Chapter 4
True to her word, Midge checked in on Lenny every day leading up to the show, more often than not bearing some kind of edible goods. Her threats to stay and watch while he ate every last crumb never came out with the weight she intended. Really, it was a miracle that she could form coherent sentences when his eyes fixed upon her, weaving a magic spell that had her absolutely transfixed.
Her motive remained the same, even if other things were very quickly rising to the surface. She wanted to be there for him, the way he always was for her, even when she hadn't been fully aware that she needed the support. There was the gnawing worry about the extent of what he was doing to seal over the anxiety and pain, but he was something of a master at hiding all of that. Another magic trick.
Then there was her own personal brand of consolation which often had the capacity to be completely and utterly reckless, burning her almost to the point of inferno. The difference being that previously, at least nine times out of ten, she'd rushed in without thought and then had to deal with the consequences later, and for a long time in many cases. When it came to Lenny, she'd begun to think so much that it kept her up later than usual. It was hugely inconvenient, especially given that it was keeping her from dreaming about him, doing a series of very specific and very wonderful things to her.
All of the reasons why it was a bad idea to get involved that way with him were turning to smoke, and though she hadn't totally got past the desire that made her near-feral for him (it wasn't her fault, it was absolutely impossible, the mere fact of his existence made it so that she would never get away from wanting him to tear off her clothes and prove indomitably why she was a hundred per cent right to always have been so fascinated with him), with everything that had happened she was seeing it all in a new light. Colours around him, more vivid than anything she'd ever experienced. Which was funny, given how he lived in monochrome. Only on the outside, a punchline crafted for her alone to get.
Neither of them had said it explicitly, but by now it was unavoidable. It was there in every look shared, every word spoken.
Not if or someday any more, just a countdown to the inevitable. Each time she looked up at the stars she found herself trying to locate exactly where the connection between the two of them was written.
The routine of it all gave her just as much comfort. Sure, she had B. Altman and Ethan and Esther to keep her busy, but the dread always remained. Would the phone stop ringing? What if the gigs she was booked for fell through, and everyone else discovered that she was a fraud? Being with Lenny, being there to offer reassurance and a helping hand, as well as a shoulder to cry on should he want it, silenced all of that incessant sound. When it was the two of them, the world had a habit of disappearing.
A few of the times just before she was about to leave he'd tilt his head a little to the side, leaning his frame against that of the door, a stance which pulled her forward like a magnet. He'd say something about cutting and running, making an escape to some remote island on the other side of the world. She could only shake her head and smile, and tell him that he was going to be sensational. History-changing. The look that drifted over his face suggested that she probably should have toned it down, and she made sure to turn up the next day a little earlier. She could feel her steps falling lighter into the apartment when she discovered that he was still there and hadn't made good on his various suggestions/threats. Maybe she was the deciding factor, a thought which made her shiver in a really good way.
That same night the blizzard hit. After being amazed by the sight of New York cloaked in thick blankets of snow, Midge mused that nothing could have been more fitting; one force of nature meeting another. She also considered that, just perhaps, this was Lenny's guardian angel granting him his wish. But she knew that what he said in certain tones framed with particular appearances were, in fact, miles away from all that he actually wanted. She knew when the news came that the show could still go on his adrenaline kicked in and then some.
She got to Carnegie close to the time he was due on, expecting to be the last person rushing in, but finding the crowd still making their way through the doors. The hall was going to be packed out, and she couldn't have been prouder or happier.
Most of the reason she'd taken so long to get there was down to the usual dilemma; what it was that she was going to wear. At least this time she had the perfect dress in mind, though its effect was going to be spoiled by the need to wear a coat. She'd gone back and forth for a while, going so far as to get ready in a whole different outfit, before she decided to hell with it. Even if she was going to get pneumonia and not survive all that long afterwards, it was going to be worth it for Lenny to look at her like she was the only woman who'd ever walked the earth. Somehow she'd managed to hail a cab and not have it stall or flat out refuse, which meant that the cold didn't sink as deep into her bones as it would have done if she'd had to walk there.
Still, she was shuddering when she got to her seat, the one which had been reserved especially for her. A few rows back from the stage and not in the front like he'd first suggested, but it was what she preferred. It was more from nerves from the cold; to say otherwise would be lying. In the minutes before the curtain raised she felt overwhelmed, her heart firmly lodged in her throat. It was a million times worse than if she were the one taking the stage. She found herself sending up a silent prayer, despite Lenny's lack of belief.
Please, let it all come off just as it's meant to.
Even if there was no 'just as' with Lenny. There was a first time for everything, right?
Her internal voice was drowned out by that of the announcer, and the spotlight nearly blinded her.
And then, there he was. Ready to give them hell.
After two hours (she knew he could have gone for longer if the one-off extended curfew hadn't been in place), she was exhilarated and exhausted in equal measure. The roaring and whooping of the audience, half of whom were already out of the building with little idea of how in the hell they were going to make it home, echoed in her head, which was spinning like a record. She needed to sit for a few moments to catch her breath. She wanted to run backstage and jump straight onto him, whatever state he was in. She knew that she could do shows until she was a hundred (if she were that lucky, or otherwise unlucky) and she would never match up to what she had witnessed this night.
When she'd gathered herself enough the hall was nearly cleared, giving her a further feeling of displacement. She finished smoothing out the skirt of her dress and looked up to find a man, about early fifties, very sharp suit, staring at her. She had the well-rehearsed let-down at hand, thinking how it would resonate all the better with the acoustics of Carnegie Hall, not to say that the star of the show was waiting ahead for her.
"Forgive me, this is going to sound like a line – "
Oh, here it comes.
"- but I swear I recognise you from somewhere." He studied her further, stepping forward an inch. She took a cautious step back, on autopilot. "You know Lenny?"
"We go way back. I'm his babysitter. And second cousin, five times removed."
A look of recognition moved across the man's face and he gave her a smile that kept widening. "That's it. Miami After Dark. You two were really something. I caught sparks coming out of the television set that night."
"That's very kind. Of course, I can't take all of the credit. I mean, you were here, you've seen it for yourself. I think I'm going to need a year of living in a silent, darkened room to process it all."
"But you're a comic too, right?"
"Don't tell my mother. She's maintaining it's just a phase, at least until she can get the money together to check me into an institute for wayward, divorced daughters for the rest of my life."
The echo of his laugh in the hall made her feel good, though it was far from being her best line. He'd reached into his jacket pocket and produced a card, which he offered to her.
"I know you won't have heard of me, but I know a few people. Television, mostly. They're always looking for upcoming talent to fill slots, and you'd be a perfect fit."
Midge stared at the embossed print on the little rectangle held in the palm of her hand, stunned a little further.
"Thank you," she managed, "I don't have a – "
He waved a hand. "That's okay, that's what mine is for. If it's of interest, then give a call. Just don't leave it too long, they get snapped up pretty quick. Sometimes not even by the best."
She nodded, already thinking of what she was going to say to Susie. "Sure. You can count on it."
"Give Lenny my regards."
She waited until the place was empty, aside from a couple of ushers who were setting to straightening out, despite it being way past two AM. Turning on her heels, she looked to the stage from the back of the auditorium, recalling the golden spotlight that had illuminated Lenny, making him look like the perfect idol.
What a night it had been.
It was so quiet now, such a contrast, that she could have easily walked through to Lenny's dressing room without a single word. Out of courtesy she hung around until she saw a member of the security staff, giving her name and trilling an upbeat 'thank you' as he let her pass.
She hadn't thought about it up until that moment, assuming that he'd be alone. Now the uncertainty played upon her; why wouldn't he want to surround himself with adoration from all angles on what was the biggest night of his career? That's certainly what she would do, anyway.
Thinking again, it wasn't Lenny's style, and he hadn't mentioned anything, other than the fact that he was looking forward to seeing her afterwards.
It's the only thing that's going to get me through, was what he'd near whispered to her a couple of days ago, a hand making a delicate touch against the small of her back before his fingers pulled quickly back, as if he had been burnt.
She took a breath before tapping on the door. Hearing him utter a flat 'come in', she felt on edge for a moment but also expected that he would be thoroughly drained.
His eyes brightened when she came through, shutting the door softly behind her. There was nobody else in the room; she really should have known.
"So," he said, breaking the easy silence that had stretched and lighting up a cigarette, "tell me; what's the damage? Where exactly do I need to be planning my escape to, and is it outside of state lines?"
Midge watched him as he got to his feet, leisurely pacing the width of the room, looking frankly irresistible while taking a drag.
"I…"
Her mouth was open, but the words weren't coming. Partly because of how damn good he looked right then, but also because a big part of her head was back in the hall, watching him take the place by storm.
He looked quizzically at her, smiling after the long train of smoke he'd blown out had, for the most part, evaporated.
"Wow, I've made Miriam Weissman speechless. It must have been terrible."
"The exact opposite. You were out of this world, mister. In another dimension."
He'd come to a still, even his hands uncharacteristically static aside from the smouldering cigarette. She took advantage of the moment and went close towards him.
"People will be talking about nothing other than Lenny Bruce for the next few months."
"Shit," he looked down at her, while her head was tilted up towards him, bathing in his gaze, "I'd better do something to remedy that. Tomorrow, though. Or later today, I guess." He turned his head to finish off the cigarette, bending to stub it out, and then giving her his full attention once more. "I didn't know if you would come, what with the weather."
"It'd take a lot more than that to stop me," she replied. Her hand was literally itching to touch him, fingers smoothing out his lapel and then slipping underneath. Somehow, she had more self-control than she thought possible. "Anyway, I'm a woman of many words, but my own is right up there."
A smirk crossed his lips. "And you don't need to…"
She shook her head. "If anything was up with the kids, Mama would have let me know. An elaborate series of smoke signals, or she would have just straight burst through the doors. It would have taken the shine off the Klu Klux Klan."
"I know who I'm more scared of out of the two."
"With good reason."
She put the hand that was without purpose to her still damp hair, suddenly conscious of how the snow had stopped it from looking its best.
"I'm glad," he said, "eternally so. Though, you are aware that it was all a warm-up, right?"
Her nose wrinkled as her brow furrowed in confusion. If there was something else he was keeping from her, something like an international tour…she'd be ecstatic and devastated all at once. He was the only one who could produce such wildly conflicting emotions within her, and enable them to co-exist perfectly.
He went on, "In about a year, actually less than that, Mrs. Maisel is going to play here for not one but two nights. Sold out. The city's going to be frozen, but it won't have anything to do with a goddamn blizzard."
She could feel tears springing to her eyes. Damn it, this was not how she expected or wanted things to go.
"Can't say I've heard of her," she retorted, needing the time to get herself back together, "I'll have to keep a lookout."
"Definitely one to watch."
His eyes went from her eyes to her lips, and then he took notice of the dress. Her confidence was sufficiently boosted by the hint of a smile that pulled his mouth to the left while his gaze trailed lower.
"Well, I'll make a note. I did get this."
She handed him the calling card, not ignoring the frisson when their hands brushed, her eyes intent on him as he studied it.
"Nice work," he affirmed, with a jut of his chin.
"He recognised me from Miami After Dark. Hey, they might want us to be a double act."
Lenny lowered his head, one of his hands pulling back before it dipped inside his jacket. She gave an inward sigh.
"I know my fragile ego wouldn't be able to handle that. But you should go for it, for sure. It could be the start of something wonderful."
She couldn't conceal the smile as she looked up at him, taking the card back between her fingers. "Maybe. Right now, I just want to savour the moment."
A little noise came from Lenny's throat as she pressed her palm against his chest and her smile widened.
"I…" – she kind of liked the way his words faltered, just momentarily – "I've always found that difficult, but I think, tonight, I could give it a shot."
His eyes went back to hers, and she read his vulnerability and uncertainty; despite what had happened tonight, all the wonders that he was capable of, it was never that far from the surface.
"Well," she uttered, "I'm here to help. Just say the word."
"I'd rather just…"
He dipped his head while her hand skated up to his shoulder, and she registered the warmth of his hand just above her waist, pulling her to him. Not that she needed a whole lot of convincing. She'd been waiting a week to kiss him again, not wanting to overwhelm him. Now, it was hard to think about anything other than how his mouth moved with hers, and the feelings like fireworks that raced through her as he pressed a little more, deepening the kiss. She smiled into it and felt him do the same as her fingers clutched onto him and her feet nearly came clean out of her heels.
As her mind came back to her, all she could think about was how he had been waiting too.
Their eyes fixed on one another, Lenny's hand still held securely to her back. She had the urge to pull on his tie to bring him back where she wanted him to be.
"How does it feel?" she said after a few seconds of revelling.
"Pretty great. Like I wished I would have done it sooner."
She allowed herself a smug smile, trailing her fingers back down his shirt.
"Although, now I'm thinking that I really liked the moment that just went, which is making it hard to savour this one."
"You're trying, that's the main thing."
He gave a little bob of his head before leaning again to capture her lips for a series of small and soft kisses. He always found a way to surprise her.
"So," he said, both arms circled around her waist, "we need to celebrate, but I don't think anywhere's going to be open. I really should have had more forethought about this."
"You can't control the weather."
He quirked an eyebrow, which made her laugh harder. "Who told you that?"
She brought one of her hands down to cover his upon her hip. "I don't want to go anywhere, other than back to your place."
"What the lady wants," he uttered, winding his fingers around hers and bringing her hand to his mouth, fixing his lips in the juncture between her thumb and index finger. "Wait, did you not bring a coat?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Midge, was it your intention to catch your death?"
"It's really not turning me on that you're sounding like my father right now. But lucky for you I can let it slide pretty quick." She smiled a dazzling smile, aiming to turn his thoughts back to more important matters. "Besides, I can't see anything wrong with wanting to go out with a bang."
She watched him – couldn't do anything but – as he shucked off his jacket and, without word, draped it over her shoulders.
"So considerate," she said, "this is shaping up really well for me."
His eyes darkened as he looked at her, his hands dropping to his sides, seeming aimless when they weren't on her, or otherwise occupied with a cigarette.
"If it's really bad out there, we could hide out here instead." Her own suggestion sent a salacious thrill through her. Of all the places to have sex, backstage at Carnegie Hall had to be the showcase. "They look like the type to be discreet, which is more than I can say for myself."
"If I hadn't spent the evening feeling like I was going to die in here, then sure," Lenny replied. She reached to squeeze his hand, and his gaze softened. Swiftly, he linked his fingers in the spaces between hers, his thumb running circles across her palm. The foreplay was starting early, as if it hadn't been going on for months. The delicate caresses made each nerve in her body feel electric. "The air will do me good, I think."
She nodded, giddy at the thought of taking the next step.
"Okay, superstar. Let's get out of here."
"Ladies first," he uttered in a deep, incredibly sexy tone.
"Who told you that?" she replied, echoing his words back to him. "You should know, Mr Bruce, that for the next few hours, I plan on being anything but."
The place was deserted when they emerged, aside from an older man who opened the doors for them. She heard Lenny saying something to him once she'd said a thank you, but her senses were finding it difficult to focus on anything.
Other than Lenny.
And then, how immensely, ridiculously, really fucking cold it was.
"Fuck," she stuttered, clutching onto the newspaper that he'd taken from under his arm and handed to her before they'd left the hall, in case of emergency, "it's freezing."
He looked as though he was going to burst out laughing at her astute observation, but instead he smiled.
"Best to save the romantic night-time leisurely stroll through the city for another time."
It wasn't even the number one reason why she wanted to hurry.
Right on cue, the snow came down in flurries that blurred everything with white, whirling around them like they were trapped like figures in glass. It was romantic, she supposed, and also ludicrous. Together, they held the newspapers aloft, Lenny not opening his as wide.
"You ready?" he said.
There were several different questions, but the answer remained the same.
"Absolutely."
They arrived at his apartment nearly breathless, partly from running through the snow (which was definitely not easy in heels) but also from laughing themselves stupid while doing so. Midge had almost forgotten about the numbness in her fingers and the fact she couldn't feel her face, and a small part of her had wanted it to go on a little longer, especially when she had started to lag, getting her feet stuck and nearly skidding, and Lenny had stopped too, taking her hand into his before they went on. At one point he'd even offered to give her a piggyback, but she held onto a bit of her dignity, even if she did find the idea cute and would liked to have revisited it when impending intimate acquaintance wasn't so close on the horizon.
The doors closed behind them, and she stayed close by him while he fastened the lock to the one sectioning them into his apartment. She didn't want to leave his side, feeling like they'd been kept apart long enough. He looked at her over his shoulder, acknowledging the closeness, and smiled. Seconds later he dipped down to kiss her and she wound her arms around his neck, keeping him in place.
His hands, which were on her waist, travelled slowly up to her shoulders, where his jacket was still sitting. Their eyes locked and she wore her wide smile easily.
"You okay?" he asked, his voice low, gentle.
She nodded, caught up in the moment. "Yeah. Are you?"
"I am."
Midge watched his face, delighting in the subtle changes in his expression as she stroked her hand at the back of his neck.
"You must be cold."
"I'm good."
His gaze dipped, his fingers folding over her shoulders beneath the jacket. She shivered at his touch, and his eyes went back to hers. She gave him a look that told him she was fine, and he slipped it from her, letting it fall to the floor. His palms cupped her shoulders, then rubbed down her arms. Her eyes stayed on him as his fingers continued their movements, her stomach tightening at every considerate caress.
"Thank you," she said eventually. "I'm feeling much better."
A soft smile lit his face. "I'm glad. You look beautiful, by the way. I should have opened with that."
"It's always good to save something. Keeps a girl on her toes."
He looked a little regretful, which made her want to backtrack on what she'd said.
"There isn't a day that you don't look beautiful," he said, "but tonight…you're something else."
She could feel herself heating up with the sincerity of his words and the intensity of his look.
"You're pretty damn handsome yourself."
"Well, I might have picked this suit out especially."
His hands had found their way back to her hips, and he guided her carefully through the apartment as she walked backwards, refusing to even think about breaking free of their semi-embrace.
"You want a drink?"
"No," she replied, smiling. I just want you, she was thinking, and was sure he could read her mind.
Her hands made their way round to his collar, loosening his tie. He didn't stop her from taking it off, nor from undoing the first couple of buttons of his shirt. She was surprised she managed to handle them so easily when she was very aware of his eyes on her, not looking at what she was doing, just looking at her with a kind of reverence that she was familiar with from him but that she would never entirely get used to.
She met his gaze again, as tempted as she was to keep her eyes trained upon the teasing hint of chest hair that peeked from the opening in his shirt.
"I can't think of anything – "
"Funny to say?" she cut in, anticipating how he was going to finish, "given what you've done tonight, I think that's perfectly understandable."
His smile was soft but disappeared quickly. Midge was aware of his grasp on her waist loosening while they continued to stare at one another, nothing else seeming of consequence or even real.
There was something in his demeanour that had changed in the last couple of minutes, and she couldn't pin it down. He wasn't nervous, or shy; she could sense whatever it was more than she could define it. It was endearing, and it scared her; it aroused her even further, and she felt a similar kind of feeling making its way through her veins.
She slipped one of her hands down to cover his where it held onto her, and pressed the other against the left side of his chest.
He cleared his throat, letting out a laugh rather than saying anything. She laughed back, her heart actually fluttering when she felt his fingers twining with hers upon her waist. His touch was gentle and considered, a little teasing in its apparent hesitancy but confident, too. It hinted at so many wonderful things and she felt on fire with just the thought of his hands elsewhere on her body.
"There's still time," he said, and she knew what he was getting at. Time to wake up, realise what you're doing and run away. "I wouldn't hold it against you."
There was nothing she could do, she decided, except to make her need for him blatantly clear. He always appreciated her frankness, and she couldn't see why it would be any different now.
"Not a lot of time," she began, curving herself into him where he was keeping a little distance, out of respect, "because if you don't fuck me in the next half hour then I'm pretty sure I'm going to implode out of sheer unresolved and insane desire for you, Leonard."
He couldn't remain impassive, and she was inordinately pleased when he pulled her flush to him, not being mistaken in feeling the tenting of his trousers against her. She threw her arms around his shoulders again and let out a joyful squeal when he hoisted her upwards, the restraint he'd kept in place falling away at her candid words. Despite the volume of her dress, she was able to hook her legs around his middle.
"I feel like your timings might be on the presumptuous side," he uttered as he carried her towards his bedroom, "but for both of our sakes, I really hope not."
"You'll think of something."
"Many awful, horrible things."
"Luckily, the world isn't short of them."
He was still very adeptly holding her aloft when he fixed a slow, deep kiss to her lips. She was so lost that she hardly registered her feet making delicate contact with the floor.
Lenny's eyes were dark with pure want when they disentangled from one another, for the moment at least, and Midge was arrested by a sensation that possessed her body and soul which made her feel unsteady, like she needed to grasp onto him otherwise she'd fade away. His hands came up to cup her face so tenderly, as though she were the most precious thing in existence.
"I'm yours, Lenny," she said, her voice coming out as a whisper, "tonight, and for however long you want me."
His thumb traced against her cheek. "That's an incentive to stick around as long as I possibly can."
She craned up in her heels, kissing him to stop her heart from aching. His hands moved slowly down her body, Midge smiling against his lips as they lingered at her breasts before travelling further. She popped the remaining buttons on his shirt and he shucked it to the floor, momentarily taking his hands from her and lifting his arms as Midge pulled at his undershirt. Her eyes feasted on his naked torso, nicely and perhaps surprisingly toned given the booze he partook in drinking. She thought about pushing him onto the bed and tracing each line and dip with her tongue, the heat between her thighs increasing.
"Hey, my eyes are up here," he said, his tone perfectly dry.
"Don't pretend you don't love it."
"In this instance, I definitely do."
She was poised to undo his belt buckle when his hands stayed hers. Her huff of disappointment was audible.
"I'll have you know I wasn't kidding. I've been wet since you set foot on the stage tonight." Her eyes were pinned to him as he stepped in towards her, his fingertips dancing their way from the small of her back. "I guess if we're being accurate about this, it's been long before then."
"Now I don't feel any pressure at all."
He closed around the zip on her dress and glided it down without needing to turn her around and carry out a close inspection. She pushed at the straps, letting it fall to the floor, and was happy to discover that she didn't feel exposed or scrutinised. Lenny's gaze was too warm and more than merely appreciative. She had more than a vague notion that she wanted him to swallow her whole. He took a few steps back in the small room and she already missed his nearness; it was the furthest they'd been from one another since they'd made it through the door of his apartment.
She smiled at the way he was staring, letting his eyes roam her body from head to feet. At some point she'd kicked off her heels, yet she didn't even feel self-conscious about that. Her make-up had remained in place, although she was fairly sure that Lenny had kissed most of her lipstick off, but she wanted him to see her exactly how she was. It struck her that he was the only man she'd thought that about; every other time there hadn't been enough smoke and mirrors, in her opinion.
Still, she'd carefully chosen the underwear she was wearing with exactly this outcome to the night in mind, the midnight blue lace a contrast against her skin. She might have even bought it specifically with Lenny in mind.
"You want to take a picture?" she couldn't resist teasing him, even where they found themselves, "I can do my best pin-up girl pose."
"Again, if I'd planned more, then certainly." Both of his hands went to his mouth as she posed with one hand on her hip, the other held under her chin. She watched him fumble and fidget, that excessive energy needing to go somewhere, but all the time his eyes were on her. "Midge, sweetheart…I'm not going to lie and say I haven't dreamt about this so many times that I've lost count. And I thought they were something, but nothing matches up to this. To you. I just have no idea how a schmuck like me got so lucky."
"It's quite the night for you," she replied, not entirely sure how she was containing herself.
"Oh, for sure. Nothing's ever going to compare, but I can live with it."
He edged closer back towards her, and then his hands were on her. If they'd felt amazing while her clothes were on, this was another level entirely. She heard herself murmur as his fingers swept over her stomach, cresting higher to cup her breasts through her bra. Now she was seriously wondering how she wasn't going to implode.
He unclasped her bra without fuss and she was all ready to reciprocate in the touching until he stilled her hands again.
"Midge, if you put your hands on me right now I can't guarantee that I won't come instantly, and that's not how I want this to go."
She smiled, relenting. "Okay, mister. But you can't have all of the fun."
He gave her a wicked smile as his hands went back to her now bare breasts. "I wouldn't dream of it."
She barely restrained her whimpers at his touch. Seconds later his lips were on her neck, pressing kiss after kiss there. He also decided it was a good idea for his thumbs to ghost over her nipples, and she let out a desperate cry of his name, humming in approval as he guided his mouth lower, never breaking away from her. The knot in her stomach tightened and the sensation between her thighs was getting increasingly intense, and they were only just getting started. If it was anyone else she'd be a little embarrassed by how damn ready she was, but she could be herself with Lenny. The best, the worst; he accepted it all without question.
When he reached the valley between her breasts he lowered himself to the floor, looking up at her while his hands doled out feather-light caresses, first to her breasts then trailing down her sides to her waist. There was certainly something about the sight of him on his knees before her; it was quite possibly the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed, and the sexiest she'd ever felt. His fingertips were intent in following the jut of her hipbones, his head craning further back.
"I think I've found God tonight."
"And I think your mother's rabbi and my parents' just woke up in a cold sweat."
"I see what you're trying to do here, Weissman. And my biology thanks you for it."
She chuckled, and gasped again when his mouth opened against her stomach. Her hands went to his hair, keeping him in place, although she knew he wasn't going anywhere. His fingers tickled against the top of her legs as he took care of her suspenders. You are the envy of so many women right now. Men, too. She knew exactly how lucky she was, and how much more she was about to be.
Lenny's eyes went to hers again, the beats of silence adding to the question held in his gaze. She nodded in response, feeling her body tremble in anticipation.
"Please, Lenny. Baby, please."
The term of endearment left her mouth without her thinking about it. His smile was so beautiful as he looked up at her in the snow-tinged shadows of the room, his hands hooked into her underwear. Another beat and then he guided them down her legs. She steadied herself with hands against his shoulders while she stepped out of them.
"I want to make you feel so good, sweetheart."
His words alone sent lightning bolts through her. She was looking at him while his hands went round to the base of her spine, grasping her firmly but tenderly. She was determined not to look away, to watch him while what she'd fantasised about and come to with the assistance of her fingers countless times became a reality. His dark curls were all that were visible as he buried his head between her thighs, her responding moan broken in her throat when the tip of his tongue met her where she needed him so much.
She lost herself – or maybe found herself – while he pleasured her thoroughly with his mouth, lapping at her, worshipping her like she was some kind of idol. His hands stroked at the inside of her thighs, and at some point he lifted one of her legs, fingertips tracing over the crease at the back of her knee as his tongue started to run in little circles.
"Lenny," she managed, breathless and reluctant to have him stop what he was doing. Her fingers wound tightly into his hair was further evidence of that. "Baby, I can't…I already feel like I'm going to fall down."
He withdrew slowly, and as expected she felt the loss keenly. One of his hands twined with hers, his thumb sweeping over her knuckles.
"Yeah, of course. Make yourself comfortable."
"Right away."
She all but jumped onto the bed, eager for him to continue, not one bit ashamed of the way she parted her legs instaneously. Lenny stood at the foot of the bed, taking off his belt and undoing the button on his trousers. Midge watched, half mesmerised at his stripping off and half mad with waiting.
"Thought I'd better do the same," he said, kicking off his trousers. There was no way that she could ignore the outline of him plainly visible in his pants, and he didn't hide a smirk at her reaction.
"You really are the headliner everywhere you go, aren't you?"
She was surprised that she was still able to breathe. The thought of having him inside her was already a delicious one, but now it was making her head swim slightly.
"You know me, I'm nothing if not modest."
"There's nothing modest about that," she said in a sultry tone, "and aren't I thrilled about it."
She raised one of her legs into the air just so, pointing so that her toes rubbed against his erection. His groan was music to her ears, and she laughed in delight.
"Midge," he murmured. His helpless tone was unbelievably sexy.
"Come on," she said, "you're well overdue a treat. And I really want to get my hands on you."
"I wasn't kidding about what would happen. I'm not twenty any more."
He curled his hand around her ankle, pressing a light kiss to the sole of her foot that had her squirming again. She still had her stockings on but he quickly saw to that, rolling one and then the other carefully down her legs and off. He kissed his way down each leg as he did so, making her sigh.
"You are relentless," she uttered, watching as he settled himself back into place, arms stretched out against the bed, hands held just below her breasts.
"It's what I've built a career on," he said, kissing her stomach and then her inner thighs, "I wouldn't want to disappoint now."
"There's no chance…oh, goddamnit, Lenny!"
She could feel him smile between slow licks and it was simultaneously maddening and heavenly. He took one leg and then the other to place them over his shoulders, holding her at the waist, trailing his tongue teasingly slowly before raising his head, looking at her with such…she almost didn't want to call it love, yet at the same time she cherished the thought.
"You taste so good. Better than I dreamt of." His head dipped to kiss her right at her core, and when he hummed in satisfaction the vibrations sent sparks shooting right through her. "I can't get enough of you, darling."
"I'm so glad…shit…"
She could have sworn that she levitated, or even ascended, but it was all Lenny's doing, and his hands remained steady on her, grounding her, while his lips and tongue took her to heights she'd never before experienced. He seemed to be enjoying it as much as she was, and she became blissfully unaware of time or space, only Lenny, the ripples and waves of pleasure that were cascading upwards over her, submerging her, Lenny, his fingers slipping inside her, so easily because she's so goddamned wet, Lenny, how fucking fantastic he is with his mouth and the curl of his fingers, the way she feels like she's going to explode from it all, Lenny, his hand finding hers and clinging on tight, his tongue licking and pushing against her clit, just there, right there…
Lenny.
Lenny.
"Oh, fuck, Lenny!"
Her orgasm seemed to last forever, perfect aftershocks working their way up and down her whole body. Lenny kissed her stomach as he eased his fingers out of her, climbing up the bed. Her vision was hazy as she blinked her eyes open to look at him, feeling that it was fitting that she could still see stars. He was smiling at her and she smiled back, not able to feel her limbs.
"I'm fairly sure you invented a new string of curses there," he said, putting a hand to her temple and stroking her hair tenderly. "I'm looking forward to trying some of them out in my next act."
"So long as you give me credit. 'Ladies and gentleman, I picked that up from Mrs. Maisel when I was giving her the best head of her life.'"
He raised an eyebrow, his other hand coming to rest on her right breast. "If that's the way you want to go out, then sure."
"I think people deserve to know just how talented you are," she said, cupping a hand against his cheek, "and how I've absolutely hit the jackpot. That was just incredible."
He looked up to the ceiling momentarily, his usually nonchalant air not quite in place. "It's not so difficult when you've got the inspiration. That's half of everything. And I've never had better inspiration in all my life."
She was lost in his gaze, her breathing just about regulating when his head lowered to hers. Her thumb pressed against his cheek while her other hand slid into his hair, clinging on as the kiss deepened. She tasted herself on his tongue and her stomach fizzed with excitement. One of her feet slid up his calf before she hooked her leg around his hip, nearly losing all control when she felt the hardness and heat of him pressing against her.
"Oh, Lenny," she almost whined, feeling so desperate and like she was right on the edge, even though he'd already made her come.
"I'm here," he kissed below her ear, lips inching towards her cheek, "I'm not going anywhere. Wild horses couldn't drag me away."
His mouth was on hers again, the kiss messy with hunger and then slowing. His hand was still closed over her breast and he started to fondle in time with the stroke of his tongue against hers. Her squeals and moans were muffled against his lips, her hands scrambling all over him.
"Hey," he stuttered, mouth so close to hers, "I'm ticklish."
"Not my main concern. You need to get out of these, like two minutes ago."
"My god, I've never known anybody so impatient."
He lifted himself off her, his eyes remaining pinned to her and a smirk on his face.
"Once you feel what it's like to be inside me, then you'll be exactly the same."
"Humility is something I always look for in a woman."
"Okay, okay. I just really, really need you inside me. I've waited for far too long, and when it's right there in front of me, who can blame a gal?"
"I just hope I live up to your expectations," he said, opening and reaching into the drawer at the bedside, bringing out the packet of condoms while taking down his pants with his other hand.
"Colour me impressed already at the multi-tasking."
Any other clever words evaporated on her tongue, thoughts similarly vanishing from her head, when she saw the wonderful sight of him completely naked. It was all she could do not to exclaim as she watched him adeptly put the condom on, finding herself very jealous of his palm.
She recovered when he climbed back onto the bed, her hands pulling him down for another couple of frantic, heated kisses, not that she needed much further encouragement.
"I mean, if the world knew what I know now, they really ought to have put a different listing on those posters outside of Carnegie."
He laughed, burying his head into the crook of her neck for a few moments. "There are a lot of critics who would prefer that, no doubt. But then, I am very choosy."
"And again, I'm getting the benefit."
They kissed once more, deep and slow, foreheads rested together afterward.
"How do you want me?" he said, just loud enough for her to hear.
"Is every way an option?" she answered.
"I'd be in favour of that, but maybe not all tonight."
Her heart skipped at the thought of more, endless nights with Lenny, days whenever they could manage them. As much time together as they both wanted.
She smiled up at him, her hand caressing the back of his neck.
"How about me on top, to start off with anyway? I might change my mind part way through."
"You'd be more than entitled to," he kissed her quickly and sweetly, "that'd be just perfect, sweetheart."
They rearranged themselves on the bed, and Midge took a moment to breathe, centre herself, thank every single lucky star that she'd wished upon. She looked down at Lenny, tracing all of his handsome features with her gaze, and feeling so adored with the way he answered her stare.
He let her take the lead completely, controlling the pace as she sunk down onto him, the gasps half caught in her throat. A voice in her head told her to go slow, then she heard him groan and curse, and she couldn't help herself from taking him all in. It was then that he placed his hands on her hips, holding her delicately, there to guide her but ultimately letting her do whatever she would.
She worked slowly, going against some of her own desires, raising herself until he was almost totally out of her and then sinking down again. She began to grind, circling her hips as she seated herself, and the feeling of him deep inside her made her nearly breathless. The grasp of Lenny's fingers against her waist got a little tighter, encouraging her to be reckless, and she splayed her hands against his chest as she rode him, half of her not quite believing it was real.
"Midge," her name had never sounded so good as when he uttered it, drawling and just a little weak, "fuck, you feel fantastic."
She responded with a half-choked moan as the head of his cock bumped against her clit, her fingernails close to drawing blood as she raked them down his chest.
"Lenny, oh god," she gasped, working to a faster rhythm, thrilling when one of his hands worked up her body to palm at her breasts, "I…fuck…I need…"
"What do you need, sweetheart?" She managed to open her eyes and look down at him. "Whatever you want, I promise I'll give you whatever you need."
Her heart swelled while she throbbed at having him fill her so completely.
"I want to switch," she said, her hands roaming him, "I want you to fuck me into the mattress."
"Of course. I'll make it quick as I can."
"Good. I don't want to disappear without you."
There was a physical ache that she felt at the loss of him, for just a second or two until his fingers acted as a replacement while they readjusted. Midge let out a moan, comforted and electrified by the movements within, clinging onto him while he stayed close, saying her name, kissing against her temple, her cheek, her earlobe. His lips brushed hers as his free hand crested her hip, prising her apart.
He pumped his fingers a couple more times purposefully before easing them out, and she watched him raise them to his mouth, whining as he took them between his lips. He kissed her palm reverently, holding it firm against his mouth while he filled her again, and she felt complete once more.
Her hands were on his back and their heads remained close together, Lenny punctuating his thrusts with kisses that didn't always land on her lips. The moans that fell from their mouths were intertwined with sighs of each other's name. She didn't even need to work her hips that much; he hit so perfectly and deeply, going faster and harder right after she asked, his hand pressing her lifted thigh against him before dipping down further, stroking the bundle of nerves nestled at her centre. She tried to tell him but her words only came out as gasps and breaths, and he kissed against her throat, calling her 'darling' as she came for the second time, her body and soul feeling set on fire from the inside out.
It was like the world stopped for a while, his hands on her and stillness within as she floated back down to earth, knowing that she was different than the moments before. He wouldn't stop kissing her, murmuring against her skin, and she smiled as she swept her hands up the slick skin of his back and his shoulders, feeling him tight as a coiled spring.
"Let it go, baby," she crooned, a hand on the back of his neck coaxing him to look at her, "I want all of you."
His lips quirked into a little smile, then he kissed her just before he started to move again. He was setting off new sparks within her and she had to let him know how good it felt, yearning to kiss the crinkles of his brow as he thrust with effort, his moans and calls of 'fuck, Midge' the sweetest symphony. She felt him seizing up, muscles contracting beneath her fingertips, and she kissed his cheek while he shuddered, the faint-almost-invisible stubble leaving wonderful tingles upon her lips. She was a little disappointed to not feel the warmth inside, to be coated by him, but to have the full weight of his body pressing her down into the bed was a perfect compensation.
He kissed a trail up her neck to her chin and then her lips, and she smiled and giggled delightedly while he tried to be romantic, still giddy from the euphoric energy running through her.
"I'll just be a moment," he said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder as he pulled out.
She couldn't find the words so she hummed in response, turning her head slightly on the pillow to watch him as he went towards the bathroom. He returned quickly, not bothering to cover up, and Midge admired him as he reached into the drawer, this time for a cigarette lighter. He tipped the packet in his hand towards her and she took one into her fingers, curving herself against him as he lay back down, adjusting the pillow to prop himself up.
Midge took a long drag, exhaling slowly, and she noted how Lenny dipped his head closer to her. She offered the cigarette to him and he accepted it with a smile. It seemed natural, an extension of their intimacy, and they passed it back and forth as they lay, legs tangled together. She rested her head against his shoulder and one of his hands found an easy resting place upon her upper thigh, the other at the nape of her neck. Midge sighed happily as he ran little circles against her skin, the sheen of sweat starting to cool off.
"You were worth the wait, and then some," she uttered, the bliss she felt comprised of evident in her dreamy tone.
"So long as you're aware that it may be a fluke." He kissed her tenderly on her forehead, and she felt like she might fly away. "So were you, sweetheart. I have never seen a more astounding sight than the way your face looks when you come."
She felt her cheeks flush. "Are you going to think about it every time you see me on stage now?"
"Try every minute of the day."
He handed the cigarette back to her so she could have the last puff, and she swept the backs of her fingers against his cheek as a silent, more intimate gesture of thanks. The energy between them was charged with what they'd shared, the silence comfortable. Midge thought about how she wished they would have taken this step sooner, but at the same time she wondered if she would have truly appreciated it until this night. The alignment had been there for months, even years, but it was as though every little thing had to fall into place just as it was meant to. The invisible coming into view when the spotlight was tilted at just the right angle.
Lenny's fingers curved around hers, taking the finished cigarette and depositing it into the tray on the bedside. His head dipped to kiss her knuckles and both her heart and stomach were fluttering like crazy. She put her hand to his cheek, studying the way his eyelashes fell as his eyelids closed. He had an air of concentration and consideration about him which made her feel honoured and so incredibly special.
She didn't want to break the spell, and she didn't quite know why she said what she did.
"So, what happens next? After I give you a couple of hours to recover and then the repayment you so richly deserve."
"A couple of hours?" he replied.
"Hey, you were the one saying you weren't getting any younger."
He huffed a short laugh, placing another kiss on her shoulder. She found that she really liked being kissed there, or maybe it was because it was Lenny doing the kissing.
"I mean, anything could happen, right? I could walk outside tomorrow – or later on today – and get hit by a line of cabs. That would probably be the more fitting repayment, given that I've had one hell of a night."
She shook her head at his words, then rested it back against him. Her hand crept upwards over his chest and she smiled as he caught it with his, linking them together.
"You're not like other men and I'm not like other women. There's always going to be something else factoring here."
"I take it you're referring to the mistress of comedy, unless there's a joke I'm not in on."
"Aside from her, there's nobody else," she was quick to reassure him, "after that performance – performances, plural – they could never compare."
"I can sleep easier knowing that. I mean, it's up to you, Midge. You're the one who's going to be taking off like a comet. I would never want to be dragging you down to earth, lower than that, to whichever level I'm going to land at."
Her eyes met his quickly; she felt her mouth curving downward, which was unsettling after the night that occurred.
"Come on. After tonight the only way you're going is stratospheric."
He shrugged, not wanting to argue or perhaps take anything away from her high. "Whatever you want, I'll be happy with. Seeing each other every day or every three months. Everything or nothing, or something in-between." He angled his head and she met him halfway. The kiss made her heart hurt in a beautiful way, telling her everything she needed to know. "Whatever you want."
She pressed her lips against his harder, thrilling at the way his hand slid to the small of her back.
"You're the best man I'll ever know, Leonard Schneider."
"Can I get that on a poster?"
"Oh, I can come up with so many better things for that purpose, but you'll just have to wait to read them."
"It'll be worth it."
They kissed again, slowly, his hand tangled in her hair, then they settled on their sides, content to stare at one another and, occasionally, run a finger over a cheek or lips. Midge could feel her eyes start to droop, until she heard Lenny's voice against her ear.
"I guess I'd better tell you at least one of the things I've wanted to. If I'm not brave enough now, then I don't deserve to ever be."
"Mmmm," she answered, her hand lazily sweeping against the curve of his neck, "I'm listening."
All she was aware of for a few moments was the warmth of his breath, which alone made her smile.
"You'll have to forgive me for it, and I hope you do, but I'm in love with you, Miriam Weissman."
Her eyes, which had been flickering between half-open and completely closed, snapped open at his words, and she saw him looking subdued, perhaps uncertain of how she was going to react, given how he'd been so keen for her to decide how serious it was going to be between them.
A smile curved her lips as she watched him, his expression subtly changing by the second.
"You always get to go first, huh?"
His eyes brightened and he reached out towards her, running his hand from the curve of her breast, down her side until it nestled against her hip. "I think you'll find you got to go first twice tonight."
She laughed. "Because you're a gentleman."
"That's what I've had you believe."
She smiled wider, splaying her hand against his on her hip. "No forgiveness needed, because I'm in love with you too. Ridiculously, crazily so."
He tugged on her waist and she let him pull her closer so they were pressed together. She thought she could feel him reacting to her closeness and so she couldn't help smiling against his mouth as they kissed.
"And, just so you know, it could never be nothing or in-between. I don't know what's going to happen, but we'll make it work. I just don't want to be without you, ever."
"I'll try everything I can not to let you down."
She ran her fingers over his cheek, tracing his bottom lip with her thumb. "That's one thing you could never do. Everything else, well, the sky's the limit."
They fell back into making love, drifting off to sleep just before the new day dawned fully.
Midge watched the snow falling against the window in the morning – nearing on the afternoon – with a cup of coffee in her hands and Lenny's arms around her waist, and she was certain she'd never felt happier.
It was the start of something. She didn't know quite yet what that something was going to look like, but she knew that it was going to be beautiful.
A/N: I really did not expect that it would take me a year to update this fic...the good thing about the S4 delay is that I should be on target to get it finished before it starts up! Inspiration taken for this chapter, particularly for Midge's dress (which I love) and the running from Carnegie through the snow, from the wonderful behind-the-scenes pictures from S4 that came out a few months ago.