Notes: So Hybris has been very kind in helping me edit this fic. I hope you all enjoy and please feel free to review it!

Prologue: Saudade

Tsukino Usagi considered herself to be a very happy girl. The 4-year-old would argue, to anyone willing to listen, that she had the very best parents in the whole world. Her mama was wonderful and beautiful, while her papa was handsome and strong. In a few month's time, she would become a big sister and while she wasn't sure exactly what role her baby brother would have, she was certain that he would be the very best as well.

Every day, in her mind, was a wonderful day; full of attention from her parents, delicious food, fun games, and colouring. All of her art was featured on the fridge, and Usagi was determined to finish her latest family portrait before dinner. Her mama was cooking a delicious meal as her papa read his paper by the table. Looking up from her art, Usagi couldn't help but smile as she watched them from her place on the carpet, silently wishing that when she grew up, she'd have a wonderful man to be her husband and then they would all live together in a pretty house filled with flowers. Glancing down to add one more pretty flower, Usagi hummed softly as she signed her name sloppily in the corner. Every great artist had to sign their work of course.

Sitting up to call out to her parents, Usagi wavered as the room seemed to suddenly spin and turn around her. Flopping back onto the carpet, she began to breathe rapidly as the room grew hotter and her body heavier with every passing second. Whimpering in fear, Usagi rubbed her eyes as the light from outside the window grew too bright.

"Usa-chan? Are you-" Her mama's voice sounded so far away as Usagi's head began to pulse in pain, broken whimpers and cries spilling from her lips as another woman's voice echoed in the room, overlapping her mama's worried cries.

Clawing at her head, Usagi was unaware of her own little cries of pain turning into a loud screech as a burning sensation swept through her body, robbing her of consciousness as she lost all sensation and fell into a fevered sleep. Her mama screams for her papa to call for help were drowned out by other, different voices and languages sobbing different names. Wave after wave of broken, fragmented memories haunted her as she fell deeper and deeper into the darkness. Her mind continued to reel with more and more information, too much for her to fully clasp or understand.

Her parents would, unfortunately, have to struggle with caring for their unconscious daughter, as her fever spiked and lowered throughout the next following days. The doctor had agreed to let her remain in her home, with a nurse visiting every day to check on her vitals, as they all agreed that it was far too expensive for the young family to pay for her stay at the hospital.

Tsukino Ikuko's pregnancy grew difficult during the week that her daughter was unconscious, forcing her husband to reach out to a widowed friend of theirs to come over and help support her while he worked.

Luckily for them, their daughter's vitals were improving and she had managed to open her eyes just earlier that day. With the arrival of their friend and her young daughter, Tsukino Kenji prayed that his family would have enough support and care while he was at the office.

The moon's light poured onto her bed, as Usagi wearily blinked open her tired eyes. Her body ached in pain as the broken memory fragments finally slowed to a stop.

Muffled noises could be heard from down the hall as Usagi twitched her fingers slowly, unable to muster the strength to move her hands.

"-eally appreciate your help Mayumi," Her father's voice was soft as a whisper as he carefully opened the door and let a red-haired woman in Usagi's room, "With Ikuko so close to her due date, and my hours at work-"

"I am happy to help Kenji. After all, my late husband was practically your brother in all but blood."

Usagi closed her eyes, too tired to do anything and completely missing her father's worn-out face drop in sadness as he shares a look with the woman.

"Besides you and Ikuko helped me so much after his death and Naru's birth. The least I can do is help watch over Usagi-chan for a few hours every week."

The words seemed to echo strangely as if she had cotton in her ears or her head was underwater. Usagi prayed for relief as the pain in her head seemed to spike at the tone of that woman's voice. She sounded like another person, one of the voices who had been crying for her. That voice had been important to her, someone who Usagi didn't want to leave behind. Whimpering softly, Usagi flinched as she felt her father's big hands check her temperature.

"Her fever has spiked again." Her father murmured worriedly, as she sighed softly at the sensation of a cool towel being placed on her forehead. A gentle kiss was placed on her cheek, as he continued to speak to that woman.

Relaxing into the bed, Usagi felt herself start to slip back into the clawing grasp of sleep as she faintly heard her father whisper to her.

"Usa-chan? Papa has to go, but don't worry. My good friend's name is Osaka Mayumi, she will take care of you while Mama and I are gone."

Darkness slowly swallowed her as her father left the room, and Mayumi hummed gently as she wiped away her sweat and tears with a cool cloth. The sound lulled Usagi into an exhausted sleep, following her down into unconsciousness.

Curious blue eyes and wavy red hair popped into her line of sight the next time Usagi woke up. A young girl, roughly close to her age, smiled cheerfully as she played with a doll by her bed.

"Hi, I'm Na-chan, what's your name?"

Wincing in pain as she opened her mouth, Usagi managed to rasp out, "Usa."

"You sound bad. Want some water? Mommy is making some yummy soup in the kitchen."

Nodding carefully, Usagi was impressed as Na-chan carefully brought her a glass of water from her night table and didn't let go till she was sure Usagi had a good grip on it. Gulping the water in relief, Usagi prayed that she would get better soon. She didn't know how much more of this she could handle.

"Mommy says that you're really sick, but finally better so I can visit now. I hate getting sick! I always have bad dreams and my tummy hurts. Did you have bad dreams too?"

Nodding solemnly, Usagi took another sip of water as Na-chan gasped in dismay and babbled about her own bad dreams.

Everything was a little sore, but she was feeling better than earlier. Lowering her cup, she stared into her reflection as her mind tried to understand what had happened.

'My name is Tsukino Usagi. I'm 4 years old, and my birthday is in a few months. I have a momma and a papa, and soon I'll have a baby brother. This is my third life.' Gripping her cup tightly, Usagi flexed her hand, as she marvelled at how small her fingers and nails were. 'My name was Serena Rodríguez. I was older than mommy when I passed away. That was my second life'. She didn't remember everything about that life, but she knew that she had a big family, was working a job, and had a boyfriend before she died. Many of the fragmented memories were in Spanish, as Serena had lived in another country.

Much of what she had seen about that life was slowly fading, as Usagi's mind was too young to fully understand the particulars. She had a feeling that she'd understand more as she grew older when her mind didn't burn to try to remember everything.

'My first life's name was Serenity. I was old, yet I looked so young. I look like her now. I died for love… I think.' The last batch of fragmented memories was the fuzziest, feeling more like a fantastical dream than Serena's life. Usagi barely remembered much from that life, but she was certain that Serenity was the first one, then came Serena's life, and now hers.

'I've been born three times. Just what did I do for this to happen?' Fears of spells, curses and evil witches danced about her thoughts ‒ as her fuzzy impression of Serenity insisted were valid possibilities ‒ as Usagi shuddered softly as she thought of every possible reason for her continuous reincarnation.

"Your hair is very pretty, like the gold in my mommy's shop. Can I touch it?" The sound of the little girl's voice pulled Usagi from spiralling into darker thoughts, as Na-chan looked hopefully with big puppy eyes.

Charmed by her sincere smile, Usagi nodded as Na-chan gently ran her fingers through her hair. She had never really noticed how long her hair was, reaching the midway of her back and curling softly at the ends; it had just felt right to have it like this.

"It's so soft!" Na-chan exclaimed, prompting Usagi to take a few strands and play with them as well.

'She's right. My hair does feel like silk.' Memories of her old self fighting with untameable, messy hair crossed her mind, as Na-chan rubbed her cheek against Usagi's hair.

A soft chuckle from the door snapped Usagi out of her daze, as Mayumi came in with a tray of food. Now that she could see properly Usagi noticed that Na-chan looked a lot like her mother, sharing the same hair and eye colour.

"Good afternoon Usa-chan. My name is Osaka Mayumi. Your parents are very close friends of mine. Please, feel free to call me Mayumi-baa-san." Smiling sweetly at the two girls, Usagi watched her kiss Na-chan on the cheek as she gently disentangled her daughter's hands from Usagi's hair.

"Now, now Na-chan. Let's stop and have some lunch first, and after that, you can play with Usa-chan if she's feeling better." Mayumi took Usagi's temperature as she reintroduced herself as a friend of her father, stating that Naru was her daughter and would be staying with her till the end of the day.

"The nurse came by earlier. Your fever is finally down and it looks like you'll be healthy in no time, Usa-chan! Your parents are going to be so happy when they return." Mayumi smiled as she carefully helped Usagi drink her soup, as her body was still weak from a week of unconsciousness.

"Mommy, doesn't her hair look like gold?" Naru-chan exclaimed as she finished drinking her soup.

"Yes, she has the same hair colour as Ikuko-chan when she was younger."

Usagi blinked puzzledly, as her mother had dark black hair that shone blue in the light, not blonde hair. Mayumi must have realized her confusion as she giggled and leaned closer as if sharing a secret.

"Your mom's natural hair colour is just like yours; she dyed it black after she married your father and moved into this neighbourhood." Mayumi sighed forlornly as she waxed poetically on how beautiful her mother's hair was as a teenager. Her golden curls had given her a ladylike charm, causing her to win the title of school-idol for all 3 years in high school.

"You went to the same school as Mama?" Usagi asked, curious to know more about her parents. Now that she thought about it, they looked ridiculously young! Just how old are they?

"Oh yes! We became close friends after the first day of class when we both realized we had a 'foreign' parent. Though your mom had an American mother, while I had an Irish father." Pulling Naru-chan into her lap, Mayumi explained that they got their blue eyes and red hair from her papa.

"You know, it was because of Ikuko-chan that I met my late husband. He was Kenji-san's best friend." Usagi leaned back into her pillows as Mayumi smiled softly at her and Na-chan. "I hope you two end up being just as close friends as your fathers were."

Her parents didn't come home till late in the evening, long after Naru-chan had passed out beside Usagi from exhaustion. She had told her so many stories, and sang as many songs as she knew, while Usagi had her hair brushed and took her medicine. Mayumi had also taught them both how to make some simple bead bracelets, while making sure that neither of them tried to eat the beads. Naru-chan had managed to make two, while Usagi had finished five in one sitting. Both girls had traded a bracelet as a sign of friendship, making Mayumi laugh and coo over how adorable they both were.

Mayumi and her Mama had crept into the room to carefully carry Naru-chan away and say her goodbyes. While Papa had walked Mayumi and Naru-chan to the door, Mama had stayed behind, stroking her forehead.

"How's my Usa-chan feeling? Your fever's gone down at least."

Usagi was fascinated by how young her mother looked. Even though she had slight bags of exhaustion under her eyes, and her face was pinched with worry, it couldn't hide the youthful glow in her mother's face.

"Mama, how old are you?"

'Oops! I didn't mean to ask that!' Clasping her hands against her mouth, Usagi stared at her bewildered mom, a stunned silence between them.

"My, does Mama look old to you Usa-chan?" She teased, seeming to get her bearings back as Usagi shook her head violently.

"Mama's not old! Mama's beautiful! Usa-chan wants to know more about Mama." It felt a little uncomfortable to refer to herself in the third person now, but Usagi knew that her parents would worry if she suddenly stopped talking like this.

Her mother's laughter echoed, seeming to warm the room as she smiled. Her father must have heard her laughing since he came in and pulled his wife close, with an arm loosely around her waist.

"What's so funny darling?" He asked, kissing the top of her mother's hair as he reached out to feel Usagi's temperature at the same time.

"Our little Usa-chan is feeling better and seems to be very curious about how old I am. I think Mayumi-chan has been gossiping about me today." Her mother beamed, cuddling into her husband as both gently stroked her pregnant stomach.

"Well Usa-chan, Mama is a beautiful young princess who I was lucky enough to convince to choose this old man over all the others who wanted her as their wife." He looked so serious that Usagi wondered if he honestly thought she would believe all that.

"Darling, don't tell Usa-chan that! You're hardly an old man, you're just 3 years older than me." Usagi giggled as her mother gently slapped her father's chest while they both cooed at each other.

"Usa-chan, Mama is 24 and Papa is 27. You have two young and hip parents, so don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!"

Usagi giggled as her father used English to get his point across. His pronunciation was a bit different than she was used to hearing, but it felt familiar nonetheless.

'Serena lived in a country where English and Spanish were both spoken. She was bilingual.' Slowly, very slowly, it was coming back to her. Grinning widely at her parents, Usagi melted as they shared a soft kiss, both clearly in love with each other.

Her parents shared a smile at her joy, and both leaned down, as much as her mother could in her condition, to plant a kiss on each of Usagi's cheeks.

Her mind made up, Usagi decided that she would be the very best daughter and older sister she could be. She had put her parents through hell this week, and with her mother in such a delicate condition that stress could have caused complications in her pregnancy.

"Mama, Papa, Usa-chan's sorry Usa-chan made you sad 'cause Usa-chan's sick. Don't worry, Usa-chan's gonna be all better really soon!" Usagi smiled as her parents each gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"You just focus on getting better Usa-chan. Mama and Papa are both strong, we can handle it." Her father boasted, while her mother tried to hide her giggles against his chest.

"We have good news for you Usa-chan. If you're feeling better by next week, you'll be able to come with me and Papa to the hospital to meet your new brother."

Snuggling into her sheets, she watched her parents tuck her in before gently closing the door.

'So... Now what?' It was very daunting to realize she had lived two times before this one. Creeping towards the edge of her bed, she grabbed a notebook and began to write down what she knew.

'In my second life, my name was Serena Rodríguez. I died when I was 28 years old. I had a few siblings, but I don't recall what gender. I was the eldest daughter. I had a job. I had a boyfriend. I loved him, but it wasn't like my parents. I think we broke up really close to when I died.' Her writing was very messy and nearly illegible, clearly something she would have to work at.

Turning the page, she wrote down question marks around the title "First Life".

'My name was Serenity. I was very old but looked young. I lived on the moon.' She could barely believe it herself, but she clearly recalled looking out the window and being able to see planet Earth on the horizon.

Rubbing her temples in frustration, Usagi decided this was all she could do for now. Placing her book under her pillow, she snuggled down and fell asleep.

Weeks flew by, and Usagi slowly got used to the new understanding and perspective her memories granted. Little things she hadn't noticed before were glaringly obvious now. Her parents had papers on different houses in different neighbourhoods and would leave sometimes on the weekend while Mayumi baby-sat her with Na-chan. When they came back they tried not to show it, but they were disappointed or quietly murmuring to one another about leaving "it" as a possible option.

'House-hunting. I guess we're going to move soon.' It hadn't registered to her earlier, but their apartment was a little small for two children. Keeping her promise on being a good girl, Usagi was as manageable and out of the way as possible when her parents revealed that they were moving just before her baby brother was born. A flurry of various coworkers and close friends assisted her family in moving all of their furniture, and a few nice new neighbours were kind enough to donate some old furniture. It felt like just as they were done moving and unpacking everything, her mother went into labour.

All too soon, Usagi found herself sitting in the hospital as her father paced back and forth in front of the room her mother was giving birth in. That morning had been very hectic as everyone rushed to get to the hospital on time. Her mom had managed to help Usagi with her hair, as a way to distract herself from the pain she was currently feeling, but her poor hair had been pulled and tightened harder than usual. In the end though, two adorable pigtails had been styled by the end of the car ride. Tugging on the curls at the end of her pigtails, Usagi sighed as she wondered how much longer it would be. She had been feeling a little fatigued all day, but she didn't want to worry her parents by saying anything.

'Hopefully this sensation will pass soon.' Her head started to throb as she felt a strange ache in her heart. Reaching into her pocket, she tried to distract herself as she looked at the two bead bracelets she had left. Two had been given to her parents, which they both were faithfully wearing today, and one had been swapped with Naru as a sign of friendship.

'One can be for my new baby brother, but who should I give the last one to?' Usagi wondered if the nice nurse would like a bracelet. Or maybe the doctor who's with her mother right now?

She and her father had also gotten some roses to give to her mother and new baby sibling, but they had started to wilt a little with the heat of her hands. 'At this rate, they'll die before mom and the baby even see them,' She thought mulishly, 'Maybe some water will help?'

Tugging on her father's leg, Usagi gave him a strained smile as the longing and ache in her heart all of a sudden spiked.

"Papa, my flowers are wilting. I'm gonna get them some water from the bathroom okay?"

The poor man was frazzled as he sat back down and wished her well on her journey, getting a weak giggle out of Usagi.

"Silly Papa, it's just down the hall." Giving him a small kiss on the cheek, she made her way down the hall. As she moved, she tried distracting herself from the strange feelings by paying more attention to her surroundings.'Serena lived in Canada. The technology felt more advanced there, but maybe I haven't seen enough technology to compare it properly? Other than that, the fashion feels a little off. But that might be because of a difference in culture.'

Making her way to the end of the corridor, Usagi felt herself slow to a stop in front of the bathroom.'The only really weird thing I've seen is the moon.' She winced slightly as she pushed the door open; the doors were much heavier than she remembered. 'The markings on the moon look a little off to me like some craters are bigger or smaller than they were from my memories as Serena.'

Maybe this was more proof that Serenity's life was really real? 'If it is, I wonder if the palace is still up there…' Taking her now fresher-looking flowers, Usagi had begun making her way back when a strong pulse of power from somewhere in the building had her needing to lean against the wall by the door. Feeling like the air had been punched out of her, an answering pulse seemed to come from within her as she slid to the floor, desperately trying to keep her breaths even.

"Usagi-chan?!"

'What's happening now?!' She thought in a panic, as she helplessly felt herself start to face-plant against the floor. Luckily two strong hands picked her up before anything happened, as her father panicked over her weak form.

She could hear him calling over a nurse, and Usagi faintly heard her say there was a spare room in the children's ward for her to lie in while her mother finished giving birth. A doctor could look her over while her father stayed with his wife, once they had one available to see her. Her father agreed and they made their way to the children's ward, while Usagi weakly focused on the strange sensation pulsing inside her. It felt like another, stronger heartbeat, almost like it was calling out to something inside this building.

'And that something is replying.' Another pulse of power seemed to wash over her from another source, both weakening and strengthening her further. 'Why doesn't Papa or anyone else notice these pulses? They feel like they're only getting stronger!' Scrunching her eyes in pain, Usagi prayed that whatever it was would just stop.

It seemed her prayers were answered as they entered the children's ward because the sensations all stopped abruptly. Weakly opening her eyes to see what might have stopped the pulsing, Usagi spotted a lone boy with dark hair staring vacantly by the window as a nurse scolded him for getting out of bed. His head turned, and his eyes met hers as she was placed onto the bed.

The nurse and doctor checked her over as her father fretted, but all Usagi could do was keep eye contact with the boy. Finally closing her eyes in exhaustion, she felt a strange feeling welling up inside her; almost like a tiny voice was saying, 'Oh! There you are! I've been waiting for you.'

Saudade: is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again.