The mission to trap the Female Titan had failed. The Scout Legion had her within their grasp in a trap. However, they did not count on the Female Titan having a few tricks up her sleeve.
From there the mission went sour. Countless lives were lost, including the majority of Captain Levi's squad. The only silver lining was the captain's quick thinking prevented their intended target escape with Eren. The loss of him would mean the Scouts most likely to be disbanded from the army force.
The captain limped his way over to a group of bodies that were covered. He didn't have to inquire which ones he was searching for. Levi stood over them, heart sinking. He wondered if he had been there, would they still be alive?
Someone touched his shoulder. Levi didn't have to look to see who it was. He knew these hands. Besides, no one else would dare touch him in comfort. Even Hanji knew better, having learned the hard way once.
"We'll see to that they'll be honored in their service." Commamder Erwin said, voice solomn. "What happened to your leg?"
Damn. Of course he would notice.
"It'll be fine." He brushed his commanding officer off, knowing full well he couldn't hide anything from this man. Even so Levi tried to put a little more weight on it, only to wince. The motion didn't go unnoticed by Erwin.
"When we return to the wall, I'll be placing you on medical leave until your leg heals. In the meantime, I would like you to think over who to choose for your next squad."
This time Levi tore his gaze away from the bodies. Erwin felt his gut twisted into knots upon looking into those eyes. Pale greys were usually well guarded, varying from flashing with annoyance or the rare glimmer of joy shining through them. This time however, there was no shield. For the first time in years they showed the depth of sorrow within the captain's heart.
"Why do I have to choose?" In other words, why should he sign the deaths of more soldiers to be sacrificial lambs.
"...Because this squad," Erwin motioned to the bodies. "Was chosen to better suit you. The new focus is to better suit Eren, so you won't have to be the only one to rescue him."
Levi felt his skin prickle, stomach dropping. While Erwin had a point, it still didn't help how he felt. It didn't ease the pain. And he should be used to this by now. Erwin was always about looking forward, no matter what the loss.
Never look back. If I look back, I can't move forward.
Strange, he had given Eren a lesson about making choices and having no regrets. But the young man had now learned a much darker and cruel subsequence of that lesson. He watched his squad slaughtered to protect him. Levi didn't know how to approach the Titan shifter about his grief once Eren woke up.
Maybe I won't have to. That's what his friends are for, right?
Levi was unsure where he stood in Eren's circle. The boy looked up to him, he knew that much. Perhaps still intimidated, the memory of the captain beating the crap out of him in front of an entire courtroom was still probably fresh in his mind. Maybe being on leave would give Levi the distance to let Eren grieve without him. Levi was never good at these sort of things.
Besides, he'll probably think I hate him. I can't hate him for their deaths. Levi made a mental note to address that at the very least to his charge later.
"...I trust you." He didn't like having to choose. But he knew in his soul that Erwin was right.
Ever the faithful dog. Levi sneered to himself. He was aware of the whispers going around about him and Erwin. They can believe in whatever they want, his faith and trust in the commander ran deep.
Erwin was pulled away for other business, not that Levi cared. He was grateful to be left alone in his moment of openly grieving. He felt the stares, though, as he wasn't known to let anyone see him like this. Even the new recruits sensed the change. While confused and felt for him, none of the greenhorns dared to approach him.
I guess I can't call them green, now can I?
Their first mission brought more horrors and turmoil. And the wounds from Trost was still fresh, not yet fully stitched up and sealed. The captain can sense that they were coming to the realization that the nightmares will never end. Yet oddly enough, Levi didn't see any of them losing faith. There was determination, the will to keep fighting still as strong as when they bursted through the gates.
Maybe there's hope for this stock, afterall.
These recruits were starting to leave a lasting impression on the captain. Perhaps choosing his new squad will be a little easier than he thought.
Commamder Erwin made the call to return into formation. Everyone who were able got back on their horses. Some took the reins of the carts that carried the dead or wounded. Levi moved his horse close to the cart that carried Eren. He was still unconscious, and Mikasa sat by his side. Armin was on his horse, next to the captain.
"Aren't you wounded, captain?" The shy boy inquired, staring at him with concern.
"Even if both of my legs were broken, I would still ride." Levi admitted, earning a few odd stares. Besides, the bond between him and his mount was strong enough that he didn't always have to rely on his legs to tell her what to do. Just the slightest touch on one side of the neck, or the gentlest squeeze of his legs and she knew when to turn or change speeds.
"You don't blame him for their deaths, do you captain?"
Since when did this one get a backbone? Levi studied Armin a moment. Did this mission really change him that drastically?
"I can't blame him for what happened. Not when it isn't his fault for their incapability to face a Titan like her." He watched the blond flinch, and he realized too late that his choice of words were too harsh.
Why should it matter? This world is cruel. The sooner they accept it, the better.
He envied their innocent youth that still blinded them. Feeling like he made them uncomfortable, Levi moved to stand next to the cart that carried his fallen comrades. He didn't belong with the new recruits, anyways. They still see him as someone to be feared, someone who was just as cruel as the world around them.
They'll learn I'm not as I seem on the outside.
The signal for their march was sounded. In case of the Female Titan returning, he refused the action of using flares. It was by word of mouth and movement, as the remaining numbers of the Scout Legion began their race to Wall Rose before nightfall.
Not far into their race against the sun, Titans appeared. They charged behind and gaining ground on the now much smaller force that made up the Scouts. Commander Erwin gave the order to get rid of the fallen. Without hesitation the carts were opened and the bodies rolled out in a trail of their final sacrifice.
Don't look back. If I look back, I am lost.
He was close by the cart that held his former squad. And when the bodies began to fall, his will wasn't strong enough. Levi glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Petra's body unwrapping from the cloth that covered her. She looked so peaceful, almost as if she were asleep.
And then she was gone.
The Titans slowed down. The Scout Legion breathed a silent sigh of relief. Levi was the only one who didn't. He stared at nothing, his mind lost elsewhere. His horse sensed his discomfort, and without realizing the captain loosened his grip on his thighs and hands. Confused, the dark mare slowed down anyways. They slowed until Armin's horse nearly collided into them from behind.
"Captain!" Armin shouted as he panicked. He couldn't veer away from the cart because of the captain, so his only option was to slow down or speed up. In his panic his hands pulled at the reins, telling the horse to slow, but his legs said go faster. The mount snorted in annoyance, doing neither as it didn't know which action to follow.
With a jerk back to reality Levi skillfully maneuvered his mare away from the panicking pair. His mount stumbled from the sudden change of positions, but she kept her head together and remained upright. Once he was sure they weren't going to collide with anyone else Levi glanced over at Armin to check if he was all right.
Both rider and horse were fine. But that wasn't what caught the captain's full attention. His eyes caught movement behind them. Armin followed his gaze and gave a scream. The sound caught the attention of everyone around them, then they too looked back to their worst nightmare.
The Female Titan was catching up.
Panic spread like wildfire. Black smoke signals were fired. But it would be too late for Erwin to react and change direction. Most of their numbers were wounded or driving carts. There weren't any remaining squads who were capable of facing her. The captain quickly checked his gear.
A quarter tank on both. Shit.
He forgot to refill before their race home.
Levi raised his gaze to Eren, who was beginning to stir. His green blue eyes opened, groaning in pain when the wagon jerked from running over a rock and hit his head. Despite the dizziness Eren still sat up, refusing to listen to Mikasa.
"Eren, stay down!" She panicked, not bearing the thought of losing him again.
"What... What's going on? Huh?" Suddenly he realized in horror why everyone was panicking.
Once his brain processed that the Female Titan was once again chasing them, he glanced first at his friends, then at the captain. Levi stared, lost in the color of them. Without his consent Eren's eyes rushed forth memories of another pair, memories he tried so hard everyday to bury.
You remind me of someone I once knew.
"Big brother!"
And suddenly he knew what to do.
"Don't worry about me," He told them. The three recruits stared at him, confused. "In fact, this is an order. Don't concern yourselves about me. I won't let her have you."
Before they could process his words, the captain changed course. He turned his mount around sharply, dutifully avoiding other riders. Then Levi pulled out his last remaining pair of swords, thighs pressing hard as they could to urge his horse to charge full speed. The mare snorted nervously, sensing this was no ordinary Titan, but did as she was asked anyways.
"Captain? Captain! Captain Levi!" Eren shouted, he tried to move to the edge of the cart. Mikasa pushed and held him back.
"You can't!" Armin caught on what his friend was trying to attempt. "Think of where you are! You'll trample us!"
Eren stopped struggling then, taking in his surroundings. He recognized that Armin was right. His comrades would be caught in the crossfire if he transformed now. Swallowing the lump in his throat Eren returned his attention back on the captain.
Commander Erwin changed course, and now the whole Scout Legion were able to see what Captain Levi was doing. Some were confused. Was he that insane? Facing her alone, no backup, no sure means of coming out alive, and still he was charging head on with an injured leg?
"Commander! Do we send backup?" Mike felt the urge to turn and follow, but hesitated.
Losing Humanity's Strongest will greatly hinder us...what is he thinking?
Erwin watched the captain, face unchanging. However it was his eyes that said it all.
"No. We can't afford to lose more of our numbers for one suicide mission."
Mike studied his friend, somehow not surprised. Then again, this was Commader Erwin Smith. However he couldn't shake what he had just witnessed for the first time. The ambitious commander has never shown anything but courage. He was the face that gave the Scouts the hope and means to fight. Yet, Mike swore he caught the faintest glimpse of regret in them.
Levi studied the Female Titan. Her limbs had healed, but her jaw was still hanging. Her tongue was loose, too, to him she looked like a panting dog. He would have found this humerous, if the situation was more in his favor. There were no trees, and he had witnessed first hand that she would use the wires against him if he attempted to use her to climb.
But she's exhausted. Her speed is nothing compared to before.
Even so, that didn't mean he was at the top of his game. He could feel his body screaming at him to rest. His leg surged white hot pain up and down. The captain grit his teeth, pushing aside everything that was a distraction. If anything he would do everything in his power to take her down with him.
Maybe Mikasa had the right idea.
Taking care of her would have saved them the trouble. But he wasn't going to allow Mikasa to become another body to be sacrificed. Not if he could help it. Whatever the case, what was done was done. Levi accepted within himself for whatever outcome would happen from this moment on.
Levi stared into pale blue eyes burning down at him.
Good. She hates me just as I hate her.
He allowed a dark smirk as he readied to take to the sky. Time slowed. He felt the warmth of the setting sun, the cool air as he charged full speed. He could hear nothing but his own heartbeat. And yet strangely Levi never felt so alive. It was almost addicting.
That is all I remember. I can recall everything of my past life up until that point. Whenever I try to remember more, my head hurts.
I don't know if I made it out alive.
I don't even know how I fought her. I have always guessed, but I'm never certain what action I took or how she reacted. So I don't bother with guessing.
After all, I always wake up just before we faced one more time.