Something was wrong. Azriel hadn't spoken since returning to Velaris, not a word, he'd just been sitting wrapped in his shadows on the edge of the bed. He'd silently washed up and sat quietly, Gwyn had given him space, sensing that was what he needed, but it had been almost an hour, and nothing she had done had even seemed to register with him. She'd tried simply talking to him, asking him to help her with her kit, cleaning the room, rambling about how she really wanted to go to a restaurant on the Sidra that Nesta had recommended, anything to try to break through the haze over his mind, and got no response. She'd tried sitting beside him, tried to let him know that she was there if he needed, but he hadn't moved. He'd even shrugged her arm away when she rested it across his shoulders. She'd never seen him like this, distant, yes, brooding, yes, but not this. But she knew why he was like this, she'd heard snippets of the conversation with his brother, had heard the almost endless jabs on the journey here, had seen the way he'd quieted in memory. She couldn't fathom exactly what had happened when he was a child, but she knew it was bad, he'd never broached the subject, and she didn't want to push him, but right now, she just needed to get him talking, if he was talking, she could figure out someway to help.

Shadows swirled around him, almost hiding him from view, but they kept whispering, just outside of Gwyn's hearing, but the sound was there. She could have screamed from the frustration of it all, they were trying to tell her how to help him, and she couldn't even hear them.

"Let me reach him," she murmured, and the shadows backed off, still watching over him, but allowed her close, settling on both of their shoulders, waiting for something, waiting for her. Like her, they were worried, like her, they knew he needed help, but unlike her, they believed that she would figure out the way to get through to him, Gwyn wasn't so sure, she'd never really been the support for anyone else, but perhaps she could use what had helped her in the past. Azriel held his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, hardly moving except for the slight movements of his breath. "Azriel. Az, please," Gwyn gently pulled his hands away from his face , crouching in front of him to meet his eyes without risking appearing as a threat. The emptiness in his eyes could have broken her, but she just squeezed his hands, "Azriel. Love, it's just me," she held back the tears threatening to fall when he snatched his hands back,

"Don't."

"Az,"

"Just, just don't."

"Talk to me."

"Why are you here?"

"Because I love you, and you need me,"

"How?"

"What?"

"You love me?"

"More than the sun and stars, you are my heart, my shield," Gwyn's voice faltered when Azriel looked down at his hands, tucking them behind his back, "Please, Az, don't hide from me," she reached for his hands, and he leaned back, she stopped, but held out her hand for his, "Please,"

"In what world could I deserve you? This?" He whispered, almost inaudibly, "He was right, I am a monster, and,"

"He was wrong."

"You don't understand," he was still staring at his hands, "You don't know the blood I've spilled," Gwyn finally reached his hands, and held tight, interlacing their fingers,

"These are the hands of a survivor, the hands of a protector of his people, but more than that, Az. These are the hands that saved me, I could never be afraid of you, never. And I'm just one of thousands." Gwyn squeezed his fingers once more, gently rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand, and without even thinking, lifted them, and brushed her lips against one hand, then the other before climbing into his lap to loop her arms around his neck. She breathed a sigh of relief when his arms wrapped around her waist, the movement so familiar by now, so safe, so Azriel, just one more step away from the fear that had been threatening to consume him, "Tell me one thing, have you ever enjoyed killing?"

"No."

"Have you ever killed when you didn't have to?"

"No."

"There you go then," she cupped his jaw, holding his gaze, "You are the bravest male I've ever met, the most worthy male of my heart, the only one I've ever wanted to give it to. You are the reason I survived, and the reason I was able to heal, and I know you have saved countless other lives, the other Priestesses always spoke of you in the highest regard, and they were right. That piece of trash was wrong. He is not your brother, Rhys and Cass are your brothers, you are not born into your family, you choose it. I choose you. I will always choose you, from this day until my last day, until this world is just dust on the wind, until only the blinking stars remember our names, into the next world any beyond, I will choose you, love you, want you, always." A small smile, the darkness in his eyes faded slightly, and he closed them,

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, we all have our fears, things we need to heal from, I'm here to help when you need me,"

"I love you."

"I love you too," she brushed a kiss against his brow, "Anything you want to talk about?"

"Actually, yes."

Gwyn had no idea how long they talked, sitting there on the bed, easily into the early hours of the morning, covering what Azriel's family had done, what he had done in the past, during the wars, as Spymaster, and Gwyn met every insecurity, every self-deprecating thought with a reason she loved him, a reason he was greater than anyone who dared to insult him. When they finally fell asleep, Gwyn was tucked up in Azriel's arms, her head resting on his chest, his heart beating rhythmically in her ear, lulling her into sleep as Azriel's wings and shadows curled around her, protecting her even in sleep, as he had been doing since the day they met.

Despite everything that had happened the past few weeks, despite how she probably should still be reeling, she felt secure, safe, almost like she was resting on a cloud, bathing in the sun's warm rays. There was something about Azriel, just him, his mere presence calmed every fear, every worry, leaving her calm and together, letting her just be. It was in the way he laughed, the way he smiled, the way he looked at her, the way his hair was in the morning, all messy and tousled, the way even his shadows danced with her, the way he he was so aware of what she needed, what she might need, the way she knew that if she asked for the moon on a string, he would find a way to give it to her. But it was the way that her heart swelled each time she saw him that really took her breath away, really allowed her heart to sing with joy. There was no-one else, there never would be, not for her, this was it, he was her forever. Cauldron, she could already list a hundred reasons she loved him, and one day, when she had a chance to write them down, she would.

You know.

Shut. Up.

Why do you insist on being so blind? She wants you. Azriel fought the urge to snap at the shadow,

I won't push her. I refuse to do that to her.

That's not what we're suggesting.

Then what?

You love her. It wasn't a question, but he still agreed, curious as to where this conversation was going. Gwyn was still asleep in his arms, occasionally making little noises of contentment that absolutely melted his heart each time, but the shadows had some sort of plan. Not that it would likely hold much merit, based on their earlier ideas involving Gwyn, but he would hear them out at least. And you want to kiss her, so kiss her, properly, and let her know you want her, but back off if she wants you to, but we don't think she will.

You want me to force her hand?

Not force, just offer her a chance, she's probably too nervous to bring it up otherwise, you don't have to do anything but what you already have.

Perhaps. Azriel wasn't willing to agree, not yet, but he had decided already that whatever she wanted from him, she could have, but he didn't want to risk her thinking that she needed to rush herself. Gwyn mumbled something in her sleep, snuggling closer into him, and he automatically dropped a hand to her head, gently stroking her hair while she wriggled slightly. She mumbled something again, this time it was his name, unmistakably, and he kissed the top of her head before dropping his head back onto the pillow. This was it, if he could stay here forever, he would, happy and calm with Gwyn, just her, she was his forever. She couldn't possibly imagine the way his heart almost exploded with love at the sight of her, and when she smiled, laughed, gods, it was as if she were trying to kill him in the best possible way, her voice sang to his soul, there was not one part of her that wasn't beautiful.

He loved everything, the way she always blinked in the sunlight in the morning, the way the skin next to her eyes crinkled when she smiled, when she really smiled, those grins that he absolutely adored learning how to draw from her. The way she laughed was exquisite, music written especially for his ears, striking a chord so deep within him that he could do nothing but laugh with her, she was his everything, his light in the dark, his proof that the world still had good left, good that was worth fighting for. For Gwyn, for Gwyn he would go down swinging if it meant that she could bring the better world that they both dreamed of, that their whole family dreamed of. She was the better world, and he'd never wanted to protect anyone more, had never felt the pure fury at finding her at Sangravah, but for her, for their future, he would fight, again and again if he had to. He was beyond in love, he had given all of himself, and she had given herself right back, she had found her way into his heart, and made her home there, she was everything he had never had,

"I love you," he murmured, "Thank you, for finding me when I didn't even know I was lost." Even the shadows seemed to fall silent when Azriel's eyes drifted shut again, sleep, for once, finding him easily with Gwyn beside him.

Sunrise came and went with no movement from either Azriel or Gwyn, and it wasn't until almost midday that Azriel finally opened his eyes again, almost startling at the sunlight seeping past the closed curtains,

Hello,

Morning,

Afternoon, the shadow replied, affectionately brushing against his hand, Are you alright?

Yes. Azriel looked across to where Gwyn was draped across his chest, her smaller wings tucked inside his only her face showing from the way his wings were wrapped around her, yes, he was more than alright, he was happy, truly happy, not merely content, not just happy for his family, this was a deeper feeling, one written into his very bones, one that started and ended with Gwyn, what she'd done for him, she'd made him a better person, someone that he thought he might actually like.

Rhys was here earlier, outside, he was looking for you, he wants to know what happened and why you came back early.

I'll go find him soon, I need to get a proper report written up, but I can review everything with him at least, what about Cassian?

Out with Nesta for lunch,

I'll need to talk to him as well, it can wait until he's back. He hadn't moved, but Gwyn stirred, blinking her eyes open, and whined at the brightness of the sunlight, burying her face in Azriel's shoulder,

"What time is it?"

"Almost midday,"

"What!" She lifted her head, scanning his face for any sign of teasing as he unfurled his wings to give her more space to move, "I've never slept that long!"

"You have once, after the Blood Rite, remember?"

"But that was just a one off, because of how tiring it was,"

"If it helps, I always sleep for ages after getting home from an assignment, it's better to sleep, let your body take the rest it needs,"

"But that ambush plan, they want to kill you, and Cass,"

"Who doesn't?" He chuckled, "I'm a pain in the ass to be on the opposite side of a war to,"

"Not funny," Gwyn ground out,

"The movement they're planning to ambush would be when Cass and I go to inspect one of the more hostile camps, so don't worry, he won't go without me, we'll wait for a few days at least so I'm fully rested, we can deal with that later today."

"You're sure?"

"Positive, Cass is out with Nesta anyway right now, so if anyone kills him, it won't be rebel Illyrians," Gwyn tried to stifle a giggle, but ended up turning it into a coughing fit,

"And you know this how?" Azriel didn't need to answer, a shadow curling over Gwyn's shoulder conveying the message well enough, "Are they sentient?" She murmured, "I've always assumed they weren't, but when I first stayed after the library's darkness attacked me, they seemed, I don't know, curious maybe, and last night, they were definitely worried about you."

"Yes. They're not alive in the way you or I are, but they are sentient, they have different personalities, and opinions, very strong opinions sometimes, they used to keep bullying me to ask you to dinner that first time," Gwyn blinked in surprise, unable to hide the shock at his admission, and let out a snort of laughter

"Were you that hopeless?"

"With you, yes,"

"Do they have names?"

"Not that they've ever told me, I don't actually know exactly what they are, they might not be shadows really, maybe they're pure magic, spirits of those who've passed, those yet to be born, I don't even know where they came from, maybe I accidentally created them to have some sort of company, I've never met another shadowsinger, so I don't know if it's the same. All I do know is that they're a part of me, I don't remember a time without them." Gwyn smiled, almost to herself,

"And you can just hear them? But no-one else?"

"Exactly," Azriel waited for a heartbeat, there was something else she wanted to say,

"I must have imagined it," she whispered,

"Imagined what?"

"What do they sound like?"

"Like people, the bravest has a fairly high pitched voice, and talks quickly, sometimes repeating phrases if I miss them,"

"Like she, she? Or I don't know what to call them," Gwyn admitted,

"They've never really minded, but the one I was describing prefers 'she', the others each have different preferences, some like 'he' or 'she' and say that they're male or female, for others they like neither, and some both, some change depending on how they feel on a particular day, and they'll tell me what they want me to use,"

"Okay, so the one you were talking about, does she have a sort of breathy voice?"

"Yes, did you hear her?"

"I think so," Gwyn shuffled to sit up, and Azriel followed, keeping her tucked into his side, "She said she found you when you needed a friend, and the others followed her, they decided they liked you, she didn't say what they are, but she seemed to insinuate that they chose you,"

"She's never told me that, but it wouldn't surprise me,"

It's true, we chose you because you needed us,

Thank you, He didn't know what else to say, they had saved him when he had needed them, and had been the source of his strength, his companions through the years,

"It's true Gwyn, she spoke to you somehow, perhaps they simply make themselves heard when they wish to be," there was a slight muttering from the rest of the shadows, but Azriel blocked them out, he didn't have time for grumbling, there couldn't be another explanation, because that would mean that Gwyn was, no, she wouldn't want it, he wouldn't set himself up for heartbreak again, it was impossible. She loved him as they were, and he loved her, and that was all they needed.

Whilst Azriel retreated into his thoughts, Gwyn squirmed in his arms,

"Rhys," she reminded him, and he groaned, but let go, muttering a few words about his brother that wouldn't bear repeating, earning a chuckle from Gwyn as she dressed, "Come on, get up," she grabbed his hand and pulled, but Azriel made no move to get up. Still, Gwyn didn't give up, dropping her center of balance, and putting her whole body weight behind a tug, yanking him off the edge of the bed. Azriel yelped as he fell to the floor, his reflexes slightly too slow after just waking up to save him from sprawling onto the floor, Gwyn laughed in delight, "What was it you keep saying, something about keeping my guard up, staying alert,"

"I think," Azriel groaned, "That it's a fair assumption to assume my girlfriend won't try to kill me,"

"Perhaps not," Gwyn agreed, "But I'll most certainly take every opportunity to knock you on your ass," she danced back a few paces, but Azriel didn't miss the way her gaze fell on his ass before she sat before a mirror to brush and braid her hair out of the way. Azriel left retribution for later, caving at the sight of the clock showing half past midday, he really did need to get up, like it or not.