Cassian was still giving Azriel weird looks when they finished training that evening, having missed the usual morning session, and Azriel finally rolled his eyes and glared at him,
"What? You've been weird all day."
"Did something happen?" Cassian narrowed his eyes, leveling a concerned gaze at him,
"No, I'm fine, what are you on about?"
"I know you're fine, you just seem a bit different today, did you sleep last night? I know you don't sleep much at the moment, but you just seem, I don't know, it just seems like something's changed."
"Yes, I slept last night, I've been sleeping properly for about a week now," Azriel muttered, something had changed, but it was nothing that Cassian and his big nose needed to know about just yet.
"And Gwyn was practically glowing when I saw her earlier, not like that," he rolled his eyes, "I'd know if that had happened, she seemed happier than usual, more at peace, the same way that you do."
"Really?" Gwyn seemed happier, because of him? Azriel couldn't help the grin that sprang to his face at the thought of her happy, especially if he had made her that way,
"I knew it. What the hell did I interrupt this morning?"
"Nothing, we were talking, taking a moment of calm before an idiot interrupted, and she decided that she was getting up after all." Cassian snorted, halfheartedly apologized, and seemed to let it go, but turned back to Azriel before he left,
"I'm glad you found her." Azriel almost blinked in surprise, he knew that Cassian would be happy, but it was still difficult to remember that people cared, that anyone would bother to be happy for him. "But," oh gods, there was always a 'but' wasn't there, "I will be returning the favor, 'chaperone', don't you worry." Azriel rolled his eyes, but a spark lit in his chest at Cassian's words, he wasn't just happy because Azriel was, he saw a future between him and Gwyn, he thought that this was a good decision. Something made him chuckle,
"I don't think that'll be an issue for a while, we're not you and Nesta, no matter how much I love her, we're not idiots."
"Oi, that's my mate you're talking about," Cassian joked, forcing a glare at Azriel, but broke down into a laugh moments later, and clapped him on the shoulder, "You are idiots, I'm guessing you told her last night, despite everyone, apparently everyone but her, knowing for ages now." Cassian grinned again when he walked off, leaving Azriel desperately trying to figure out how everyone else could have known for ages when he didn't know himself.
Without Cassian's endless chatter, it seemed that the whole house was sleeping, the hallways were all silent, and dark. Azriel paused as he passed his study, the unfinished plans screaming at him to work until they were ready, but he turned away. Gwyn had been right, he would work better in the morning, when he was rested, but the first step away was still difficult, still felt wrong. Besides, Gwyn would be waiting for him again, and she'd come and fetch him if he didn't show up soon. Azriel slowly shook his head as he walked, chuckling to himself at the thought of the fiery redhead literally dragging him away from his work so that he would sleep,
"What are you laughing about?" Gwyn's voice shook him out of his thoughts and he snapped his gaze up to where she was leaning against the doorframe, hair unbound, already in her nightgown, smiling softly to herself,
"The idea of you dragging me back here if I tried to do any more work."
"Damn right I would, you watch yourself shadowsinger, any funny business, and I'll tell the shadows not to let you out of this room." Azriel chuckled, knowing full well that if she did that, they would obey her, even if he outright ordered them to let him out.
"You're a devious little creature, you know that."
"You wouldn't have it any other way," she chuckled, and dodged him when he moved to kiss the top of her head, "Bath first," he tried again, and she yelped, darting to the side, "No, you get away from me until you've bathed, you smell."
"You wound me! I do not smell." He sniffed the air, "Maybe I do smell, but you still wound me." Gwyn snorted, and pointed to the bathroom,
"I already ran a bath, it should still be warm, I wasn't expecting you to have a gossip session with Cass. That is what you were doing?"
"He might've wanted to discuss a couple things." Azriel muttered, wondering how on earth he'd become this transparent, or maybe it was Gwyn, he'd never really been able to hide from her,
"About us? He gave me a funny look earlier,"
"Yes, he says everyone's known for ages, but I don't know how, I didn't."
"Maybe we didn't have to." Gwyn settled down on the bed, leaning against a pillow set up against the headboard, a book already in her hands as she glanced back at the bathroom, "Bath. Now." Azriel chuckled something about her becoming a tyrant, but obeyed nonetheless.
The water was still warm, and he closed his eyes for a few moments, the rustling of Gwyn turning the pages of her book almost sending him to sleep. This was what he wanted, the safety to relax for a moment, no worries about someone or something trying to kill him all the time, the female he loved safe and content. He'd hadn't noticed how long it had been, but he opened his eyes at the sound of footsteps,
"Are you drowning? Or sleeping?"
"Neither," he chuckled, "Daydreaming," Gwyn perched on the edge of the bath, next to his head, keeping herself turned towards his face, and poured a bucket of water over his head, giving him just enough warning to take a breath and squeeze his eyes shut before the water rushed over his face. Gwyn laughed, and moments later, soft fingers brushed the wet hair out of his face,
"What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing. And everything. What the world could be, if we can just get some peace."
"It'll be beautiful," she whispered, "I see the way you sometimes get, all of you, I can't wait to see the world that you will build,"
"The world that we will build, Gwyn. You will be there, every step of the way, right with me, with out family," she smiled,
"That world will be the home of the dreamers, the ones who left the world a better place than they found it." She brushed her fingers through his hair again, her gaze slowly switching from contemplative to playful, and she snatched the bottle of shampoo off the edge of the bath, "You use lavender shampoo?"
"It's my mother's favorite flower." She turned the bottle over in her hand, and flipped open the cap,
"Can I wash your hair? Maybe then it'll be less all over the place," she joked, but made to hand the bottle back to Azriel, perhaps worried that he didn't want her touching his hair,
"Yes, of course you can, but,"
"Hush," she muttered, and shifted to sit behind him, careful to step over his wings without touching them, and perched on the little footstool that he'd gotten for her, even if she didn't realize it was for her, he'd never needed one to reach the top shelves, but Gwyn certainly did. She tipped his head back, sliding her fingers into his hair, and Azriel let out a sigh, closing his eyes, his whole being narrowing down to her fingers in his hair, the way she was carefully holding his head just above the hard edge of the bathtub. His breaths slowed, and he could almost see Gwyn's smile, even with his eyes closed, that little knowing smile that she gave him each time she realized that he was calm, happy, mostly when she was around if he was being honest.
Softly, Gwyn started to hum, her fingers in Azriel's hair following the same rhythm, her humming slowly getting louder, until it changed from simple humming to song. He didn't recognize the words, but he would always know a song designed for calming, it had almost the same melody as his mother's lullaby, the notes practically floating around him, stilling his mind and his body as Gwyn rinsed his hair off,
"You sang me your lullaby, now I've sung you mine. This is the one that one of the other priestesses used to sing when I had nightmares. I don't know where it's from, but I still sometimes hum it to myself when I need to calm, or to ground myself when I'm nervous."
"It's beautiful." Azriel murmured, and opened his eyes to find Gwyn wreathed in shadow, to find them encircling her head. A crown, that's what it was, he sang to the shadows, but Gwyn, she was their Queen, and he was blessed to stand beside her. She raised an eyebrow at his contemplative look, but giggled when he reached up to cup the back of her neck, and pulled her down for a kiss, "You're so beautiful." He whispered, blinking in surprise when Gwyn flushed slightly, he hadn't meant to say it out loud, but she was, she was the most beautiful female he'd ever seen.
Gwyn left Azriel alone to dry himself off and put on a pair of pants, but she immediately put her book aside when he emerged, his hair tidier than usual, as if he'd taken pains to make sure it was. The moment he sat down, she ran her hands through it again, and fluffed it up, chuckling at his exasperated sigh,
"I like it like that." She said as he flopped backwards onto the mattress, smirking at him as she swung a leg over his hips, her hands on his shoulders. She wasn't totally sure he was breathing until she leaned down to kiss him and a hand dove into her hair holding her against him. She leaned down and gripped his shoulders, rolling sideways, so that Azriel was leaning on his forearms above her. She took a deep breath, still holding on to him. Azriel, this was Azriel, she loved him, she trusted, she wanted him. He stilled, allowing her to decide what she wanted from him, and she closed her eyes, but opened them the moment a familiar song filled her ears, deep and rich, he clearly didn't know the words, but Azriel was humming her song, her calming song, and she smiled, and nodded, "I'm okay."
"Tell me what you want."
"Kiss me again." He did, slowly, sliding a hand across to the back of her head, grounding her against any remaining fears. It was his touch, his eyes, his voice, everything about him that shoved her fear aside, this was her choice, he was her choice. She had chosen him, and she was never letting go, not now, not ever. She blinked her eyes open when Azriel pulled back, brushing his thumb across her cheek, "I love you," she whispered, and wrapped her arms around his neck as he leaned back down, opening at the first brush of his tongue, savoring the feeling of his body pressed against hers, pushing her down into the mattress, a little of his weight on her, but far from scaring her, it ignited a fire within her. She nipped at his lip, and moaned into his mouth, letting her head fall back, baring her neck to him,
"Tell me to stop and I will. Always." No matter how much he wanted this, wanted her, Gwyn could see in his eyes, even if she hadn't already known that fact, no matter how far down this path they were, the moment she changed her mind, he would stop, and wait for what she wanted.
"Yes." She whispered, her eyes fluttering closed when he kissed along her jaw, working his way from one side to the other before pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her neck. Gwyn slipped a hand up to the back of his neck, not quite holding him still, but just letting him know that she wanted more, that she was okay. When his tongue flicked against her skin she thought that she was going to explode, somehow he had done this, had made her want more, more more. She let out some sort of sound, and tipped her head back further, demanding more, if he could make her feel this good from just kissing, she could hardly imagine what it'd be like when he got between her legs. She opened her eyes when Azriel's weight lifted off her, and found him staring down at her, his head wreathed in a crown of shadow, great dark wings lifted up behind him. He smiled, and brushed a hand through her hair, still splayed across her pillow from when she'd rolled over. He gently brushed a hand up her waist, only her nightgown between them. She wanted him to take it off, but she couldn't quite manage the words to ask him, not yet. Another night then, but she could still touch him, and let him touch her, even a little bit.
Azriel's own eyes flickered shut, and he moaned out her name when she lifted her head to kiss his jaw, gripping onto his shoulders tighter than before, then dropped back down, and ran her hands down his chest, and back up. She never quite worked up the courage to dip her touch below his navel, but that too could come another night. She grinned, and laughed when Azriel gathered her up into his arms, rolling sideways so that she was lying on his chest, his wings wrapped around her. She let her head rest on his chest, his heart thundering next to her ear. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face,
"Thank you for trusting me." Gwyn just snuggled into him, and mumbled that she trusted him with anything and everything he could possibly imagine. No other words were needed as they lay there in silence, Gwyn holding Azriel's shoulders with his arms wrapped tight around her waist, and his wings shielding her from the world, but leaving her room to wriggle. Even the shadows were settling close around them, calm and quiet, but not in the way. Gwyn sighed in contentment, this, this was what they were fighting for, this, and everyone else who had someone they loved, who they wanted to live for. Because she did want to live for him, really live, beyond the library, beyond even her training with the Valkyries, he made her want to see everything the world had to offer, to accept the life she had started to build, to live, not just survive, not any more. True, Nesta and Emerie had opened the door, but it was Azriel who stood on the other side, his hand held out to her, ready to help her find her place, if she only took his hand.
In that moment of quiet, of peace with just the two of them, Gwyn closed her eyes, and smiled, the thought of that door to the future popping up again, with Azriel waiting for her just beyond the open door. Everything she could possibly imagine lay beyond that door, a world where she could be what she wanted, a world where she didn't have to be afraid, a world where she was free to fall in love without thinking that she wasn't enough. She was enough, and she wanted that world, she wanted that world where she could marry the male she loved, where she could have the life that she had always dreamed of as a child. Azriel's chest rose and fell underneath her head, and he was still absentmindedly stroking her hair when she realized that was what she wanted. Forever, she had known that she wanted forever, that she was hopelessly in love with him, and had been for longer than she'd realized, but she'd never considered what that actually meant. She wanted that future, she wanted everything with him, she wanted it all. So she smiled again, and pulled up that image of the door, of Azriel waiting just beyond, but this time she took a step towards him, this time she didn't stop walking. This time she took his hand.