Chapter Sixteen: Dentistry for Actors and Actresses

Dobby figured that he could trade his new crown in for better teeth. He had needed better teeth for a while, but hadn't done anything about it because he had very little money. Now that he had his own job, this was not as much of an issue. Sure, Elizabeth thought he looked hot in it, but really it hurt his neck to wear. It was very heavy. It was also very ornate. There were jewels in it. Truthfully, Dobby thought the jewels made the piece a little gaudy, and he would never be caught dead wearing it to work. Dobby didn't want to seem overly stuffy of anything, but he did want to maintain a professional appearance for his Fish Fry job.

Vernon had explained to him about dentistry. Dobby never knew that you could brush your teeth. Ever since Vernon had showed him a toothbrush, Dobby had been doing it every hour, on the hour. In fact, he woke up in the night just to brush his teeth on the hour. He was excited for this dentistry appointment. He wanted to be the best at teeth of all the house elves.

He walked into the dentist office. There were movie posters lining the walls. One was for Suspiria (the 2018 remake). Dobby had some pretty nuanced thoughts on the movie. He preferred the original, and didn't understand why this new movie felt the need to be related to the original. It didn't really take anything spiritually from it. There was no intriguing use of color, nor was there a powerful and screeching soundtrack. But it had its merits. It was a good movie, but it was no Suspiria (1977). It was just a movie about dancing witches. Dobby knew a lot of dancing witches, but not all of them seemed like they belonged in Dario Argento's classic horror movie. In fact, very few did.

Dobby stopped thinking about this and walked up to the secretary desk. He signed in and sat down. There were other movie posters up, including Snowpiercer. Dobby believed that Snowpiercer was a sequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in more ways than Suspiria (2018) was a remake of the original Suspiria.

"Dobby," a lady said, beckoning Dobby to the back room of the dental office. She sat him down in a big chair. She looked at his small body, and then looked back at the chair. "Gosh, you are a small adult."

"Yes," Dobby said. He was proud of his tiny body. The woman left the room and went to fetch a bundle of blankets. She set them on the chair, which brought him up a few inches. The blankets were itchy and made him feel like he belonged in the Great Depression. The woman then began cleaning his teeth. She also began to talk about her life.

"So I told her, i just cannot get on that train again, not after the last murder. And you know what she told me? She told me that we have to do it. If we don't do it, then he's going to inherit the money." Dobby was struggling to pay attention. "What do you think of that, Hobby?"

"Nmmnh!" Dobby was mad because his name started with a D, not an H. The dental assistant kept talking about her situation. Dobby felt that if he didn't have hands in his mouth at the moment, he would be grinding his teeth. He felt that this was not the optimal situation for a visit to the dentist.

The woman eventually took her hands out of Dobby's mouth. This made him feel better, like when he drank water for the first time in the day and felt like he was being hydrated for the first time. It was like drinking the blood of God every day of his life, but it wasn't blood, it was just water.

The dental hygienist left the room, and Dobby was left with his thoughts. He maneuvered the crown on his head. He liked that it was heavy. He realized that he was getting constant neck exercise. Soon enough he would be like The Rock.

Suddenly, a skinny woman walked in. "Dobby, how are you?" she said. "My name is Tilda Swinton, and I'll be your dentist today."

"Oh, okay," Dobby said. He looked at Tilda Swinton for a moment. "Are you the same Tilda Swinton from the new Suspiria movie, and from We Need to Talk About Kevin?"

"Yes!"

"Wow, those movies were scary, but you have mad acting chops," Dobby said.

"Thank you, Dobby, I really appreciate that."

"So…you just do dentistry on the side?" Dobby asked, sliding back in the dental chair. He was really getting comfortable, and even put his feet up on some of the dental equipment.

"Well, you know, the movies don't pay what they used to. So I decided that if I could play a dentist on TV, then I could be a dentist. That's what acting is all about," Tilda answered. She then opened her phone and googled a diagram of the dentist tools in front of her. "So what's your problem, Dobby?"

"Oh, well, I'm worried that I have a popcorn shard in my teeth," Dobby replied.

"Ah, alright." Tilda picked up some pliers. "Okay Dobby, open up."

Dobby opened his mouth. She put the pliers in, but because Dobby's mouth was smaller than a human's, the tool did not fit.

"Hmm, can you open any more?" Tilda asked.

Dobby tried, but his mouth was small and lacked the proper muscles to open more.

"I'm sorry," he said, hanging his head.

"No need to apologize, Dobby. Well, I don't have my tweezers, but I do have these small drills that I think will do the trick." Tilda leaned down towards Dobby, and some of her hair fell onto his face. Dobby didn't mind this - it was all part of the dental experience - but it did tickle him. Then, as she went to put the drill in his mouth, her hair brushed his nose.

"ACHOO!" Dobby let out a great sneeze, which surprised Tilda Swinton. She quickly fell backwards with the drill in her hand. The drill was already on. It hit Dobby's crown and split it in two. A horrible black shadow emerged. It looked like something that came out of a Ouija board, or out of a cheap horror movie featuring a Ouija board, or even out of the last scene from the 2018 Suspiria movie that Tilda Swinton was in recently.

"KKKKKKEEEHHH! YOUR TEETH WILL NEVER BE CLEAN, DOBBY!" the black shadow yelled over the dental drill.

"What?! C'mon, Dobby brushes every day!" Dobby protested.

"WHO CARES, DOBBY? THEY WILL NEVER BE CLEAN!" the shadow screeched.

Then Tilda Swinton stabbed the shadow with her dental drill. It made a huge hissing noise and disappeared. Luckily, it evaporated and left no mess in the dental office. The room was still sterile. Tilda Swinton didn't seem phased in the slighted. She looked at Dobby, who had tears streaming from his eyes, and put her hands on both his shoulders.

"Dobby, your teeth will be clean. They will be clean," she assured him. Dobby began to openly sob. "I have some toothpaste and dental floss to give you. These will ensure that your teeth will always be clean. You just have to brush every day, preferably twice a day. Can you do that for me, Dobby? Can you brush twice a day?"

Dobby was a mess. He was crying, and there was a lot of snot involved. "Dobby thinks so."

"Dobby, you need to know so. Do you know so?" Tilda stared directly into Dobby's eyes. She didn't flinch. Dobby could feel how much she cared and believed in Dobby and his teeth. "Dobby, that was just a shadow. They could come out of anything, not just the bling you were wearing. Its words don't mean anything. It's not a reflection of you."

"Thank you, Tilda. You are good dentist," Dobby said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you, Dobby," Tilda Swinton said, wiping away a few tears.

Dobby and Tilda discussed their lives for hours. Dentistry was not the only side job Tilda had. Dobby was glad to learn that she was also a tattoo artist. He pitched her a cool tattoo of a dragon eating an octopus that he had been thinking about getting on his back. She drew up some concepts, and they made plans to do the tattoo. They talked about many other things. Tilda had a lot of cool opinions and thoughts on movies. In addition to being a great actor, she was also a great film philosopher. She listened to everything that Dobby said, even if she disagreed with him. Dobby was glad that he could disagree with her on one of his favorite movies, Gasper Noe's Climax, but that she could see where he was coming from when he said that it had incredible cinematography and was a tremendous experiential movie for him, and that he could she where she was coming from when she called it boring, slow and felt like it had no point.