The ThunderClan camp was deadly silent as all the cats sat, gathered tightly together. Ashfur was amongst them, sitting next to Ferncloud and Cloudtail. Firestar was on high-ledge with Sandstorm leaning against him. Both of their expressions were full of sorrow and despair, but Firestar was the one who did his best to look strong still after the events that happened. If the silence continued, he assumed that Firestar would crack open with what he was feeling. Firestar opened his mouth, breaking the silence finally.
"Cats of ThunderClan, I know we are still mourning the deaths of my daughter, Squirrelflight, and her children, Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and Hollyleaf. The search patrols are still unable to find their bodies, but after this period of time, we have come to the conclusion that all of them must have been caught in the fire and died there," he spoke, his voice shaking a bit as he tried to talk to his Clan professionally.
As Firestar kept on speaking, Ashfur glanced to the side, seeing Squirrelflight's sister and the ThunderClan medicine cat, Leafpool, sitting there. She had a disheartened and distressed expression on her face as her head drooped down. She could only stare down at her paws and have her ears bent back as she listened to her father speak. It appeared that the passing of these cats deeply troubled Leafpool more than Ashfur thought originally. She looked completely miserable knowing Squirrelflight was dead, but she seemed to be in more distress when the names of her sisters' kits were mentioned by Firestar. Ashfur couldn't stand looking at Leafpool anymore, and his gaze shifted back on Firestar, who grieved for the passing of Squirrelflight.
Ashfur remained silent. The fire alone wasn't what killed Squirrelflight's kits. It was him. He purposely let them burn alive when the fire happened. He made Squirrelflight watch every heartbeat of it. He can still hear the three screaming out in pain as the flames licked at their legs and consumed them whole. Squirrelflight, out of sheer terror, attacked Ashfur, but he was easily able to overpower the distressed ginger she-cat. Ashfur left the scene, letting their bodies burn and be unfound. At first, Ashfur didn't feel bad. In fact, he felt great. He never felt better in his life. Ashfur calmly made his way to where the rest of ThunderClan cats, acting along with the rest of his Clanmates. When Squirrelflight and her children didn't appear, he acted surprised and concerned like everyone else, easily blending in. But now, he felt himself feeling guilty over it.
They deserved it, and you know it. This is for the best, Ashfur told himself always.
He wasn't supposed to feel this bad after killing them. Cats have killed others before, and they were able to do it without feeling any drop of regret. That should have been the same case for Ashfur, but it wasn't. He felt real bad for ever doing it. The first cat he ever loved was now gone, and it was because of him. How come so many other cats can kill with ease, but he can't? The looks that Leafpool and Firestar made him feel worse.
His upset look wasn't acting. It was real. Ashfur told himself that his guilt will go away soon enough. He'll feel nothing toward them in a couple of days. Besides, he was very clever about how he got rid of Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, and Lionblaze. Not a single trace of him was left on them. Even if the search patrols manage to find their burnt bodies, there would be no way to point their cause of death at him. And he made sure to have Squirrelflight's body never found again. There would be no way ThunderClan found out about what he really did.