Salvation- The act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction. Deliverance from the power and penalty of sin: redemption.
In The Middle Of The Night.
He stares at his reflection in the mirror and for a moment he's unable to speak.
"What do you think?" Corrie's voice is careful, almost cautious. He continues to stare. It's the same face, the same blue eyes, the same slight frown that mars his brow and yet…
"The last time my hair was this short, FDR was President," he murmurs. Behind him the barber approaches and whips away the protective cape covering his clothing. He offers a tentative smile before moving away.
"I think you've scared Eddie," Corrie murmurs and this makes him look at her. A deeper frown on his face.
"Eddie?"
"The guy who just cut your hair. You have the most ferocious scowl. Some might say terrifying." Corrie grins at him as she gets up from her seat. Bucky blinks in surprise before catching Eddie's attention through the mirror again. The frown disappears.
"Sorry…I'm sorry, man. It's nothing personal, I've been told I have a scary…" He looks at Corrie for clarification.
"Resting face…" she supplies, "You have a very scary resting face."
He looks back at Eddie. "What she said," he confirms.
"By Sam?" Corrie enquires, coming to stand behind him. He gives a brief eyeroll.
"Who else," he mutters and Corrie grins again and takes a step back as Bucky slowly lifts his right hand and pulls his fingers through considerably shorter hair.
"You won't be able to hide behind it anymore," she reminds him as he lowers his hand again. Stares at his reflection some more. "I've noticed you've done it more than once. How long was it that length?"
"Decades. If it got too long, one of my handlers or some other guy would carefully approach and hack at it here and there. I guess it was too much for them to actually cut it properly."
"Maybe they were too scared to or maybe they realised how much more menacing you looked. I like this new look though, it suits you more and it will be much easier to maintain. Save you a fortune on shampoo too." She smiles again as Bucky climbs out of the barber's chair and stands beside her.
"I hadn't thought of that. I'm just happy to get it off my face permanently. I've lost count of how many times people have given me a wide berth these past few months."
"Now you see where HYDRA were coming from," she reminds him in a low voice.
The look he gives her in response makes her smile.
"Thanks for coming with me today," he comments as they leave the barber shop.
"Not a problem, happy to help." She glances up at him as she falls into step beside him.
"Sam is a good guy but sometimes…"
"He can be a bit too much? I get it. He's got a great sense of humour but something like that isn't what you're looking for right now," Corrie fills in and Bucky just nods. He then burrows deeper into his jacket, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.
"Damn breeze whistling around the back of my neck though. Haven't missed that," he mutters and Corrie chuckles.
Corrie senses Bucky's reluctance as they make their way back to the car. Perhaps he's bracing himself for some of Wilson's special brand of humour, she doesn't know but he's reverted to being quiet, almost monosyllabic.
"You okay?" she asks anyway as they make their way back to where her SUV is parked. Bucky glances at her and a mild frown comes and goes across his face.
"Yeah. Why?"
"You're just a bit quiet, that's all,"
"I'm always a bit quiet, Corrie. Apparently it's my default setting," he responds and Corrie smiles faintly. Sam again. He's not wrong there.
"Okay. I was just checking."
"Y'know, I appreciate the sentiment but it's not necessary," he reminds her, voice still low. She glances at him. She still gets a slight jolt seeing him with shorter, neater hair but damned if he doesn't suit it.
"It's part of my job to know that you're okay Barnes. You're very good at hiding how you're feeling, with good reason but you also need to keep reminding yourself that we're not the enemy here and to admit that on occasion you're having an off day doesn't make you weak."
"I know," Bucky agrees, "but sometimes I just don't feel like talking."
"How are things going with Katie?" she enquires a short while later.
"Okay, I think."
"You think?"
He glances at her. "She's a sweet kid, reminds me a lot of my youngest sister in how kind and considerate and helpful she is. I hung out with her at the bookstore on Friday, just watching her and helping out where possible and she's a sweetheart but she also has a backbone of steel, always up for a challenge. Not a lot fazes her." They reach the SUV and Corrie presses the fob to unlock it. They get in.
"You didn't ask her to come with you today?" Corrie asks and he looks across at her as he pulls his seatbelt across and clicks it into place.
"She's working and I didn't think it'd be something she'd be interested in. We're still getting to know each other, y'know?"
"Yeah, I do. You're still just getting to know me too."
"I've worked with you longer. I know Katie's my biological family but you…I don't have to keep too many secrets from you mainly because you know them all."
Corrie fairly grins at him "I do, don't I? Does she at least know you're getting a haircut?"
"Yeah, kinda. Just not when."
"Well today was a spur of the moment thing. Maybe you should take a selfie and text her a heads up or something?"
"I'm not doing that."
"Why not?"
"I'm just not."
"You want me to take the picture and send it?" He all but glares at her from the corner of his eye and she sighs. "Fine," she mutters as she starts up the engine and they head out.
They head into the complex. Corrie knows that Sam is on site and so does Bucky by the way he subtly straightens his shoulders and takes a slow deep breath.
Sam is watching a football game on the big screen in the communal area as the two make their entrance. He's tucked in the corner of the couch directly opposite the screen, an arm draped across its back, his attention on the game. Bucky doesn't pay much attention to it. Baseball is more his thing and occasionally basketball. His stomach tightens as Sam slowly turns his head in their direction.
"Hey…woah…" His eyes widen slowly as he takes in Bucky's new appearance and just like that the game is forgotten.
"Okay…get it all out…get it over with," Bucky sighs with a roll of his eyes and a deep sigh. He pauses as Sam continues to take him in.
"Damn you clean up good!" he announces. Bucky begins to feel the knot in his stomach loosen slightly and he lifts his right hand and pulls his fingers through the hair on the top of his head again.
"I keep telling you that I didn't always look like I was homeless," he murmurs, semi-embarrassed.
"The long hair was kinda scary, you have to agree with me there," Sam replies and he slowly smiles.
"Kinda suited the purpose at the time but new start and all of that," Bucky answers, all of a sudden wanting to be out of there and away from Sam's intense scrutiny.
"It suits you man, really. You look great."
"Thanks."
"Hell, you never know, maybe you'll actually attract a girl or two this time instead of scaring them away."
Bucky rolls his eyes once more. "Damn it, Sam," he breathes, exasperated.
Corrie can't sleep. It happens sometimes and she's learned to adapt. The complex is quiet, Sam and Bucky retreating to their room after a companionable evening where all three of them cobbled together an evening meal that they shared before chilling out in the living area and watching something on a streaming channel. It had been nice. They don't do it often enough. They've shared the occasional meal, sat in the living area and talked about stuff though Corrie has noticed that it's usually she and Sam who do most of the talking, Bucky just listens. He contributes here and there but nothing of any great importance, no big secrets. She guesses he's still coming to grips with the idea of having actual friends and being sociable and she hopes that the more genial side of him will begin to emerge more fully in the future. She's seen glimpses and she believes there's a charming guy beneath all of the layers. He just needs to relax enough to allow those layers to be peeled away but he's not quite there yet.
She sighs quietly, concentrating on the laptop screen resting on upturned knees. It's her personal computer, heavily encrypted and secure. No one can get into it but her. She's made sure of it. Any unauthorised access will cause the machine to shut down permanently, all information irretrievable. It saves on it falling into the wrong hands. A search on a hunch has proved fruitless, as she expected it might but she checked anyway. Her eyes begin to feel gritty and she entertains the thought of shutting the laptop down and calling it a night. A low dull thump makes her lift her head. The hair on the back of her neck prickles and she listens intently. Once the guys are in their rooms then the complex usually goes silent. It could be something or nothing but past experience has her checking.
"AMI…status update on Sam Wilson and James Barnes," she requests, keeping her voice deliberately low. "Information to be for my ears only," she adds.
"Acknowledged." There's a brief pause. "Sam Wilson is sleeping." There's another, slightly longer pause.
"And James Barnes?" Corrie prompts.
"James Barnes is out of bed and moving," AMI supplies.
Corrie frowns. Out of bed and moving? What does that mean exactly? Her eyes widen when she all of a sudden realises.
"AMI, is he awake?" she then asks. Another brief intermission.
"Negative."
Corrie quietly sighs as she shuts down her laptop. She climbs out of her bed when she hears a door open in the complex. His personnel file, as extensive as it is, has made no mention of sleep-walking though given what he's been through, she shouldn't be surprised. He's been under considerable stress recently: the job along with the unexpected introduction of a biological great-niece into the mix. Apparently Katie is the only member of his family who knows he's alive and in New York.
She chews on her bottom lip as she briefly contemplates what to do next. Damn it, it's her job to look after them, she's even told them that a time or two, Bucky just today. If he's sleep-walking then there's no guarantee that he won't hurt himself. Would he become violent if she tries to wake him? It's all new ground and she contemplates waking Sam to help her out, just in case. She moves across the room and carefully opens the door. She peeks out and her eyes widen slightly when she sees Bucky just outside of his bedroom door. She can just make him out in the shadows. He drops to his knees and stays there, swaying slightly. Corrie's eyes widen in alarm and she hurries towards him, bare feet not making a sound, all thoughts of waking Sam forgotten for now.
"Bucky?" she whispers but he doesn't respond. His head is lowered, his chin all but resting on his chest. She drops down onto her knees beside him but she doesn't touch him. She can hear the heavy rasp of his breathing, his chest heaving with the effort. He's just wearing pyjama bottoms, his upper body bare and it's the first time she's seen his left arm in all of its…she doesn't want to say glory but it's truly a sight to behold.
The entire shoulder joint has been replaced with dark coloured vibranium, the plates edged in dull gold. She's seen images of the old arm which used to be a bright silver colour, a red star emblazoned on the shoulder, almost like a brand but the new arm is brand free. She knows the old one was destroyed in a fight almost to the death in the Siberian HYDRA HQ, annihilated by the blast of a laser from Tony Stark's Iron Man suit. This one was created and upgraded by the Wakandan Princess, Shuri. Every now and again she sends them emails and updates for the cybernetics that the engineering and cybernetic division devour.
"Bucky," she whispers again.
"Can't get away from them," he whispers. Corrie frowns.
"Can't get away from who?" she asks and sees how he turns his head and looks in her direction but she knows that he's not looking at her, more like looking through her. His eyes are vacant.
"Do you know where you are?" she asks him.
"I… no.."
"Do you know who you are?" she asks.
"I'm…" She sees a faint frown ripple across his brow and she hears him say something, in Russian and she understands.
Ya gotov otvechat. Ready to comply.
Hadn't the Winter Soldier programming been dismantled? She's sure he's undergone extensive de-programming while in Wakanda, he even agreed to undergo testing here and passed with flying colours. How could any of it remain? Is it a HYDRA trap, ready to be sprung at short notice? She gives herself a brief mental shake. Of course not, the best people in the country have been working on him and all of them have proclaimed him to be successfully de-programmed.
So what the hell's going on?
"Hey…Barnes," she whispers and this time she does touch him, she gently cups the side of his face with the palm of her hand, feeling the fiery heat of his skin and the rasp of two day old stubble against her fingers. She feels how he startles, a very slight stiffening of muscle. Corrie waits, her heart beginning to bang against her ribcage. He gives a blink and stares at her in surprise. Looks down at himself then back at her. She carefully lowers her hand, quietly relieved that he wasn't violent at being woken up.
"You okay?" she enquires softly. She watches how he looks around the shadow darkened room in bewilderment.
"How did I…"
"End up here? You decided to go walkabouts. Don't worry, it can happen and nothing happened except for a little Russian conversation. You've had a lot on your mind recently," she answers, keeping her voice quiet and non-judgmental.
"Damn it," he mutters. Slowly Corrie gets to her feet and Bucky copies. He stands still and covers his face with his hands for a moment before swiping down. He glances at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," he apologises, his voice low and husky.
"You didn't wake me," she replies and he looks at her in surprise and she just shrugs.
"Bad dream?" she asks instead.
"Something like that. I used to have nightmares…no…they were more like night terrors. I'd scream the place down by all accounts. Wake up in all kinds of strange places. That was before I went to Wakanda. I wasn't yelling, was I?"
"No. Just the Russian. I just heard you get out of bed. Before Wakanda…you mean before you were deprogrammed?" He just nods and then he frowns as he catches up with what Corrie has said.
"I spoke Russian?"
Corrie nods. "Yeah. Ready to comply. A throwback to the old days." She sees his look of surprise.
"You speak Russian?"
"A little."
For a moment they just look at each other, the silence dropping between them all of a sudden somewhat awkward, embarrassed.
"Want some tea?" she asks instead, deliberately heading towards the kitchen area, giving him some much needed space, switching on a single light. She looks at him over her shoulder. He's still standing in the same place, still looking a little confused. He then looks down again and she sees the moment he realises he's half naked.
"Sure. I'll be back in a second." She watches as he turns and half stumbles back into his room, emerging a moment or two later, pulling a t-shirt on. She knows that he's strong, super strong even and that he takes care of himself but the sight of those muscles on display earlier. She turns back to her task of filling the tea kettle.
Damn.
"You don't sleep well?" he asks, coming to stand beside her. She doesn't startle this time, used to his silent approaches now. Instead she looks at him.
"From time to time. Insomnia can be a bitch," she replies and then she busies herself with the task of locating cups and tea bags whilst the tea kettle begins to boil.
"Yeah."
"You go through the same?"
"Some nights. I try and tire myself out. Swim, go to the gym, find something busy to do. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I've learned how to get by on little sleep." He pauses, frowning somewhat darkly for a moment, "Never used to matter to HYDRA. Wasn't unusual to be working for three days and nights straight. When you're kept in suspended animation, you get used to not sleeping in the conventional sense."
"Three days?" she breathes. Bucky just shrugs.
"They'd pump me with drugs to keep me going, the downside being that they'd make me violent when I came down from them. So they chose their moments with care, made sure they weren't around for the aftermath. I took out a few unsuspecting handlers that way." He sound so matter of fact. She's amazed he remembers, and that he's willing to talk about it.
"So you still have nights where you can't sleep, or you have bad dreams. Do you remember what you were dreaming about tonight?"
"Bits and pieces. I never really remember all of it. Tonight was the battle of Wakanda, fighting those…things…" She knows he means Thanos's army of aliens. She's read the reports of ravening snarling dog like creatures, capable of ripping apart their prey with sharp teeth and claws. The Avengers and their allies had faced them on the battlefield both in Wakanda and at the Avengers HQ here in New York. They were fearsome and feared.
"It must've been terrifying," she murmurs as she begins to make tea.
"Milk? Sugar?" she then enquires.
"I'm not sure. Little bit of milk maybe?" Bucky replies and she looks at him.
"You've never had tea before?"
He just shakes his head and she quietly sighs. Americans and their coffee.
"Well I'll make it how I like it which is with just a splash of milk. Feel free to doctor it accordingly if you don't like it. I wasn't going to suggest coffee to you because the goal is to hopefully get you back to sleep. Coffee won't achieve that objective."
She extracts milk from the fridge and add a little to both cups, stirring both with a teaspoon before picking up one cup and handing it to him.
"Thanks," he murmurs, accepting it.
"So was it?" she enquires as she picks up her own cup. She glances at him over the rim.
"Was what?"
"The Battle of Wakanda. Terrifying. Coming back here and doing it all over again," she supplies, taking a small delicate sip of her tea. He copies and she sees the faint frown as he tastes the tea and then takes another sip. Maybe there's hope for him yet.
"Yeah. It was."
"You were taken by The Blip." This isn't a question, it's in his personnel file. He vanished into the ether for five years, the same as Sam did along with Fury, Maria Hill and Sharon Carter. God, she'd been so relieved when he'd returned.
"You weren't?"
Corrie just shakes her head.
"But I watched people I cared about just disintegrate into the ether, float away on the breeze. Right in front of me."
"Were you working for SHIELD then?" he asks. He watches her. He can see that she's reliving that moment, all but see it playing out behind her eyes.
"I was. I was originally in London and I was then transferred to New York just before, experienced the chaos Thanos created first hand, witnessed the aftermath. I got to know Steve, Natasha, the other surviving Avengers, met some new ones. Tried to make sense of everything. Tried not to panic like everyone else," she sighs. She remembers the incoherent sense of grief, of trying to help people to cope, to understand, to regroup, to move on. Then there was the sense of desperation that was all encompassing, as was the disbelief that the Avengers had lost that first great battle in faraway Wakanda and that they had to live with such devastating consequences. Until the plan that undid all of that damage but there was consequences of that too, one of them resulting in all of this.
"Why did you come over here?" he asks. He sees a look that crosses her face, it's so quick that he almost misses it.
"Because I asked and because I wanted to. After the Blip happened, I was needed behind the scenes. With my skill set, I was brought in to help coordinate missions, collate information, that kind of thing. Apparently I'm the best at what I do." Another sip of tea. Bucky gets the impression that that isn't the whole story but he doesn't push it.
"Well we have no complaints," he murmurs and is rewarded by Corrie's faint smile and she lifts her tea cup in a parody of a toast.
"That's good to know, thanks," she acknowledges just as quietly. He watches as she heads into the living area and lowers herself down onto one of the couches. After a moment, he follows her and takes a seat on the opposite end of the one she occupies.
"So how are you finding your first cup of tea?" Corrie enquires and Bucky looks down at it.
"It's not so bad."
"You see? When I suggest tea to Sam, he looks at me like I'm trying to poison him. Tea is soothing. It may contain caffeine but not in the amounts that coffee does so you have a better chance of actually getting back to sleep within an achievable time frame," she replies. Bucky bites back a smile at her good natured vehemence.
"Coffee is the best for getting the engines running early in the morning though, the stronger the better for me."
"So I've noticed. I'm surprised you still have a functioning stomach lining," she responds with a roll of the eyes he finds charming. She then regards him for a moment or two.
"Can I ask you something though and by all means, feel free not to answer," Corrie begins. For a moment Bucky just stares back and then he slowly shrugs.
"Sure. What do you wanna know?"
"You were taken by The Blip. What was it like? Do you remember?"
She watches how he contemplates how he's going to answer her. She's always been curious about what it must've been like but never been brave enough to ask anyone who'd been taken and then returned.
"It felt…weird I felt a little light headed, like I was gonna pass out and then nothing."
"And coming back?"
"I woke up where I faded from and it was like I'd been in a really long, really deep dreamless sleep. Different from when I was held in suspended animation though. Just lights out, black."
It was confusing, opening his eyes and staring up into a blue bowl sky, not a cloud in sight, a hot wind blowing over him. Then a shadow blotted out brilliant sunlight and he recognised T'Challa and his sister.
"On your feet Sergeant Barnes, we have another battle to fight, a war to win," he had told him, holding out a hand and hauling him upright. His head had swam for a moment and his eyes had gone wide when he saw the people standing around, looking equally confused.
And then a man in a red cloak appeared, told them they were needed and to follow him.
"As God as my witness, we walked through a portal of fireworks to the Avengers HQ site, like walking through a door into another room," Bucky tells her.
"That's literal magic for you," Corrie answers with another faint smile.
"If I said that to anyone else, they woulda thought I was crazy," Bucky sighs.
"Maybe once upon a time, but not so much now I'd guess."
"Still sounds crazy to me," Bucky tells her with a slight shake of his head.
"The world was saved by Gods and superheroes, there's no such thing as crazy anymore," Corrie gently reminds him.