Harry was on edge at work the next day. He wanted to deal with this mouse problem. He had obtained his gun, and now he also had an entire hour's worth of education on how to use it. He picked up his sponge, but his eyes were on the floor, scanning for mice.

After an hour of only getting six dishes washed, he was allowed to take his fifteen minute break. Harry kind of hated how his workplace did this. They were not yet in their busiest time of day, but he didn't really need a break yet. He was sitting in the lobby drinking some of the free Pepsi products that they got. And that's when Harry saw it- a rat scurrying across the countertop. Harry knew what to do. He grabbed his AK-47 and began to shoot at the mouse. Once the steam from his gun cleared, he looked up. He didn't see a dead mouse. But he did see a dead pigeon.

"Damn, that pigeon was a regular!" Oscar said. "HARRY, WHAT IN GOOD GUPPIES NAME ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Protecting and serving the Fish Fry," said Harry meekly.

"That's damn nonsense boy. You gotta get at least 5 hours of gun education before you start shooting where there are other people. GO HOME!"

Harry slumped his back all the way home, this was especially hard because he was not sitting down. He felt so stupid. He felt useless - like a cop in America. But he vowed to be better than that. He knew that by tossing his gun into the river, and focusing not on the mice, but on himself he could easily be better than an American cop. Honestly, because Harry was not racist, he was already better than an American cop.

When Harry got home he saw Aunt Petunia on the phone. She had a hushed voice and looked especially sneaky when he passed her. She was saying something about 'the public good,' and 'rats everywhere,' and 'health inspector.' Harry thought she might be onto some good gossip. When he got to his room, he saw that Hermione had sent him a letter. He read quickly, making sure that he didn't miss a single thing. In his last letter, he told Hermione about all the various skins of fish he had tried, about what it was like catching his first fish...he even mentioned that he met Blake Lively's stunt double's husband. There was no way Hermione would think that was not cool. There was no way she would ask him to come back to Hogwarts after all that. Harry began to read.

Harry-

It's me, Hermione- from Hogwarts. Happy Christmas! It is totally awful not to see you during the holiday season. Ron and I both miss you, though Ron still won't speak your name. Nor will he speak my name anymore. I have decided to go to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum. He's from Drumstrang. He has a lot of muscles, but he has difficulty with talking. Ron seems to be very jealous of Viktor.

I miss you dearly. If you were here, I could just tell you to tell Ron to ask me to the Yule Ball. But now I just have to go with Viktor. He dances like a flamingo, with one pink leg up at all times. It's very distracting and makes it hard to do dances like the Charleston.

Hermione went on and on about her love life with this crummy guy. Harry read it all, and bantered with her in his letter, but he wished he could tell her about Cedric. But Harry knew that if he told Hermione, she would tell Ron, and Ron would be jealous. Not only was Harry the best at fish of their group, but he also had a hot semi-vampire boyfriend! Ron wouldn't be able to live with his jealousy. So Harry kept it to himself, and in the end, he only told Hedwig about Cedric. Harry wrote another letter to Hermione. Mostly he just wrote episode recaps of Sex and the City.

When he gave Hedwig the letter, he noticed that she had written something in her cage. A note of her own, he thought. But it was not in the English alphabet; rather, it was in a series of crude marks. It looked like a snake could have done it, to be honest. Harry was amazed at himself for knowing what the markings meant. It said, "Snakes are cool and better than owls." What a specific message she had left in her cage, he thought.

Harry figured that what Hedwig was really trying to tell him was that her cage needed to be cleaned. Harry wished she could have been like a fish. Fish never needed a clean cage because water was always clean. The water on the Simpsons cartoon was clean, water that had been part of the 2004 BP oil spill was clean, even piss was clean (for it was a type of water). Harry wished that fish could deliver messages. But many people did not live close to water. Maybe in the past that is why people lived close to water, so that they could use fish to deliver messages to one another. Certainly not because water was a necessary part of a functioning human body, but because of fish's messenger capabilities. Who knew, really.

As Harry was cleaning up the snake appreciation message from Hedwig's cage, she came back. She hissed at him. She had a surprisingly thin tongue that looked to be cut in two at the end of it. "God! If you don't want me to clean your cage that's fine! Do it yourself!" Harry yelled. She hissed at him again, but picked up the rag in her wing and began cleaning the bars. "Fucking owl," Harry muttered.

This set Hedwig off. She hissed and hissed at Harry, and when Harry looked in her cage again, there was another message. Snake bitch.

"Hedwig! How dare you use that kind of language in my room!" Harry was livid. What was he doing to this owl? Didn't he treat her with kindness and care? Didn't he show his love to her every day? Why was she acting out like this- was she even Christian? Harry really thought he had done a good job of raising the owl, but every day she had more anger toward him. Harry felt like he had tried everything. Cleaning her cage, acknowledging her existence, feeding her... What was left to do? That was what loving an owl was all about. He sighed and looked at his pet.

"I just don't know what this is about any more. I mean I do so much for you," He was looking directly into the owl's eyes. "I love you so much. I try to tell you that, I don't know if you hear though, I don't know if owls can hear." Harry didn't realize he was speaking in Parseltongue. The owl gave a small chirp. "I just...It's been so hard. I want to be the best Fish Fry employee possible, and I didn't know how hard it would be to balance my responsibilities as your owner with my own ambitions." A single blue tear fell down the owls' cheek. Harry brought a finger to his owl's contorted face. "I know it's hard for you to understand. You're just an owl. You have no desire, you have no ambition. You don't know what it's like to see the great future of fish in front of you and know that it will take your entire life to do right by it. To become a great Fish Fry employee, and know that to do it right, you need to be dedicated. But even so, Hedwig, I just… I was just hoping that you would support me while I try to be the best Fish Fry employee… and the best man I can be." The owl chirped in response. "Yes, and the best owl owner I can be," Harry agreed. Hedwig gave a happier chirp. Harry knew he had made many mistakes, but he also knew that if he tried, this owl would live.