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She stared out into the forest, with its auburn leaves and rustling branches. The crisp air bit at her face and neck, but she pushed the feeling into the back of her mind. This was as close as she could get to 'alone time' nowadays. She wasn't going to waste it by grumbling about the cold weather.
The young woman let out a huff of air, watching as a small puff of warm fog filled the air in front of her, and pulled her cream cardigan more tightly across her chest. She breathed in, and instantly relaxed at the fresh scent of autumn leaves. She looked around her and saw that a large pile of the fallen leaves lay a few feet from her. Remembering that Charlie had raked them this morning, she resisted the slight urge to jump into them like she had when she was younger. It had been a long time since she had let herself do something as simple (and childish) and playing in the leaves.
Looking out into the dusk, she inwardly cursed her human eyesight. It was getting dark enough to where she had to strain her eyes just to see the tree line. A deceptively soft, yet chilly breeze rustled the branches above and around her, causing the young woman to shiver. She thought about taking a step into the darkening forest, just to be surrounded by the quiet chatter of birds and movement of small animals; to be surrounded by blissful nothingness. And yet, her feet did not move her forward. She knew there was more than birds and squirrels in the forest of Forks now.
Sighing, she tucked some of her hair behind her ear and covered her now-frozen hands with her cardigan. She was starting to regret not listening to her father when he told her to wear a jacket. She glanced at her watch and felt a wave of sadness hit her when she realized Charlie was going to make her come back inside soon.
As if he was waiting for her to have that thought, Charlie opened the screen door to the backyard and said, "Come on, kiddo. It's gettin' dark."
The woman sighed and stood from the rickety old swing that she had been sitting on. Walking inside, her fingers began to tingle as the heat of the house thawed her frozen digits. Making a mental note to wear gloves and a coat next time, she headed towards the kitchen to get the finished lasagna out of the oven.
Just as she was pulling the steaming pan out of the oven -thankfully remembering to put on a pair of cooking mitts this time- the doorbell rang. Quickly setting the lasagna on top of the stove and removing the mitts, she rushed to the entryway when a loud pounding started on the door.
She opened the door, and when she saw who it was the woman was tempted to slam it back shut. "What do you want, Samuel?"
The man in question stood tall and broad on her porch, having to bend slightly to keep his head from above the doorframe. If possible, the wolf looked even more somber than normal, with his eyes narrowed and shoulders tensed. Sam clenched his jaw but spoke in a calm voice. "Bella, there was a pack meeting earlier."
"I was well aware of that," Bella stated; her normally warm chocolate eyes were now on the brink of turning onyx from her anger. She knew where this conversation was headed and sought to quickly nip it at the bud.
"Why didn't you go?" Sam questioned, honestly curious. His dark eyes stared at her, searching for answers. As if you don't already know, she thought bitterly.
"Because I'm not a wolf, Sam." Bella ground out through her clenched teeth; "I don't take orders from you."
Something feral flashed in Sam's eyes before it was quickly diminished by his ever-present calm façade. If she were a lesser woman (or a normal one), the display would've frightened her. However, all it proved to do was agitate the woman further. "I'm well aware of that, Bella. But we have to discuss what happened."
"What is there to discuss?" Bella asked sarcastically, "Edward called, and Jacob answered. Jacob implied that I was dead, and Edward decided to kill himself. Alice begged me to help her, but I refused to betray your pack by helping her. Edward is dead, and there is nothing to discuss."
Sam stood there with a shocked expression upon his face. "The pack just wanted to make sure that-"
"That I'm not going to follow him?" Bella questioned. She paused, collected herself, and shook her head. "I'm not going to kill myself, Sam."
Sam's proud shoulders sagged, and he ran a hand through his dark cropped hair. "We know that, Bella. We just wanted to see how you were holding up. I mean for God's sake you thought the leech was your soul mate. You can't possibly be over that already."
Bella felt a pang of pain in her chest, right where the hole that had eaten her heart lay dormant as if waiting for its chance to finally finish her off. She swallowed and looked away from Sam. "I'm fine." She whispered, but even to her own ears, it sounded like an awful lie.
"You don't always have to be strong, Bella."
Bella furiously wiped at the tears that began to form in her eyes. "I'm never strong, Sam! Don't you get that? I'm just the weak, pathetic human that has to be babysat half the time! You have never seen me as someone who was strong. Do not start pretending now."
"Bells?" Charlie called, and Bella silently thanked God. She wondered why Charlie had waited so long to intervene since she had been standing at the front door for at least ten minutes.
"I'll be inside in a minute, Dad," Bella called back. Sighing, she turned to Sam, her hand on the door to close it. "Just go Sam."
Sam's shoulders slumped in defeat. He turned to leave but paused before he reached the last step. "I'm sorry, Bella."
Bella clenched her jaw and bit back the burning feeling of unshed tears, "Goodnight Sam." She slammed the door closed, and leaned back against it. The woman let her head roll back into the door and shut her eyes for a moment. Not right now. Keep it together, Bella.
Somehow managing to compose herself, she stood up straight, wiped her eyes, and served Charlie the rapidly cooling lasagna.
"Tastes good Bells." Her father mumbled through his mouthful of food. Bella smiled.
"Thanks, Dad." She fixed herself a plate and sat down to eat. While she chewed, she thought of how things had changed since it happened.
The two had formed a schedule of sorts after Charlie found out he was gone. Her father made it his personal mission to ensure that she was never alone. When Charlie had to go work the late shifts at the station, he would take her over to Billy's after school. When he went out fishing with Billy, he would drop her off at Sam's –to her reluctance-, or the Black's if Jacob was home. When they were both home, he still kept a watchful eye on her.
Bella felt suffocated. The only time she got to herself was when she was sitting on the old swing by the back door. It may only be for half an hour every couple of days, but it was better than nothing. Even though the situation was less than ideal, she couldn't blame him for how he handled her. She knew he was waiting for her to fall apart, to go into an even deeper depression than before. He was scared to lose her, and in some ways, Bella was scared too.
She sighed, and continued eating, ignoring the questioning gaze her father sent her.
Bella stared up at her ceiling, begging her eyes to drift shut. It was already three o'clock in the morning, and the young woman had not achieved an ounce of sleep. She could hear Charlie snoring from across the hall, and felt a ping of jealousy. That man could fall asleep standing if he had to. She thanked God that tomorrow was Sunday, so she did not have to worry about falling asleep in class…again.
The woman huffed and rolled over onto her stomach. She buried her face into the pillows and tried to relax. It seemed impossible for her to do that anymore.
Finally, after what seemed like –and most likely was- hours, she felt her eyes drift shut, and haziness cloud her mind. Sighing in contentment, the young woman allowed herself to be pulled into the arms of unconsciousness.
Tap!
Tap!
Bella shot up in her bed, her dreary mind trying to catch up with her body's instinctual reaction. She looked at her window and felt a wave of panic wash through her. Who -what- the hell was at her window at this time of night?
"Bells." A familiar voice whispered to her through the glass. Bella barely resisted the urge to tell the man at her window to fuck off. Barely.
This better be good.
Instead, she stood and opened the window, making sure the glare at Jacob as he came through the window. So much for finally falling asleep, Bella thought dryly. The wolf maneuvered into her room from her window with one fluid movement, making Bella roll her eyes. What a show-off.
Jacob stood before her, over a foot taller than her, and for a second he actually looked like the intimidating Alpha he was meant to become. That is, until her best friend shook his head to free himself of the leaves buried in his hair from patrol. He grinned at her, knowing that he had just gotten said leaves all over her bedroom. Always the gentleman.
"What are you doing here Jake? You do realize it is three in the morning, right?" Bella ground out, crossing her arms so she wouldn't 'accidentally' hit him. She found it very ironic that when she was about to have a peaceful sleep for the first time in weeks, Jacob suddenly decides to start making early morning visits.
"Yes, I do realize that Bella," Jacob stated, rolling his eyes. "But, since you missed the meeting today, " He gave her a pointed look, "I decided to just bring you along to the meeting we are having at Sam's."
"Right now?" Bella asked incredulously. Jacob shook his head. More debris fell.
"No, silly Bells." He reached over to ruffle her hair, but she swatted his hand away. Who knew where his paws have been while on patrol. "It's at noon. I just stopped by to say hi."
"Jacob. Ephraim. Black." Bella hissed through clenched teeth.
He gave her the puppy dog look that told her he knew just how close to sleeping she had been. "What? I can't greet my best friend anymore?"
"Not at three in the morning." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Go get some sleep, Jake. I know you just finished patrolling. I'll see you at noon, okay?"
"Alright, Bells." He smiled, wrapped her in a hug that she was positive almost cracked some ribs, then left, leaving behind frigid air and dead leaves in his wake. Groaning, she flopped back down onto her bed.
She was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.
"Are you sure you're alright with seeing all of them?" Jacob asked for the hundredth time, making Bella sigh.
"Yes, Jake. It's fine, I'll be fine." She could practically taste the aggravation in her voice, and she felt slightly guilty for snapping at her best friend. Admittedly, she was nervous. But she wouldn't let anyone, not even Jake, know that. While in reality, it hadn't been a long time since she had been at the 'pack house' (aka Sam and Emily's quaint house at the edge of the Rez) a lot had changed in that time. She had changed. She looked over at him, expecting him to have a hurt expression on his face, but all that she found was a blinding smile. I don't deserve that smile.
"If you say so, Bells." They continued walking to Sam's, and by the time Bella reached the driveway to their home she had convinced even herself that she would be just fine.
Sighing, she stood up straighter and followed Jake into the warm home.
Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed my first chapter! If you're a new reader, welcome! If you're coming back because you've seen that I've updated this chapter, welcome back! Please visit the author's note after this chapter where you will get more information about why I've updated!
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