deaths. But for the time being, the weather was warm without being unbearable, the sun was shining brightly, and the typical hustle and bustle of urban American life was going about as normal on this beautiful partly cloudy day, and Century Super Buffet in Queens was no exception.
The all-you-can-eat establishment was almost halfway through its lunch service, so that meant that it was pretty lively, even on a Thursday afternoon. Staff were busy restocking food, cleaning tables, bringing drink orders, and taking dirty dishes back to the kitchen where the chefs worked tirelessly, while the customers mingled at the buffet stands before taking their mingling back to their tables, along with their food. And at one of these many tables, a booth situated against the wall to be exact, one of the many diners had just arrived with his first of soon-to-be many full plates and sat down. He eyed it, more than eager to just dive in already, when he suddenly noticed something amidst his pile of food that consisted of pretty much nothing but meat. So using his thumb and index finger, he picked it up as carefully as he could and brought it closer to his face for a better look.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Wade Wilson exclaimed out loud as he swept the hood on his black Pac-Man hoodie sweater down his neck, and exposed his head and face which were both scarred so severely, they were completely free of hair, and made his skin look off-colour, due to the dry patches and crater-like dents coating it consistently throughout. But his only concern at the moment was the single clove of parsley clutched in between his fingers, which were also just as scarred as the rest of his body. "Damn you cursed leaf that, I swear to God, exists solely to annoy me to death at this point!" His complaints, thankfully, were not loud enough for any nearby staff or patrons who give a big enough shit to hear. Save for one, who just happened to reach his booth at that exact moment.
"Aw, what's the matter, Scarface, scared garnish might start killing you now?" Jackson Hammer retorted cheekily as he set his plate on the table and proceeded to sit down on the same side of the booth as Wade.
The off-duty mercenary's best friend was dressed lighter than himself, but only by a little. Wearing a grey, black and azure three-quarter shirt, matte black Blundstone booties, and skinny jeans dyed an even shade of navy blue that matched that of his flat-browed Fletcher glasses by Warby Parker, he commanded a clean yet casual look, in contrast to Wade's mysterious, lone-wolf one than matched his attitude as he scoffed off his pal's tease.
"If anything, it's only killing my faith in chef creativity. Seriously, parsley has become the latest fad in restaurant food, 'cause everyone's using it." He returned his gaze to the herb clove still suspended in his grasp as Jack poured some of the fresh Chinese hot tea that he had ordered prior to getting his food into his small, round and cute bowl-like teacup. "It's almost as if people actually think that this plant has some kind of magical powers that will somehow make their dishes better. Well, unless it came from Dr. Strange's garden, then I think it's safe for me to say that, spoiler alert, it won't!" He directed his gaze back to his friend as he declared those last two words, causing the young hacker to lean away from his combative friend as he finished his rant.
"So, does that mean you're not gonna eat that, or…?" he queried hesitantly to prevent Wade from getting riled up again as he carefully set his teapot back down in front of him.
Wade responded by dropping the parsley snippet onto Jack's plate, which was full of various pieces of sushi, sushi rolls, and sushi hand rolls.
"Hey guys, thanks for waiting for us!" a familiar female voice said before Jack could offer a rebuttal.
The boys turned their attention away from each other to focus on the remaining two members of their party as they reached the table: Inez Temple, known publicly as the mutant mercenary Outlaw, and her and Wade's old friend Sondra "Sandi" Brandenberg, who also once used to work in the surreptitious killer for hire business. While she herself was not a mercenary, her then-boyfriend Anthony Masters was; specifically, he was none other than the criminal hitman known as Taskmaster. But after an assignment gone wrong where she ended up getting shot in the back, she finally decided to end things with Tony and turn her life around for the better.
Despite years of working under the mnemonically gifted villain, she managed to form acquaintanceships with many other super-powered figures who inhabited the vast grey spectrum between hero and villain, but the only ones she trusted enough to confide her plans with were Deadpool and Outlaw. While initially and unsurprisingly shocked at her having the guts to declare such a thing, Wade and Inez ultimately could not help but gain a newfound sense of respect for her from that point on, and even offered to help her in any way they could. The process was anything but straightforward and ended up requiring more hard work than even she thought at first, but after a couple more years, she eventually achieved her goal. And thanks to the money she fought for from Taskmaster with some of Wade and Inez's aforementioned help, she was able to buy her own place, land a decent part-time job, and go back to school to finally pursue her childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian.
But that did not prevent her from losing complete touch with the only two former wet work colleagues who supported her in getting where she was today. So when she heard Inez would be in town, she called Wade up to arrange a lunch date at her favourite buffet restaurant to catch up after years of not seeing each other. As for Jack, she had only met him two other times prior to today, but that was still enough for her to come to like him enough to ask Wade if he wanted to join them, as well. After all, just because the three of them continued to play a part in the same furtive business she once did, that did not mean that they did not need an occasional day off, too.
"Of course Sandi, there's no way we'd start without you gals. You're the one who planned this whole get-together, after all," Jack assured kindly as she scooted herself inside the booth to sit across from Wade, while Inez took her spot across from himself.
The person with the most respectable lifestyle and attire at the table, in contrast with Inez's neon orange tank top, ripped skinny jeans and glossy black heels, looked down at her bowl of wonton soup, and then her knee-length aquamarine dress with a black and silver waist belt to hide her slight blush. "Perhaps, but I still want to thank you guys again for finding the time in your busy schedules to meet me here." And with that, she raised her glass of pink lemonade for a toast. Everyone else followed suite.
"Why do you talk as if you aren't busy yourself?" Wade asked rhetorically as he put down his bottle of Budweiser and picked up a barbecue spare rib from his plate. "If anything, I think your schedule is busier than any of ours combined. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the reason why so few people in your prior position could do what you did; if getting outta the merc life wasn't hard enough already, it's committing to staying out of it afterwards that scares the shit out of even the most hardcore killers."
"Either that, or a little piece of petroselinum crispum will do the job just fine," Jack finally quipped back as he popped the tuna avocado roll with the garnish from Wade's plate still on it in his mouth with his chopsticks.
"Uh, what?" both Inez and Sondra asked at the same time.
"Ignore him. He's trying to create the most unfunny inside joke ever," Wade deadpanned, purposefully avoiding eye contact with the person sitting to his right.
"Hey, you're the one who started that whole hate rant against parsley in the first place," Jack defended as soon as he swallowed.
"Parsley? Wait, is that what ya two were arguing 'bout before we got to the table?" Inez interrogated in her thick southern accent as she picked up a piece of roasted duck with her fork.
"No, that's only what Kruger here was complaining about for no reason whatsoever, other than to probably try and start some drama with the poor staff here who get enough daily flak as it is," Jack hypothesized, now his turn to keep his gaze from veering off to his left as he picked a spicy tuna roll to have next.
Wade, in turn, put the now spotless rib bone down and licked his fingers so that he would be ready to respond to Jack by the time he had finished talking. "Okay, first of all, how dare you for thinking I'd actually want to do something like that. Second of all, I have a valid point, and you know it! Girls, don't you think that too many people use parsley as garnish on their dishes solely because it's what's supposed to be 'cool' right now or something? I mean, if you want to be cool, why not use a different herb like mint, or fennel, or coriander, or marjoram, or tarragon, or even chervil? See, there are so many other options out there that nobody seems to want to show some love to, which is really quite sad, if you think about it too hard for too long."
Neither Sondra or Inez seemed to know how to respond to that. Luckily for them, Jack did.
"Um, Wade? You do know that coriander and chervil are also in the Umbelliferae family, right?"
The pockmarked hitman slowly turned his head to look the hacker in the eye. His expression was neutral, but his emotions were anything but. "How do you know that? No, not even. Why do you know that?! Did you actually look all this up online before meeting us here today or something? You know, not everyone is lucky enough to be a nerd, Weasel. Why else do you think so many people wanna just give guys like you a wedgie?"
Having said that, Wade went back to his plate, this time getting a chicken wing. A few seconds of uncomfortable silence passed, but Jack was not about to let him go that easily.
"It must be nice to be practically immortal," he sighed as he put down his chopsticks and tapped his full teacup to make sure it had cooled down enough, before slowly raising it up to his lips. "You can get upset over the most minuscule of things without having to worry about losing even a second of your precious time on this planet to something so…nugatory."
Wade turned his head just in time to see Jack sipping his tea with the most smug expression on his face. And in response, he let out a laugh; a short burst of mocking laughter that was enough to catch everyone at the table off guard for a second. Luckily for them, it did not take him long to add a verbal followup. "That's a good one, coming from a guy who I once saw firsthand spend over an hour sitting in front of his laptop pondering over what font he was gonna use for a fucking report!"
Jack exhaled a slight gasp of shock as he set his cup back down, and even went the extra length to lean a little closer towards Wade, pressing him against the wall a bit in return. "How dare you for accusing me of wasting my time on a detail as frivolous as that. The truth is…I would never spend more than ten minutes max on making a decision like choosing a font, and you know that, Wilson."
Wade pushed himself off the wall so that he would not be cornered anymore. But Jack held his ground, and did not lean back any more than halfway as they continued to stare daggers at each other. Meanwhile, Sondra and Inez had been reduced to spectators watching this all go down. After a few more seconds of this stare-down, Inez was about to say something when both of the boys dropped their competitive facades, and let themselves dissolve into laughter simultaneously; the genuine type of laughter, this time. Wade was the first to speak up once they got themselves together.
"Okay, okay, I'll admit…that was a good self-jab you did there, Weas."
"Does that mean that I am, in fact, as good a joker as you?"
"Don't push your luck, MC Hammer," Wade shot back as he took another chug of beer.
"God, you are exhausting sometimes," Jack remarked as he shook his head before finally directing his attention to the women sitting across from him. "Sorry about that, ladies, but once he starts something, you gotta ride it out all the way to the end."
"Oh no, it's fine, Weasel," Sondra assured him as she stirred her soup. "Honestly, it was actually pretty entertaining watching how you interact with each other. I forgot just how close you two really are until now."
Now it was Jack's turn to blush slightly as he ate up the salmon hand rolls while they were still fresh on his plate.
"Yeah, the entertaining aspect comes mostly from me, but I guess you could say we've had a few years to perfect our little public routines. Seven, to be exact," Wade answered for his friend before finally picking up his fork to stab some sesame chicken with it.
Now that her soup had cooled down enough for her to enjoy it without scalding her tongue, the veterinarian in training drank her first spoonful just as a new thought popped into her head based on her last remarks and Wade's response to it all. So she decided to voice it out while no one else was talking at the moment. "Actually, now that you mention that, Wade, I just have to know…how exactly did you and Jack become such good friends in the first place?"
Everyone stopped eating and turned their attention to Sondra as her rather personal question sank in. That was when Inez put down her fork full of sautéed green beans and backed up her friend. "Ya know, that's a mighty interesting question there for ya boys. Ah mean, Ah know ya guys have known each other for a while, but Ah have always wondered since meeting ya, Weazy…how does someone like you end up becoming pals with someone like…well, Deadpool, of all people?"
The boys shared a quick side glance with each other before Wade started chuckling, and Jack looked away, closed his eyes and slowly shook his head as a smile grew on his face.
"Oh boy, Inez, now that, what you and Sandi are asking for…takes the meaning of 'a long story' to a whole new level," Wade replied first.
"Yeah," Jack added. "For real; all the events that had to happen, all the things that did happen, and didn't happen…and almost happened, would be more than worthy enough to be turned into a legit fucking novel."
"Weas!" Wade hissed as he placed a hand over his friend's mouth and pulled him in closer. "Don't give anyone any ideas!"
Jack peeled the calloused hand off his face before quickly wiping himself with his napkin. "Um, I'm sorry, but…who exactly is listening to us right now outside of our table, Wade?"
"Someone could be, you don't know," he replied suspiciously as he directed his gaze on something far off in the distance that neither Jack or the girls could see. In fact, nobody could see it but him. "They're probably typing every word we're saying on a computer at this very moment, and recording our every move so that they can look back on it later and edit it, to make us say or do something different than what we did in…the first draft."
Once again, neither Inez or Sondra knew how to respond to whatever it was Wade had just said. Luckily, Jack did, even if it was less of a response and more of a forced segue. "Anyway…so, you want the story of how me and Wade met, huh? Okay, well, back in 2010, I was living on—"
The familiar smell of barbecue sauce and artificially preserved flesh came back to fill his nostrils as Wade literally slapped his hand over his mouth once again.
"And just what do you think you're doing now?!" the mercenary demanded in annoyance.
Instead of getting upset, Jack decided to just be straightforward with Wade as he gently removed his cicatrice-covered hand like it was made of crepe paper. "Uh, telling them the story?"
"Not like that!" he snapped as he jerked his hand back as if his friend had just insulted Bea Arthur. "This story is a sacred chapter in our lives that we have never told anyone the full story of from both of our perspectives at the same time until now. In other words, this is an exclusive opportunity that only people like Miss Temple, Miss Brandenberg, and anyone else willing to go deep enough into the Internet to find this first installment of what I can already feel is gonna be a fucking awesome series, are worthy of hearing! Therefore, I believe that the way we tell it has to be just as well thought out, instead of as if we're making a grocery store checklist of everything that happened, don't you think, Weazy?"
"Uh, I-I guess so," Jack could only manage to comment.
"But don't worry, I'll start off so you can pick up on the vibe I'm going for," Wade added sincerely before turning his attention to the women sitting across from him. "Okay girls, last warning, I wasn't kidding when I said this is a long and very personal story for both of us; you're gonna learn a lot of things, and not all of them will be…pretty, especially from my side."
"Oh, you don't have to worry about us, Wade," Sondra confirmed. "We're a couple of big girls who've seen some shit in our time that we're not proud of; I think we'll be able to handle whatever you've got to tell us just fine. If anything, we're the ones who should be asking if you're really comfortable enough to share it."
"And besides, do ya honestly think we expected anything less from ya? No offence Peaches, but when most people think of words to describe ya, even among those who actually know ya, 'pretty' ain't even in the top fifty, and that's not just 'cause of your…unpolished exterior, if ya know what Ah mean."
The Merc with a Mouth just scoffed at Inez's burn before grabbing his beer bottle and downing the remaining liquid in only two gulps. Once he finished, he took a deep breath and shot Jack one last look of willingness to actually go through with this. Jack gave one confirmed nod before picking up his chopsticks, prompting Wade to go ahead.
"In that case…"
Author's notes: Well, here it is! My fan fic debut!
Just to establish a few things: As someone who has seen both Deadpool movies and read a decent amount of comics, I decided to set this story, and future ones in this particular series in general, in the canon Marvel comics universe. Or more specifically, a universe that I consider to be an amalgamation of all the "official" Deadpool media that currently exists, including, but not limited to the comics, video game, and of course, both films. I made this decision so that I could drop little references here and there to add some "legitimacy," and so that these stories flow in a way so that they could work in the "established" universe.
As for stories themselves, I consider most of them to be my own answers to questions I always had about certain aspects about Deadpool, but for whatever reason, the comics never gave a clear answer to. Or at least, none that I could find, I apologize in advance for not having read all of them. This particular story, for example, is my personal take as to how Deadpool and Weasel could have met and become friends.
And of course, since this is my first published work ever, I would really appreciate it if you guys could give me any kind of feedback whatsoever. At the end of the day, all I really want is for someone out there to enjoy what I write enough to want more.
And just so that you read that clear, yes. I did use Wade to hype up my work. I regret nothing.
I'd better stop this before it gets too long. Talk to you again soon!