Warnings: Violence, language, and Gavin being Gavin.
"Fantastic." Connor muttered, dabbing at the thirium dribbling down his chest. "Of all the days to wear my new shirt."
The alleyway he'd passed on the way to work had been home to a number of trouble-making juveniles with staple guns. Connor hadn't been aware of their activities until several androids came into the precinct the previous day to complain about the children with power tools. He'd thought to investigate the area before heading to work. But hadn't expected to become a target as well.
Connor regretted not having pliers in his workbag – an item Officer Fucking Tina had recommended he bring in the event he needed more than his "stupidly fat brain" – her words. No spare shirt either. Even though the thirium would be invisible to the human eye by the time he arrived, Connor already felt dirty from the liquid that barely beaded around the staples.
He really didn't want to have to ask Officer Fucking Tina – he couldn't help calling her that since his apparently well-received deadpan joke the night of the apartment fire, it was one of the few funny things he'd ever said, according to her. Connor treasured those memories and often found them running on repeat inside his processors throughout the day. He shook his head. "Regardless." He spoke aloud, to remind himself of the bigger issue.
Chen would be upset.
She'd had notable heightened emotions after interviewing the three androids in about these troublemakers. According to the officer, having staples embedded in one's face was not appealing or normal. While Connor agreed it wasn't normal, he still found himself unable to understand the human's squeamishness. Or, truly, any human's disgust, for that matter. Hadn't they been cheering barely fifteen months previous for the dismantling and destruction of his species on live television? How were staples in a chassis more worrisome than people being dismembered on national news?
"Regardless." He repeated again, louder and with a firm pat against his thigh in reprimand. Work started soon – he needed to be on time or his reputation might be tarnished.
By the time he had arrived at the precinct, he still couldn't think of how to sneak by his partner without her noticing his new facial decorations. He scanned the ground of the parking lot, hoping to find a knife or some sharp object to remove the items – no luck.
Connor tightened his tie and strode into the building. He nodded to the receptionist Ellie, an android who had decided to return to work. "Morning, Ellie." He greeted, a light smile cast her way.
Ellie raised a few fingers in reply, she was on the phone with a complaining mother from what Connor could detect. She grimaced.
Connor proceeded into the back. He scanned the room for Chen, if he could get through the main room and stop by his desk, he had a few tools he could maybe use… just as he was about to grab the needed supplies a hand slapped the desk. So intent on his plan, Connor actually jerked. His kneed knocked into the drawer forcing it to slam onto his hand. Ah.
"Jesus Christ!" The other turned out to be Detective Reed, stopping by for his obligatory taunt. "The fuck is wrong with you?"
Connor removed his hand from the drawer and wiggled the appendages curiously. The plating wasn't damaged, but his desk certainly was now. "Detective Reed." He frowned disapprovingly when he met the other's eyes.
"Fuck!" Reed let out a harsh breath of air. "Since when have you been jumpy, Tin Can?" Connor opened his mouth to reply when the other caught sight of his face. "Wh-?" He snorted. "Did you get into a fight with a stapler? Looks like you were the 'other guy' in that round."
"Did someone say 'stapler'?" Another voice chimed in. Connor sighed and closed his eyes. He'd almost made it. If only he had calculated on Reed's persistent need to be a pain. "Because," the voice continued. "We've had reports of kids with staple-guns running around." The voice stopped. Chen stared at Connor's face. "What the hell?"
"Officer." Connor tilted his head in greeting.
"For fuck's sake, Connor." She sighed back. "Go away, Gavin. Go drown in a mug of coffee, I have to care for our resident toaster." She grabbed the pliers held limply in Connor's hand. Gavin chuckled and wandered into the breakroom. "I swear Connor. How the hell did you manage to get bested by kids?"
"Officer." He stressed back, refusing to answer.
"Con-nor." She gave right back, plucking a staple from between his nasal ridge and eye socket. "You were off the clock. I happen to already know what you did and you need to know that you aren't their property anymore. So stop working off the clock! You're a goddamn officer – act like one."
Despite the firmness in her voice, Connor could read the humor behind the words; he was getting better at reading human emotions these days. "Officer."
"Connor." She warned, plucking another slip of metal from under his infraoribital foramen.
"I apologize, Officer fucking Tina." The sound of Gavin choking on his coffee was enough to lighten their posturing. "You are correct, I happen to live in the vicinity of the reported location and thought I would make a slight detour to investigate the human children's 'hangout'. I was unfortunate to discover they had already arrived."
"And you didn't arrest them for attacking an officer, why?"
"Well… as you said yourself, I was 'off the clock'."
"So you took it in the face like a true champ and tried to sneak it past me."
"…yes." He received a smack on the back of his head.
"I have an 11-66 on Schaeffer Highway and Thatcher." A report came in.
Chen grabbed her radio. "This is Officer Chen. You need a flagger while you call the techs in?"
"I'll need more than one, traffic out here is pretty bad."
"I've got two in my car – we'll be over in about fifteen minutes. Hang tight."
Tina had to turn her lights on to sneak past the pile up that had built from the malfunctioning light. "God, I didn't realize it was right off the expressway."
"According to reporting traffic new stations, the back-up is in all directions. Depending on what the issue is, we may need a relief to take over."
Tina parked the patrol car and tossed a yellow vest Connor's way. "Whelp! We'll have to suffer and be traffic cops for the day."
Connor removed his coat and tied the vest over his button down. "Indeed." He clipped a portable radio to his belt and handed the second across. "Which road would you like?"
"Honestly?" She locked the car and began walking over to the very harried cop directing the intersection. "How about we swap every hour or so?" Connor acquiesced and followed her lead. "What have we got here, Ferril?" She waited for a few irritated drivers to pass before crossing to the center.
"I've got no idea." He sighed back and gestured for everyone who wanted turn left. "The tech beat you both here and Ryans is dealing with him, but apparently the light is working perfectly."
Connor glanced at the hanging lights which were flashing erratically between purple and blue. "They consider that to be normal?"
"I know!" He huffed. "So the dude called his boss and they're trying to figure the tech out on the company-side. If it takes too long, the road crew will bring in some temporary signs and we can be on our merry ways!"
"Well no matter." Chen patted his back. "We'll take over. If it looks like awhile, send it back to the station for our relief, yeah?"
"Sure thing, sure thing." Ferril nodded and thanked them before leaving.
Connor halted the left-turn lane and gestured for the straightaways to come through. "I suppose Cyberlife never planned for me to be a traffic director." He muttered.
"Ain't freedom great?" Chen laughed.
Reed slumped into his desk and groaned loudly. Chen didn't ask, but the man turned to complain to her regardless. "The fucking automated backup lights are doing the same shit."
"What?" She spun her chair to face him. "You mean the light on Schaeffer Highway and Thatcher? It's still a problem?"
"Yeah." He threw his takeout coffee cup into his bin. "I had to reroute and backtrack to get back from my crime scene. I thought you and the Tin Can were supposed to be watching it?"
"Fuck off, Gav." She threw a paperclip at him. "We flagged so many cars I never want to see another one again. Connor counted."
Connor shifted his face to meet her position, anticipating her query. "I counted five-hundred seventy-six total passenger cars, three passenger buses, twelve tractor-trailers and a single Detective Reed who couldn't figure out how to get his directions to tell him any other way than through the intersection in question." Connor allowed the corner of his mouth to raise slightly in amusement.
"Holy shit." Tina crowed. "Connor did you hack his maps?"
"I'm sorry, Officer Chen." Connor tilted his head quizzically. "Are you accusing me of using my skills to disrupt another detective's duties? I would never."
"Oh my God, you actually did it!" She stood and slapped Reed's desk. "He's on my side, Gavin. You're never going to win!"
Gavin fumed. "You had no right. What if the scene had been time-sensitive?"
Connor maintained his curious expression. "What if" Reed's voice snarled back at him. "Implies it wasn't. Fortunately, I had nothing to do with the error in your phone." Connor turned back to his own desk, intentionally showing his back to the other – Reed was no threat.
"C'mon Gav." Chen's voice softened. But the detective just snarled wordlessly and stormed back out. "Eh. He'll get over himself. You did great Connor!" She strode over and patted him on the head.
He snapped his head to the right and turned sideways to glare at her. "Officer Chen." He admonished her. "I am no child."
"Have a good day, Connor!" She ducked forward and messed his hair again before jogging out of the precinct for the day. "See you tomorrow!"
I am cross-posting fanfics from my AO3 (also Kangarooney) since I have been neglecting this account recently.
I do not own Detroit: Become Human nor am I attempting to make profit off this story.
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