Jean sat quietly feeling Lucien's heartbeat under her head and his caress of her shoulder as he held her close to his side while the bus ambled along. She had hoped he would come to see her off. Really, she hoped that he would ask her not to leave, tell her that she was needed where she was and that he would miss her if she left. At the very least he could say that he was sorry to see her go, or that she would be welcomed back and hoped this wasn't a permanent move. When he hadn't made an appearance as the bus pulled away she questioned her own imaginings about their relationship. About what she saw as the possibilities for the future. Had it been so long since she had any interest in a man that her own desires were breathing more into the words and gestures than simple fondness? It seemed to her that they had been getting closer, more familiar, until this last week.
He was decidedly distracted. He huddled in his study though he wasn't drinking himself into oblivion like when he first arrived in Ballarat. She knew that Munro was making life for him difficult and she found out that he was obsessing on his mother's death. Not that he'd told her this directly, He only acknowledged it when she relayed the message denying his exhumation request. Now here he was, she thought, sitting beside her while she traveled on her way to her son in Adelaide, holding her close, nuzzling her forehead and squeezing her hand. She's sure he wouldn't be here if the case wasn't solved and so she picked this subject to put them on a neutral territory.
"So you found out who the murderer is then?" She lifted her head to look at him, He seemed tired and he looked at her with a lingering sadness and faint smile.
"Yes." He sighed "It was Doug Ashby. He was avenging my mother's death."
"Doug Ashby?" Jean exclaimed. She'd never cared for Doug Ashby, especially after he'd sent Jack to a juvenile detention in Melbourne, but Lucien had seemed to like him and of course he'd been a friend of Thomas. Jack never seemed to rebound from that experience and it had damaged her relationship with him. But for Doug to make a leap to murder? She would never have guessed it, "So Neville Franklin killed your mother?"
Lucien looked down, "No, but he knew who did and helped cover it up. It was Jock Clement, Neville wrote all about it in his journal. I think he was concerned that Jock was after him when he was elected as Worshipful Master at the lodge instead of Jock."
"Well at least you know now… what happened to her. I'm so sorry Lucien." Jean squeezed his hand knowing it was little enough in comfort for the swirling she knew dominated his thoughts.
"Doug Ashby is dead." He told her.
"What?" Jean's eyes widened in surprise.
"I confronted Jock with Neville's journal and He threatened to shoot me to get it back."
"Lucien!" she blurted loudly drawing the attention of the other passengers. He was so exasperating this man. His headlong stampede to get to truth and justice had soured him to many citizens of Ballarat's populace. Jean glanced around and lowered her voice. "What on earth were you thinking?"
"Now Jean." He raised his hands in placation," I wasn't alone. Matthew and Doug were there hiding. Doug and Jock wrestled with the gun and Doug was shot. We can guarantee putting him away for Doug's murder and Neville but not my mother." Jean's brow furrowed. He could never see the cause and effect of his own actions. Could she manage that? Well, she had been trying to manage him since he'd arrived back to his childhood home. Would he settle down if they became involved? He seemed to be steadier than he had been, not drinking himself into a stupor on a regular basis as was his wont early on in their acquaintance. After all, He'd sought her out at the hotel trying to settle his mind, but then he went running off to confront people with his suspicions of all sorts of things which possibly lead to Doug's demise.
"You could have been killed." She hissed. His arm came back around her shoulder and pulled her close under his chin. Kissing the top of her head, He could feel his mind calming just holding her close. He really didn't know if he could let her go at the end of the journey. He knew he couldn't let her out of his sight for fear he'd not see her again. There was a heaviness in his chest that kept him from asking her to stay. He knew what it was like to be separated from your children. It didn't matter that they were grown and starting their own families and no longer needed parenting. It had been a hole in his heart not being with his daughter and he never wanted Jean to linger in that kind of sorrow and pain when she had the chance to be near her son and his growing family. He'd missed out on having family connection most of his life and because his father sent him away after his mothers untimely death he'd been driven to find out why his childhood had been destroyed.
"I just had to know Jean. I needed to know what happened all those years ago. It was the one big mystery in my life that has followed me wherever I've been. It's over now Jean."
"Oh Lucien." She sighed and grasped his hand even tighter, Her brow furrowing, "Do you think your father knew?"
Lucien rubbed his cheek against her head, "Oh, I don't know Jean. I can't imagine he'd have let it go if he thought that her death was suspicious." They drifted into silence once again. The bus rocked along the road and the sun was nearly set dimming the interior of the bus and affording them a feeling of privacy from the surrounding riders. Lucien seemed to be lost in thought as his hands absently caressed her and Jean's mind was swirl of anxiety and questions and emotions. Chiefly, What Happens Now?
"Jean-" Lucien pulled back and encouraged her to sit up to look at him. His chest constricted when he saw the wariness in her gaze. "I want you to know I'm sorry. I know the last few weeks with me have been… difficult." He hesitated, "I've been distracted…"
"Lucien." Jean interrupted. "You did what you felt you had to do.."
"But Jean," Lucien jumped in, "I should have said something. When you asked me to sign the loan papers, I…." His voice faltered, then Lucien chuckled under his breath. "You know, I'd suggested to Christopher that he should let you be a part of your granddaughter's life, that you deserved some happiness. It never occurred to me he'd ask you to move to Adelaide." He sighed. "I'm Sorry I didn't say anything."
Jean squeezed his hand and shook her head. Damn him, did he think that this will make her change her mind and throw herself into his arms. Unless he wasn't wanting a relationship, though an employer doesn't usually hold his housekeeper's hand and kiss her temple. Jean was at war with herself. She never imagined meeting someone like Lucien. He challenged all her preconceptions about what would appeal to her about a man. She'd found him difficult and exasperating at first. He could be attentive and dismissive all in one breath and he was physically demonstrative without a thought to it. He was very attractive physically, He kept himself fit and he had eyes so blue and expressive that you could sink into their depths.
"Really?" she gasped. He could be such a lovely thoughtful man when he wasn't bumbling around. "Christopher needs my help, Lucien. I've had such a difficult time with the boys I don't want to lose this opportunity." Jean's distress was written on her brow.
"I know Jean, and your right. I would never ask you to abandon your family, but does it have to be a permanent move?" Lucien added. He looked intently at her trying to gauge her thoughts. He watched a multitude of emotions reflected on her face.
"Oh Lucien." Jean sighed. "I don't really know. I'm not sure what I'll be walking into or what they'll need, but they need me."
"Of Course." Lucien replied quietly. "Jean I meant what I said about the house being your home. It's been your home far longer than mine. You have made it a home for me. I am just bumbling about there, I can't imagine it without you." Jean sighed. Is he just lamenting a loss of convenience to his lifestyle? Evelyn Toohey could easily take care of all the conveniences that be a challenge to him without her presence in the house.
"Are you coming all the way to Adelaide? Did you even buy a ticket or did you just run the bus down?" she questioned raising her left brow.
"Well, I didn't really think that far ahead. I just, well, I just couldn't let you leave without seeing you." He pulled her back into his chest. "I'll have to call to make sure Matthew knows I'm gone. Alice should be able to cover for me. Thankfully, I don't have anyone scheduled in the surgery immediately."
She popped back up to look at him, "Lucien, we can't just show up on my son's doorstep together. I mean, what would he say? What would he think? For that matter, what is it you think is going to happen now?"
Lucien looked questioningly at her. "I thought, I hoped, that you may feel the same way. That you'd want to stay not move away."
"If it were only that simple Lucien. I love it there, I've lived nearly half my adult life in that house. Ballarat is where I grew up, got married and had my children. My church is there and my friends. Mattie, Charlie and You."
"I'd hoped I'd be higher up on that list." Lucien gave her hand a squeeze.
"Last but not least." Jean gave a small smile. "Tell me?"
"I'd hoped that we could step out together, I want to court you if you'll let me. I know I've been difficult and you've been very patient with my" he sighed, "eccentricities. I'm trying to do better."
"You're much better than when you first arrived in town." She gave him that warm smile that he was always eager to see.
"And lot of that is due to you." He squeezed her hand. "You, reminding me that we're all fallible and human and have suffered and loved. Jean, you are the kindest, most compassionate person I've ever known and I can only hope you don't give up on me."
"Lucien, we can't just go out. Everyone in Ballarat already talks and neither of us can afford to ignore those voices. You have your practice to think about. "
"Does that mean you want to? If all the difficulties were to go away?" Leave it to him to ignore the problems.
Jean huffed, "Lucien." She turned away looking out the window as the bus travelled further and further away from those difficulties. Jean let her heart grow with the idea. She liked the idea of being able to enjoy his company without guilt or shame. Being able to take his hand when she felt like it. To share the small intimacies of getting to know the ins and outs of each other. Strange to think that after sharing a home all this time there would be more to learn but she wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him and hold him and share her hopes and fears. He'd held her that time after Jack left and the look of longing he'd given her shook her. She had thought about his arms around her far too often since that day. It had been so long since she'd let a man get close enough to hold her, but Lucien had told her she was home and she was overcome with a sense of being alone and failing her son again and fell into his arms. She was terrified and embarrassed by her actions but she could still feel him caressing her cheeks and stroking her back.
"Jean" Lucien broke into her ruminations and she turned back toward him. "What do you want?"