Chapter 2

A steady stream of rock music thrummed through Bella's headphones. She tried to keep her mind busy often, finding the buzz of loneliness was softer around the edges if she had something to preoccupy her. She kept one earbud in as she puttered around the small house she shared with Charlie, gathering up dirty dishes and preparing a load of laundry on the dull Saturday morning.

Well, as dull as a Saturday morning could be when you were being guarded from a deranged vampire by a pack of teenage werewolves.

Bella usually spent most of her time in La Push, but lately the housework had suffered in her absence, and while Charlie made a valiant effort, Bella had decided it was better for the both of them if she took over the smaller chores after the second time Charlie had tried to use dish soap in the tiny dishwasher.

She gathered up a few stray socks and a pair of her jeans, throwing them into the washing machine as her head bobbed along to the discordant notes in her ear. Oh, the glamourous life she led. Bella caught a glimpse of a shadowed, gaunt figure in the reflection of the window off the laundry room and let out a small yelp before realizing she was staring at herself.

Charlie had expressed concern over her in the last few months, as had Jacob, but she usually brushed them off easily enough. She had never been one for appearances, so she rarely looked in the mirror anymore. The image before her was striking, and not in a pleasant way.

She dropped the laundry basket she had been carrying and made a beeline for her bedroom. Surely her eyes were playing tricks on her. Pulling out a small photo album Renee had sent her soon after she had arrived in Forks, she found what she was searching for, a photo of her just a month after starting school. She was surrounded by other faces that she remembered well, though hadn't seen in some time. Jessica, Eric, Angela, and even Mike were all seated at the cafeteria table with her, smiles all around.

Bella pulled the photo out to study it closer. The image of her resembled nothing like the person she had become. Photo Bella looked happy, with sparkly eyes and her arms around her friends. You couldn't see the bony lines of her features, and the dark circles that now lined her eyes were nowhere in sight. Comparing the image to what stood in the mirror before her, well, it was shocking. And wrong. So wrong.

Bella stripped down and headed for the shower. She felt nauseous, and hoped the steam of the shower would help calm her spinning head. The water running down her back soothed her for a moment, until she picked up the loofah and tried to wash herself. Her once feminine features looked all angles and sallow lines.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

She began to scrub her skin. She wanted to wash away the last year. She wanted to go back. She wanted herself back. She scrubbed until her skin was raw, and she didn't stop, even then.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

What had he done to her? What had she done to herself? Panic bubbled up in her chest and she wrenched her body forward, vomiting down the drain while the hot water ran over her. She needed to get out of that tiny space, and she needed Jacob.

He answered on the first ring.

"Jacob, I need y-." She didn't even have to finish her sentence before she heard him hum his acknowledgement and the line went dead in her hand. She didn't want to look at the pale and gaunt lines of herself fractured self anymore, so she pulled on a hoodie and sweatpants, leaving her wet and tangled hair falling down her back.

Jacob found her curled in a ball on her bed when he arrived.

"Bella honey, what's wrong?" His voice sounded strained as he lay beside her, pulling her into his warmth. It helped, just a little.

Tears streamed down her face as she spoke, and she angrily wiped them away.

"Look at me! Look at what I've done to myself!" She waved her arms in front of her, Jake watching her warily as she shook in his arms.

"Bella-"

"No, Jake. I should be ashamed. I am ashamed. God, look at what I've put Charlie through. I look like a damn skeleton. I can't even pull myself out of the hole I'm in long enough to think about anything but them." More tears fell, and this time she let them. Jacob tried to pull her towards him, but she tucked her head tightly to her chest, her fingers raking through her hair.

Jacob reached for her hands and noticed her raw and bleeding knuckles. He pulled her sleeves up to reveal her forearms, lined with the scratches that Bella had tried to hide.

"Bella, this isn't on you. This is on him. You're doing the best that you can." His eyes filled with sympathy as he tried to reason with her. He hated to see her hurting. But then, that's all she had done since Edward had left.

"No, I'm not. Is this really all I'm capable of? No. Things have to change. They will change." She nodded to herself, pulling up to a seated spot on her bed as she drew her knees closer to her chest. Jacob sat with her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I'll need your help, I think, to find myself again."

"Finding Bella. Yep, added it to the list." Jacob made a motion like he was checking off a box in front of him, and Bella laughed despite her tears.

"The Bella I ran into again on the beach 2 years ago? She's still in there, I know it." Jacob smiled, all warm and hopeful. He was always reliable that way.

"You think so?" Her voice sounded raw and unlike herself. But then again, who even was she anymore?

"You bet. C'mon, you wanna get outta here?" He nudged her shoulder and she nearly slid off the side of the bed before catching herself.

"Actually, there's a few things I need to do. Later?" She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks as Jake nodded and stood, towering over her.

"I'll be around. Paul is out there right now, and I can't handle any more of his whining. I'll go switch him out." He offered his hand and helped Bella to her feet. She felt steady with him beside her, and she subconsciously leaned towards his warmth. A quick smile from Jake and he retreated down the stairs to head towards the tree line outside.

Bella had made up her mind. She was going to find herself again, and not just the self that was wrapped up in the vampire she met shortly after moving to Forks. The real Bella. With hobbies and interests. And friends.

Now that was an interesting thought. She had pretty much shut out the few people close to her after…he left. She shook her head in disapproval. She may want to change, but it would have to be slow and steady. She still couldn't bear to say his name.

Taking a deep breath to center herself, she pulled out her cellphone from the drawer in her desk. She hadn't used it for a while. No need, she never really went anywhere and the only people that called her were Jake and Charlie, and she was with both of them nearly all the time. Her mother had now just resorted to getting her news about Bella from Charlie, as Bella was unreliable and not a great source of the happenings in her life. Flipping open the phone, she powered it on and punched in the number she knew by heart.

"Bella!"

"Hey mom." She felt herself smile at her mother's shriek on the other end of the line. A mixture of excitement, happiness, and just a bit of shock, it sounded like.

"Bella, honey, how are you? Oh Phil and I miss you so much! When I talked to your father the other day he said you had been working a lot so I didn't expect to hear from you."

Bella gave a little shrug, as if her mother could see it.

"Yeah, it's been a bit crazy at the store. Hunting season coming up and everyone is getting ready. I just-…well I wanted to apologize. I know I haven't been the best at communicating for the last…well… a while." She frowned. How long had it been since she had even called her mother? Guilt washed over her and she tried to keep fresh tears at bay.

"Oh honey, I'm just happy to hear your voice. Are you okay? You know I've been thinking… It's been so long since I've seen you. Why don't you come down for a visit? Florida is beautiful, and it would do you some good to get out of that dreary place for a while."

She could hear the distaste in her mother's voice and remembered Renee's brief encounter with the wet, green place she had grown to love. Panic rose in her for just a moment.

"Oh mom, I wish I could, but we're so swamped at work right now. Maybe in a few weeks?" She hoped the sentiment would placate her mother, at least for a while, though she noted the disappointment when her Renee's voice came back on the line.

"Of course. Well, let me know. I miss you."

"I miss you too, mom. I'll talk to you later, okay?" She pushed the guilt down and tried to seem more cheerful. She really didn't want Renee to worry about her even more than she already was, but she missed her mother terribly.

"Okay Bella. Love you."

The click of the line was stark compared to the warmth of her mother's voice. It had been too long, but she couldn't go to Florida now. Not while she had a furious vampire chasing after her. Again.

She put her phone in her pocket and walked over to her window. She tried, and though she couldn't see a trace of the russet wolf patrolling the tree line, she knew he was there all the same.

It was some time later when she heard Charlie walk through the door. He had taken an early shift at the station, so he was home well before sundown today. That comforted Bella.

She had spent most of the afternoon doing her usual chores and tidying up around the house, though this time she did it with the addition of her old favorite playlist, and the music seemed to put a little extra spring in her step, despite the fact that her eyes were still a bit swollen from her crying jag in the shower earlier.

"Bells? I'm home." She heard him shuffling by the front door, going through his nightly routine of hanging up his belt and taking off his boots. Bella didn't wait for him to finish before she stumbled down the stairs and enveloped him in a hug. She had to admit, this was not something she had made it a habit to do, and she regretted it.

Charlie stumbled backwards, taken aback by her surprise hug and the fact that he only had one shoe on.

"Bella? Is everything alright, kiddo?" He hugged her back despite his shock and Bella responded by pulling him tighter to her.

"Ch-Dad, everything is fine. Or it will be. I just-… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I put you through and for not taking care of myself this last year. I didn't… well I didn't realize. But I do now. And I'm sorry."

"Oh kid. It's alright. I love you Bells. I'm here." Bella pulled back enough to see his face, and she was in for a surprise of her own when she saw the tears pricking at the corner of Charlie's eyes. Guilt washed over her, and she hugged her father tighter.

They stayed like that for a moment or two, comforting each other, until Bella was sure his eyes were dry again and she pulled away. Charlie chuckled a bit and slipped off his remaining boot.

"I made you an early dinner so you don't miss the game. I was thinking of going over to Jake's for a bit though."

Charlie grunted in mild disapproval but didn't say anything. He still wasn't keen on her going down to La Push too often, ever since she had raised some red flags about Sam and the rest of Jacob's friends.

"Don't worry, dad. I have my cell with me." Charlie's eyebrows shot up at that. She hadn't carried her cell phone around in months. She felt it was time to be a little more connected to the world around her again, though the blocky electronic felt foreign in the pocket of the jeans she was now wearing.

"Just be careful, Bells. And don't be out too late."

"Hey, you." Jacob was waiting for her on his front porch when she arrived. This warmed her. She ducked out of the truck and made her way across the lawn towards his towering frame. No matter how much she hung around him, it still always surprised her how much Jacob had grown in the last few months. He pulled her into a brief hug and gestured towards the trail behind his house that they had taken many times when working on their bikes out back. The garage sat waiting for them, Jacob's Rabbit inside, parts spread out over the small space. Bella felt a pang of guilt when she thought of how delayed his repair plans had been now that a certain vampire had returned and seemed hell bent on paying her a visit.

"Any progress on her?" Bella gestured at the hatchback and Jacob shrugged, his eyes tracing over all the various pieces littering the floor.

"Eh. She'll keep. How are you?" She caught Jake eyeing her hands, forgetting about the angry red welts covering her knuckles. Bella self-consciously pulled at her sleeves and shrugged back.

"Honestly? It's going to be slow and painful for a while, but I'll get there." She took a seat on the counter next to a couple of wrenches covered in grease and something that appeared to be a rust covered box of odds and ends. "I called Renee earlier."

Jacob glanced up in surprise and smiled. "That's great, Bells." Jacob tossed her a soda from the worn refrigerator and cracked one of his own. He was just about to take a sip when a startling howl sounded out from the nearby stand of trees just outside. Jacob froze, and his eyes took on a faraway look that piqued Bella's curiosity. Before either of them could react, Embry burst through the door of the garage. He was bare chested and covered in fresh dirt, he seemed out of breath. More howls erupted around them as Embry gasped and started towards Jake.

"You gotta come. It's bad. It's so bad." Jacob dropped his soda as Embry grabbed him by the shoulders and shook. Pure chaos seemed to break out around them. Another figure appeared in the doorway, this time fully clothed. Bella scooted out of the way as the room seemed to close in around them. Bella tried to make sense of what was going on, but Embry seemed to be speaking in short bursts and it was hard to hear over the howls that continued to echo outside.

It was a moment before Bella realized it was Paul who stood beside her. Anger marred his prominent features and he also seemed out of breath.

"Jake, she's gotta go. Somethings happening."

"Is it the leech-"

"No-" Embry shook his head and finally started to speak in complete sentences again. "Two more wolves. We can't make out who they are yet. Jesus, there's so much screaming." Embry cradled his head while Paul sidled up next to Jacob grabbing him by the arm.

"C'mon, Sam needs you. I'm supposed to take Bella home." Paul gestured towards her and started to lead Jacob to the small doorway across the room.

"And leave her alone? I don't think so!" Jacob resisted his grasp, which seemed to annoy Paul.

"Relax, I'm on patrol tonight. Seriously- let's go. Those two out there are losing their fucking minds." Paul tugged again at Jacob as he eyed Bella and gestured for the door.

The howls were deafening as they made their way outside. Embry had already taken off, and Jacob looked torn as Paul began ushering Bella towards the front lawn and back to her truck.

"Bells. Be safe." Jacob pulled her in tightly against him, much to Paul's chagrin. Bella could sense the urgency in the air and didn't let her touch linger as Jacob took off towards the woods. Paul looked more on edge that Bella had ever seen him, his whole body thrumming with anxiety as they climbed into the cab of her truck. She barely noticed the roar of the engine as it came to life against the holy mess happening in the woods not far behind them.

"It's bad, huh?" Bella glanced sideways at Paul as she pulled out onto the main highway. Paul said nothing, just shook his head, his hands cradling his skull, his knuckles white from his grip. He groaned next to her and she pushed the gas pedal down harder, her truck racing down the winding road leading away from La Push. The silence was deafening, Paul's ragged breathing filling the space as the howls faded into the distance behind them. Bella couldn't even begin to imagine what Jacob and the rest of the pack were dealing with, though she could see the toll it was taking on Paul even in his unphased form.

She pulled into her driveway after what seemed like an eternity, and Paul wasted no time in jumping out and heading for the woods nearby.

"Someone will be out here at all times." Paul grunted at her as he loped off, shaking his head. Bella watched him go, the sun fading against the horizon before him. She shivered and headed inside, her thoughts racing. She thought she heard a faint cry from the trees, a howl echoing into the distance as she closed the door behind her and headed upstairs to wait for what the next few hours would bring.