Title: The Brief Time That It Lasts
Author: worldwnomirrors
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC17
Summary:
AU: Callie gets to know Arizona only to learn that she has a very destructive behavior. Can she help Arizona, can she even get her to open up, or will she have to stand by and watch as Arizona's pain slowly destroys her? And if she can't bare to stand by and watch, what are Callie's other options?
CONTENT WARNING:
This story contains, deals with and/or mentions sex, self destructive behavior and suicide.
Disclaimer:
I own nothing. All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC.
AN: Hey everyone! I am SO excited to be posting this fic, and I really hope you guys will like it! The content warning mentions suicide, but it will not be dealt with a lot in the story, but I just thought I should put a content warning out there to be safe. I am not sure how long this fic will be, but I am guessing about ten chapters or so. The story is told both from Callie's point of view and from Arizona's, although mostly Callie's. I think that things will be happening kind of fast throughout the story, but hopefully that's okay! I hope you will enjoy reading this and if you leave a comment that will make me very happy. Thank you!
CHAPTER ONE
Make It Through the Night
-Callie-
All night I had noticed her gaze over at me, smiling at me as our eyes would meet, and I wasn't complaining – she was incredibly beautiful and so charming and I just couldn't keep my eyes away. There was just something about her. When she had come up to me, I had been pleased. We started talking and it felt easy, and I wasn't one of those shy girls or one of those girls that was nervous about what I was saying. No, me – I was confident.
And I was drunk. And that did help too but mostly I just didn't care much what people thought about me, either they liked me or they didn't, it was as simple as that. And it was no different with this girl, whom I still didn't know the name of.
Well, it sort of wasn't different. Kind of... Mostly. But there was something about her that intrigued me, and I wanted her to like me. But she seemed so insecure, the way she was coming on to me was so obvious and forward and I just knew part of it was fake.
Despite that, I went with it. And that's how we ended up outside the club later; legs, arms and lips tangled, me pressed up hard against the brick wall behind me. There were no other people there, we had went out the back because apparently the blonde goddess in front of me, or should I say on me, had privileges in the club, because she knew some of the people working there.
As much as I was enjoying what we were doing, it had all happened so fast and it was still happening very fast. Her hands were rough when she touched me and her kisses were sloppy, almost desperate.
"Mm, wait," I mumbled against her lips as I pulled away slightly. "This is moving very quickly," I stated.
She simply smiled and looked at me with seductive, crystal blue eyes. "Is that a problem?"
"Um..." I started but she cut me off by crashing her lips against mine. "I don't even know your name," I whispered as she attacked my neck with her mouth, sucking and kissing.
"And I don't know yours," she answered. "I don't need to."
Her hands roughly pulled at my shirt and she dug her fingers into my stomach, pushing me harder against the wall.
It was time for a shift in dominance.
Grabbing her wrists, I pulled her hands away from me, turning us around so she was against the wall, and pinning her arms above her head.
"My name's Callie," I whispered hoarsely against her soft lips before I kissed them hard. "Now, what's yours?"
Her facial expression suddenly changed. It wasn't fear and it wasn't confusion or sadness, but it was something along those lines but I couldn't quite make out exactly what it was. Whatever it was, I could tell she was trying to hide it.
"I-I'm Arizona," she said, her breathing ragged and hard on my face and I smelled the faint scent of alcohol in her breath.
Sensing some sort of discomfort in her, I loosened my grip on her hands, but kept them in place. "Nice," I huffed before starting to kiss her again.
There was something that didn't feel quite right about all this. I felt like she wanted to be doing it but at the same time she didn't. She was hard to read but something just wasn't right, and in a state less clouded by intoxication, I would have stopped it.
She tried to pull her hands out of my grip as we kissed and since I couldn't quite make out what she was feeling, I let one of her hands lose so she wouldn't feel trapped or anything. She immediately slid it in between us, pulling at the hem of my jeans before expertly undoing the button.
"Wow," I said, "done that before, have you?"
She chuckled and smiled into the kiss as my hand came to rest on her face. "Wouldn't you like to know," she teased as she suddenly slid her hand into my panties, gliding her hand up and down my wetness and I involuntarily rocked my hips forward in an attempt to find more friction.
"Jesus," I whimpered as she kept stroking me up and down.
This was against my better judgment. It indeed was, but something just told me I had to stay with her. Okay, maybe not like this, but at that moment I didn't know any other way. Anyone could walk out of the club or come around the corner of the building but she sure as hell didn't care and frankly, neither did I. Had I been sober, I had cared. Had she been sober, she probably would have cared too but we weren't sober.
But even though I was most definitely intoxicated, my head was clear enough to know when I undid her pants and pushed my hand in between her legs, that Arizona did not want this.
There was no wetness, no arousal whatsoever.
Fuck.
I knew something was wrong before, why didn't I stop it?
I felt like I was violating her and a wave of disgust washed over me at that feeling.
I quickly pulled my hand back out of her jeans, broke the kiss and grabbed her wrist to stop her from touching me. "Stop," I demanded softly as I took a step backward, her wrist still firmly in my grip. "Just... Stop."
I suddenly didn't feel drunk at all anymore.
"What? Why?" She asked, confusion evident in her face as she stood frozen and panting in front of me. Although I didn't understand what the confusion was about; to me it was pretty clear.
"You're not..." I trailed off and sighed and then looked intently into her eyes as I dropped her hand. "You don't want to do this."
"No, no," she objected, closing the distance between us. "I do." She grabbed me by my jacket and tried to pull me in closer but I removed her hands with my own and kept them on hers.
I still stared at her but I could tell she found it hard to look into my eyes. "No," I said, "you don't."
"You want to, don't mind me," she suggested as she kept trying to pull me to her.
That idea disgusted me. As if I would have sex with her for my own pleasure only. "I don't want to anymore and I will mind you," I declared, and hearing my own voice, I sounded a lot more angry than I felt.
I wasn't angry, I was sad and felt really bad for the girl in front of me and wanted to understand what was going on with her.
"Please," she pleaded and finally met my eyes, but only for a second. "Please don't, just let me touch you, let's just do this, you don't have to ever talk to me or see me again but can we just do this?" Tears started to form in her eyes and whatever arousal I had felt moments ago was long gone. "Please please please," she murmured under her breath as she closed her eyes and tipped her head forward.
"No," I repeated. "I can't, I won't, not like this." My heart was breaking for her. I had no idea what was wrong but something clearly wasn't right, she was broken.
She looked up and offered me her eyes for a few quick seconds as she talked to me. "So let's go somewhere else, let's go to your place or my place, anywhere, please," she kept begging.
I wasn't about to ask her why she was so desperate, because I knew she wouldn't answer me anyway. But neither was I about to leave her like this, so after I had thought about it for a while, I decided to take her to my place. Not to have sex, absolutely not, but to sleep. Or talk, if she wanted to, if she initiated it but I doubted she would, and I wouldn't be pressing the matter.
I didn't know what it was, but there was something about her that made me feel connected to her. Maybe it was the fact that I knew from the moment I saw her that she was broken, that something was wrong, I just didn't recognize it right away. Maybe it was the fact that I was drunk and we'd been making out and touching or maybe it was because our souls simply connected.
All I knew was I couldn't let her go, I had to help her, whatever that meant or might entail.
"Okay," I said. "Let's go to my place."
-Arizona-
As we walked into her apartment, I didn't even bother to look around to see if anyone else was there even though I had no idea if she lived alone or with someone. After she locked the door behind us, I grabbed her jacket and pulled her into me again.
I was so desperate to get my fix – the sex.
It had been my escape, every weekend – and sometimes weekdays – since one and a half years back. One and a half years ago, everything had changed and I couldn't live with the pain, I needed something to smother it, even if it was only for a short moment or for the time being. It was the only way I had found that would let me cope, that lessened the pain somewhat. It was the only way I knew how to get through every day, to feel something else.
The sex wasn't good. Sometimes it would even hurt, emotionally. But that pain was so much better, it was even a relief, compared to the other pain. Sometimes, in rare cases, it would feel okay. It would never feel good, and somewhere deep inside of me I knew it wasn't good for my body, my mind or my health.
But so do the people that smoke. And the people that do drugs. They know. They know it's not good for them but they don't stop. They keep on doing it because just in that moment when they do it, and for the brief time that it lasts, it feels good, it helps them forget the things they wish they didn't know. And that means more than the fact that they know it's not good for them.
It took away my pain.
For just that moment, it would take away the pain or muffle it.
"No," Callie said for what felt like the hundredth time that night.
I didn't want her to say no, I didn't want her to care about me, I just wanted her to do what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to have sex. That's why I followed her here.
"I'm not gonna have sex with you Arizona," she declared, her voice thick with concern as she held me by my shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes, but I looked away. "Let's just sleep. I'll get you a blanket and something to sleep in and you can crash on the couch, okay?" She searched my face and tried to get me to look at her.
When I did, when my gaze met hers, I was lost.
She saw me.
Through all my fake toughness, through all my flirting and fake smiles, she saw me. She knew what I needed when I didn't.
No one had ever looked at me in the way she looked at me in that moment. I wanted to object, to beg her to let me make her feel good, but her dark, warm eyes made me feel better. The way she looked at me, and the way her hands held me so firmly made me feel like I could make it through the night. I stared at her in bewilderment and suddenly just wished she wouldn't go anywhere, not even for two seconds.
"Okay," I finally whispered, so quietly I wondered if she could even hear it.
"Okay, good," she said and smiled faintly at me. "So," she continued as she squeezed my shoulders before slipping her hands off of me, "I'll go go get sheets and stuff, you can just wait in here, see if the couch is comfy enough." She motioned into the living room and turned on the light. I looked at her and nodded before she disappeared and I instantly felt cold at the loss of contact, and just missing her being in the room with me.
Quickly shaking the feeling off, I walked into the living room and looked around. It was big, but there wasn't a lot of things in there. Just the couch, a coffee table, a TV and a shelf. Looking over at the couch I walked over and sat down. It was pretty big, and felt comfortable.
As I sat there, I wondered what the hell I was doing. How did I end up on some random girl's couch? And why weren't we about to have sex? I was thinking I should have just left. But if I stayed, at least that was something. Right? And maybe she would come around.
Suddenly I caught myself being calm. Usually in a situation like this I would freak out. Because I just wanted to forget, I just wanted that fix, and I was always desperate for it. But now, even though I knew I probably wouldn't get it, I was still calm. I found myself thinking it wouldn't be the end of the world if I just slept here and nothing else came out of it. It surprised me and I was starting to wonder if I was really that drunk because what else could it be?
And then she came back into the room, and I realized.
As I looked up at her, her eyes instantly met with mine, and that's where I somehow found the calm. In those warm, beautiful, incredible eyes.
"Here," she said as she offered me a big, kinda old-looking t-shirt. "You can sleep in this if you want." I took the t-shirt from her hands and she sat down next to me, putting the blanket and the pillow she brought on the other side of her on the couch. "If this blanket isn't enough and you get cold you can just take this one too," she added as she patted another blanket that was draped over the backrest of the couch.
"Okay," I mumbled. "Thanks."
It wasn't awkward. And it wasn't awkward because I simply didn't care, about anything. I didn't care if she thought that I was an idiot or that I was stupid or just fucking crazy. Nothing mattered to me anymore. The pain that I felt from what happened one and a half years ago overshadowed everything, and made anything else insignificant.
But I felt so confused somehow about this situation and this girl who for some reason seemed to care for me.
Apparently she could see my confusion. "Are you okay?" she asked as she ducked her head, trying to get eye contact.
I frowned at feeling so lost, but nodded. "Yeah," I assured her. "I'm fine. I just..." I trailed off.
Why did I keep talking? I didn't even know what I was going to say.
"What?" Callie asked softly.
"I don't know," I replied quickly, shaking my head, "nothing."
"Okay," she said and I could tell from the tone of her voice she didn't quite believe me, but she probably didn't want to press the matter. "Do you need anything else?"
I shook my head again and dared a quick glance over at her. "No, I'm good."
"I'll be in the room next to the kitchen. If you should need anything, just wake me, I won't mind. Okay?" She searched my face and looked intently at me to make sure I knew she meant what she was saying.
I stared into her eyes for a while. "Yeah. Okay."
"So, I'll... I'll see you in the morning," she said as she stood up.
I nodded. "Yeah."
As she turned and walked away, something inside me snapped and I jerked up from the couch. "Callie?" I called without even thinking, without choosing to. It just came out and as she spun back around, I had no idea what I was going to say. I wanted to tell her to stay, to lie down on the couch with me.
"Yeah?" she asked, a little too quickly, as her eyes locked with mine again.
"Um..." I trailed off.
I couldn't tell her to stay. I wanted her to, so much, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask her to. I didn't want to need her. I didn't need her. Why would I? I didn't even know her. But then why did it feel like there was something between us, keeping us together, that would break and hurt me when she left? Why? I didn't understand and it frustrated me.
I didn't understand myself.
In lack of anything better to say, I just stuttered, "Uh, g-goodnight."
Idiot.
And why did I care all of a sudden? I didn't care, not about anyone, that was my thing, that's what protected me – I didn't care. But now, she was in front of me and as it turned out, I did care. About how she saw me, what she thought of me. I hadn't cared about anyone or anyone's thoughts of me in a long, long time, especially no one that I just met for the first time a few hours ago.
Callie walked back to me with determined steps and opened her mouth wide as if to say something, but then closed it again when she was right in front of me. She looked from my one eye to the other, and I found a puzzled look on her face, as if she was internally debating something.
Placing a warm hand on my left cheek, she leaned in and kissed the other. I closed my eyes and my heart skipped a beat at the gentle touch of her palm and lips.
Shifting slightly and pressing her own cheek to mine, she softly whispered, "Goodnight Arizona."
I felt her breath against my ear and shivered.
Before I knew it, she was gone. I felt dumb, standing in the middle of the living room, frozen in place, just staring straight ahead.
All of a sudden the room felt so much colder than a few seconds ago. But coldest were my cheeks, where she had just touched me, and suddenly a huge wave of sadness washed over me. I felt my chin start to tremble and my vision blur as tears welled up in my eyes.
It wasn't because she had left. At the time, I didn't know why, and I was confused. But in retrospect, I know it was because she saw me in a way I felt like no one had ever seen me before. She saw me. She saw through me, she saw my soul and my mind, she saw everything.
Wiping the tears away, I quickly turned to the couch, realizing I was still holding the t-shirt Callie had given me. I dropped it on the coffee table as I started to undress, trying to think about something, anything, that would make me stop crying.
God knows I hated crying.
I was used to pushing it away, the tears and the sadness... I was used to just bottling it up, and this time was no different, so it didn't take me long to gather myself and stop.
When I had changed in to the T-shirt, I took a deep breath, grabbed the pillow and tossed it to one end of the couch, then lay down and draped the blanket over me. I shivered as the cool material made contact with my bare legs and arms and I snuggled into it, waiting until my body had radiated enough warmth for me to be able to relax.
But warm or not, I couldn't relax. I was wide awake and couldn't stop thinking about the girl in the room down the hall. She was too close, yet way too far away. Too close for me to be laying there without her, and too far away for me to be able to relax and sleep.
I sighed as I turned around and around under the blanket, too restless to even lie still. I realized that I had no idea what time it was – not that it mattered, but I had nothing else to do so I might as well check it. Grabbing my cell phone that I had left on the coffee table, I flipped it open – 1:42. It wasn't that late, I was usually out and up a lot later than that.
But something had made me follow Callie home, and something had made me stay and sleep on her couch. I didn't know why I didn't just stay at the club, I could have had anyone I'd wanted.
But I didn't regret not staying. Somehow, even though I hadn't had the sex I so desperately needed, or thought I needed, I was seemingly okay. I felt okay. The only thing that didn't feel okay at that moment was the fact that Callie wasn't there. I wished she would just be there and talk to me, or maybe not even that, she could have just been in the room and I would have felt better.
I couldn't for the life of me understand why I felt that way, and it was bugging the crap out of me. I didn't even know this girl and I hated feeling dependent on someone else. How was I even feeling dependent on her?
I sighed sharply as I sat up. Looking over to the hall, I got the urge to just get up and go see her, just look at her maybe, if she was sleeping.
A normal person, a sane person, would have just stayed in the couch because getting up and going to her room would be kind of stalker-ish. And I did feel weird as I got up and tip-toed out of the living room and into the hall, because I cared about the fact that she would think I was crazy if she was awake and saw me. But I didn't want to care, so to hell with it, I thought.
To hell with it.
Her door wasn't closed, it was open maybe three inches and I carefully sneaked closer, careful not to make any loud noises. For whatever stupid reason, I was nervous and my heart was hammering in my chest as I slowly pushed the door open and peeked in. The bed was right inside from the door and Callie was lying on her side with her back to the wall.
Pushing the door open a little more, I took a step closer, leaning against the door frame as I watched Callie's still form intently for any sign that she might be awake. I was practically standing at the foot of the bed, maybe three feet away. I shivered as I realized I was a little cold and I crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to keep warm.
Suddenly Callie stirred and I held my breath, but I could tell from the way she was moving she wasn't sleeping.
I don't know how, because the room was quite dark, but her eyes met with mine as her face turned to me. I braced myself for an outburst of anger or irritation, crossing my arms a little tighter over my chest, watching her carefully.
But the outburst never came.
"Hey," she simply whispered before releasing a yawn.
"Sorry," I said sheepishly as I shrugged, "I'm sorry," I repeated as I tore my eyes from hers, preparing to leave, but hoping she would stop me. "I don't know what I was doing, I'll just-"
"Do you need anything?" she cut me off. Her voice was soft and sweet and not at all angry or irritated and it took me completely by surprise, snapping my head back around to meet her warm gaze once more.
For a moment I contemplated saying yes and lying so she wouldn't think I was a freak, but something within me just screamed at me not to lie.
"No," I blurted after a moment of silence.
She stared at me for a few seconds. "Couldn't sleep?"
I stared back at her in shock. Why did she act so... Normal, like nothing had happened, like I wasn't a complete nut job?
Realizing she had asked me a question, I shook my head and said, "No."
A silence fell upon us, one of those awkward ones, the kind you really want to avoid at all costs.
I immediately regretted ever leaving the couch.
Although, looking at Callie, I thought I was the only one feeling awkward. She looked so calm and at ease, like everything was fine.
"You look cold," she stated in a low voice.
I shook my head again, lowering my gaze to the floor. "I'm fine."
"You could sleep next to me."
I snapped my head back up and met her dark eyes.
"If you want to," she added quickly. "It's pretty warm over here and you really do look cold."
I just stared back at her, not knowing what to say or how to react.
But oh, did I want to lie down next to her. I wanted to so bad, but for some reason I was afraid to say that out loud or to let her know that I felt like I needed her close.
Before I could answer or even move, Callie lifted the blanket. "Come on," she urged in a soft whisper as she extended her arm, placing it on the pillow next to the one her head was resting on. She patted the sheet with her hand, motioning for me to come over.
I hesitated for just a second before I climbed into the bed and under the cover she was so invitingly holding open for me.
"Rest your head on my arm if you want," she suggested as I lay down on my side next to her, facing her. I did what she asked and she dropped the cover over me and then looped her arm around me outside the cover. As she did, I instinctively snuggled closer, loosely draping my arm around her waist, my cheek pressed against her upper arm.
I exhaled as I closed my eyes and relaxed in her firm, safe embrace.
It was warm over here. Callie's body, mostly.
I was just wearing the t-shirt and my panties, and she wore panties and a tank top. Our bare legs touched and she wiggled her toes a little against the top of my foot. I shivered from the sensation and she carefully pressed me a little closer.
"Better?" she whispered.
I nodded against her chest. "Yes."
"I'm glad."
We lay in silence, and it felt good, it felt right. It wasn't awkward, which I would have expected it to be but it was just right. Something about being close to her was just right. And I didn't even crave sex, I was content just being near her.
It was healing, somehow.
"Thank you," I said in a low voice. I meant it more than she could have ever imagined.
"You're welcome."
A few moments passed as I listened to her steady breathing and the tranquil beating of her heart. As I inhaled, I smelled her scent and realized I recognized it from before. I couldn't say what it smelt like, it was completely unique. I liked the smell of her, I concluded as I inhaled again, deeply, breathing her in.
My lips grazed the soft skin of her chest and I nuzzled my face in closer, liking the feeling. I pressed my lips a little more against her, but I didn't kiss, just kept them pressed onto the skin.
Simultaneously, I felt her hand slip under the cover by my shoulder, and she ran it down and placed it between my shoulder blades, gently pressing her fingertips and the heel of her hand into my back muscles through the fabric of the t-shirt. Every time a finger pressed into a muscle, it sent a tingle through my back and straight to my chest.
She did this for a while, and I didn't want her to stop. It was a simple, innocent touch, but it felt so good and it meant something. I sighed softly, the touch of her hand on my back helping me relax.
I moaned quietly, almost inaudibly into her chest as her soft, warm fingers worked my muscles. Placing her hand flat on my back, she slowly ran it up and down as she pressed it into the skin through the fabric. She ran it up to my shoulder and then hesitated before tentatively slipping it under the t-shirt at the back of my neck, placing it back between my shoulder blades against my bare skin.
I sighed at the feeling and tightened my arm around her waist, mutely telling her not to stop.
As she kept rubbing my back, I shifted to come even closer if that was even possible, slipping my left leg a little on top of her right. I pressed my hand into her back, wanting her to know she made me feel good.
I reached up and snuggled my face into the crook of her neck, this time pressing a soft kiss against the skin. I felt her nuzzle her face into my hair, her breath against my scalp, and she kissed the top of my head. Her hand slipped out of my shirt only to reach down further, along with her other hand, slipping them both in under the fabric at the small of my back and slowly, softly running them up and down my skin.
I slowly pressed more kisses against her neck, carefully tugging at her top. Then I released the fabric and slipped my hand inside at her back, stroking her soft, delicate skin.
Callie suddenly wrapped her arms tightly around my torso, pressing my body hard against her own, bringing me up a little so my head was right next to hers. She hugged me tenderly to her and kissed at my shoulder, grazing her lips and nose from there and up to my ear.
As she pulled her face away slowly, I swallowed hard as her lips stroked across my cheek and stopped barely an inch in front of my mouth. My eyes were still closed and I didn't open them, couldn't bare to see the look in Callie's eyes, because I knew whatever it was it would overwhelm me.
I felt her hot breath against my face, it was a little ragged now, as was mine. I was dying to feel her lips on mine, to feel her tongue press against mine, to have her even closer.
Finally her lips barely grazed mine, just brushing them swiftly across mine. Desperate, I reached forward and pressed a lingering kiss to her mouth, struggling to refrain from completely taking her mouth with mine.
This desperation, however, was not the same as earlier that night. I had no idea how we got to this point, why it felt so right and why the reasons I wanted this was so utterly different from why I wanted it before.
Callie pressed her mouth onto mine right after mine had left hers, and soon she parted her lips, granting my tongue access. As my tongue met with hers, I moaned into her mouth and she slowly rolled me over onto my back.
The kiss was slow but intense and there was so much emotion in it. Her hand ran over my stomach and I placed both of mine firmly at her sides, slipping them under her top. But she was hovering above me and I wanted her closer, so I wrapped my arms around her back and forced her down on top of me.
She stopped.
All of her movements ceased and her lips stopped kissing me but stayed close, just barely touching mine. I kept my eyes closed, feeling her breath on my face again, and her heart beating in unison with mine.
"Look at me," she whispered, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke.
I pinched my eyes a little harder closed, refusing to open them. I felt her hand come to my forehead, running it from there and back through my hair.
She touched my nose with hers and left a quick kiss in the corner of my mouth. "It's okay," she assured me. "Just please look at me." She kissed me again. "Please?"
I reluctantly opened my eyes and looked anywhere but at her. She saw everything within me, everything about me, and it was just too much. She waited patiently until I had no choice but to meet her concerned gaze. She wouldn't have had it any other way. She looked from my one eye to the other and I stared back at her.
It wasn't too overwhelming. Her eyes radiated so much calm and security that I just felt relieved. If it was possible, I felt even better in that moment than I had a minute before.
Keeping her eyes locked with mine and never even blinking, she kissed me. She ran her hand back over my hair again, and she kissed me while looking into my eyes.
As our tongues met again, we closed our eyes simultaneously as Callie ran her hand down my body to rest firmly against the side of my stomach.
Everything was happening so slowly, so securely in a way I had never experienced before. For the past one and a half years, sex had been nothing but a way for me to forget what had happened that day. And before that, I hadn't had much sex, and it had never felt anything like this.
Callie's hands were so soft and warm and they moved across my skin with such care, pressed into my body with such gentle, careful fingers. She took her time touching me, there was no rush whatsoever.
She tugged at the t-shirt I was wearing and slowly started pulling it up my body. I lifted my torso up enough so that she could pull the piece of clothing over my head, revealing my bare chest. She looked into my eyes again as she dropped the t-shirt on the floor beside her, then brought her hand to my chest, following it with her eyes as she placed it flat above my left breast. Looking into my eyes again she slowly ran her hand down to cover my breast, softly rubbing her palm against it.
As she started kissing me again, I grabbed the tank top she was wearing and pulled it off over her head. I stroked my hand over her stomach and then up to her breasts, eliciting a soft moan from her.
She kissed down my neck to my chest, her hands following in the same path after her lips. Lingering at my breasts, she kissed each nipple a few times, then replacing her lips with her hands as she kissed further down my body. Reaching the hem of my panties, she slowly pulled them off my legs.
Her hands came to rest at my thighs as she kissed her way up the inside of the left one.
My breathing was heavy and I whimpered as I felt her lips press soft kisses against my core.
This time, my sex was drenched with my arousal.
Coming back up, Callie pushed her right hand in under my neck until my head was resting on her arm again and she could wrap it behind my back. She placed her other hand on my hip, gently rolling me over so we were both on our sides, facing each other. Shifting closer to me, she tightened her arm around me as she pressed her lips to mine, then paused and looked into my eyes.
She brought her hand from my hip and up to my face, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as she gazed at me. Running her hand through my hair, she stopped at the back of my neck and tugged my face forward, her lips on mine yet again. Slowly, softly we kissed as she tugged me even closer and slipped her hand down between our bodies. She placed it at my stomach first, gently pressing into my belly before running it further down until it slipped in between my thighs.
I whimpered quietly, causing the kiss to break. I burrowed my face into her neck and wrapped my arm around her back as she hugged me closer.
She slipped two fingers into my wetness and I pinched my eyes closed and moaned at the sensation.
I had been touched here before, several times, by women and men, but nothing had ever quite felt like this.
"Callie," I called out to her under my breath, my voice shaky, as I clung to her.
She tentatively slid the two fingers inside of me, causing me to exhale sharply and dig my nails into her back. My body was trembling as she started to move in a steady, slow pace in and out of me.
Callie's body was warm, pressed firmly against mine and her arm held me close and safe the whole time, never once letting me slip even an inch in another direction. Her breathing was deep and soothing and I listened carefully to it as I felt her move inside of me.
When her thumb came to rub circles at my clit, I could barely breathe anymore. I rocked my hips forward against her movements when I felt that tug, that pressure, inside my core. It only took a few flicks of her thumb and a few more strokes of her fingers inside of me before I came.
Release.
It shot through me so hard and I buried my face in Callie's neck as I wrapped my arms tighter around her. I felt her damp skin against my face, and the smell of her was intoxicating as it mixed with the sensations of my orgasm.
As the last waves of it washed through me, I slowly relaxed, but pressed myself even harder against Callie.
She pulled out of me and then scooped me up in her arms, holding me close.
She kissed the top of my head but didn't otherwise move. I relaxed in her perfect embrace, feeling her heart beat and hearing her breathe.
It was perfect.
I didn't know how, I had no clue how, but it was perfect.
-Callie-
Arizona was sleeping soundly in my arms as the bright rays of the sun woke me up the next morning. We were in the exact same position as when we went to sleep, arms wrapped around each other and legs tangled.
I hadn't slept much though. I was worried about the girl next to me, worried she would wake up and leave without me noticing, worried about how she was doing, wondering what she was feeling. I wanted to be there for her, to help her with whatever was weighing her down so much, with whatever was making her hurt herself the way she was about to hurt herself with me outside the club the night before.
I considered it hurting yourself when you were about to have sex with someone when you really didn't want to. It was a destructive behavior to me, and I wanted her to stop. I didn't know why, but I felt so connected to her and I had to make sure she knew I was there for her.
It really was my intention not to have sex with her. But things changed. When we were outside the club, there was a different reason she wanted it. I couldn't quite explain it or even put my finger on the difference, I just knew. And me? Well, to be honest, the first time I was just horny. The second time... It was just right. That's the only way I could explain it.
She was so vulnerable and I wanted to protect her, help her get stronger. And we connected. Not because of the sex but the things leading up to the sex. And the sex hadn't been dirty or desperate, it had been tender and beautiful, there was meaning to it, it wasn't just a one night stand.
Arizona, nuzzled closely against my chest, sighed softly in her sleep. I was glad that she had stayed that way all night, enjoying the feeling of her smaller body pressed to mine. I always liked waking up to someone next to me, preferably just like this, all nice and close. It was, of course, usually a girlfriend or a boyfriend (I rarely had one night stands), but this was good too.
This was really good.
Arizona shifted slightly and I loosened my arms a little around her to give her more room to move. When she stilled I instinctively wrapped my arms tight around her again, hugging her to me, eliciting a quiet 'hum' from her.
The cover had slipped down a bit and her upper back was revealed to the warm and humid morning air. I slowly started trailing my fingertips up and down her spine, not meaning to wake her, hoping she would just feel that I cared, even as she was sleeping.
I wasn't planning on moving even an inch before she woke up. And even then, I could stay like this, just holding her.
What was it about this girl that had me so intrigued?
Arizona stirred in my arms again and then stretched out her legs, and I felt her eye lashes flutter against my chest, sending a little shiver through me.
I kept running my hands up and down her back and then waited a moment before I kissed the crown of her head and whispered, "Good morning."
I felt her tense up a little.
"Morning," she said under her breath, her lips brushing against my skin.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked as I hugged her to me in an attempt to make her feel comfortable and relax.
She nodded against my chest. "Yeah."
Silence fell upon us and I kept my fingers softly dancing across the skin of her back. I had to fight the urge to ask her what had made her act the way she had the night before outside the club. I wanted to just ask her what had happened to her, why she was hurting herself. It was the same the night before in the living room, I was about to ask what was wrong but I stopped myself.
It was none of my business, after all, and she probably wouldn't want to talk about it anyway. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her off, I wanted her to feel safe with me so I didn't want to push things.
"I should go," she suddenly said, and I panicked a bit. I really didn't want her to leave, at least not until I knew how to get a hold of her or when I could see her again.
Assuming she wanted to see me again.
"You could stay," I suggested as she sat up, leaving me a little cold from the loss of contact. "If you want to," I added as I half-sat up, propping myself up on my elbow. "I could make you breakfast."
She turned back to me, facing me. "Yeah?" A careful smile spread across her face, sending a flutter through me.
I smiled widely back at her. "Yeah. I'd like it if you stayed."
Arizona stayed and had eggs and sandwiches for breakfast with me. We chatted and laughed, and it felt easy. People always think things become weird after you have sex if it's just a one night stand, but I never felt that way. And it wasn't different with Arizona, and she didn't seem to think it was awkward either. I had a feeling she had slept with a lot of people though, so maybe she was used to it. I didn't think I was the only one she had tried to sleep with even though she didn't want to. And I didn't have much hope that a lot of other people cared if they noticed she wasn't aroused, I think most people would just go with it anyway, which was beyond me how anyone could do that.
"Hey, do you wanna, um..." I trailed off just as Arizona was about to leave. I was leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, hands in my pockets, a little nervous. Only because I was afraid she'd say no and I desperately needed her to say yes. "...Hang out? Sometime?" I looked at her as she pulled her hair out from underneath the jacket she had just put on. "Maybe come over for a movie sometime or something?"
She smiled back at me. "Yeah. That would be nice." She started digging in her pocket until she found her cell phone. "Here," she said and reached out to hand me the phone. "Dial your number."
I smiled widely as I looked at her and took the phone from her hands, then did what she had asked before handing it back to her. Before I knew it I heard my own phone buzz from its spot on the kitchen counter.
"There," she announced cheerfully. "You have my number. Call me when you wanna watch that movie."
"What about tonight?" I blurted out without thinking. "I mean, I know it's short notice and all but I might as well ask, I've got nothing planned anyway."
"Me neither. I'd love to. What time?"
"Anytime really... Does six work for you?"
She nodded. "Six is perfect."