Summary: In an alternate universe. Just two married idiots that have too much pride to discus ''feminine'' things such as feelings. Light threatens to file for divorce because of L never saying that he loves him. Light starts flirting with Matsuda and a bunch of drama ensues. Includes: A very Sassy L, a very sassy Near, a psychotic Mello, a tired Matt, a fearful Matsuda, and an exasperated Light.
A/N: I wrote this back in 2018 and never got around to posting this. I love this story so much. I love how sassy L is. I love writing sassy L and sassy Near.
Somedays Light would sit and wonder why the hell he and L got married. The two stubborn men had their 2 year anniversary a month ago. Light still couldn't believe that they tied the knot. It was something so inconceivable and yet he did it. And a little voice in the back of his head would snicker and tell him it was because he wanted to get back at his father. Light didn't know what he would be trying to get back at his father about. Maybe because his dad spent so much time with the task force that he was never home when he was growing up. And then Light was groomed into joining the task force without so much of a ''Do you want to do this Light?''
Light clenched and unclenched his fist as he thought about the two people causing him the most anger. Two domineering know it all men that can NEVER stand be wrong. That always knew what was best for him. That always talked over him or went behind his back and changed his plans. Light was seeing red but he kept it inside with a smile. Ironic that Light ended up married to a man that was very similar to the man he hated the most. His father.
L was domineering in every sense of the word. Childish and petty to boot. That's what attracted Light. L presented a challenge. A never-ending challenge. L was a constant thorn in his side. It still attracted Light to him but at the same time he felt more resentment than love towards the other. Light was quite fond of the man but not enough to say I love you. They never said that. Mainly because L never said it. For two years the married couple refused to say those three words. Light's reasoning was his husband should be the one to say it first. It hurt Light's pride to be the first to admit such a sickeningly weak emotion out loud. And yet he desperately wanted to hear it from his other half.
In the two years that they had been married, they have never said I love you once. Not even after sex and it was eating Light Yagami-Lawleit alive.
L would either roll over and curl in on himself, get up and get cake, or get right back on the damn computer immediately after sex. It made Light's blood boil.
L wasn't one for cuddling or discussing feelings. Light couldn't judge because he wasn't too into that either but every now and then Light did want to be held.
What infuriated Light the most is that L treated sex as if it was another one of his duties. Once or twice a month L would engage in ''coitus'' with him. Light hated that word. He fucking hated it. L's words were so detached and so fucking technical. Coitus this, climax that, lack of reproduction this, and so many other mechanical sayings. L flat out told him that sex was unnecessary between two males because they could not reproduce.
He stated he only did it to keep Light happy. Light still rolls his eyes at the memory because he has seen L orgasm before and boy he truly seemed to be enjoying himself. He orgasms every time they do it. Light recalls that whenever he tops L, he is a writhing mess beneath him. Toes curling, eyes rolling, and nails digging into Light's back. Light enjoyed how his husband's back would arch off of the bed as he reached his climax. And his breath would hitch. He'd let out two shallow breathes before letting out a long and languid sigh that always sent Light over the edge. On the flip side, L would be so domineering and kiss and bite him with a passion that Light couldn't even put words to. How could someone that ravished Light until he let out moans louder than he'd like to admit not enjoy it? If L was just humoring Light then why does he sound so excited and breathless at the idea of engaging in the act of ''coitus'' as his robotic husband puts it.
Light can see through L's lies. L is emotionless but he's not that damn emotionless. Light still wished that L showed more emotion.
That's probably why Light's interest in Matsuda has been peaking over the years. Matsuda was still as lively as ever. He still had big puppy dog eyes and still marveled at everything Light did. Light liked the attention and praise. He liked seeing the man's eyes light up and the little unconscious tilt in Matsuda's hips when Light complimented him or how he pressed into Light's reassuring touches.
Light knew for a fact that Matsuda was a bottom and an eager one at that. Enthusiastic and eager to please.
Light could tell that Matsuda would have no issue saying I love you. Matsuda says he loves everything. The task force got a new shipment of pens and Matsuda loved them. If the sun was shining extra bright Matsuda loved the day and wanted to go outside for a little bit. If L provided lunch Matsuda would say how much he loved L to L's chagrin.
L would call him stupid and overly feminine but Light disagreed. Matsuda was not stupid. He was an idealist. He was a lover in every sense of the word. He loved all things indiscriminately. Light admired that about him. He had a heart brimming with love. Hopefully Light can learn how to be like that someday.
Matsuda always talks about how much he wanted to be like Light but never realized how much Light envied his ability to be so kind and gentle and loving. He was always beaming. Must be nice to always feel so happy. Light felt his stomach grow heavy as if something had been placed upon it He couldn't quite figure out the feeling. It was a feeling he had never felt before. It felt like a ball twisting in his gut. He wanted to wretch. Feelings and emotions were sickening and below him. He had no time for such musings.
He was broken from his daydreaming by his husband's eyes burning into the side of his head. Light cleared his throat and straightened up going back into typing as if nothing happened.
Soichiro yelled for Matsuda to hand Light some papers because God forbid his father bring it to him himself. His father can't risk catching the gay.
Light let out an angry sigh through his nose while taking the documents from Matsuda a little too forcefully. He apologized by whispering,'' Thanks, Matsuda.''
Matsuda patted his shoulder in understanding before going back to his desk.
''You're angry.'' L deadpanned.
''No shit.'' Light mumbled not looking at the other.
''Why?'' L asks tilting his head.
''It's been two years and my dad still won't look at me or talk to me.'' Light grunted beating the keys on his computer a little too hard.
''No. Why are you mad at me?'' L clarified staring at him.
''I am not.'' Light lied through his teeth.
''Lying as always,'' L grunted looking away.
Light decided to ignore that last comment and focus on his job. He waited until the room had cleared out a little before he led Matsuda to a water cooler,''Hey...I was wondering if you'd like to go out for drinks?''
''Oh?'' Matsuda says excitedly,'' Is Light-kun asking me out on a date?'' Matsuda teased in a whisper.
Light rolled his eyes before looking towards where is husband was sitting all the way at the front of the office. Matsuda followed his gaze before gasping,'' Did I get it right? I was just joking!'' Matsuda hissed.
''No! I just wanted to talk to you about something...'' Light says softly leaning in trying to not look suspicious.
''Well, we are not allowed to talk about cases out-
''No! Not that Matsuda!'' Light hisses annoyed at how naive Matsuda was,'' Something personal...''
''Personal? Light-Kun trusts me!? Trusts me enough to speak about personal matters with me?'' Matsuda questions beaming.
''Yes...'' Light says leaning onto the wall nonchalantly.
Matsuda blushes,'' Light-kun is so cool!'' Matsuda cheers.
Light soaks in the praise like a wet rag. Light was soaking it up better than a bounty paper towel. Bounty quicker picker upper Yagami.
Light flips his hair back Justin Beiber style and grins when Matsuda squeals like a schoolgirl. Light snickers,''I'll text you a place and time.''
L swivels around in his chair,''What is your issue now Matsuda? Did you drop another phone in the toilet?''
Matsuda blushed and pouted embarrassed,''No.''
''Then leave! Your squealing always distracts me. It's time for you to leave anyway.'' L deadpanned glaring at him.
Poor Matsuda can't catch a break so Light pats his shoulder the same way that Matsuda did to him earlier. Matsuda beams and gets his briefcase before whispering to Light,''I'll see you later...''
Light nods smiling. His smile disappears when he sees his husband's glaring raccoon eyes. Light clears his throat and sits at his desk right next to L.
L sighs,''You know you really don't need to indulge the idiot. I wish he'd grow up. He's been naive for far too long.''
''Let him be! We need more childlike people in this world. Full of wonder and love instead of constant cynicism and bitter resentment with an attitude that suggests that they know it all. It's like talking to Siri you know? A robot an emotionless shell of a ''human''. Someone that just goes through the motions just to use those around him...''
''Hmmm...tell me how you really feel about me.'' L said sarcastically before going back to typing a document.
Light quickly texted Matsuda the restaurant and told him he's on the way,''Well anyway I have somewhere to be. See you later tonight.''
''Where are you going Light?'' L asks nonchalantly.
''Going out on the town.'' Light says with a shrug.
''Aren't we a little old for that?''
''Well it's not like you're invited so don't worry about it.'' light answers quickly.
''Touche...You're really wounding me today.'' L answered without an ounce of emotion.
Light huffed and left the place without another word. He didn't have time for L's passive-aggressive jabs.
Matsuda beamed at him while he walked up to the table but Light noticed his smile faltered when Light sighed.
''Long day?'' Matsuda questioned.
''I want a divorce.'' Light said emotionlessly.
Matsuda's eyes bugged out and he nervously looked around the room,''U-Um w-why are you telling me this? Isn't this for Lawleit-san to hear?''
''I don't know how to say it to him and have him take me seriously. I also don't know if a divorce would be right...you know in all of our relationship we never once said I love you...''
Matsuda cocked his head to the side before leaning in and saying,'' How?''
''Well, we both aren't the lovey-dovey types and he's just so aloof and I guess saying it makes me feel weak and feminine and he feels the same way so it just never happened?''
''Wait! How did you two even get married?''
''Um...One night after a case...we went all the way and L whispered ''Marry me'' after we finished...I think it was his first time so I just laughed thinking it was a joke but he just gave me this very serious and intense look and asked again...so...I said yes because I really do like him and we are both impulsive idiots. Plus I was pissed at my father for saying that I had no choice in my career. And L made me feel so good...I just...I didn't think things through.''
''Sooo...both of you feel that saying I love you is a threat to your masculinity and respectability plus it hurts your pride?''
''Yes.'' Light answered.
Matsuda snickered,''That's insane...''
Light sighed getting annoyed.
''I'm sorry.'' Matsuda said straightening up,'' Just say it sometime. Take him out to eat or something. I know you guys love each other. It's obvious. You just have to stop letting your pride get in the way.''
''Yeah but...I don't know...I just don't feel appreciated sometimes...Sometimes his compliments sound like scathing insults...'' Light confesses.
''You telling me?'' Matsuda says snickering before going serious again,''But you see...L is not as cold as he likes to pretend to be. He is not as disengaged as he likes to put on...You see I had to start cultivating an L dictionary...Behind some of those sarcastic statements lies words that he just can't string together to reach you...''
Light cocked an eyebrow,''What?''
Matsuda sipped on his drink before saying,'' Just change your view of L. Change how you feel about him. Change the negative view you have about him. Alter what you think he means. Be nonjudgmental. Just hear him out okay? If he says something sarcastic do not take offense. Listen and you will hear what he is actually trying to say. Sometimes the sarcasm is all he wants to say but other times it is a cover-up for a deeper feeling.''
Light tapped his chin in thought,'' How wise of you Matsuda...but...the things L says to you don't hurt your feelings?''
''Yes...they used to hurt me a lot more than they do now. Hell, he still hurts me at least once a day, but I realized he was just jealous. Or envious rather...'' Matsuda sighed before saying,''I feel that he hates naivety because he never really got to have that peace of mind as a child. He sees it as weak and a waste of time to dwell on feeling and express yourself through art and other ''girly'' things. I feel like there is a part of him that wishes that he could have done that as a child...and the other reason that he's jealous is because of our friendship...''
''What?'' Light deadpanned looking confused.
''You know...I think I was very obvious about my crush on you years ago...'' Matsuda said blushing.
''You still are.'' Light said.
''Oh?'' Matsuda looks mortified.
Light had to hold back a snicker at Matsuda's dismayed face,'' What are you getting at Matsuda?''
''L doesn't like our friendship. Never has...He feels threatened by my openness. I don't mind smiling and joking and spreading love to everyone. The opposite of him...I think he feels that one day I'll say something to you and you'll end up with me or something...''
''I mean...I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it...''Light said flirtatiously.
Matsuda blushed and threw back his drink,''Next topic please.''
For the first time in a long time, Light Yagami laughs.