"You got shot?" Nesta demanded, and Gwyn chuckled to herself,
"I was only lightly shot, I'm fine,"
"You got shot!" Nesta repeated, "What the hell happened?"
"We had to escape, one of the males there recognized us,"
"Not exactly," Azriel interjected, "My brother recognized me, Gwyn only came to warn me, she was implicated by her association with me," Gwyn shot Azriel a look, and he shrugged, ignoring her clear insistence that he stop blaming himself. She cleared her throat, drawing his attention back to her, narrowed her eyes and almost imperceptibly shook her head, but Azriel visibly relaxed, the tension in his back and shoulders lessening as he slouched for the first time since escaping the mortal palace. He didn't need to respond, Gwyn was satisfied with the recognition of her message in his eyes, and the calmer, slower pace he took as he continued explaining, "Gwyn was in disguise and searching the rooms when she heard them talking and gave us the time we needed to get out," the others were nodding, but Nesta was still glaring at Gwyn,
"And how did you get shot?"
"You've heard of this new invention called a 'bow', right? It fires what we call 'arrows' and when they hit you, it hurts," Nesta was still glaring as she spoke, and Gwyn dropped the joke, "I had to go on foot, Az couldn't fly fast enough with three people, so we'd have all been in danger too long, the arrow hit the boning of my corset, it didn't even touch me, Nes," Nesta sighed, and narrowed her eyes, trying to discern the truth in Gwyn's words, finally deeming them acceptable before letting it go,
"Don't get shot again,"
"Believe me I'll be trying," Gwyn chuckled, slipping her hand into Nesta's to reassure her again that she was safe, it was hard for her, letting someone else, especially someone she considered a sister, go into danger without her, she'd already lost one sister that way, even if she had found Feyre again, Gwyn didn't want to be the reason that she dwelled too long on those memories. Thankfully, Azriel was already finishing explaining their return home, prompting discussions about the next steps. Obviously, the ambush plan was priority number one, but there was also Azriel's brother to consider, they couldn't simply ignore him forever, and the fact that the rebels now had clear external support, if any airborne fighting took place, the Darkbringers would be useless, but the loyal Illyrians were now outnumbered by the rebels. Asking for external help would be risky, Drakon and Miryam would help at a moment's notice, but no-one wanted to drag them into yet another war, Thesan would likely commit his Peregryns, but then word would be out that the Night Court could not even maintain peace within its borders, and places like the Autumn and Spring Courts would take the chance to push their agendas.
For once, the room was silent, the only sounds the breathing of those beside her, the wind outside, her own heartbeat. There was no way out, not this time, Gwyn leaned forward onto the table, staring at the Illyrian mountains where they were inked onto the map, it all seemed so small here, so easy, but out there, in real life it was far from easy. She narrowed her eyes, shuffling from foot to foot, desperately hoping that some idea would spring to mind,
"We can't face them in the sky, correct?" She ventured, maybe talking would help someone think of something,
"Exactly, and we can't ask for help without inviting a political nightmare at best, an invasion at worst," Rhys added, clenching and unclenching his fists as he thought, as if an enemy he could fight would appear, allowing him to protect the people he loved, that was one of his greatest strengths, despite his flaws, he cared, he really cared about the people under his rule, all of them, it was what made him a great High Lord, not merely a good one,
"But on the ground we would have the advantage?"
"Yes, with the Darkbringers, and the troops stationed elsewhere across the Court,"
"Okay," Gwyn forced herself to calm, "Can we keep them on the ground? If we just stay, can we force them to fight us on our terms?"
"No, we need aerial superiority, if we remain on the ground they'll just be able to dive-bomb us, hit the weakest areas and get back before we can retaliate, we need the sky," Gwyn huffed,
"In the blood rite," she started, then trailed off, she was reaching, there was no way, but Rhys nodded, waiting for her to continue, "There's a spell to keep the Illyrians grounded, could we replicate it? Feyre has spell magic from Helion, if we can find a similar spell, perhaps we can use our ground forces to their best ability,"
"You might be onto something there, Gwyn, but I've never heard of a spell like that, Amren?"
"It's possible, but it will take time for me to find the spell, and longer for Feyre to learn it, we could do it, in theory, but the battle might come too soon,"
"I can definitely harass and delay them as they move," Cassian added, "Nesta thought the other day about how they'll have to move, they won't have anyone to winnow them, so they'll have to march across the territory, we can have small teams winnow in with someone's help, hit their flanks, cause havoc, kill a few of them, and get out again. It'll slow them down, they'll have to set sentries across the whole column, they'll spend more time setting and packing up camp, and it'll hit morale, any reduction in numbers is a bonus as well." Gwyn could hardly believe what she was hearing, they had a way to win this, she grinned at Nesta who shrugged,
"It might not work, if the attack teams get drawn into an extended skirmish they'll be massacred, and it would have to be Illyrians so they could fly, it'll be a huge risk, we could lose our own warriors,"
"The trick to war is learning which risks to take, I'd say this one is worth it," Azriel mused, "There are some Illyrian commanders who can be trusted to keep their heads, we can hand pick the attack teams, give them orders not to engage in a drawn out fight, we could do it, I do have eyes on that entire coastline, so we'll know exactly where and when they land. If Amren and Feyre can find a spell, Cassian's plan could give us the time we need." It was a risk, there was no denying it, but without it, the battle could be lost before it even started,
"Do you think you could find out where their commanders are and place attacks on those areas? If they lose cohesion it'll be easier to hit them hard," Mor added,
"Once they're in our territory, I'll have eyes on them, I won't need anyone on the inside, so yes,"
"I say go for it," Gwyn hadn't seen Elain slip in, but she smiled at her, glad to see that she was alright, "I'm no expert on war, but slowing the enemy down and killing a few of them seems a good idea, and if Cassian says his commanders will obey orders, then they will, we need all the time we have," she shrugged, clearly not expecting anyone to listen to her,
"She's right, I say go for it," Emerie said, "We need it, take the risk,"
"I'm in," Mor added, "We can't afford to play it safe, I vote yes," Gwyn took in another shuddering breath when Nesta added her voice, then Azriel and Cassian, even Amren, then Feyre, who looked expectantly across at her mate,
"You know it's a sound plan Rhys, we just need to iron out the details,"
"I can't ask you all to put yourselves in danger again like that," he admitted,
"Then don't ask, we'll do it anyway," Cassian reminded him,
"Yeah, okay, let's do it. Cass, we'll need perhaps ten commanders and sections to form the attack teams, it's up to you who you pick, and how you want to organize them, work with Az to choose the best spots for attack, and don't get yourself hurt when you inevitably go with them." Cassian grinned,
"When have I ever done that?" He teased, but nodded, already falling quiet as he ran through his ideas for who to pick, he was still quiet when they all dispersed to various places, finding whatever work needed doing, leaving Gwyn a bit at a loss, she didn't want to interrupt Azriel when he was writing up his report, he needed space to think, and silence, she'd just distract him, but the idea of reading, doing something useless, was abhorrent to her. She hadn't realized that almost everyone else had left until someone touched her elbow,
"Gwyn? Are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm fine, Elain, just not sure what I can do right now,"
"If you have nothing urgent, maybe you can help me with something I've been working on," she nodded, and followed Elain to the garden, passing her beds of flowers, the roses climbing up the sides of the house, until they stopped in a previously empty corner of the garden, now full of life, but hardly a flower in sight. "I've been focusing on healing herbs, these are the ones that Madja says are most important, but I can't seem to keep them alive, Nesta seems to think you may have grown them at your temple, do you know what I'm doing wrong?"
"They look different to the ones we had, the same, but different,"
"They are, Madja was saying that there's often difficulty keeping them fresh, so I crossbred them with a different variety, one that keeps better, but isn't quite so effective, so hopefully they'll be effective and keep well, but these ones have just been dying on me, I have no idea why."
"What fertilizer do you use?"
"Just normal mulch, like the others,"
"That's why. They needed a special mix with different ingredients before, maybe these ones also need that, we made it ourselves, I'll try and get a list of ingredients written up when I can remember them,"
"Thank you, I've never really been any use with this sort of thing, war and fighting and all that, it's just not something I can really get my head around, I always forget something, Feyre's given up bouncing her ideas off me, I'm no good at it, but this is my way of helping."
"Not everyone has to fight, Elain, you can be just as helpful by ensuring that casualties survive, and by seeking a diplomatic solution, you're good at talking, people trust you instinctively, you're patient, you don't get mad, at least outwardly, those are good qualities for diplomats as far as I know."
"The same goes for you,"
"No, it doesn't, I've found my place, working with Az behind the scenes, helping to gather information, helping to lead the Valkyries, that's my place, you just haven't discovered yours yet, but for this war, perhaps it's this, herbs and healing, have you considered asking Madja to teach you? We're going to run some workshops for medics, they should actually already be running, maybe you should join them?"
"Yes, I think I will, Madja has explained to me the uses of all these herbs, and how she uses them, I could tell you about any of them here, but I'm not sure how I'll react on a battlefield, that's what I worry about,"
"From what I hear, last time you did just fine,"
"Last time I wasn't being attacked, I just stabbed him from behind, rather cowardly actually,"
"Far from it, you stabbed the King of Hybern, you saved Nesta and Cassian, this time you can save more lives, there are more ways to be brave than fighting and killing, I don't know you that well, but I do know that you are brave, more than you know, all you need to do is find the way to use it." Elain smiled, and agreed to speak to Madja, but her gaze was focused past Gwyn's face, on the wing still peeking over her shoulder,
"Sorry," Elain shook herself when she noticed that she'd been staring, "I've only seen Azriel's up close, when he was carrying me to and from the House of Wind while I was staying there," she explained, and rubbed her face, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned him, I've made this awkward now, I'm sorry, I'll just,"
"Elain, it's okay, it would have come up eventually, it was unavoidable,"
"I'm happy for you, both of you, and I'm not jealous, well, not anymore, I was at first, and I know I came off as a jealous petty bitch, and I was unkind to you, that was unfair of me, but the two of you are perfect together, it's like you were made for each other. If it helps, I don't think either Azriel or me were attracted to the other for the right reasons, neither of us were ready or looking in the right place, I've let him go, you don't have to worry about me,"
"Elain," Gwyn chuckled as Elain broke off, slightly swaying on her feet nervously, "I've never been worried about you, you might have been jealous at first, but I never thought you would do anything wrong, I always thought you were a good person, and you are. I know you both had feelings for each other, but we're friends, right?"
"Of course,"
"And friends look out for each other. Now, you were saying something about showing me the rest of these herbs?" Elain smiled, happily changing the subject and led Gwyn around her herb garden, explaining the uses of each one, her energy was infectious, and Gwyn found herself smiling and laughing before too long, content to discuss the care of the different herbs she'd helped with at Sangravah, the familiar pang of sorrow hitting her at the thought of Catrin, but it was less somehow, manageable, and she found herself smiling at the memory of her sister. She stopped hearing Elain, lost in the memories of Catrin's smile, her laugh, her joy while playing with the children, or while tending to the herb garden. In a lot of ways, she was like Elain, calm, gentle, but unyielding when it came to protecting her own, yes, that was what it was, Elain reminded her of Catrin.
"Gwyn? Are you okay?" Gwyn shook herself at Elain's voice,
"Yes, just lost in memories, my sister, you remind me of her, she was the genius with the herbs and flowers, I was always just trying to copy her,"
"You have a sister?"
"I did. She died trying to protect the rest of us from Hybern's soldiers,"
"I'm sorry, she lives on, you know, as long as you remember her, as long as you love her, she lives on in you," something broke, shattered inside her, a dam that had been holding back the torrent of conflicting emotions now coursing through her. She laughed, then the sound faded as Catrin's death hit her again, and she was hugging Elain, silent tears slipping down her face,
"I don't even know where she's buried," she whispered,
"Why don't you ask Azriel, or Mor perhaps, they'd know, they were the ones who got you out right?,"
"Yes, I will, thank you. Cauldron, I'm all over the place, I don't know what's wrong with me today, one minute I'm worrying about the war, then this,"
"So am I. I might not have the skills to plan a war, but I think we're all a bit temperamental at the moment, I know my emotions are messing with me." She'd got in one, that was exactly it, this war was weighing so heavily on her mind, she'd barely had time to think about anything else, except perhaps Azriel, yes, she'd been thinking about him, but besides him and the war, she had very little spare headspace. When they had a chance, she'd ask him to take her to see Catrin's grave, she'd like him to come with her, he'd helped her this far, she'd taken the first steps towards healing with Nesta and Emerie, and she wanted to take the next ones with Azriel.
Azriel was asleep when Gwyn silently slipped back into their room, and still half dressed, he'd been waiting for her, and she smiled at the sight of him. She quietly took the pen from his hand, and the unfinished report for Rhys and Feyre, she could always finish it for him, but she left it on the desk. She slipped a sleeping shirt over his head, and fumbled with the buttons on the back, opting to leave it open for fear of waking him. She pulled the blankets up over him, and pressed a kiss to his brow,
"Thank you for waiting for me," she whispered, and sat at the desk set before the window, pen in her hand, Azriel's half-finished report in front of her, and set to finish it, she knew what needed to be included, and he could always add anything she'd missed in the morning, for now, he needed to sleep, and she'd be damned if she let him compromise that. She fell into a familiar routine of work as she finalized everything, her mind wandering as it always did, her thoughts beginning with Nesta and Emerie, and ending with Catrin, the sister she had lost, and sisters she had found. She considered the great rite, a faceless male that she'd never met, and glanced back to Azriel sleeping behind her. The one thing she couldn't regret was accepting Nesta's offer of training, taking the first step towards healing for herself, taking that first step towards Azriel. Still, she wished he and Catrin could have met, she'd have paid good money to see Catrin's reaction to any male she brought home, let alone the Spymaster of the Night Court.
Gwyn set her pen down with a slight sigh, and opened her wardrobe, exactly as she'd left it, but with one new item, a note attached to it,
This was the only one in your old room, I hope it's the one you wanted,
Cass
She smiled to herself, yes, this was what she wanted, what she was finally ready to return. She swung Azriel's cloak around her shoulders, it was the same, but she was different, physically, she was stronger, mentally, she was unbreakable, a far cry from the girl Azriel had once given this to. It was time she let go, once she gave it back, she could focus on her future, their future together, and allow the past to become just that, the past, no longer holding her back from what she wanted, just a part of her, a part that she couldn't change, that she finally accepted and made her peace with.