A/N: Thanks so much to glowingivy for being my beta this chapter! Sorry, no Jacob in this one, but I promise big things are coming! Would love any feedback you can give.

Chapter 4

Bella POV

Bella woke early the next morning, unable to stay in bed any longer. Her night was restless, and she longed for her friend. If she had to admit it to herself, she was also a bit nervous about spending time alone with Emily. She didn't know her well, and Bella felt like an outsider at times compared to the tight knit group the pack had formed. She quickly decided to shower and clear her head from her night and dressed in her favorite flannel shirt. It gave her a small bit of comfort as she eyed the drizzle outside her window.

She decided to bring a book with her, unsure of how she would spend her time at Emily's. She didn't want to be in the way, and her worn copy of Little Women would be a welcome distraction for her. She could only worry about her best friend so much before she drove herself and others around her insane. She gathered the frayed copy and studiously ignored the other books on the shelf. They sat collecting a steady layer of dust, untouched for the past nine months. Those were the ones she couldn't bring herself to read anymore.

She didn't want to linger in the empty house, its echoes only reminding her of how alone she felt these days. Without an appetite for breakfast, she quickly made her way out into the muggy morning and into the safety of her truck. As she drove, she contemplated how much her friendship with Jacob had grown over the last few months. When they left…she had turned inside herself, slowly erasing all the little pieces that made her the person that she was. Jacob had seen that, and piece by piece he was taking the time to restore each little bit that she had been missing. She still had a gaping hole in her chest, still had to hold herself together at times, but it was getting better, even she had to admit that. All the same, she tried not to think of the implications that came with that realization. She certainly wasn't ready to analyze that part of herself yet.

The drive didn't take long, and the digital clock on her phone read 8:22 a.m when she pulled up to the cottage on the south side of town. Emily must have heard her coming, because she was waiting on the porch to greet her.

"Good morning, Bella. I hope the drive wasn't bad." Emily's voice was soft and motherly, and it made Bella feel instantly more at home.

"Not at all, thanks again for inviting me. I may have been going a little stir crazy at home."

That had to be the understatement of the century. She had been practically climbing the walls.

Emily gave her a look of understanding and ushered her inside. The small kitchen was bathed in warm light from the fixture overhead, and it had a pleasant smell of blueberries and baking bread.

"Muffin?" Emily offered her the plate filled with blueberry muffins the size of Bella's hand.

"No thanks, I'm not really hungry." Emily nodded and returned to the other side of the counter to check the oven. Bella watched as the small woman moved easily around the familiar kitchen. She was humming to herself, though she noticed Emily checked the window above the sink several times in the seconds that passed. She had to be feeling on edge too, with the pack preoccupied with whatever seemed to have happened.

"So uh… Do you know what's going on? I haven't really heard from anyone in a day or two." Bella's words were soft and edged with worry. She hated not knowing what was happening with Jacob and the others. She had been haunted with images of Victoria stalking the pack and a shiver went up her spine as she thought about the red headed demon intent on her demise.

"I guess you'd know about Harry then?" Emily turned to face her, and the scars that ran down her cheek did nothing to help the grimace on her face. Bella nodded solemnly.

"Did you know about his kids, Leah and Seth?" Emily paused, watching the look of recognition that briefly crossed Bella's features. Bella remembered Jacob telling her about Leah, and the imprint that had forever changed Sam. Seth had to be her younger brother.

"They phased. In front of him." Emily's eyes were sad as she turned and absently wiped a dish cloth across the counter in front of her.

"Oh no…" Bella's mouth formed an "o" shape as she sank down further into her chair.

To phase in and of itself must have been terrifying, but to phase in front of your father and cause a heart attack?

"Those poor kids."

Emily nodded as her eyes drew back to Bella. She had a solemn look of understanding, and Bella was sure that had something to do with her own relationship with Sam. Jacob had never elaborated much on the event that had caused the scars that trailed down Emily's face and torso, but Bella could guess it was a painful thing for the couple. It hinted to a darker side of the wolf that Bella had not yet seen. She tried to hide the pity in her eyes as she looked back at Emily's blemished features.

"The boys have been trying to help them through it, but so far they haven't been able to phase back. The whole thing is just a mess."

Emily returned to the window above the sink again, watching the tree line just past her property. Bella watched her, watching the woods, the soft feeling of understanding passing between them. She missed her wolf too.

"I didn't realize girls could.. I mean…" Bella's unfinished thought hung in the air between them. It was bad enough that a bunch of teenage boys had inherited the unfortunate gene, but a girl, too? She remembered Jacob telling her about the things he hated about the pack- the lack of physical privacy, the thoughts that he couldn't hide from his brothers. The thought of Leah having to deal with that, and even prospect of being exposed like that to your former lover… Well, she couldn't help but feel sadness for the girl.

"Neither did Sam. Even the tribal elders had no idea. It's never happened before." Her voice shook a bit with what Bella guessed was sadness. She remembered Jacob telling her that Emily and Leah had been close before the imprint. It must be hard to see someone else you care about going through that. But then, did Emily care much for Leah? After all, she had kind of stolen Leah's man, so to speak. She couldn't imagine the two remaining close through that. Emily seemed to notice Bella's realization and took a seat opposite her at the table.

"It wasn't always like this, you know. Leah is my cousin, but she was my best friend first." Emily's eyes searched Bella's face for understanding, but she found only surprise and embarrassment.

"I don't-"

"No, you need to understand. You are part of this family now." Emily's hands spread out before her on the table, her pointer finger absently drawing little rings into the wood. She took a long breath before continuing, steadying herself before speaking.

"Leah and Sam were together for a long time. Three years. One day Sam disappeared, and Leah didn't know what happened. When he came back a few days later, he was a changed man." Emily frowned at the table, contemplating her next words. Sadness marked Bella's features as she contemplated how this must have felt for Leah, how hurt and lost she must have been, trying to figure out what was wrong with the man she loved. It reminded her of the weeks between when Jacob had phased and when she had finally guessed what was going on. Loneliness, confusion, anger, hurt- Bella remembered all of it. She waited silently for Emily to continue.

"Sam was so aloof. He wouldn't talk to anyone and he kept running off into the woods. Leah was desperate for someone to talk to about it, and she called me up and begged me to come down one day. That's when it happened."

"The imprint." Bella's words came out in a whisper as she let out a breath. One instant connection had completely changed three lives forever. She didn't understand it completely, but it couldn't have been easy for any involved.

Emily nodded back at Bella before meeting her eyes. There were small tears trailing down Emily's face, marring the soft features with dark streaks of wetness.

"I tried to ignore it. I left immediately but he would show up at my house at all hours, just begging to be let in. He said he couldn't live without me, which I hated. He was Leah's."

Emily paused, seeming to take a shaky breath.

"He would just sit, outside my door, waiting for me to listen. That went on for weeks." Emily wiped her eyes before continuing on.

"I felt it too, the pull. It was impossible to escape. One night, it was freezing outside, snow coming down, and still he sat out there, just begging me to listen. I finally did."

Bella swallowed and looked down at the table, her own hands clasped in a tight fist in her lap. She imagined herself in Emily's place, trying to ignore that level of commitment. She doubted she would have been able to, either.

"He explained everything. The shapeshifting, the imprint. He couldn't tell anyone else. He had no one else to turn to. He couldn't even tell Leah."

"But he could tell you, since you were his imprint?"

"Right. The tribal leaders forbid him to talk to anyone else. He was in agony over it." Emily dusted an imaginary piece of lint off the table before continuing on.

"Imprinting, it's like nothing else out there. It's impossible to resist. Stronger than any other force on earth. It's like meeting the other half of your soul in someone else." Emily's voice held a sort of sacred wonder as she spoke, her eyes in a faraway place.

Bella's mouth went dry and she hugged herself tight across her torso. She knew how that felt, having your entire world belong to someone else, all the little bits and pieces of you in the hands of your lover. She resisted the urge to think about it just now. It didn't seem appropriate to fall apart in Emily's tiny kitchen.

"I've tried to talk to Leah. We both have. It's no use. She thinks we were seeing each other all along, that we both betrayed her. I don't blame her. I would feel the same." Emily shook her head sadly and crossed her legs in front of her. Bella imagined she would feel the same way, in Leah's place. That level of hurt and betrayal would leave a dark mark on your life.

"That's how I got these scars actually. I was so upset about losing Leah, and Sam couldn't take seeing me like that. He phased right on top of me."

"Oh Emily… I didn't know. I'm so sorry." Bella took a sharp intake of breath and hugged herself even tighter. She stared at Emily with new eyes now, taking in the pain she had faced over all this. The slight woman in front of her was much stronger than Bella had previously imagined.

"I'm sure that's going to make things difficult, what with the recent developments in the pack." Bella observed. She didn't envy Emily, Sam, or Leah one bit. Having your heart broken was one thing, but having to be involved with the very people that broke your heart to begin with…

Well that sounded like a form of torture. To see, but not touch. To know the inner thoughts of someone you previously shared a life with, only to watch them with someone new. It was enough to make Bella appreciate the empty space that his disappearance had left. She would rather leave him in her imagination than watch him love another.

Poor Leah.

"I'm sure you're right." Emily stood as the oven timer beeped behind her. She crossed the room to check her baking and Bella took that time to take a gulp of fresh air. She didn't realize she had been holding her breath as Emily spoke. A quiet stillness hung in the air around them, and Bella watched as Emily took the pan of several baked chickens out carefully, setting them to cool on a metal tray that rested on the worn cabinet behind her.

Spending so much time with Emily, actually watching her, her scars seemed to fade into the background now, with the quiet but strong woman emerging beneath them. Sam had to hate himself every time he looked at those scars, though when she saw them together, it was like nothing but pure bliss between the two. She had felt that once.

Stop. Thinking. About. It.

They didn't talk much after that. Bella retreated to the tiny living room to read her book and Emily kept herself busy in the kitchen, alternating between cooking and staring out the kitchen window. A few times throughout the day a member of the pack would check in and stay to eat a few bites, but never Jacob. According to Sam he was helping Sue and the rest of the village to arrange the funeral for Harry. Jacob had been allowed to explain to Sue about Seth and Leah, and it had taken her a few days to calm down and gather herself in order to be able to process everything. Bella didn't blame her. It was a lot to deal with.

When Bella finally returned home that night, she was missing Jacob fiercely.

Bella wandered through moss covered trees, tripping over the brush and debris at her feet. It was dark, and she struggled to see in the unfamiliar forest surrounding her. Everything was lush and green. Too green, actually. The faint blue light from above did little to guide her. Wind whistled at her neck and she felt the eerie chill of the darkness fill up the space around her. She was alone, but she could swear she felt a pair of eyes watching her every move. She turned quickly, but was unable to find the gaze of the stranger in the trees. She wandered on, hoping to find some semblance of familiarity in the cold and dense forest.

Bella woke with a start, feeling anxious and restless at where her dreams had taken her. She quickly showered and dressed, preparing to go to Emily's again for the day. She thought of her recent nightmares, how the emptiness had reached straight into her soul. There was nothing like it. She hovered on the edge of it, even now, waiting to drop onto either side of the abyss that marred her life now. Jacob had been the one to hold her in place these last few months. Without him she would have long ago given in to the quiet stillness of the dark place he had left inside of her. As she gathered her things in her room, she could swear something felt wrong about her surroundings, a difference in the air, a slight but noticeable change to the quiet space she lived in. She brushed it off as leftover feelings from her haunting nightmare.

When Bella arrived at Emily's, Quil and Jared were inside having breakfast. They greeted her warmly, and Bella quickly noticed the bags under their eyes and the weary expressions they wore. This only intensified her worry for her best friend.

"How's Jake?" Bella chewed her nails nervously as she joined them at the table. She had no appetite again this morning, so she sat, her foot tapping an incessant beat against the worn linoleum floor.

"Oh he's fine. He's been taking care of Sue." Jared answered her, taking a huge bite out of the pancakes Emily had laid out for him. He didn't seem the least bit worried as he chewed quickly and filled his fork again.

"Yeah, he should be fine. He's the one with the easiest job after all." Quil ducked as Jared aimed a wide smack towards the back of his head. Jared was quick, but Quil's instant reflexes gave him an equal advantage. Bella stifled a laugh, watching the interaction.

"What? It's the truth! Better than babysitting or patrolling for leeches." The words came out muffled as Quil took a bite of his own pancake and Jared shrugged in agreement.

Emily gave the boys a sharp look but said nothing. Instead she busied herself with a mixing bowl and some eggs in front of the kitchen window she liked to occupy.

"Boys, better eat up and get back there. The others will be waiting for you." Emily scolded them softly and poured the egg mixture onto the waiting skillet on the stove. The smell was warm and inviting but Bella felt her stomach sour as she thought about the fact that she hadn't seen Jacob in nearly 3 days.

Quil and Jared quickly finished their breakfast and waved their goodbye to the girls before loping off into the trees surrounding the house. She watched them go quietly, wondering again how Jacob was before settling into the armchair she had come to occupy yesterday and pulling out her own book, intending to read. Emily's voice cut through her pages.

"You know, I miss Sam, too. All the time."

Bella nodded at Emily's words but said nothing. She wasn't sure how Emily's words pertained to her.

"I know you two spend a lot of time together. Are you sure-"

Bella cut her off before she could continue.

"It's nothing like that. He's my best friend." Bella wrapped her arm tightly around her chest and braced herself firmly against the back of the chair. Thoughts of tight hugs, warm hands, and blinding smiles made the ache in her chest lighten. A stray ray of sunshine filtered in through the nearby window, warming her even more. She thought of her best friend's face, her own little form of sunshine, as it were. Bella wasn't sure where Emily was going with this.

"Some of the best relationships start with friendship." Emily came to join her in the living room, leaning against the matching armchair across from Bella. Her eyes watched Bella closely, seeming to hold some information that Bella wasn't privy to.

"I can't-.. I mean… I don't have that piece of me to give to him." Bella sucked in a breath and hugged herself tighter, hoping the pressure would relieve some of the pain she felt. Her chest ached at the words Emily had said. It was true. Jacob might have been good at picking up the broken pieces of her heart, but that's all they were, shattered little edges of something that once resembled something whole and perfect.

Emily watched her for a moment, taking in Bella's hunched figure and the way her arms wrapped so tightly around her body, holding herself together.

"Think about it. You might be surprised what grows if you only let a little light in."

With that, Emily returned to the kitchen and left Bella to her reading.

Let a little light in?

Jacob certainly was Bella's light, but to even think about him in that way… Well, it opened up a whole other facet to their relationship that Bella wasn't even sure she could take. Her heart certainly belonged to another, though she couldn't help but wonder.

What if?

She quickly pushed the thought from her mind and instead focused on her novel. She couldn't- no wouldn't- think about that right now.

Throughout the day Bella found herself gravitating toward the kitchen, and the same window Emily had been occupying since yesterday. She alternated between reading and pacing, and even took up Emily on an offer to teach her how to make zucchini bread. That ended disastrously, Emily releasing her from any further duties in the kitchen. Night quickly approached and Bella said her goodbyes, still having not seen Jacob.

She expected to have a quiet evening at home, maybe heat up some leftovers and enjoy some mindless t.v. since Charlie had informed her he was taking a late shift tonight. She had almost made it to the front door when a voice straight out of her wildest dreams called out to her from the darkness beyond the porch.

"Bella?"