"Zip" I gather the remainder of my things and toss the lightweight bag over my shoulder.
"Nora, are you ready?" a male voice calls out.
"Coming!" I answer. I glanced one last time at the place I called home for 13 years, then made my way to the door.
"Your mom, the twins, and Papa Joe are already at the lab," he says. I nod. I focus my glare on the floor and attempt to hide my fear and dread. I feel a finger lightly graze my chin as I turn my gaze upward to my father.
"It's okay, okay? We will be fine. I will make sure of it," He assures me and plants I single kiss on my forehead. I feel a tear fall down my cheek and quickly wipe it away to show him I can be brave. The front door opens, and the chilling wind calms my high emotions. One after the other, my feet quickly guide me to the tunnels my father built years ago for situations just like this. He lifts his right hand and presses his ring to the entrance as the automatic door opens seconds later. We walk in and meet my Mother and grandfather in the lab. Papa Joe comes toward me and wraps me in a bear hug.
"I've missed you too, Pop," I say. The joy evident in my voice, he releases me with a smile on his face. He pauses before walking back to my Mother, who is avoiding my eyes. Why can't she just look at me? She never wants to look at me. "Hi, mom!" I say, hoping she will meet my eyes. She doesn't. She looks right through me and responds,
"Hi, baby." My heart sinks, but I decide to focus on the task at hand rather than the issues I have with my mom, more like the issues she has with me. Dad seems to notice our exchange and quickly changes the subject.
"Where are the twins?" he asks,
"Asleep, the serum Caitlin left us with worked. They fell asleep almost instantly. We can't have them crying and making noise on our journey," Mom replies with a sad smile on her face, probably because she had to drug her babies to keep them safe during our escape.
"I can't believe we are doing this," Pop says
"I know when life got so out of hand," Mom adds. "It feels as If it was just yesterday, Barry and I were running around at the park, or when I was walking down the aisle. When did it all change?"
"I know, guys, I know, but until we are safe, no one can know what happens next, but I promise we will come back, and we will defeat him no matter how hard we work or how long it takes, we will win." Just then, Mom's phone starts vibrating uncontrollably.
"Hello," she answers when she finally manages to get a hold of her phone. "Yea, they just got here" "Yes, we're about to leave, and yes, the twins are asleep" "What do you mean we have a problem?" "This night cannot get any worse " "Okay, meet you there, I love you bye," Mom lets out a sigh of exhaustion.
"Who was it?" I ask, curious as to what is causing her sour mood
"That was your Uncle Wally. He says there has been a malfunction with the breech and wants us to meet him at some location, which he should be sending me the coordinates to any minute now," she replies. Tears start to form in my eyes. My dad notices and is immediately at my side.
"Hey Nora, it'll be okay. Everything will be okay," he tries to comfort me.
"I just want this to be over, Daddy. I just want to be free," I say, tears were slowly falling from my eyes. Suddenly it's hard to breathe. My lungs feel as if someone has glued the shut. I can't breathe, I CAN'T BREATH!
"Hey baby, I know, I know. Breath Nora, Breath. You're okay. No one will hurt you. Breath. Inhale and Exhale."
My breathing begins to return to normal as I slowly start to calm myself down—panic attacks. I remember when they first started to happen...
…Will be killed." The popcorn in my hands fell to the floor in slow motion. My throat was suddenly clogged, and my mouth was dry. I begin to hyperventilate. Black spots appear everywhere. I hear my name being yelled in the background, but the sound is gradually fading. And then it's gone.
I eventually calm myself enough to finish our earlier conversation. I ignore the worried and horrified looks on Pop and Mom's faces.
"Did you get the coordinates?" I asked my Mother, who is staring at me with the most terrified look on her face.
"Y-Yes, um Nora, are you sure you're okay?" She stutters. She never stuttered. Oh, so now she cares.
"I'm fine," I say, trying to change the subject. "Hey, Dad, where are Caitlin and Cisco or Mama Cecile and baby Jenna?" I ask
"They all already made it to the safe haven," he answers.
"What?! When?!" I ask. I never knew this!
"Relax, Nora, they left last night. We figured it is better if we didn't all leave in one big group," Pop reassures me. I nod in understanding. I chance a glance at mom, but she doesn't seem to notice as she and Dad are in their world communicating through their eyes.
"Excuse us," Mom says as she and Dad exit the room. Leaving me and Papa Joe very confused.
"Iris," he says her name with a type of longing that breaks her heart. She turns around and meets his worried eyes with her glossy ones. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asks, concern, entangled in his tone.
"I don't know if I can keep doing this to her. I don't know if I can keep going," she replies with rapid speed.
"Doing what? What did you do?" he replies just as fast.
"Nora looks at me like I took her heart out and fed it to the wolves. She looks at me as if I killed everything and everyone she loves. She looks at me with such despair and confusion, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this. I mean, what If she spends the rest of her life wondering why her mom wasn't there for her? What if she grows up hating me for abandoning her? And I didn't even know she started having panic attacks. She is my daughter, Barry MY daughter, but I don't know how to comfort her. When did it go wrong?" Iris asks, tears now freely flowing down her face.
Barry honestly did not know how to answer her. Yes, she left, but it was for their own good, and Nora was so young at the time. How would she explain the situation to a four-year-old that her Mother left her and that her mom still loves her and only did it to protect her? Both Barry and Iris came up with the decision to not tell Nora because they didn't want her to grow up feeling abandoned. Even though that precisely is what's happening now. "Iris, Nora could not have understood why you had to leave. She was four. And nothing went wrong, okay? You had no choice. He would have killed her. I know you feel as if you failed as a mother, but you are still raising two beautiful babies who already know how to form complete sentences at the young age of nine months. You are an amazing mother, and Nora is lucky to have you as hers. Stop beating yourself up over something he did. Okay?" Barry says, "Come here." Iris walks into his embrace and lets herself be comforted. He lets her go after a beat and places a soft, sweet kiss on her lips, it wasn't lust-filled, but it was to assure her that he would always be on her side. She smiles and kisses him back before the need for air becomes bigger than both of them. "Never forget Iris, Nora loves you, and so do I. I love you with all my heart.", he gives that same charming smile that can always brighten her mood.
"I love you too," she replies
Pop and I sit in the lab and wait for them to return. Him going through some files and me trying to see how many different chemicals I can name, I get lost in my head and start to replay the memory...
…" What do you mean she left?!" "You're lying!", "She will come back. She loves me!" "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!", "Stop lying!", "I want to see her!" "I just want her back."
Suddenly the door opens, and in walks Dad, interrupting my trip down memory lane...
"Where's Mom?" I ask
"She went to go and get the twins," he responds.
"Are we ready?" Papa Joe asks
"Let's do this," he answers, determination evident in his eyes. We nod. Confidence in our stance even though this journey hangs on the balance of life and death. Mom re-enters the room with Don in one hand and Dawn in the other.
"Let's go" is all she says.