Back with another Marco/Ace story! This one has a lot of angst in it. Poor Ace. I put him through the wringer in this one. Mentions of depression, self-harm and panic attacks. Angst with a happy ending. It's shorter than usual, which is fine. Not all my stories have to be 80,000+ words lol. Enjoy~
Ace and Marco met at a bar on Ace's twenty first birthday. Ace was alone, as he didn't have any friends due to self-esteem and self worth issues, so he was drinking by himself, making the funniest faces that had the bartender laughing.
"Never drunk before?" the bartender asked once Ace pushed away his third sample. Ace shook his head, but was having a good time with the bartender, as they were sharing simple conversations that Ace didn't need to commit too much to. The bar was relatively empty, as Ace hadn't wanted to go when it was busy with people.
It was only 7:00, but there were four other people there, drinking in booths and minding their own business quietly. Ace liked the quiet. It didn't bother him as much as when there were many people around, the feeling of being in a crowd of strangers crushing him and causing him to be miserable until he went home and locked himself in his room.
"I'll make you something light and good. Wait a mo'," the bartender said, and got to mixing up a drink that was a pinkish color once served. "Try this," he said, and stuck the small glass in front of Ace. He took a sip of the fruity tasting drink, which was so mild that it didn't taste the rotten way Ace felt alcohol did.
"It's pretty good," Ace said happily, but paced himself with it, even though it barely tasted of booze. He talked with the bartender, telling him it was his birthday and so it was his first time drinking. Ace shrugged with a frown when the bartender asked why he was alone on his birthday.
The young man almost completely shut down at the invasive and depressing question, but the man seemed to understand he'd pushed a button, and asked if Ace had had dinner yet. "No, I'll probably make something when I get home."
"No, since it's your birthday and your first time to an establishment, I'll make you something on the house," the friendly man said, and got to work making a burger. Ace hadn't noticed that the place sold food too, as he'd entered paying attention to how many people were there and if it would make him uncomfortable. Luckily, it didn't, and it was quiet like he'd wanted.
Ace didn't feel or notice another young man, clearly a few years older than Ace, watching him most of the time. Ace hadn't heard his chuckles whenever the birthday boy made a funny face when he tasted separate drinks, none of which he had liked until the bartender made him something special.
So, when he was finished with his burger, he was surprised to have someone sit next to him, but gave him one stool's space between them, which made Ace feel less bothered. That someone wasn't super close to him that he didn't know. "I'll have what you made him," the man with blonde hair said.
Ace admitted he was nice looking, pretty tall, at least half a foot taller than Ace. The man was staring at him, and Ace grew uncomfortable, his face red and wanting the man to stop looking at him. The guy seemed to get the hint and looked away when he got his drink. Ace watched out of the corner of his eye when the guy took a sip and frowned.
"This has no alcohol in it," the blonde man complained. The bartender refuted that and just said that it was the mildest drink they had. Ace blushed at not being able to handle any liquor. He'd always looked forward to his twenty first birthday, but alcohol hadn't lived up to his expectations.
The freckled young man wondered why this guy was here and not spending time with friends and family on New Year's day. Ace's birthday was January 1st. He would have spent it with his mother and brother, who went up to the lake house, but his phobia of leaving the house for going long distances kept him from taking the drive with them.
He had insisted they go and celebrate, and that Ace would be fine alone. Luffy was against it, but knew Ace was right, that he prefered being alone and might not mind being alone on his birthday. They would just celebrate it when they got back. When there were cakes that weren't all themed about New Years or those left over from the Christmas season. They really didn't expect him to go anywhere, but he did. The bar closest to his house. It wasn't far.
"I'm Marco," the man sitting next to them at the bar said. He sounded polite, but Ace fumbled and just said, "Hi, Marco," and didn't give his own name. He was bad at talking to people who took any interest in him. Why did anyone take interest in him anyways? He was worthless and a weirdo who could barely handle leaving the house, unable to get a job due to unchecked and unrelenting anxiety. And the doctor was sure he was developing agoraphobia that got worse every year.
"What's your name?" Marco asked, being surprisingly patient with Ace's obvious awkwardness.
"Um, Ace," the young man said quietly, taking another sip of his extremely mild and tangy drink. Marco replied with a "nice to meet you". He was friendly enough, but Ace wasn't good with interacting with people in general, let alone people he didn't know. But Marco wasn't pushy, and attempted to make small talk with the very obvious awkward man.
It didn't really go anywhere, but Marco persisted until Ace finally gave a real response. The man smiled like he'd won a prize when Ace replied about the shirt he had on, which was really a sleep shirt he hadn't changed out of. Marco chuckled at it. Ace didn't know why it was so funny. Shouldn't not changing your shirt be gross? It wasn't like it was smelly or had food stains on it, but still.
Marco had a nice laugh, which was the first thing he thought about him other than being attractive. He was nice, and seemed to be patient with Ace's awkwardness. They talked for a long time, mostly Marco saying things and Ace nodding along. He was paying attention, just didn't really know what to do, how to talk, or what Marco wanted. He didn't seem creepy or like he wanted to just have a one-night stand with him, which Ace would never do.
It was 10:00 by the time Ace decided he wanted to go home. Marco didn't offer to walk him home, which made him feel relieved. He didn't want to seem rude if Marco offered and he told him a decisive "no". But, he did ask Ace for his number. The black haired man had deliberated for a good two minutes while Marco waited patiently.
It was due to that patience that he gave Marco his number. He seemed like a nice guy, maybe they could be friends. Ace knew nothing about being in a relationship, and figured that Marco wanted to just be friends. "Text, don't call. I don't like talking on the phone," Ace said. Marco smiled and said he got it before Ace put his hoodie on and pulled up the hood.
"It was nice meeting you, Ace. Happy birthday," Marco said with a grin. Ace nodded back, face flaming, and quickly walked home. Unsurprisingly, Marco was the one to text Ace, and that was how it all started.
-x-
Ace laid in a hospital bed, sleeping. Always sleeping. He'd been in a coma for the last two years, in a room that was full of comforting things he couldn't see. Stuffed animals, photos, letters, flowers that the nurse brought, and Ace's favorite books. It really was like a bedroom for him, but he had no way of knowing it was there. Any of it.
The nurses were the only ones who visited anymore. Now that Ace was completely alone, it was only them that visited, even if it was just to check in on him. Sometimes nurse Tami would talk to him, but Ace didn't hear it. He was trapped in the blackness, not dreaming, just sleeping.
He had scars across his face from glass piercing it, but they had long since healed. Scars were across his legs and arms from glass as well, and a deep wound on his shoulder from a chunk of metal bending and stabbing into it. Ace didn't remember getting any of these wounds, since he was out the moment the front of the car was hit by a moving semi-truck.
His family was gone, and he didn't know. Marco, who he had loved and been loved, was gone, too. Ace hadn't been awake or coherent for the break up. Ace was truly alone, so when he woke up from the coma, he entered a personal hell.
After two years and three months, Ace opened his dark eyes, and looked around the room. Things were blurry, and he didn't recognize where he was. It wasn't home. He had been on a date at Ace's with Marco, who had convinced him to leave the house. Ace hadn't wanted to, but Marco said he'd have fun.
Ace couldn't remember too much that happened before he woke up, just that he was in the car, and then he was in a bed. He had no memory of the crash or anything that happened after it. Didn't remember being on life-support, his family crying, Luffy and Marco visiting every day, talking to him about things, saying they were excited for him to wake up.
He had no way of knowing his family was dead and his partner left him while he was unaware. So, when he opened his eyes again, and finally registered he was in a hospital bed, he was confused. He pulled out the needles attached to bags giving him nutrients and water. He was in a hospital gown that was a bit itchy.
Trying to sit up was hard, since he hadn't moved in two years. He was sluggish and exhausted. His throat was dry like he couldn't believe, like it was made of sand. There was no water anywhere around him, so he couldn't take a sip to make the pain in his throat go away. He found a button on the wall, and moved his sluggish hand up to it to press it. There was a light beep, and Ace waited for someone to come.
Before they did, he fell back asleep. But he woke up a few hours later. This time there was someone else there, a nurse he'd never seen before. She was sitting by his bed, and he cleared his throat to let her know he was awake. He coughed, and she moved the hospital bed to sit up slowly.
Handing him a cup of water, he gladly took a large gulp of it. The woman, nurse Tami, he read, smiled at him brightly. She took the empty cup back and put it on the standing table next to his bed. Ace was so confused, not knowing what happened or why he was in the hospital. It was scary, and he didn't know what to think. Was he hurt? What had happened? How long had he been here?
His hair was longer, he could tell. It was past his shoulders, meaning it hadn't been cut in a long time. "Ace, how are you feeling? My name is nurse Tami. How do you feel?" she asked kindly, emphatically so Ace could hear her clearly.
She seemed nice enough and was the only person who had answers for him at the moment. He cleared his throat again, which hurt much less now that he'd had some water. "Where am I?" he slurred. Then he remembered that wasn't her question, and didn't want to cause trouble for her. "I'm tired. Have to pee," he said, suddenly feeling like his bladder was about to explode. He tried sitting up further, and Tami helped him, while explaining that he was in the hospital. He had been in a coma.
Ace started to breathe quickly. Having a panic attack. He started to shake and tears came from his eyes. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be in his room, not here. "Ace, shhh, it's okay. You're okay," Tami said kindly, clearly knowing what to do in this situation. She still helped him to the small bathroom, and helped him sit down. He wasn't wearing underwear, and his legs weren't strong enough to keep him standing, so he sat down to pee, which was just strange.
He used the hand sanitizer afterwards and she helped him back out of the bathroom. His legs were like mush and he felt like his body was pulled down by heavy stones, making it hard to move. When he was back in the bed, panic attack subsided, he drank more water.
"What happened to me?" he asked fearfully, in a tiny voice. Tami gave him a kind look. "You were in a severe car crash. You've been asleep since then, two years and three months ago. You have scarring on your legs, arms and face. It was a bad accident."
Then Ace remembered that Marco had been there. "Was Marco okay?" Ace asked, worried that Marco was in worse condition or even dead. If Ace was in a coma, then was Marco as well? He was so worried, but confused when Tami answered.
"Marco is the blonde man, right?" she asked slowly. Ace nodded, confused as to why she didn't know him. Surely Marco visited, right? He said he loved Ace, so why didn't the nurse know who he was. "Oh, right! He was fine, he was not in the car when it was hit." Ace sighed, so relieved that he was okay. But it didn't answer why Tami didn't know him. Or at least didn't remember him well.
Ace was growing scared. "Can you call someone? Marco or mom or Luffy?" he asked, voice shaking. Did Marco stop coming for some reason? It didn't make sense, since he had said he would be with Ace forever. Shouldn't that mean he visited often? The nurse gave a nervous but sad face.
She took his hand, and told him earth shattering news. "Ace, your family was in a plane crash. They passed away," she said kindly. She was fast enough to grab a bucket for Ace to heave into, since he had nothing in his stomach. It had been over two years since he last ate. When he was under control, he shouted at her that she was a liar, which was very uncharacteristic. He never yelled at anyone, especially someone he didn't know.
But what she said couldn't be true! A plane crash? That was super unlikely! Tami took it with grace and then held his hand tightly. "I'm so sorry, Ace," she said sincerely. Tears cascaded down Ace's pale face over his freckles. His mouth was opened slightly as he tried to process her words. Luffy was never going to laugh with him again. Mom wasn't going to talk to him when he got overwhelmed.
"Then where is Marco? Can you call him? He should know I'm awake," Ace insisted. If his family was gone, Marco was all he had. The nurse pulled a clipboard off of the wall and read the list of names on it. There were five pages, and Ace saw the first two were full of names, which dwindled to nothing by the end. The empty spaces haunted him.
Tami said, kindly, "Marco Newgate hasn't visited since last Christmas. It's December 6th." Ace was shocked, and felt beyond hurt.
"Is he okay? He wasn't hurt? In the car crash?" Tami shook her head. Ace's eyes lowered to his lap. Marco hadn't visited in almost a year. That meant Marco was no longer in a relationship, or maybe he was on a work-related thing! Yeah, maybe he was on a trip and couldn't visit. That was it! Marco wouldn't leave him while he was in a coma. He was better than that, Marco loved him.
Ace asked for his phone, and she handed it to him. It was fully charged, and he opened it to see he hadn't had a call since over two years ago. It made sense, he was in a coma, and no new texts, which also made sense. He slowly scrolled through his contacts, and found Marco's number. He still hadn't fully processed that his family was gone forever.
He called Marco's number, and it rang once before telling him that the number was no longer in service. Ace looked at his phone like it had burned him. He dropped it on his lap, landing on his skinny thigh though the hospital gown.
"Tami? What do I do next?" he asked in a broken voice. Everyone had left him behind. And he had no way to contact Marco, no family. Even before the plane crash, it was just him, Luffy and Mom. Any other family was still in Brazil probably. Ace had been born in America like Luffy had. But they didn't have any extended family there.
Tami looked so sad for him. "For now, we are going to heal your body. Why don't we only think about that for now?" she asked kindly. Ace gripped her hand tightly. "You will need to build back muscle you've lost from being in bed so long. Physical therapy. One day at a time, okay?" Ace nodded slowly.
He would heal his body first, and then think of what to do next. Hopefully, "next" didn't come for a long time. He didn't know what he would do when it came, but he shut that down, and would focus only on his health. His body was in a bad shape, and he could barely walk. Tami then told him it would take months for him to be able to function completely.
That was good. He had time to put off thinking about the inevitable. Maybe Marco would visit during that time, and Ace would be awake to see him. He didn't. In the three months since Ace had woken up, no one came. No one called. No one sent a letter. Ace had always liked being alone, but not like this.
-x-
Marco slammed the car door shut when he arrived at his flat, opening the front door with his keys and slamming that shut behind him, too. Well, there went that potential relationship. Every time, the same thing happened. And he was sick of it. He didn't want to feel that anymore.
Every time, every single time, Marco tried to be intimate with someone, anyone, he ended up moaning his name instead of whoever he was with. Marco went to the kitchen and downed a whole can of beer before tossing it in the recycling and crashing on the couch. Izo was going to be mad at him again. He was supposed to move on from Ace. He was supposed to forget and heal. He didn't want to think about him anymore.
It had been over a year since he'd broken up with him. Not that it was exactly a break up. He just stopped showing up. Ace, if he ever woke up, would not remember Marco crying to him, wracked with guilt every time he saw him, still and covered in scars in that bed. He looked dead. Marco couldn't handle the grief and guilt that mixed in him like a poison cocktail. He turned on the TV and put something on Netflix on, anything.
Of course, he didn't pay much attention to it. It was just background noise while his thoughts were front and center. He missed Ace. All the time. But he knew it was not his place to do so when it was his fault Ace was in that damn bed in the first place. All his fault, he ruined the love of his life.
If Ace ever woke up, he would hate Marco for leaving him. But Luffy and Rouge would be there for him. They would help him. And despite how he felt about hurting Ace by leaving, he still wanted the man to wake up some day. Ace deserved to be happy, no matter how hard it was for him to get there.
Marco wanted it to be with him, but he felt too much guilt and regret for ruining his future. He wanted to see Ace's shy smile, the blush that flooded his face for almost everything. And it was ridiculous that Marco would call out his name when having sex when they'd never done it together themselves. Ace was too shy and insecure.
For anyone but him, he would have wanted to make love earlier, but he loved Ace, social awkwardness, agoraphobia, and low-self esteem included. Ace made him happy like no one else did, in his own adorable way. Breaking down his walls and crawling inside had taken years, but they were all worth it. Everything was worth it just to hear Ace's bubbly laugh, his smile.
And all of it was ruined because his car had broken down on the side of the road. Ace had still been in the car, and Marco had been behind it. He still remembered that moment of shock and confusion when the car was no longer in front of him, and was instead down a hill and slammed into the trunk of a tree, with Ace still inside.
Marco smacked himself hard to get his thoughts out of that direction. There was no point in thinking about it. But it was hard not to. It was impossible to forget Ace, he knew that, but he thought the pain of it would fade once he stopped going to see him. He thought he would move on, but it had been over a year since he'd left like a coward, and Ace was in his thoughts at least once a day. More, on most days.
Pulling out his phone, Marco did what he knew he shouldn't but couldn't help. He went into the folder he'd made of photos of Ace. Of the man he loved more than anything or anyone. The oldest photo he had of Ace was on their very first date, a month after they first met on his birthday in that dinky bar he never visited anymore. Ace had been drinking from a huge milkshake at an ice cream stand by his house. He hadn't seen Marco take the picture until after, and he'd caught just the right moment.
Ace had gotten a brain freeze and his face scrunched up. It was so cute. Then he looked to the last, which was the day of the crash before they had headed out to the family barbeque. Ace posed by his apartment door, showing he was leaving the house, which was hard for him most times. The majority of their dates were not in public.
And Marco had accepted with open arms that Ace had mild agoraphobia that became more severe as he aged. Marco knew meeting new people was scary, and especially many people at once. And he had convinced Ace to come to see all of his family. It was his fault they were on that road.
He looked at a photo he'd taken of Ace sleeping on the couch, shirt tugged up a bit to expose his smooth stomach. His skin had been so soft. Marco remembered running his hands across his skin to help with anxiety.
All of the problems Ace had were worth it to be with him. Everything was worth it, yet he still fled from his own weakness. His former love had done nothing on his part to make Marco run, it was all because of him. He was too weak to deal with the fact that he'd ruined his boyfriend's life. His family didn't blame him, which made it even worse. It was his fault, his car, his trip. All his, Ace didn't even want to go, yet Marco got him to. How selfish he was.
Finally, he broke. He caved, and took his phone and shoved it in his pocket as he got back into his car, not thinking to lock the door behind him in his hurry away. He hadn't visited in a long, long time. Ace was probably still asleep. He would always be asleep, and Marco would watch him waste away.
He knew this was a bad idea, it would just make it harder, but Marco had to see him and apologize, even if he was never going to be with him again, he should apologize for leaving. It might make him feel better in the long run. And he was selfish, he wanted to feel better. He was still leaving him, but hopefully with a smaller weight resting on his chest.
When he parked at the hospital, he sat in the car for a few minutes, before toughing it out and walking inside. Ace was in the inpatient care area of the hospital. He turned down the right hallway and up two stories. He'd made that walk hundreds of times. He knew the way to Ace's room by heart. Everything was the same, painfully. So many memories of crushing guilt and depression lurked in the hallway.
When he entered Ace's ward, he slowly moved towards his room, and opened the door. To his horror, the room was empty. The sheets were made, all of the personal effects were gone. Everything in that room was cold now, the bed empty of his love. Who he didn't have the right to call his love anymore.
He fell to his knees, thinking the worst. That Ace had died without Marco ever being able to apologize. He started to cry, choked sobs coming from him as he thought it was his fault, ultimately, that Ace had died and he hadn't even known. Didn't get to say one last goodbye.
But he was bringing attention to himself and eventually stood up. Someone, a nurse with black hair, came up to him and asked, "Are you alright, sir? Can I help you with something?" She sounded concerned, but Marco didn't know if it was for him or for the people around that he was freaking out.
"Uh, when did the man in this room die?" he asked, a tremble in his voice. His lips were wobbling and tears still down his face. The nurse looked very confused, so Marco assumed that Ace had actually died a long time ago and he just didn't know. And his family didn't even invite him to the funeral. But, it was his fault, why would he get to even go to it?
"Do you mean Ace?" Marco nodded. "He completed physical therapy and left three weeks ago," she said simply. Marco was shocked. And hurt. Sure, he hadn't been there, but Ace didn't try contacting him? But he had no right to complain, he was the one that left. "What is your name, sir?"
Marco answered his name. Tami, the nurse, suddenly had a cold look on her face. One of anger and disapprovement. Marco bristled under the stare and did his best not to glare back. She had information that Marco wanted, and it wouldn't do to make her angry. "Ace attempted to call you when he woke up. Your phone number changed," she said in a hard voice. "You're disturbing the patients, please leave."
He was shocked, and completely forgot he'd changed numbers due to spammers contacting him many times a day that turned hourly. Of course Ace couldn't reach him. But he'd tried, and Marco hadn't been there for him. He must have been so hurt that Marco stopped coming, and had no idea why. He must have felt so alone, even if Luffy and Rouge were there for him.
"Do you know where he went?" Marco begged. Tami replied that she couldn't give out confidential information, and asked for him to leave. Something had happened that made her hate him, and why wouldn't she? He abandoned her patient. He left, and tried calling Ace's phone. It had changed as well, which wasn't so strange. It would have been an old phone, so he got a new one.
Marco had no way to contact him, so all he could do was visit Ace's home. It wasn't his place, but he had to know he was okay. Had to see him healthy and awake, even if it was for the last time. Ace would hate him. Or worse, welcome him back with open arms. But he had to see him. So he hurried back to the car, cold air puffing out in front of him. It was late. He knew it would bother him, but he just had to make sure Ace was safe and awake.
He started to feel sick on his way there. A nervousness he hadn't felt in a long time. One of fear, suspense. But he drove to the house, and noticed there were new cars there. Maybe Luffy finally got a car and learned to drive. He parked across the street from the nice home. He had so many memories of being there with Ace, watching movies in his colorful basement room. It was a nice place to be, to relax and have private moments with Ace.
To have him in his lap, watching a movie, napping together, playing games, talking or just reading in the same place. It had been such a happy place. He stood outside the red door, and gathered the courage to knock. He waited, rocking back and forth on his toes. The lock turned and the door opened, flooding light across the doorstep.
It wasn't Rouge or Luffy or Ace. it was an old woman. "Hello? Can I help you with something?" Marco was confused.
"Are you related to Ace D. Portgas?" he asked, the name feeling pleasant in his mouth while also making him feel wrong for saying it. She shook her head.
"I know someone named Rouge with the same last name, but they passed a long time ago," the old woman said, a walker in front of her.
"Do you know where they moved?" Marco question, not catching the wording. If this woman knew where Ace's family was, then he could go see them. But she gave him a look of almost pity and sympathy.
She shook her head and said, "No, sonny, they died. A plane crash over a year ago." Marco's face went pale, and he didn't say anything before stumbling back to his car. Ace's family was dead. Marco was gone. Ace… he had no one left. Tears poured down Marco's face, thinking of Luffy and Rouge, and how alone Ace must feel. He should have been there for him!
He screamed curses at the top of his lungs for a long time, and slammed his head on the steering wheel in self-hatred. He had no way to find Ace, who was utterly and completely alone. Never got to see his family one last time, or even go to their funerals. This was hell, but Ace must be somewhere ever worse than hell.