Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

"Here be Dragons: Tales of the Homunculi"

By Violetlight

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, in any of its incarnations. That pleasure belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. I am borrowing her universe and characters for entertainment purposes only.

Author's Note: This collection of short oneshots used to be known as "Knight and Dragon: Themes of Greed and Envy" and focused on my OTP, but I thought it would be nice to expand the collection to include their brothers and sister as well, especially since I've recently adopted Lust x Pride as my beta couple. Some stories may have nothing to do with shipping too. Even so many years after I first started writing in this fandom, I'm still fascinated by the homunculi. I can't help but feel sympathy for them, love writing such inhuman, amoral characters, and just plain find them fun. So, this former "theme" collection has "shapeshifted", I hope, for the better.

Like its previous incarnation, most of these stories will fit into my "Wheels Within Wheels" personal fanon, though some may not. If I don't outright say otherwise, assume that they are in fanon with the rest of my FMA stories – so Brotherhood universe, Envy fakes its suicide, and had a past relationship with Greed about 100 years before the series. No yaoi, since that's just not my thing (fem!Envy), and some stories may have suggestions of sexual content, but nothing explicit.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Indulge yourself in sin!

1. Spite

I can't believe you'd be this disrespectful! You're going completely against Father's Plan! I expected it from him, but not from you, Envy! I taught you better than that!

Ugh, why can't I get that little Prick's voice out of my head, especially when he isn't the prick I'm interested in right now?

Greed and Lust were made for each other – like two halves of the same homunculus, rather than individual wholes ...

Yeah, well one "half" seems to have other ideas – that isn't his Ultimate Shield I'm feeling against me!

You and I aren't trapped by our lesser siblings' needs for ... companionship. We're the true expressions of Father's power! Isn't that better than some silly emotions or disgusting acts?

Define 'disgusting'. Ah, the look on his face, so shocked, so twisted ... well, not as 'twisted' as Greed's is right now, but still! I'll have to remember that one!

Hey Pride, remember when we first played 'spy on the siblings', and you gave that little lecture about just why they were doing it? You know what I was thinking then, while you were busy listening to the sound of your own gums flapping? I was thinking, "that looks fun – I want to try!"

Pride then gave that look I especially hate, that head-shaking, condescending look, made all the worse from coming from some 10-year old brat. You're supposed to be better than that, Envy. All your power, and you waste it on jealousy ...

At least I'm not too proud to admit my sin. And, come to think of it, I got off easy. I'm not the one stuck in the body of some prepubescent pest ... always watching the two of them ... the constant reminder ...

What are you talking about? He seemed calm, but his flailing shadows, as always, gave him away. Really Pride, you honestly think you can fool me?

You don't think I know jealousy when I see it? The way you glare at Greed ... how whenever he's casual, like when he calls Father 'Pops', that little twitch appears in the corner of your eye ...

It does not!

How you're always going out of your way to bitch at him, to police him more than me and Lust and Sloth and Gluttony put together!

Shut up, Envy!

Cuz he's a walking reminder of your failure. You couldn't help Lust deal with her sin, so Father had to make him.

I'm ... it's not ... It's so funny when he stutters! You weren't there! You don't know! Besides ... ah, here come the self-delusions! Father made Lust and Greed to be together, he had other Plans for me, and, strangely enough, for you too. You should know that! You ... carrying on with ...with him! It goes against Father's Plan!

I seriously doubt creating a 50-million soul Philosopher's Stone has fuck all to do with whoever any of us screw.

That's beside the point!

Is it? Go ask Father then. I'll wait here for the pieces of you to come flying out for 'wasting my time with such trivial matters' I used Father's voice there – probably shouldn't have, but how could I resist?

Envy. He practically whispered my name there, and his shadows were nowhere in sight. Yeah, he was pissed. Seriously pissed, like shove-his-shadows-through-my-eyes pissed. It's not often I can wind Pride up that badly. There's a science to it, an art to peeling away those layers of arrogance and self-righteousness, to seeing the fuming monster lurking inside Daddy's Precious Little Perfect Prick.

No, no Pride, don't mind me. Go ahead. I then took the form of our dear sister. I'll kiss you better.

Every cut, every slash, every moment of regeneration after ... it was worth it just to see him squirm! Whatever Father might have "intended" (and I really don't think he gives a damn), Greed is mine now! And there's nothing, nothing that Pride can do about it!

I can't help but grin. Greed notices, and thinks – of course - it's because of what he's doing. Meh, whatever. As long as he keeps – ah yeah! – doing that - he can think whatever he wants.

A/N: Okay, there's my little experiment in first person and shifting perspectives! (Hope I didn't completely screw that up). Also, this theme references the seventh chapter of my main FMA fic, "Wheels Within Wheels", which goes into more detail about Pride and Envy's student/teacher relationship.