Disclaimer: By the end of this story, it would be clear why this is possible only in fanfiction. I'm going to be borrowing so many characters whose copyrights are owned by so many people. I won't even claim to own any of these characters. Stranger Things and Carmen Sandiego are Netflix shows but I have no idea who actually owns them. Add in IT, the Goldfinch. the Turning, and CMBYN. You guys understand, right?

Michael Wheeler inspected the package with a wary eye. He brought it in. He felt the weight of the mid-sized box, jiggled it a bit, noticed nothing more than a faint cardboard smell, then called the idiot he suspected to be responsible for this suspicious.

A wide grin greeted him from a young tween wearing a white cap.

"Hello, Michael! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hello, Dylan, always a pleeeasuuure to be in touch with you." Mike gritted his teeth.

"How many times do I have to tell you to NOT ROUTE YOUR STRANGE PACKAGES THROUGH INDIANA!?"

"Sorry, Stars and Stripes. There's really no alternative to sending these valuables through Podunk…" Dylan said.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Mike's says, louder than he intended. He had not forgotten what happened last time.

"Whoa! Don't get so snippy at me, Michael." The other boy grinned through the screen.

"I don't want anything."

"Cut the crap, you're always trouble!" Mike fumed.

"Must you be so hurtful, Mikey?" The Canadian feigned offense

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!?"

"I see. Shall I tell your girlfriend that"

"Can we get to the point, so I can end this call?"

"HEY! You called me, Stars and Stripes!"

"Fine! What should I do with the package?"

"You don't have to do anything. In it are tickets to Boston, itinerary details, and post card from me."

"Why would you send me tickets to … OH, NO. NO, DYLAN"

"Say hello to the cousins for me!"

"Not going."

"Look, Michael. Our moms ae going to want you or me to be there; and I don't want it to be me."

"And if I refuse to go?"

Check.

"Well, it looks like you have a nice internet history here. It would be such a shame if I were to "accidentally" attach them to an e-mail to Troy Haarrigton cc'd to the lovely Jane Hopper"

Checkmate.

Mike was playing a high-stakes game of poker; and his cousin was holding all the cards. Dylan didn't call himself Player for nothing.

"YOU BASTARD"

"Busty college girls… Gosh Michael, I didn't know you liked older women."

If Troy got his hands on these, Mike Wheeler's life would be over; but if he went to the Fairchild sleepover in Boston….

"Either way, I lose. I'm dead even I do what you want, Dylan."

"Pussy sandwich, Princess Leia three-way, Goonies Rule 34, ET… MICHAEL! SUCH A NAUGHTY BOY!"

"I'll deny everything. You can't link it to me."

Check

"Do you really think Troy will care about whether it's really your internet history? All he needs to see you is your username at the top of the search history…."

Check AND Mate

Mike sucked at sports. He was no stranger to losing whichever team he played.

At least death by Miles Fairchild will be quick.

"Fine, I'll go to the sleepover. You win, Dylan. But I need you to guarantee no more hacking of my computer; and that you'll delete al the kompromat you have on me."

"I can do you one better, cuz. I'll point out all the vulnerabilities that allowed me to hack you. It'll be up to you to fix; but you'll be less vulnerable to me." Player gave his best try at an angelic grin.

"Ok. But what about the kompromat you already have?"

"You can trust me." Player winked. "I'm not the shady e-mail you clicked promising muscle growth pills."

"Yeah. Trusting my extortionist sounds like a really solid idea right now."

"I'll delete the files. If you can't take my word, you can make your own assurances."

"How about I leave your name and photo on a letter I send to El?"

"Ah, yes. I know about your girlfriend. Lemme guess. If anything happens, she'll find me and kill me?"

Mike nodded.

"Gosh, Mikey. You need to be more original."

"You HAVE to stop calling me Mikey."

"Will you agree to stop calling me Dylan in return?"

"Sure! Why not? I assume you want me to call you Player?" The young Canadian just nodded

"DEAL!"

Mike received a new e-mail alert as Player typed up a storm on his end.

"It's done! All the kompromat is deleted. the e-mail also contains a list of things you need to work on so I can't get more in the future. Don't forget to pack warm clothes for New England."

"Thank you. And you enjoy your dark basement, you cheeky Canadian."

"Oh yeah, good luck explaining the international charges to Aunt Karen!"

"FUCK YOU, DYLAN!"

Player tipped his white hat in response before hanging up.

Mike opened the package to get the ticket and itinerary. There he discovered, his blackmailing cousin didn't throw him to the wolves unarmed after all. Mike picked up his Phoneto talk to El.

"El?"

"Mike!"

"Listen, I'm gonna need to go away for a week. Don't expect to see me until next Wednesday, okay. OVER?"

"Something wrong. OVER?"

"Sleepover with cousins in Boston. OVER"

"I understand. OVER."

"I love you so much. OVER"

"Love you to."

Mike frowned. He was going to miss her. He hoped he'd be back before too long.

Now, it was time to prepare for Boston.

Today ended surprisingly well despite an interaction with Player.

"You're going to Boston!? Nancy asked.

"Yeah."

"I thought you hated our cousins."

"Well, it was either I, or Dylan; and Dylan had the blackmail material on me."

"He must've found quite the treasure trove of incriminating material on you for you to agree to this."

"I don't even want to talk about it."

"You sure you don't want to bring my gun with you?"

"Look, Nance. The last thing I want is for Miles Fairchild to find himself in possession of a firearm."

"Just want you to be safe."

"Don't worry about me; I won't take anything Boris offers me." Mike winked at his sister; and flashed a thumbs-up.

Mike had survived jumping off a cliff, interdimensional monsters, shady government conspiracies, among other things A few nights with his cousins shouldn't be a problem, right? Deep down, Mike knew it would be.

A/N: I'm just really bored. The Finn Wolfhard cinematic universe needs to happen. If only all these corporations and authors can agree to have him film all these characters together. It's just that a movie where one actor plays all the parts is the perfect thing to shoot in our CoViD-19 world.

Yes, I gave Player a name. I mean he looks like a Dylan to me.