Gabriella laughed along with her friends, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. How could it? She felt like she was going to be sick. She didn't even want to be with them, but her therapist told her that it was an important step if she was going to move forward in her life. She wanted to move forward. She needed to move forward. She was desperate to move forward.
The club was crowded, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She wouldn't even have to talk to him. She could just listen to the music, drink, dance, and forget everything. That was her plan. So far she was succeeding. It was relatively early, but three men had already asked to buy her a drink, and she'd accepted each offer.
The music pulsed around her as she lifted her arms above her head. Her face was upturned, blue and green lights flashing across her skin. She felt like she was moving in slow motion. It was one-thirty and he wasn't there yet. Maybe she would make it through tonight and the rest of her life. Maybe.
She felt hands slip around her waist. She brushed them away without opening her eyes, "I'm dancing by myself tonight." Her words were firm, but their edges softened from the alcohol.
"It's me, Gabs," Gabriella could hear the smile in his voice. She opened her eyes to see it accompanied by a bright grin and bushy hair.
"Hey!" She slung her arms around his neck, "Good to see you, Chad. Glad you're finally here. Our other friends are boring." She punctuated her joke by poking her tongue out at him.
He laughed before becoming serious – a rare face for Chad Danforth, "I wanted to come over to let you know that Troy's here. I didn't want you to come back to the group and be taken by surprise."
"Thanks," Gabriella sounded like the breath was knocked out of her, "I'm going to the bathroom."
Across the room, Troy's blue eyes tracked Gabriella's every movement. She was such a mystery to him. He was surrounded by her every day, yet he knew nothing about her, "The infamous Gabriella," he said aloud, causing his friends to turn their attention to him. "I can't believe this is the first time I'm meeting her."
"It's not," Taylor reminded before taking a sip of her beverage.
"You know what I mean," Troy corrected himself, but his words held a bitterness that didn't go unnoticed.
"Where's Sharpay?" Taylor changed the subject.
"She'll be here later," Troy provided. "She's finishing up a late rehearsal right now." Troy was quiet for a moment before speaking again, "She's prettier than all the pictures I've seen of her."
"You told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world," Jason reminded from across the table before being kicked in the shin by Taylor, "Ow! Fuck! What was that for?"
Troy watched as the rest of his friends eyed one another quickly before Chad slapped him on the shoulder, "Let's go get some drinks, Hoops. Let's get this party started! It's not every day that we're all together."
Just as Troy and Chad were approaching the bar, Gabriella was heading back to the table, mumbling words to psych herself up, "You can do this, Gabriella. You can do this! It's been a year. He's just Troy. It's just Troy," her eyes began to water as she spoke his name aloud. She couldn't remember the last time she'd said it aloud. She didn't have time to think about it, though, because she ran into a solid chest, and immediately gasped and fell backwards onto her ass. It was him!
"Shit! I'm so sorry!" He bent down to help her up, offering his hand, and when she looked up, she began to cry. His eyes were the same. He smelled the same, and he smiled the same. But why wouldn't those things be the same? He was the same person physically. Why had she decided to drink? She forgot that it made her weepy. She never could hold her liquor well.
"Don't touch me!" Gabriella all but yelled. "Please! Please don't touch me."
"Hey," his voice was just as soft and comforting as she remembered, "Are you okay? You're crying. Are you hurt?"
Gabriella shook her head vigorously, "No, I'm okay." She stumbled from the ground. She looked over at Chad, "I think I'm going home. Call me a cab?"
"Sure, Gabs." Chad bypassed Troy so that he could take Gabriella into his arms. "I'll call you a cab. Why don't you go sit with Kelsi and Taylor?"
Gabriella nodded, but as Chad began to lead her to the other women, she felt Troy's hand on her arm.
"You don't have to cab it," his blue eyes seemed to plead with her, "I can take you home. I brought my car."
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Hoops."
"Why not?" He looked from Chad to Gabriella, unsure of whom he should address. He opted for Chad, "I only came tonight because I knew she would be here."
Gabriella audibly gasped and clutched at her stomach. She was fully sobbing now. He was here just for her?
"Troy, she's really upset," Chad was still holding on to Gabriella, "I don't know if now is the best time. I'll call her a cab."
"No," he was adamant, and his voice sounded almost desperate. He turned his attention to Gabriella, "Please let me drive you home. You don't have to speak or anything. I just…I feel like I need to know you."
Gabriella looked up at Troy, and she became acutely aware of why she never could say no to the boy next door. She nodded, "I'll get my bag."
"Gabs?" Chad checked.
"It's okay. I'm only twenty minutes away. I can do it."
XXX
Gabriella was fairly sure that Troy was driving below the speed limit on purpose. She couldn't decide if she was happy or upset about it. In her periphery, she could tell that he kept stealing glances at her, but she refused to look over at him. They had been driving for ten minutes, and true to his word, Troy had not spoken to her, or asked her to speak. She wondered how long that would last. If he was like her Troy, he couldn't keep quiet for very long.
"Can I ask you something?" Maybe parts of her Troy still existed.
"No."
"Why not?"
"You said we didn't have to talk."
"You aren't like the girl my parents described, or how I'd imagined you."
She knew she shouldn't, but she asked anyway, "How did you imagine me?"
He turned to smile at her, and she almost started crying again, "Soft, and sweet, and funny. I imagined you with this great laugh and sparkly eyes."
She didn't respond for a long time, but she thought about his words. Maybe she used to be like what he'd described. Maybe. She couldn't really remember herself either. "My eyes are bloodshot, and I don't laugh. You imagined wrong."
"I wish I could remember you for real, Gabriella," Troy admitted shyly. "It's like if I could just remember you, I could remember everything."
"Turn right up here." She couldn't respond to him. He was too close already. She was too broken already.
"Gabriella, please," he pulled over unexpectedly. "I've been trying to remember my whole life for the past year, and I've grown to know everyone from my past life except for you. I've spent hours with Chad talking about high school and whatever. I've eaten my weight in sweets with Zeke to see if any tastes jog my memory, but I haven't even seen you in person until this very night."
"I can't, Troy."
"But you aren't even trying," his voice was rising. "Don't you want me to remember?! I know that you were important. You are literally everywhere. Just last week I found this when I was cleaning the car. You're a part of who I was, but I don't know anything about you." He dug in his pocket for a second before producing a little pearl earring. Before Gabriella knew what was happening, Troy was pushing her hair away from her face, and slipping the earring into her ear.
His voice softened and intimacy filled the car, "I know it's yours. I've seen in in photos." His fingers lingered behind her ear, playing with a curl of hair.
"Don't touch me," Gabriella was crying again. She opened the door of his car and got out.
"Gabriella, wait! I'm sorry!"
XXX
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Gabriella's therapist asked.
"You're the one who said that I'd only ever be able to move on if I confronted him."
"Yes, well, I didn't anticipate that you would be spending copious amounts of time in his company. I meant that it was important to acknowledge that he still existed and was a part of your friends' lives.
"Well, I'm certainly acknowledging his existence, and now he wants to be my friend." She sighed and played with the chipped nail polish on her thumb.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling like I need a strong drink."
Her therapist smiled slightly, "Gabriella, you know that I think this is too much for you, right?"
"Yes, I know that."
"And you're still going to do it?"
"Yes," she rolled her eyes, "I already told you that I could never say no to him. What makes this time any different?"
"I think you know the answer to that question."
"Yeah, I guess I do," she stood up to leave, "see you next week."
XXX
"How does this look?" Troy modeled his latest outfit for his mother.
She looked up at him apprehensively, wringing her hands, "You know that I always think you look wonderful. Honey, can you explain to me what you're doing again? Why you're having lunch with Gabriella and why your outfit matters so much?"
"I just want to get to know her, and I want to make a better impression than the first time. I don't think she likes me."
"Who wouldn't like you? You're perfect."
"I don't think that Gabriella would agree."
Something flitted across his mother's face, an emotion – an expression – he couldn't quite read.
"Please be careful, honey."
"Ma, what does that even mean?"
"I…I don't know exactly, but I feel like I should tell you that before you have lunch with her. I feel like you have this idea of who Gabriella should be, and you may end up disappointed."
"Ma, I don't know anything about her, but I know she has to be amazing if her face is lining our mantle. You and Dad never talk about her. My friends never talk about her, but I know she was my friend too. I want to get to know her. I don't know why everyone thinks that's such a bad idea. Did she do something?"
"What does Sharpay think about you having lunch with Gabriella?" His mother changed the subject.
"She's pissed, but I'm used to that. I think she just wants me to be careful too."
"I don't know if that's it. Sharpay has always been a bit jealous of Gabriella."
This intrigued Troy, "Why?"
"Who knows?" His mother was lying, and he could tell.
XXX
"My mom said that this was my favorite place to eat when I was nine." Troy was looking over the menu at a restaurant Gabriella remembered well. She wished Troy could remember that he'd kissed her in the booth across from them when they were sixteen. She looked down at her lap, and traced the patterns on her dress with her fingers.
"Did we ever come here together?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know what my favorite food was here?"
"Number six."
"And yours?"
"Two."
"Do you want to eat that?"
"Sure."
"Gabriella, I'm really trying here. You could have said 'No' if you really didn't want to come."
"No, I couldn't have."
"Why not?"
"It doesn't matter."
He offered her a soft smile that made her feel like she was going to throw up, "I'm glad you're wearing those earrings today." He pointed to the pearls. "I bet the pair is happy to be back together. Funny that I had one and you had one."
"I'm going to the bathroom."
XXX
It had been fifteen minutes since Gabriella had left for the bathroom, and Troy was starting to worry.
"You ready to order, sugar?" Their waitress asked again.
"Not quite yet. I'm just going to go check on my friend. I don't want to order without her." He stood and walked in the direction of the restrooms.
After no answer to the knocks on the bathroom door, he opened it, "Gabriella?" Troy apprehensively walked into the women's restroom and discovered that all the stalls were empty.
XXX
"What the hell, Gabriella?!"
She gasped and jumped back, "Jesus! You scared me!"
"I scared you?! Imagine how scared I was to realize you'd left the restaurant. Why the fuck did you sneak out?"
He watched her body cower, and he instantly regretted shouting at her. She'd changed into pajamas, and it looked like she'd been crying.
"I'm sorry," she said while looking down at her toes.
"Why did you leave?"
"I couldn't stay."
"Why not?"
"I can't explain it. I just needed to leave."
"Gabriella," he wanted to take her hand into his own, but he knew she wouldn't like that, "What happened between us? I can tell that you don't like me, that you don't want to be anywhere near me."
"I don't not like you," She wanted to tell him that she loved him.
"Well, it certainly seems like you don't like me, and I'm starting to see why everyone's been telling me to be careful around you."
"They have?" She looked up with surprise and tears in her eyes. Her voice shook, "They're probably right. You shouldn't be near me, Troy. We shouldn't be near one another."
"But I want to be with you, Gabriella. I want to know who you are."
"No, you don't."
XXX
She'd been reading a lot of books lately. Fantasy, and science fiction, and romance – probably a bad idea to read those, though. She walked slowly down each aisle of shelves, looking for something new to read. She liked escaping in the pages. She liked pretending that her own life, her own world didn't exist. She crouched down to look at the lowest shelf, and a book caught her attention. She laid the others down beside herself as she sat cross-legged on the floor, reading the first few pages of her new find.
"Fancy seeing you here," Troy's unmistakable voice infiltrated her mind. She turned her head, and was greeted by feet attached to the rest of his body. She looked up at him, and inwardly groaned. Troy sat down beside her, "What did you find?" He gingerly took the book from her hands, their fingers brushing in the process.
He read silently for a couple of minutes, "I like science fiction too. Can I tell you a secret?"
Gabriella's stomach flipped, but she nodded.
Troy pulled a book out of his bag and showed it to her, "I've been reading a bunch of teen and YA fiction recently…especially the romantic stuff. I don't know why," he shrugged, "I guess because I don't really remember any of that stuff from my own life, so I'm kind of reliving it through the pages of books. I can't even remember my first kiss, and memory loss sucks all the time, but it sucks especially when I think of all the firsts I had that I can't remember."
Gabriella nodded and mentally kicked herself for fighting back tears. She shouldn't still be crying. It had been a year. She should be moving on. Knowing that he couldn't remember kissing her when they were fourteen shouldn't make her want to sob.
"Hold my hand," Young Gabriella instructed the equally as young Troy. He did so with a big, goofy grin on his face.
It made Gabriella laugh too, but he shushed her, "Our parents will hear."
She nodded before realizing that he couldn't see her. It was four in the morning and they had snuck out of their respective hotel rooms to meet up in the dark, deserted lobby. They had been walking around the dark space for twenty minutes before Gabriella reminded Troy that they should go back to their rooms before Troy's father woke him for his five thirty basketball practice.
Now they were standing at their doors, holding hands and looking at one another expectantly, "I've never kissed anyone before," Troy admitted, "But I really want to kiss you, Gabriella."
"I want you to kiss me too," They smiled at each other and leaned in to kiss, their noses bumping in the process.
"Gabriella?" Troy waved his hand in front of her face. She looked up at him. "Where'd you go?"
"It doesn't matter."
"You say that a lot."
"I should go check out my books. The library closes soon."
"Let me walk with you. I can walk you home. I know you walked here. I didn't see your car."
"Fine." She didn't even feel like arguing with him, and her heart was too tired to care about the crushing weight of loving a boy who didn't know anything.
XXX
"How's Gabriella?" Sharpay asked as she brushed her hair.
"I don't get it. She keeps saying she's fine, but I just don't think she likes me. She isn't fine. Every time I see her she seems a little different. Like, even more distant. She won't tell me anything about when we used to be friends. I mean, she tells me some of the memories she has of us, but they're kind of just flat. Like she isn't even trying."
"Gabriella's always been strange. Maybe she doesn't want to be your friend anymore. Maybe you're too different now."
Troy furrowed his brow, "I hadn't thought of that. You might be right."
XXX
"I know I'm hurting him, Tay, and I don't mean to, but it's so hard. So incredibly hard." Gabriella sipped tea with her friend. "He just wants to know more about how we used to be, but I can't tell him. How do I tell him that we were never friends?"
Taylor patted Gabriella's leg affectionately, "I don't have any of those answers, honey, but you and I both know that you aren't intentionally hurting Troy. Have you tried being honest with him?"
Gabriella's eyes widened, "I can't do that!"
"No, not about that. I mean have you tried just telling him that it's hard for you too?"
XXX
Grocery shopping was more fun when she had Troy with her. It was more fun when she would playfully swap his beloved fruit loops for Cheerios, only to giggle at his surprise at the checkout line. She smiled remembering the way he would dash back to the cereal aisle and return in a matter of thirty seconds.
"Well, that's a rare sight!"
Gabriella gasped when she heard his voice. She had to stop thinking about him. It was like he appeared every time nowadays. She met his gaze, and the smile instantly fell from her face. He was shopping with Sharpay, but that didn't matter. She would have been sad to see him regardless.
"And now it's gone," Troy sighed, but he kept up the conversation, "Having fun shopping?"
Gabriella shrugged, "It's a necessity I can handle. I have to eat I guess."
"That's the spirit," he replied sarcastically. "Do you two know each other?" He already knew the answer to that, but he watched Gabriella nod.
"We know each other," Sharpay responded aloud. "How are you, Gabriella?"
"I'm fine. I need to finish shopping. Bye, Troy. Bye, Sharpay." She turned her cart around. Whatever she'd needed on the aisle wasn't that important.
XXX
"I'm sorry," Gabriella cried, "I'm sorry I'm always crying, and that I'm always a mess, and that I'm hurting you."
"Hey, it's okay," he reached out for her, but she backed away, "You aren't hurting me, Gabriella."
"Yes, I am. You want to know about us before the accident, but I can't help you. I can't tell you about us, and I know that it makes you angry, and sad, and hurt, but it's hard for me too."
Troy looked at the woman in front of him with a fresh set of eyes. He didn't see the closed off, frustrating woman he'd grown to know over the past few months. He saw someone heartbroken.
"I just thought you didn't tell me because you didn't like me, or because you didn't want to be friends again."
"That isn't true," Gabriella shook her head vigorously. "Stop saying that I don't like you. That isn't true. It isn't!"
"I know, I know," he held out his hands in surrender. "I didn't know it was hard for you too, Gabriella. I'm sorry I've been so adamant about learning about us."
"I don't blame you for wanting to know about us, Troy, but I can't be the one to tell you. Not yet, anyway. Maybe not ever, and I really, really need you to respect that, because I don't know if I can do this anymore."
"Do what?"
"This," she motioned to the space between them, "be near you."
"I thought you said that you liked me," he hedged confusedly.
"I do."
"Then why can't you be near me."
"It's complicated."
Troy sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He did this when he was frustrated, "Okay. Maybe we've been going about this wrong. Sit down please," he waited until she did, and then he sat beside her. "Maybe this would work better if we just started from now instead of trying to start from the past. Why don't you just tell me about you, Gabriella? And I can tell you about me. We can learn about each other now, not about who we used to be. Do you feel like we could do that?"
"I'll try."
XXX
Gabriella smiled softly as Troy returned with their drinks.
"Okay, so I have no idea what you like to drink, so I just guessed." He handed her a mango smoothie.
Gabriella looked up at him with big, sparkling eyes.
"Shit. I screwed up didn't I?"
She shook her head, "No, this is my favorite," then she said something she wasn't sure she should say, "You used to buy it for me every Saturday. Thank you, Troy."
His smile made her melt a little bit, and she felt the same flutter she'd felt for him in high school when they'd first dated.
"I did?"
"Yeah," she told him softly before sipping her smoothie.
XXX
"Don't laugh, but I really, really like floral, princess-y sorts of things. Lace and flowers, and pearls, and twinkle lights, and flowy fabrics. You know?" Gabriella was answering his question about what people didn't know about her by looking at her.
"Psshh," he flapped his hand in the air dismissively, "I already knew that. You're wearing floral and lace right now," He laughed and watched her blush. It was easily becoming his favorite thing in the world.
Before Gabriella could retort, his phone began to buzz, "Oh shit! I completely forgot that I was supposed to go to Sharpay's dress rehearsal tonight. Ryan just texted me. It starts in forty minutes. Come with me?"
They were walking around the park near Gabriella's apartment. They'd been doing it often. Meeting on Wednesdays to just catch up and learn more about who they were.
Gabriella liked it. There were no expectations. She didn't have to talk about the past. She just got to be near him. At first, she'd thought that being near him would be too hard, that being near him but not with him would hurt worse than not being near him. However, she'd been wrong. They'd fallen back into pace with one another easily. His company was easy and familiar, and it only hurt when she had to go home and he went back to Sharpay. Gabriella wasn't surprised that her same love for Troy was present and real. She loved him so much. Sometimes she wished he would take her hand while they were walking. She wished he would hand her a flower, or tell her that he loved her. It was good that he hadn't done any of those things, though, because he wasn't her Troy anymore.
"Please, Gabriella? It's going to be so boring. We can sit in the back and talk throughout the whole thing, and then I just have to tell her she was amazing afterward." Troy nudged Gabriella with his elbow, "Please!"
"Okay," her agreement was soft and shy. Should she really go with him to his girlfriend's dress rehearsal?
XXX
"Hey, guys, I hope it's cool that I brought, Brie." He motioned to Gabriella who hung back a little further away from the group.
"What did you call her?" Ryan asked.
Troy scratched the back of his neck and blushed as he glanced back at Gabriella, "Brie? I..is that okay? Should I not call you that?"
"You can call me that," Gabriella was surprised the words left her mouth. She didn't tell him that he used to call her Brie all the time.
Ryan looked back at Gabriella, their eyes meeting briefly, "Let's find our seats."
Troy waited until Gabriella was beside him before following Ryan and the rest of their theatre friends. Well, Sharpay's theatre friends. They weren't Troy or Gabriella's friends.
"Too bad they don't serve popcorn at these things like at the cinema." Troy whispered to Gabriella.
Despite herself, she giggled, and it was like they were Troy and Gabriella again. Gabriella dug around in her purse, "I have a granola bar if you want it." As she handed it to Troy, his whole hand encompassed hers. He held it for longer than he should have. Their eyes met, and Gabriella yanked her hand from his, "I need to use the bathroom."
Troy frowned, "You said that once before and you disappeared," he reminded her apprehensively, and the look on his face made her feel ashamed of the fact that she was very near disappearing again.
Her lip trembled, "I'll hold it."
"Thank you, Gabriella."
Now Gabriella really wanted to disappear. She was standing backstage with Troy as he praised Sharpay.
"You were great!"
Sharpay pulled him into a kiss, "Thanks, Babe." That was when Gabriella did disappear. Troy had never kissed anyone other than her, and she'd never kissed anyone other than Troy. It made her so angry that they weren't together, and she sometimes wished that she had been the one to lose her memory instead of him. Then she wouldn't have to feel the way she did. But then, she felt like a huge jerk, because she knew how hard this was for him. At least he had the option to move on. She'd never have that option. She would die a lonely, heartbroken old woman with no husband or children to love her, and Troy would eventually marry someone – please God not Sharpay – and he'd be happy. He'd have children, and grow old with another woman.
Gabriella slipped away quietly. She wouldn't disappear completely, though. After all, he was her ride home, and she'd promised him that she'd try. That meant sticking around, but it didn't mean watching him interact with Sharpay.
XXX
"Troy's looking for you," Sharpay's voice scared Gabriella out of her thoughts. She was hidden away in the balcony of the theatre.
"Oh, I…I'll go find him." Gabriella tried to leave, but Sharpay held up her hand.
"Hold on, Gabriella," Sharpay looked directly at the broken brunette, "We're both adults here, and I have sincerely appreciated you for staying away from Troy. He's moving on, and I don't think that would have been possible if you were there. We're happy together. He's never going to remember his life before the accident, so I think it's best that he just lives his life as it is now without bringing up old memories that are just going to confuse him. Don't you agree?"
Gabriella nodded.
"You want him to be happy right?" Sharpay asked.
Gabriella nodded again, not trusting her voice, and trying hard not to focus on the clenching of her chest. "I should," she swallowed, not able to finish, so she just pointed in the direction of the exit.
"Gabriella," she ran in to Troy as she made her quick exit. "Where were you? I thought you disappeared again."
"I left my purse so you would know I was still here," It was pathetic attempt, but it seemed to work.
Troy smiled, "Yeah. I got it. That's dangerous by the way. What if someone had stolen it? Stolen your identity?"
"I wouldn't feel too bad if someone stole my identity. They can have it."
Troy smiled again, "C'mon, I'll take you home."
When they pulled into Gabriella's apartment complex, Troy cut the engine, but didn't unlock the doors like he usually did. Instead he unfastened his seatbelt and turned his body toward Gabriella, "I heard Sharpay talking to you. What did she say?"
"Nothing. She was just talking about you."
"What about me?"
Gabriella shrugged.
"What kind of friend are you? You're supposed to tell me when my girlfriend is talking smack."
Gabriella knew that he was joking, but she was so emotionally unstable that she couldn't stop herself from crying. She didn't want to be Troy's friend.
"I was joking!" He backtracked quickly. "Gabriella, I'm sorry." He reached out and brushed the tears away from her face. "Let me walk you to your door?"
XXX
Troy sat down on Sharpay's sofa, staring ahead at the television, "I heard you talking to Gabriella. Why did you tell her that you were happy that she stayed away from me? What old memories don't you want her to bring up?"
If ever there was a time Sharpay Evans was glad she was an actress, it was now. She walked over to Troy and ran her hands down her back, "I just want to make sure she's not making this harder on you. I mean, you're the one who talked about how distant and passive aggressive she was. Of course I was happy that you didn't have that in your life when you first had your accident. And I just want you to focus on the future. I want you to be happy, Babe."
Troy kissed Sharpay in acceptance of her explanation, but something didn't seem right. He saw it in Gabriella. There was something about her that made him believe he was right. She was soft, and sweet, and funny. Sometimes he would look over at her and see the sparkly eyes he wished she would showcase more often. She had been distant and passive aggressive, but then she'd admitted to how hard it was for her. What was it that Gabriella was hiding? What was everyone hiding about Gabriella?
XXX
"Can I ask you something?"
"I suppose that's a rhetorical question." Chad responded.
"What did Gabriella do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why doesn't anyone think it's a good idea for me to get to know her?"
Chad sighed, "It's not just you we're all worried about, Hoops. You've been spending time with her for the past, like, six months. I know you've seen how precariously she balances between functioning in the real world, and completely losing her shit." Chad stared directly at Troy, "Look, I'm not saying anything bad about Gabriella at all, but no one knows if she can handle this. It's not just that she might be bad for you, but you might be bad for her. Like, how many times have you been with her, just chilling, doing something normal and she bursts into tears?"
Troy thought about it for a couple of minutes, "Why does she do that?"
"I wouldn't even know where to start, man."
"I like her," Troy told Chad. "I like being with her, even if I have to walk on eggshells, or search for her for hours, or basically talk to myself. I just like looking at her," Troy blushed as he thought about Gabriella.
Chad smiled and shook his head, "We've had a very similar conversation before. We were fourteen or fifteen years old, and you told me the same thing."
"Maybe my memory's not so screwed up after all."
"Troy, no one can tell you who to spend time with, or how to interact with Gabriella, but we love her too, and we want her to be okay. Honestly, I don't know if she can be okay with you around. Then again, she's not been okay with you not around either."
"Why?"
"That's for her to tell you."
XXX
Gabriella was snuggled beneath a blanket on her sofa when someone knocked on her door. No one visited her. She'd made sure of that. Her mom only came on Sundays, and she would ever come this late in the evening regardless. She wrapped her blue blanket around herself and made her way to the door. Upon looking out the peephole she wanted to crawl beneath her bed. Why was he here?
"Gabriella, I know you're here. I saw your car. I bet you're standing on the other side of the door. Just open it. I brought food."
"I already ate," she responded before she could help it, immediately covering her mouth and mentally cursing herself.
"What?" Troy asked in challenge. His voice was clear and sure even when separated by the door.
Gabriella looked back at her kitchen counter. There was an empty ice cream pint, but she didn't feel too guilty, because she'd canceled it out by eating a Tupperware dish of roasted vegetables.
"Food."
"Brie, just open the door. I even called your mom to ask what your favorite take out is."
She jerked the door open, her eyes wide, "You called my mom?"
"Was I not supposed to? She visits my mom sometimes. Usually it's when I'm gone, but I've seen her a few times. She's a nice lady."
Troy watched Gabriella's lip quiver, "She is a nice lady. You brought Chinese?"
"I did. Can I come in?"
Gabriella really, really had to think about it. The accident happened, and it had taken a week for him to wake up. At the time, Gabriella thought it was the longest week of her life, but then, when his eyes had landed on her and he didn't recognize her, time seemed to take on a whole new meaning. Troy was in the hospital for three weeks after he woke up. In those three weeks he didn't remember anything. His parents and doctors agreed that it would be best for him to move back in with his parents for a while – take it slow.
Gabriella remembered sobbing as she'd packed up all her things, and all Troy's things so that she could move out of the apartment they had shared. She'd only been living in her current apartment for five months. It was an effort to move on in a world without Troy. Her therapist had suggested she move out of her childhood bedroom and into a place that didn't have memories of Troy seeping from the walls.
For the most part, it hadn't worked. Everything reminded her of Troy. It didn't matter where she was, but now she didn't know if she could invite him into the space. Would she be able to sit on her sofa after he sat on it?
"Gabriella?"
She stepped out of the way, letting Troy into her apartment.
It was small and warm from the central heating, but it felt overwhelmingly sad.
"It's pretty."
"You're a bad liar."
Troy laughed. "It is pretty, but I don't know if it's you."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, "it just doesn't seem like you."
"You don't even know me," her brown eyes glistened with tears, but she blinked them away.
"I know you like Chinese. I know you're kind. I think I'm right about you, Gabriella. You're soft, and sweet, and funny. Your eyes sparkle, and I've only heard you laugh a couple of times, but it's probably the best sound I've ever heard.
"I can't do this," she clutched her stomach. "I need you to leave." She walked over to her sofa and sat down. Troy followed her.
"Wait. Please, Gabriella. I don't understand any of this. We used to be friends, and we've been doing so well. I have pictures of us in diapers. My parents' walls are lined with you. There are as many photos of you as there are of me, but everyone keeps telling me to be careful. They keep telling me that we might be bad for each other. It doesn't make any sense, because ever since I lost my memory I've been searching for something, anything that can connect me to who I was, and you feel like that, but Sharpay's telling me to move on, and Chad's saying you can't handle this. What happened between us?"
"We were never friends," she cried, still clutching her stomach as she doubled over. She released her stomach so she could prop her elbows on her knees and cry into her palms. Her sobs were deep and heavy, and they left Troy feeling like the world might be ending. "I lied. We were never friends." She admitted.
"What are you talking about?"
"You loved me." She bent so that she could remove her sock. Troy watched her unclasp the piece of jewelry that hung as decoration around her smooth skin, "Gabriella, what are you doing?"
"I was supposed to get rid of it," she slipped a little charm off the anklet and placed it on her left ring finger. It wasn't a charm. It was a ring, "I was supposed to get rid of it so that I could move on, but I couldn't do that," Gabriella looked up at him, her face pink and flushed from crying, "I loved you too. I said yes, and you kissed me."
Gabriella held up her hand and turned it so that Troy could see the engagement ring she wore, "You gave it to me one month before the accident. I loved you so much, Troy," she was sobbing again, "You were the only person I had ever loved, and you loved me too. You told me every day as soon as you woke up."
Troy watched her trembling hands, her trembling lips. He watched the tears spill down her cheeks and chin, dripping onto her clothes as she rocked forward, "You used to…you used hold my hand, and kiss me, and smile at me, and call me your Gabriella. We used to wake up in one another's arms. You used to look at me with so much love that it felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe when you look at me now either, but it's not the same, because now I know that you'll never love me again. That the only person I ever imagined myself with, the person whom I considered my true love, my soul mate can't even remember that he used to love me." She began to panic. "I can't. I can't."
It was the most she'd ever spoken to him, and the words hit him full force. He couldn't comprehend everything she was saying. Troy sat down next to her.
"You can't imagine how hard it's been without you. We shared a life, Troy. Everything reminds me of you. I couldn't even wear socks for the first couple of months without you, because you used to roll them while I folded laundry, and you'd try to shoot them into the sock drawer. I couldn't even touch them without crying for you."
"Gabriella," he reached for her, but she pulled away.
"Please don't touch me. If you touch me, Troy, I will completely lose it."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't someone tell me?!" His voice was rising with both anger and disbelief. It caused Gabriella to gasp and choke back her tears.
"Your doctors said that we shouldn't. They said we should let you heal without overwhelming you. Besides," she sounded defeated and her big, brown eyes seemed vacant, "What good would it have done? You woke up and you didn't even know me. I was so, so devastated to finally have you back, but not really. I couldn't visit you for the longest because it hurt so badly, but then, one day I was coming to visit and Sharpay was in the room. You were holding her hand and laughing with her. It wouldn't have done any good for me to tell you anything."
This time he reached for her hands before she could stop him. She tried to tug them away, "No, no, please. Troy, don't. I can't."
"How can you even ask what good it would have done, Gabriella?" His blue eyes swam with his own tears. "If what you're saying is true, did you ever think that recreating my life, my love with you might have helped me remember?"
His voice and his touch became gentler, "I've spent the past year and a half trying to figure out who you were, Gabriella, and how you fit into my life. I knew that you were important. I knew that you were what I was looking for, and what I needed, but I didn't know why, and no one would tell me why. No one told me that you were my life."
She sniffed as she stared into his eyes, the eyes she had missed more than her next breath. Her lip trembled, and every hair on her body stood in erect terror. What if she was dreaming?
"Will you kiss me?" She asked. Surely she would wake up soon. She always woke up when he kissed her. It always brought her right back to the reality that she would never kiss Troy again.
His hand caressed her cheek, and his fingers slid through her hair before he brought her closer. Gabriella felt his warm breath ghost against her face before his slightly chapped lips pressed to hers. She sighed into the kiss, remembering all the times Troy had kissed her pains away. I love you so much, her mind chanted to a faraway Troy, a Troy that loved her too.
"I do love you," she felt the words whispered against her mouth as Troy continued to kiss her. She wondered when she would wake up. Her arms slipped around his neck, and in the periphery of her mind she felt him lay her back on the sofa, the weight of his body a welcome reprieve to her lonely nights.
"You don't love me," she breathed between kisses. "How could you? You don't even know me, but I want you."
"I want you too." His tongue joined his lips in exploring her warm skin.
"My bedroom is just down the hall."
Gabriella thought that she would never be touched by anyone like this again, so feeling Troy's lips and hands on her body again was almost overwhelming. She felt like she was on fire from the inside out. He was scooping her into his arms and carrying her to her bedroom, his eyes never leaving hers.
"Before we do this," Gabriella's breath was shallow, "you should know that I love you. That this isn't just sex for me."
"It's not just sex for me either, Gabriella."
"Okay," Gabriella accepted his words. She accepted his dexterous hands as they removed her shirt and unclasped her bra; and as he removed his own shirt, Gabriella undid his belt and pants.
"I thought this would never happen again. I thought you'd never want me again. I'm not…I don't know if you'll like what you see. I'm not Sharpay."
Troy lowered himself so that he was lying next to Gabriella. He brought her into his arms. She shivered as his fingers slid through her curls, "I don't want Sharpay. I just want the girl in the photos. I want the most beautiful girl in the world, and they happen to be the same girl." He kissed her and affection shined from his blue eyes, "But do you want me, Brie? Do you want this damaged version of the guy you remember? Or do you want the Troy you remember? The one with all the memories? Because I don't know if I can be him."
"You aren't damaged. I just want you. You're the same Troy to me. You haven't changed to me. You're still the kind boy next door with the dimple in his left cheek. The memories didn't make you. You made the memories. I don't care about memories of ice skating in the park, or slurping a smoothie every Saturday. I care that I did those things with you. We shared so many beautiful, beautiful memories Troy, but all I've wanted for the last year and a half is to have you back. Not the Troy with memories of me, but just you. I won't lie. It hurts that I have to hold all the memories. That I'm the only one who will have them, but it hurts worse not being in your arms."
"Maybe you can help me remember."
"Maybe, but if not, that's okay, right?"
"Of course." His hands travelled the length of her back, and he smiled into her face.
XXX
"I can't believe I've gone so long without you," Troy kissed Gabriella's forehead in the afterglow of their bedroom activities.
"You?" She joked shyly, her heart and head not really knowing what to do other than stay securely held in Troy's arms.
He tilted her chin so that he could kiss her mouth, "Yes, me. I knew something was missing, but I didn't know what it was, and now that I know," he sighed, "I don't even know. I want to learn everything about you, Gabriella." He felt of her curves.
She closed her eyes and hummed in delight, "Your brain may not remember me, but I think your body does." Then she looked up at him, "Do you think you'll ever be in love with me again?"
"I know I will.
XXX
"If it isn't the homewrecker herself," Gabriella heard someone sneer behind her as she unloaded groceries from her car.
"Sharpay?"
"Oh please. Don't give me that deer caught in the headlights look. I've come to talk some sense into Troy."
"He isn't here right now." She balanced her grocery bags on one arm as she locked her car.
"Figures you wouldn't even put up a fight. You didn't put up a fight the first time he chose me either."
"He didn't chose you! You knew, you knew how hard it was for me to go see the person I loved more than anything in the world when he couldn't even remember me. And you used it as an opportunity to take advantage of him."
"Please, you could have stepped in at any time to try to win him back."
Gabriella put her bags down and threw up her arms, "He isn't a prize! He's Troy. How can you be so blinded by your own egocentrism and vanity? How can you not see how much he means to me, how much I mean to him." She clutched at the engagement ring that now hung on a necklace, willing the symbol of Troy's love actually emanate.
Sharpay sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes, "Typical Gabriella."
"What does that even mean?"
Before Sharpay could answer, they heard the horn of a nearby car. They looked up to see Troy pulling into the apartment complex. He parked beside her car.
"Gabriella? Sharpay? What's going on?" He looked between the two women before noticing the flush of Gabriella's face, "Hey, are you okay? What happened? What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she tried to smile at him. "Will you help me carry groceries up?"
"I was just confronting Gabriella about the extreme level of immaturity and callousness she's displaying by breaking up our relationship. I just don't understand how she could look at how happy we were together and still be okay with herself. It's actually quite egotistical."
Gabriella gasped, and looked up at Troy, "I can't do this, Troy."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't fight for you like you're some trophy. I've told you how much I love you, how much I want you. You mean everything to me, but I don't know how to prove that in any way other than what I've been doing. If you want to be with Sharpay, you should go. Do it now, because it's going to be hard enough to put the pieces back together if you choose her this very second. If you stay with me and choose her in a day, a week, a month, I…" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Choose her now if you want her."
"Gabriella," he cupped her face between his hands, "haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying these past weeks? It's not a choice," he let go of her so that he could unclasp the necklace that hung around her neck, and for a second, she thought he was leaving her. She thought he was taking her ring and leaving her until she felt him slip it onto her finger.
"It's always been you. Old Troy knew it. New Troy knows it. And guess what?"
"What?"
"I'm in love with you."
XXX
"Got all of your things from the kitchen?"
"I can't believe we're moving in together…again."
Troy pressed his lips to her forehead as he met her in the kitchen, "This time's forever. If I lose my memory again, you better tell the doctor's that I'm coming straight home to my girl."
"Will do," she promised. "You'll do the same for me?"
"Without a doubt."
"I love you," Gabriella let Troy pull her into his embrace.
"And I love you," he brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing the knuckle that bore her engagement ring.
"I think you should show me how much you love me," Gabriella reached around her back and unzipped her sun dress. It slipped off her shoulders and pooled around her feet, leaving her in only her bra and underwear.
Troy reached up and took the clip from her hair, audibly groaning as her curls tumbled free.
"This isn't going to be as much fun if I'm the only one naked," Gabriella lifted the hem of his shirt, and he bent down a bit so that she could pull it over his head. Once she was greeted by the thick expanse of his chest, she pushed him slowly backward until the back of his legs hit the sofa. She straddled his lap.
"I like this," he commented on her bold move, and smiled into her pretty face before waggling his eyebrows. He'd fallen in love with Gabriella quite quickly, and he was still finding stuff about her that he loved. So far, he was pretty sure he loved everything about her. He loved the way she dipped her hamburger in a side of barbeque sauce when they ate out. He loved that she propped her laptop up on her legs and tummy when she was answering emails in bed. He loved the way she mewled in her sleep as she snuggled into his chest. He loved the way her body arched when he moved inside of her. She was everything he'd wanted since the moment he woke up from the accident, and he had to fight the bitterness of his friends and family not realizing how much she'd meant to him even when he couldn't remember her.
XXX
Gabriella looked at herself in the mirror. She looked at the ring on her finger. Today she was marrying the only man she'd ever loved.
"You look beautiful, love," Elena Montez kissed Gabriella's cheek, and they both began to laugh at the lipstick smudge she left. Then, they both began to tear up.
"Don't cry, Mama, or I'll start crying."
"I'm just so happy for you."
"Me too," Gabriella sniffed, "I didn't think this would ever be possible a year ago. I thought he'd never love me again."
"What man could resist falling in love with my perfect daughter?"
"A lot of them," Gabriella told her, "but none that matter. I can't believe he's going to be waiting for me at the end of the aisle." Her brown eyes widened and filled with tears, "What if he isn't waiting at the end of the aisle. Mama," she grabbed at her mother's arm. "Mama."
Elena smiled, "He knows you better than he thinks. Come here." She led Gabriella to the door. She opened it just a little. "Put your hand out."
"What?"
"Mi hija," her mother cooed, and Gabriella did as told. She gasped when she felt someone take her hand.
"It's bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony, but no one said anything about holding her hand before."
Gabriella bit back her tears of joy, "You're wonderful."
"I love you. So much, Brie, so, so much. I can't wait to be your husband."
XXX
Troy let go of Gabriella's hands in favor of pulling her close. He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other caressed her cheek. They were standing in front of a large crowd, but she felt like he was the only one on Earth with her.
"For a long time after my memory loss, I hated that I couldn't remember anything," He began to recite his vows, looking straight into Gabriella's eyes. "I hated that it was strange to wake up and greet my parents at breakfast. But most of all, I hated having the feeling that something was missing and not knowing what it was. Turns out it wasn't what was missing, but who was missing. Turns out it was the girl who filled my day without even knowing she did so. The only girl I've ever been in love with." He paused to compose himself, "You steal my breath every day, Gabriella. Everything about you amazes me, and when I think about how much I love you, it's dizzying. I didn't know it, but the reason I hated my memory loss is because it stole you from me. But now, looking at you, I know that my memory loss is beautiful, because I've had the opportunity to fall deeply, madly, and utterly in love with the most captivating woman in the world not once, but twice." Then he smiled widely at her teary eyes, "I know I'm not supposed to kiss the bride yet, but I don't think I can finish my vows if I don't."
Gabriella threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, her fingers running through his hair and her scent intoxicating him. When they pulled back, Troy heard people laughing in his periphery, but he couldn't tear his eyes from Gabriella, "I vow to love you forever, to kiss you every morning and every night. I vow to hold your hand when we walk through the park. I vow to laugh with you, and cry with you. To be as brave and strong as you. I vow to create this life with you, my Gabriella."
They pressed their foreheads together, "Your turn," Troy whispered.
She blushed and proved herself to be the soft, gentle girl he'd always known she was. Gabriella pressed her hand to his heart, "I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and I've had such a terrifying time trying to think of the right words to describe how much you mean to me, and I keep thinking back to when you asked me if I wanted the new Troy or I wanted the old Troy. So, this is my response, and these are my vows." Gabriella turned around and took a folded piece of paper from Taylor's outstretched hand.
"I want to hold your hand on a cold night, and wake up to your face on a Saturday morning. I want to travel the vast expanse of your mind and scare the evil spirits and bad thoughts away. I want to fall asleep to the pure sound of your heartbeat and taste the tantalizing feel of your skin. I want to wrap my arms tight around you and never let you go. I want to fall asleep to the sound of your voice, and wake up to the beauty of you smile. I want to kiss you from head to toe and drown in your carefree laugh. I want you, in your entirety, and I want to love you endlessly."
"Troy," Gabriella looked up from her paper with shaking hands, "I'm going to love you for the rest of my life. This I vow, because I love you when you're new, old, happy, sad, and whatever else, because you're my Troy, and that's all I need."
Gabriella's vows are a poem by Julie Martinez (1.30.13). They are not my original work, and I take no credit for such breath-taking, mesmerizing words.