Ok, so being in lockdown has meant that I have been bored and have started to watch some old Holby City episodes. So this random fic came into my mind with Fletch/Raf in the end. It's going to start with Natalie's death and go through Fletch being a single father and struggling financially so my plan is for it to be a long fic. I may try and keep a routine for uploads but won't promise anything right now. If you see any mistakes or errors please do tell me and I will correct them. There is no exact ages for all the kids so I am planning on Evie being 11, Mikey 8, Ella 5 and Theo 1. Anyway disclaimer as I do not own the rights to Holby City and I hope you enjoy it.

Charlotte

Chapter 1

Staring at Natalie in a coma all I can think is it is my fault, if I had never cheated on her none of this would have happened. How could I have caused this? I loved her of course I did. We were married and we have beautiful children. Four children who will have few memories of their mum. Evie will remember she is so smart and mature for her age. But the others are so young, they are going to have few memories with their mum and it is all my fault. If we never got divorced she would never have been so stressed and needed to go onto antidepressants. She would never have gone out drinking, never had got wasted and fell hitting her head. I wouldn't be in this position. I have no idea how I am going to look after all of these kids. I am short already with the cost of solicitors already, divorces and child support is not cheap. But it is my fault and I did deserve this for all the pain that I have caused Natalie.

"Fletch"

As I look up I see Raf, he has done his best and Guy to save Natalie but sometimes the damage is just too much.

"Maybe you should go spend some time in the chapel?"

Looking up I mention the words going through my head

"It's my fault"

"Don't do that to yourself, you will drive yourself crazy, none of us could have predicted this. She came in with her friend and we had no reason to believe she was injured as she was just showing signs of being drunk. There was nothing you could have done."

"But if we hadn't got divorced she wouldn't have been out partying. She wouldn't have had that fall. She would still be here, being the amazing mum to our four perfect kids. They were her world." taking a deep breath I looked up at Raf. "I've got to go and tell the kids now."

"Do you want me to help you?"

"No I will be fine, I think I need to do this on my own."

Walking down the corridors to the AAU felt like it lasted a lifetime but in reality was only a couple of minutes. It was a task that I was dreading. How do you tell children that their mum is dead? I can't tell them that everything is ok, because the reality is it is not.

"Dad"

I sit down next to Ella and Mikey and look up and tell them the news which is going to destroy the whole world that they knew.

"Hey, I need you to listen to me I have something I need to tell you all"

"Is mum dead dad?" Evie questions

I look into her eyes and think when did she get so big.

"Yes, your mum got very poorly and had a fall and she didn't make it. She has gone to heaven and she is going to be watching down on us. She is going to be so proud of you all the entire time."

"Did you talk to her before she died?"

"Yes sweetheart, we were talking about when we first started dating. When we had our whole world in front of us. About how our world changed completely for the better when she became pregnant. And that we share the four most beautiful, headstrong, brave children. That we wouldn't change anything for."

"Did she say anything else?"

"She said how much she loved you, how much she loved all of you and how much she was gonna miss you. But she knows you're in good hands and that she is gonna be watching you and she couldn't be anymore prouder."

After that Evie looked down and gave me a hug. Part of me is glad that Theo and Ella are young enough to not fully understand but the other is heartbroken. I will make sure that they will remember their mum, they will know every little thing about their mum. Every funny and embarrassing story, they will never forget their mum that is a promise that I am going to keep.

Walking out of the hospital feels horrible, knowing that the next few weeks and months are going to be difficult for both me and the kids. I am glad that Evie is of an age where she will be able to help me a bit. It's going to be a long road ahead but I know that we can do it together as a family.

That night for dinner was hard, I decided to have an easy meal so I ordered a domino's pizza and gave the children the option of asking what pizza they would like. as always peperoni is a favourite in our house. I got some brownies and cookies as well just as a small treat. The meal was mostly quiet apart from the small chatter and the questions about where mummy was. Bedtime was a challenge putting four kids to bed is no easy task but when they want mummy to read their bedtime story it is a bit more challenging. I know it will get easier over time but for now it is hard. I know it is not going to be easy but raising four kids and a full-time job is difficult but from here, it is the start of our new life and we will make it work.

I know this is short, but this is to just give a starting point of Natalie's death, the chapters will be longer than this in the future.

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