Another Brick in the Wall (Of Shame)

Written by JaJaLoo

So, yeah. I've been super inactive here because A) I'm co-writing The Calvin and Hobbes Show, B) I have to do at least some schoolwork, and C) My schedule is packed with stuff like writing movie scripts or listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers albums. But, to be applauded, I have returned with this project also taken from the Calvin and Hobbes Fanon Wiki.

This project is called C&H Central, where the users of the said wiki above are roommates living together in Milwaukee. I don't know why Milwaukee of all places, but whatever. Nicholas is the big boss of the workplace, and Jackson is his assistant, who writes the best transcripts. Nemo is the guy who runs the wiki Twitter account, Will is basically the entire art department, Patrick is a very quirky worker who also writes good scripts, Berry is an old veteran of the wiki, but he is rarely seen. Wildcat is relatively unknown, and he just antagonizes the guys, but they let him stay because he makes good transcripts. Finally, there's James, an old friend of Jackson's who doesn't get much action until one episode this season. You'll see how.

So sit back, stop slouching, open up a bag of Pop-Tarts and read this very weird fanfic I wrote because I was bored. See if you can find all my music references, and enjoy.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

It's a place where not much happens, other than games by the Bucks or Brewers.

One thing isn't average, though.

Deep in the suburbs of Milwaukee, there is a house on Wentz Avenue.

2004 Wentz Avenue, that is.

In said house live eight best friends.

They have nothing in common, except for their binding love for Calvin and Hobbes.

Nicholas is the big boss of the place. He used to live in Detroit before moving here.

Jackson is Nicholas' best friend and assistant, who ran away from his Colorado suburb.

Nemo is one of the oldest of the group, who graduated and moved from Berkeley.

Will is the entire art department for the wiki, pounding out animated show after animated show.

Patrick is one of the new hires of the wiki, who the users enjoy a lot because of his quirky personality.

Berry started the household, and is one of the only users from the original time, moving from Vancouver.

James is one of Jackson's oldest friends, and another one of the Big Five.

Wildcat insults the others all the time, but they only let him stay because he makes good transcripts.

There were some users in the past, like P.K., who left to join Nintendo, and Bob, who got fired for making every episode of his series an Arthur ripoff.

But anyway, enough exposition, let's get into the actual story.

Nicholas was fast asleep in his king bed.

As boss of the wiki, he gets the best bed.

He was awoken by some sort of smell, which was eggs.

Also, his alarm clock went off.

Bright and early, he hopped out of bed.

"Ah, looks like another great day of working." He said, as he exited his room.

Inside the kitchen, Jackson was already up, frying some eggs.

Nicholas entered the room.

"Morning, J." Nicholas said.

Jackson looked up.

"Hey, Nick. Breakfast is almost ready."

"What's cooking?"

"Omelettes for you guys, and toast for me." Jackson said.

"Wait, why don't you get omelettes?" Nicholas asked.

"I hate eggs." Jackson replied, turning to a toaster.

Toast popped up.

He buttered it, sprinkled cinammon and sugar on it, and then took a bite.

"Perfection." he said.

At that moment, Nemo had exited his bedroom, and had slumped into a seat.

"Morning, Finding Nemo." Jackson said, sliding the two omelettes onto plates.

"Stop calling me that." Nemo grumbled. "What's for breakfast?"

"Omelettes are ready." Jackson exclaimed, sliding the two plates toward the two.

Nicholas and Nemo looked at them funny.

"Why is this green?" Nicholas asked after ten seconds.

"Food coloring." Jackson explained. "It's what the book said."

Nemo groaned.

"Great. He's been cooking from the DC cookbook again."

Jackson had received a DC Comics Cookbook from his grandmother when he lived in Colorado. Every week when it is his turn to cook, he always makes something from the cookbook. The others find his Seven Seas Saute as a big hit and their favorite from the book.

Will came downstairs just then.

"I heard something about DC cookbooks. Did Jackson cook something odd again?" He asked.

"See for yourself."

Jackson slid another plate towards Will.

"Why is it green?" Will asked.

"Don't ask." Nemo quickly replied.

Nicholas stood up.

"OK, after this is finished, I believe we should make some stuff. So, assignments for today. Jackson, Duplicate 7's Return needs a script. Can you do it?"

Jackson nodded. "Sure thing."

"Nemo, James Gunn still needs an actor for Phillip Walker. Can you get on it?"

Nemo pulled out his phone.

"I can get Jaeden Martell on the phone later."

"That'll work. Will, Patrick's script for his series needs to be animated."

"My fingers will cramp by the end of the day, but it'll be worth it." Will said.

"Alright, let's do this!"

But before they could get to work, Patrick ran downstairs, in a panic.

"GUYS, GUYS! THE EARTH IS UNDER ATTACK!"

The guys looked out the window...

...to see it was raining.

Everyone rolled their eyes, except for Will, who pulled out a gun.

"DARN YOU, STUPID THUNDER!" He yelled.

Will leaped THROUGH THE SCREEN DOOR and opened fire.

Everyone looked outside.

Jackson decided that he had enough, where he kicked Will's gun out of his hands, and dragged him in the house.

"That does it. Nick, the art is gonna be delayed. Will here is getting blocked for an hour."

"OK, maybe there's something else we can do..."

Nicholas was cut off by a loud THUMP in the frontyard.

He looked out the window to see a Cessna plane crashed in the yard.

He banged his head against the window.

Inside Jackson's bedroom/office, Nicholas, Jackson, and Will held an intervention.

"The good news is, the pilot is OK, but the crash money is coming out of Will's paycheck." Nicholas said.

"Agreed." Jackson agreed.

"WHAT? WHY?" Will shouted.

"Because you shot down the plane, you moron."

Nemo entered the room.

"Nemo! We're having a meeting." Nicholas said.

"Man, Patrick is dumb. Thinking the world is under attack." Nemo said, flopping on Jackson's bed.

"Hey, don't make fun of the new guy. He's just a..." Nicholas started.

"Wingnut?" Will asked.

"No."

"Noob?" Nemo finished.

"No..."

"A drag-racing sociopath?" Jackson finished.

"NO!"

In the living room, Patrick had his phone, currently listening to Louder Now by Taking Back Sunday.

Will entered and flopped on the couch.

"What's with you?" Patrick asked.

"Thanks to you, my incident is having me get a fine!" Will retorted.

"Oh, shut up! Where I'm from, we make up stupid stories!"

"Where are you from?"

"A basement under Arby's." Patrick smirked.

"You smug little..." Will said through gritted teeth as he attacked Patrick.

Jackson tossed another script towards Nicholas, who put it in an envelope and threw it in the mail slot.

"Thanks, man." Nicholas said.

"No problem. They don't call me the best scriptwriter here for nothing".

"Yeah, by the way..."

Nicholas was interrupted by a CRASH downstairs.

"What in the name of Rivers Cuomo?"

Nicholas burst out of the room.

"HEY, WAIT UP!" Jackson yelled while running out.

In the living room, Will and Patrick were in the middle of a wrestling match.

Nemo was in the center, dressed as an announcer.

"Let's get ready to rumble!" Nemo shouted into a microphone.

"NO, NO! There will be no fighting!" Nicholas yelled, kicking a nearby boombox.

The boombox landed right in Nemo's stomach, sending him into the fireplace.

"OUCH! Alright, that does it!" Nemo shouted, aiming for Nicholas.

He missed, and hit Will.

"WHY YOU LITTLE..."

It was at this moment that James came down from his rest.

"What's going on in here?" He asked.

"GO BACK TO SLEEP, JAMES! THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!" Nemo yelled.

"Wicked." James said, throwing a peace sign and walking back to his room.

The fight between Nemo and Will began.

Nicholas and Jackson could only watch.

Three days went by.

The yards were covered in Nerf bullets after Patrick got his hands on some Nerf guns.

Wrestling matches happened daily, prompting Jackson to move his vinyl records into his bedroom to avoid them being broken.

Nicholas and Jackson had locked themselves in Nicholas' bedroom.

"When will this war end?" Jackson groaned.

"I don't know. What I do know is we're out of food. Could you get some more?"

Jackson sighed, and walked to the window.

"If there's one thing good about this war, it's that I didn't start it."

This was true, because Jackson had been notorious for clashing with Nemo when he first moved in.

"Just go." Nicholas said, turning to his computer.

Jackson opened the window, and jumped into the bushes, landing on Will.

"HEY! HE'S HERE! OPEN FIRE!

Patrick and Nemo leaped out of hiding spots and kept nailing Jackson with Nerf bullets.

"STOP! I'M JUST GETTING GROCERIES!"

"Get me some Lunchables, and you have a truce." Patrick said.

"OK, OK! JUST STOP SHOOTING ME!"

They stopped as Jackson got into Nemo's truck.

"Hey, wait a minute...THAT'S MY TRUCK! OPEN FIRE!"

Jackson got out of there quickly.

Nicholas watched, and sighed.

A few days later, Nicholas was walking to his panic room.

The panic room was a room where Nicholas kept all his junk food hidden, as Patrick had a serious sweet tooth, and any sweets in the house were instantly gone.

The others had taken their fight downtown.

But when Nicholas arrived, he got a nasty surprise.

His entire candy stash was raided, and replaced with explosives.

"JACKSON! GET DOWN HERE!"

Jackson was down in seconds.

"Look at this!"

"You have a secret room?"

"NO, YOU IDIOT! MY CANDY STASH IS GONE!"

"Oh, god."

"Even worse, it's been replaced by a bomb!"

"Oh, no! That can only mean someone planted a bomb to kill all of us!"

"YES! There's only one thing we can do."

For the rest of the day, Nicholas and Jackson were getting the bomb far away from the house, placing it in the woods behind them.

It was after that things got messy.

"YOU GOT THE COPS CALLED ON US! ON PURPOSE!" Patrick yelled at Nemo.

Nemo glared at him, picking up a boom stick.

"Oh, yeah? It's time I end this!"

"WAIT!"

Nemo pressed the lever, and then...nothing happened.

"What the...this was going to blow us up!

"No, it's not."

Nicholas walked down the stairs, followed by Jackson.

"I can't believe that you people would try to kill us all, even the innocents!" Nicholas shouted.

"Agreed. Everyone, into the block room!" Jackson ordered, pointing in the direction of the block room.

The block room was a white padded room, and it was used if a user was doing something bad.

Nemo, Will, and Patrick all stared at each other, glaring, for two hours.

"Are we done yet?" Will asked.

"Not until you decide to end the war." Nicholas called.

That took another hour to decide.

Finally, Nemo, Patrick, and Will all decided to put aside their differences.

The User War had ended, much to Nicholas and Jackson's relief.

James had slept through most of it.

Later that week, Patrick was sentenced to more time in the block room when it was found out he was the one who planted the bomb for Nemo, just to get into the candy stash.

And that's where the story begins.

CAST

NMMacc18 - Nicholas

JaJaLoo - Jackson

NLG343 - Nemo

Electric Supernova - Will

Pjdem06 - Patrick

Jamz64 - James

Next episode - Behold, the Holy Muskie: The guys fight over who gets to eat a muskellunge Nemo caught.

And there it is! My first fanfic in a while, C&H Central. NMMacc18 will possibly co-write this, if he has time, because I know people love his writing. But until next time, see ya!