I do not own Harry Potter. I don't own any of the Character's, Places or Things from The Harry Potter World. I make NO Money or Profit of Any Kind. The same goes for any unoriginal lyrics or poetry.
Luna in Wonderland
By
Marvolo666
Inspired by the Work of JK Rowling and Lewis Carroll.
Luna Lovegood was perfectly normal, thank you very much. She was just like any other witch, and she put her shoes on at the same time, she prayed to the great Snorlack, and once grew a giant beanstalk out of magical beans she got for her cow...wait that was her cousin Jack. Still, she watered the garden in the morning, and ate breakfast in the evening, and visited the fairies before midnight tea. Luna dressed in rainbow colours, and once flew to the moon.
Then one day Luna went to Hogwarts and realized something. Everyone was so abnormal. Luna despised oddness, The world was so colourful and chaotic, and yet everyone in it was so plain and boring. lifeless and grey. Luna didn't want to be mean and she certainly wasn't a Dursley, weird freakish Muggles who obsessed with being strange, but something had to be done about this. Luna thought about giving them the plants from her Fathers back yard, only to be told that they were endangered and could only reproduce by being inhaled, by Xenophilius himself. So Luna had to leave her giggling father, and come up with a new plan.
Luna was perfectly normal and no weirdos would tell her otherwise, they may call her freak and loony, but she knew better. They were the strange ones after all and not to be rude, but she would rather be a flower than a blade of grass. Not that Luna had anything against grass, but they always gave her the creeps for some reason.
So Luna plotted and schemed, she would make Hogwarts ordinary, but she couldn't do it alone. She needed the help of fellow ordinary people like herself, and that was how she found herself, here in front of the secret passage behind the portrait of bouncing peacocks. At the end of the passage was a door. Luna went to kick the door, it was only polite to knock after all, when a door slot popped opened, revealing a pair of sane eyes. A deep booming voice demanded. "WHO DARES DISTURB OUR SLUMBER!"
"Alice." Said Luna, a serene smile on her face. "And a very happy unbirthday to you Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee."
Luna heard whispering from behind the door before the voice asked, in a far more light tone. "How did you find us?"
Luna grinned mischievously. "I followed the white rabbit, which would explain my tardiness. I'm 15 moons late."
The second pair of eyes looked through the slit and uttered. "Listen, kid, I don't know what you've heard, the Hooka-Smoking Caterpillar confiscated our supply of absinth. "
"I have no interest in visiting wonderland, my last stay was rather eventful. I merely wish to bring Wonderland to Hogwarts." Luna stated with a smile.
The sound of hissing excluded from the door, and if Luna didn't know any better, she would have guessed Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee had turned into snakes. The door suddenly opened, revealing two twins who prodded. "Go on."
Luna beamed and declared. "Everything is so weird here, and it boring. Everyone is so sad here, it breaks my heart. The saddest thing is, they think it's normal, but it's not. The world needs more normal people like us, we need to show them how beautiful the world is. Hogwarts needs wonderland, it needs chaos and disorder, but most of all, Hogwarts needs laughter."
Tweedle Dum spoke seriously."You sound pure of heart-"
"And strong in purpose," interrupted Tweedle Dee.
"-But once you go down the rabbit hole."
"-There's no going back."
Luna shook her head and sighed as sombreness appearing in her eyes. "I already fell through the looking glass, there's no going back for me. even if I could."
The two twins glance before they each grabbed one of Luna's hands and gave them a shake, tying their arms in knots. "Welcome to Wonderland Alice."
So for the next 4 moons, Luna helped Tweedle Dum and Tweedle D with the pranks. Luna would be lying if she said she didn't have fun, but was also disappointed. She had greater ambitions than childish pranks, however, Tweedle Dum preached patience. "How can you hope to endure the flames of the Jabberwocky, when you have yet to overcome the Hookah Smoking Caterpillar."
Everything was going well until it wasn't. The last month before the summer holidays, Luna was caught stealing potion ingredients by the Smoking Caterpillar himself and was sentenced to her first detention, many more for the rest of the school year. Luna was miserable, and returned to Tweedle Dum and Dee, reeking of failure. She couldn't bear to be faced with their disappointment.
"CONGRATULATIONS!"
To Luna's surprise instead is a disappointment, Tweedle Dum and Dee were ecstatic. They threw her a big party to celebrate her first Detention. According to the twins, detention was a right of passage for fellow anarchists like themselves, and they celebrated with tea and pudding all through the night. Luna served every one of her detentions with a smile, something that irritated the Caterpillar to no end.
Sadly tragedy befell Hogwarts, as a student was killed, it was Luna's neighbor Cedric. Luna didn't know the boy too well, as the Diggories had always kept their distance from the Lovegood's, bleeding them to be weird. Still, Luna felt terrible for the Diggories, the loss of a loved one was something Luna was no stranger to...
Maybe that was why Luna found her time home to be so lonely, or maybe it was her father spending more time in his private garden. Luna was so guard, she broke her Father's rule and smoked some of the odd plants herself...but it only made her sleepy. Luna wondered if that was why her Father like the stuff so much, better to be asleep and dream, than live in a mundane world.
Not that the world was mundane, just the people in it. Society was the word. Luna was a big fan of society but understood its importance. Luna was more interested in being an individual, but even individuals got lonely...
Perhaps that was why she spent so much time at the Weasleys. Luna wasn't aloud over, at least not at night, but that was when the Twins truly began their experiments. According to the twins, they had received a rather large investment by a secret benefactor. All she was told was that the benefactor told them, that the world needed laughter. Luna could not agree more.
Luna was lost in her world as she sat on the Hogwarts express, ready to start her 4th year of Hogwarts. Luna hated the year format, by their definition she was 14 years old but in reality, she was 175 months old. I made her feel older, and Luna like being older though she didn't know why, maybe it was because being a child could make one feel...powerless.
Luna was interrupted from her musings when he stepped into her compartment. Luna couldn't take her eyes off him. It wasn't the scar on his forehead or fame his name carried. No, what held Luna's attention and fascination were his eyes.
"You out flew the Jabberwocky," Luna stated all of the sudden.
The boy looked abashed and frowned, while Ginny, who Luna had only just realized was there spoke up. "You mean the Dragon."
Luna nodded as she began to sing.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."*
Ginny looked confused witch only grew when the boy smiled to himself as if remembering an old joke. He said no more, however, as if trapped in a shell
Harry Potter was so strange. Besides the scar, he looked like the most boring person Luna had ever seen, except for the eyes. His eyes were bright, vibrant green, and as dull as his expression was, she could see past it. She could read those eyes better than the Quibbler. They were the eyes of an old man who had lived a long hard life. These eyes, filled with so much suffering and pain. These eyes, held something else, a burning ember, glowing through them. It was desire, lust for life. A burning need, to live and live free. Luna recognized these eyes, for she saw them every day when she looked in a mirror.
Soon the train arrived at Hogwarts and Luna headed for the Thestral-drawn carriages, She found Harry to be stunned if not outright horrified by the creatures of death, but Luna placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered. "I see them too, you're just as sane as I am."
Harry met her eyes for a second before nervously looking away. Luna wasn't upset, she had seen it, a flash of something she had not seen from any other student, not even the twins. She saw sanity.
The Queen of Hearts had come to Hogwarts and she filled Luna's heart with dread. Luna had never seen someone more plain and empty in all her life, she was so plain, it was as if she were transparent. Luna could see right through her. The Queen could force her subjects to paint as many roses as she desired, but all of Hogwarts could not paint her cold black heart.
The Queen took an instant dislike to Luna, of course, she would, the Queen as really strange, even by Hogwarts standards, she desired order above all else, while Luna's craved chaos and disorder. So of course Luna found herself in detention right away. The Queen forced Luna to pain the roses, no matter how badly the thistles scared her hand. Luna was not a vengeful person and held no hate in her heart, not even for the Queen. However Luna knew, like it or not, she had met her nemesis. Luckily she had also found her partner, the Mad Hatter himself.
The Mad Hatter was holding his bloody hand as he slipped out of the Queen's palace. He tried to be discreet, but Luna was waiting for him. This was the Hatter's third and final detention, though he was sure to endure many more throughout the year. Luna could feel is frustration reaching the boiling point. Luna felt it too, she was tired of pranks, the enemy as in the castle and it was time for revolution but first she had to reveal herself to the Mad Hatter.
"Beware the Jabberwocky, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
The Mad Hatter spun around with eyes ablaze as he drew his weaponLuna, who smiles serenely as she continued to sing.
He took his vorpal sword in hand;
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
The Mad Hatter who had lowered his wand when he realized Luna was no threat, suddenly came to life. He held his sword mightly as he cried out.
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
Alice ran to him a exclaimed joyously.
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
The last line as fitting, as the Mad hatter had burst into laughter of Luna's jubilant praise. Luna couldn't help but laugh with him before The Hatter finished.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe." *
The two stood there beaming at each over, as Luna offered her thistle scared hand. The Hatter took it and smiled. To most, not a sensible word was spoken between them, but they both knew, they had found a kindred spirit.
"Your name's Luna, right?" The Mad Hatter suddenly asked.
"That's what my Father calls me, adults call me Lovegood, and the children call me Loony." Luna smiled and then winked. "But my friends call me Alice."
"Tweedle Dum and Twiddle Dee, most Glorias news I have for thee." Alice sang to the closed door, which opened to reveal the twins. Luna turned to her new friend and declared. "Forget your sorrow, nothings the matter, for I have found the great Mad Hatter!"
The Mad Hatter waved awkwardly as he stumbled over his words. "I...I'm no good at rhymes and I don't mean to be blunt, but by Dumbledore's name, WE'LL KICK HER FAT BUT!"
"Nice save Hatter."
"What save."
"Never mind, listen we'll Catch You Next Tuesday."
...
...
"But Today's Tuesday?"
It was a Glorious Fragolice day, as Alice and Mad Hatter came out to play. The Tweedle's guidance would not lead them astray, So the Cheshire Catmiled, and went on his way.
It began with a simmer, not even a whimper, but Alice and Hatter served up a prank platter. They spike the Queen's potion and turned her hair red, and the Queen's guard cried, they had soiled their beds.
The Hallways were flooded, the portraits turned grey, and all the Houselves refused to obey. The Sorting Hat sang, all through the night, keeping the Queen up until daylight.
The kingdom was merry, and its subjects cheered, but the Queen grew vengeful, something everyone should fear. "Paint me more flowers, paint the castle red, when I find Alice and the Hatter, OFF WITH THERE HEAD!"
Alice and Hatter became the best of friends, even while the two hairs, watched on in despair. The White Rabbit sighed, the boy is going to be late, The March hair shrugged. "Let them eat Cake."
The Mad Hatter missed them and Alice could tell, but they had work to do, and send the Queen to Hell.
"We can't kill her Lu, I mean Alice."
"I know that Hatter, it's an expression."
"They call me mad" The hatter sighed, as he stared at the kingdom, from the top of the tower.
"That didn't rhyme?" Alice responded.
"Can we drop the act for a second? Luna." The Hatter groaned.
Luna frowned as she sat beside her friend. "It's not an act for me you know."
The boy was silent for a moment, before asking, in a quiet voice. "Am I mad?"
Luna remains silent as the boy spills his guts. "I mean, I no what I saw, I know he's coming. Yet, everyone, I tell calls me mad, my enemies, my friends, even you call me mad, I know you don't mean it, but sometimes I feel like, I'm really going mad."
"Dear Hater, truth is but a lie spoken very loud, very often." Luna recited resting her head on the boy's shoulder. "Don't be ashamed to think for yourself,"
"I know, it's just that... I don't know," The boy exclaimed with frustration as he rubbed the back of his head. "Sometimes, I still feel like the Muggle boy, who apparated onto the roof or set a snake on his cousin. Sometimes I still feel like a freak.
"A freak?" Luna laughed before planting a kiss on the boy's cheek, causing him to blush. "You are exceptionally ordinary."
"I...I am?"
Luna shrugged before smiling. "Your the most normal person in the Kingdom, and you wonder why they call you Mad?"
Alice gave the Mad Hatter a conspiratorial wink. "The world is insane, so sanity is madness. Speak a lick of sense, they just don't understand."
"It is most unfortunate,
Please don't holler and boo.
But the hour is late
We must bid you adieu."
Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, were leaving to parts unknown, they had remained for too long, it was time to go home. Alice and Hatter both felt rather sad, but they had been taught well. It was time for them to find their own path.
"Don't cry now, laugh." The twins both sang. "We're not just gonna leave, We'll go out with a BANG!"
Alice looked around, she was so amazed, she could not believe the things she saw on that day. She saw Wrackspurts and Humdingers, froggers and lean years, She even saw Nargles, who dare not go near her. She saw Rabbits and zebras, singers and dingers, Babbles of Zongers, and Whig Wax and Big Ears. Slotherrs and Bothers, and Crumple Horned Snorkacks, Zappas of Zorlacks, Why she even saw the Great Snorlax.
All these creatures flew through the school, Summoned by the due of Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Some people laughed and others cried, while Red Queen screamed. "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"
Alice watched and laughed as the Queen turned around, and saw the fabled Jabberwocky, bearing down. All who were there could not believe what they saw, it brought down its jaw and swallowed her whole. It chomped and it chewed, but taste good she did not. So the Jabberwocky Howled and spat the bitch out."
Everyone stared, their surprise surely showed, instead of a Queen, there sat a Toad. The amphibian did not move, it didn't even croak, it merely sat there, as if it had broke. Then one by one, her subjects began to laugh, until everyone was roaring, including the staff. Even the Smoking Caterpillar, smiled that day, so none saw when Tweedle Dum and Dee, quietly slipped away.
The Mad Hatter grabbed his head, fear that his friend, would soon be dead. The Jabberwocky as him, He cried and cried, and Luna knew, it was time to fight...
They flew on a Pegasus reeking of death, but Alice paid no mind and flew on ahead. They arrived in the land of madness and mystery, though Alice did fear, it would only bring misery.
"We're late we're late," the White Rabbit cried. "We're late, we're late for a very important date. We walk into a trap, but we must take the bait, So down the rabbit hole and see your fate.
Alice and Hatter, hand in hand, took a deep breath and jumped right in.
"Luna." A Voice hissed in the dark. "Luna, come here, open your eyes, embrace your fear. It's all an illusion. You know this my dear. So run dear child, your in danger in here."
"Wake up!"
Luna was in a dungeon, and Hatter...not hatter...was fighting the Jabberwocky, Its eyes were slits, its noise was not there, to her horror, the Jabberwocky was a man. The monstrous deformed, and evil at heart. Luna saw the Cheshire cat, save her friend, even as his mind was torn apart. Luna tied to scream, she cried for help, the next thing she knew everything went dark
The castle was somber, and so was Luna, she didn't feel like rhyming, or smiling. She worried for her friend, whose name she now recalled Harry Potter, the saviour of us all. Grief hung about the boy's head like Nargles. Though she dare not disturb him. He was lost in grief, and his eyes were dull.
"Where did the colours go?" Luna thought to herself. They had been through so much, just to end up like before. Had it really happened, she wasn't certain at all. Had it all been a dream, like Wonderland after all. Even Alice had awoken from her sleep, to find that her adventures were but a dream.
"Al...Luna." Harry greeted as he approached her from behind. Lunas turned to greet her friend, who had remembered her after all. His eyes were tired and his posture was sad. Luna wished she could take away the pain, but that would be bad.
Luna shook her head before whispering. "I won't ask if your ok, but...are you...Ok?"
Harry was silent, seemingly understand her question. "I lost, someone, very close to me. It still doesn't feel real, I nearly lost Hermione, Ron, even you."
Luna felt uncomfortable as Harry focused on her and whispered. "I nearly lost you, and I'm not sure I even know you. I only know Alice, but...who are you."
Luna shifted awkwardly, before answering. "Alice is happy, Alice is free, Alice is me, how I'd like to be."
Harry took Luna's hand and she felt something in her heart, pulling her forward, but tearing her apart. "Who are you Luna, I almost lost...without knowing who you are... you're my best friend, Luna, please?"
Luna turned away and looked out a window, before speaking, in a soft somber voice. "Luna doesn't belong here, she doesn't belong there, Luna doesn't belong anywhere. The people are lifeless, boring, and shallow. I used to know someone different. Someone beautiful and free. Her smile disappeared and then... there was only me."
"I've been alone for so long, lost in the crowd. I lost so much, even myself. Everything's so sad, somber, and plain, and these people don't know how beautiful, life can be. "
"All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they're quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name." **
Luna finished singing before sighing wistfully. "It was nice pretending, my life was a dream, but children must grow up, and even Alice must go home. It's fun to get lost, in another world, but now reality is coming and it can't be ignored."
Harry nodded before turning her to face him. "I know things can be rough, and I'm sure it will get harder, but it's ok to escape, at least for a little while."
Harry took a knee and kissed Luna's hand, causing her to giggle. "The day is not over, what do you say, Let's pretend Alice, a little longer anyway, and then let me show you, the world you have lost. As long as we're together, Reality isn't so hard."
Alice smiled and giggled and glee. The Mad Hatter laughed as he kissed her cheek. Luna turned and their lips met, and when they opened their eyes, the colours were back. She remembered all her friends of this mystical land, she remembered laughter and laughed once again.
The Mad hatter offered his arm, Alice took it without question, and they went forward together and returned to Wonderland.
If this story should offend, and cause you to gargle, well you should know this story was written by the Nargles. So embrace the absurdity of it all my good friends, and maybe you too will find your Wonderland.
* The Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll
** Desolation Row by Bob Dylan
I hope you all enjoyed this wacky story. Not my best work but a righting exercise to embrace more absurdity after spending the past 3 years working on a big dark book. Hopefully, you all enjoy it, and if not...that's ok too. However, If you're going as crazy as I am, this one is for you.