Post 22x14

"Let's get you home..." Amanda began before pausing awkwardly. She was still flustered from how she almost leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder as she climbed on to the edge of the hospital bed beside him. In a split second, she had remembered that wasn't appropriate anymore because he had a girlfriend and she shifted her movements clumsily. "Or, uh, would you rather me take you to Nicole's - wherever that may be...?" She stammered.

"Home's fine."

"What time is she done working? I can stay with you until she gets there."

"Uhh...she won't be coming over tonight..."

Amanda tried to mask her confusion – he nearly had his eardrum ruptured and his girlfriend wasn't at the hospital or willing to see him that night?

"...or any other night." He added softly, avoiding her gaze as his eyes focused across the room, recognizing the nurse from a few weeks ago who assumed he was Amanda's husband.

"Wait...what? You can't be alone, Carisi."

He shrugged. "We're not together anymore, so..." he trailed off.

"Oh, um, uh. I had no idea...I'm sorry." She could only hope she sounded sincere, but knowing he wasn't seeing Nicole anymore filled her with a sense of hope that she never thought she'd feel again.

"It was inevitable, I think... We don't need to talk about it right now."

"I'll have Sienna stay with the girls tonight, and I can keep an eye on you."

"You don't have to do that, Rollins."

"I want to."

"No, uh, what I mean, is," he was stumbling with how to say it, as he scratched the back of his neck, "maybe I can crash at your place? It's just after knowing that Henry gave Jessie a stuffed animal and had pictures of her-that he was that close to all of you at the park...I mean, I know he's locked up now, but...I need to see the girls, Manda. I just need to do that, okay? It's all I've been thinking about since you told me what happened." His voice cracked with emotion, and he didn't even attempt to cover it up. "I need to be close to them...to you."

Amanda licked her lips before she spoke. There was something about the way his tone changed when he said "you" that gave her goosebumps. "Okay," she reached out and placed her hand on his forearm. "I'd feel better if you stayed with us, too," she nodded understandingly.

And even though he was injured, had just received stitches, and had the worst headache of his entire life, he looked at her and smiled.

Xxx

Amanda shuffled up the stairs of her apartment building with Billie in her arms and Jessie close beside her. She told Sonny that she was going to get his prescriptions filled, grab a bag for him from his apartment, and pick up the girls from Sienna, but she conveniently left out the fact that she was taking one more stop before that to see Henry Mesner along the way and a detour on the way home to pick up a box of zeppole from his favorite Italian bakery.

"Now, Jessie, remember what I said, sweetheart?" Amanda asked her very excited five-year-old.

"Uncle Sonny's here!" She nodded happily. "I missed him soooo much!" Jessie clapped her hands together. "I haven't seen him in forever."

"Well, yes, but what else did I say?"

"He has a boo-boo," she said sadly.

"Mmhm, so what does that mean?"

"That we have to be gentle."

"Exactly." Amanda unlocked the door. "We're home!" She announced as she ushered the girls inside and dropped everything she was carrying on the table.

"Oh, hey!" Sonny called back from the kitchen over the sounds of pots and pans clanging.

"Uncle Sonny! I'm sorry you have a boo-boo," Jessie called as she skipped across and threw her arms around his legs.

Sonny bent over and started to pick her up before Amanda stopped him. "She's too big for you to lift right now, Sonny," she warned. "It can throw your equilibrium off or something, I'm sure. The doctor said to take it easy, remember?"

He sighed sadly. "Sorry, Jess. Momma's orders. I'll be as good as new in a few days and then I can pick you up again."

Jessie nodded and squeezed his legs a little tighter. "Kay," she mumbled into his pant legs. "I'm sad you got hurt, but I'm happy you're here."

"Me, too," he agreed softly, bringing his gaze to Amanda's as he placed his hand over Jessie's back. "Me, too."

"Why aren't you resting?" Amanda asked, arching her eyebrow. "I was going to order something for dinner once I got back. I swear."

He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "I don't know how to rest...I take after Ma. I feel better when I'm cooking." He motioned towards the stove. "It's just some soup I tossed together with things you had; I hope you don't mind. Maybe we can make grilled cheese to go with it..."

"Dominick," she said his name as a plea, and it caused him to stop speaking. "Please."

He couldn't help but to notice how it had only been a few hours since she found out he wasn't seeing Nicole anymore, and he was now back to being called "Dominick" again. "Please what?" He asked curiously as he crossed the kitchen to greet Billie, who was still in her mother's arms, by running his hand along her cheek; grinning as she babbled happily at him and reached for his hand.

"Please rest – or at least try to. Let me take care of you," she pleaded. "Like you take care of me," she added softly. "Otherwise," she said as she shifted Billie in her arms so she could pick up one of the bags she discarded on the table, "You won't get these," she finished as she produced a pastel blue bakery box.

He instantly recognized the box. "You went and got zeppole?"

"Of course, I did. I thought you could use the pick me up. I would have driven out to Staten Island and picked up your Ma's lasagna for you, honestly, but I know you didn't call her yet, so..."

He grinned at her. "Thanks for the zeppole, Rollins, and I'll call my mom tomorrow. She's gonna be a nervous wreck and I'd rather just wait until tomorrow."

Amanda nodded. "So, now that I've bribed you with Italian pastries, will you go rest?"

He stared into her eyes and realized how important this was to her. "Okay," he agreed, simply. "Jessie, why don't you go pick out a story for us to read while Momma finishes making dinner?"

"Okay!"

"Go on, sit down," she nodded towards the couch.

Sonny sighed. "Yes, ma'am."

"Hey, don't call me that! I hate that!" She exclaimed as he settled on the couch and she handed Billie to him with such ease that it was almost as if they did this exchange every night.

"Okay, Officer," he corrected cheekily. "Or should I say, "Detective?"

Amanda rolled her eyes and said "Uncle Sonny thinks he's so funny, doesn't he, Billie?" as she tickled Billie before heading back to the kitchen.

After New Year's, she really thought they were working towards something...towards defining whatever they were to each other but for some unexplainable reason things just stalled – like neither one of them knew how to take the first step. Then, Hasim came back, flirted with her a little bit, and she realized she wasn't interested at all. She only was interested in one man these days and his name happened to be Dominick Carisi, Jr.

She wanted to see if he'd collect on their long overdue raincheck the night that she showed up in his office to drop off case files, but he was in a rush to leave. In that moment, she knew. She just knew that he was going on a date. Then, she got the call from the hospital in Atlanta, and whatever he was going to tell her, he wouldn't. His whole entire focus became picking up the shattered pieces of her life again, and she both loved him and hated him for it.

He took care of her kids while she was away, and all Amanda could think about while she was gone was: what did he tell his date? Were things serious with his date? Was it serious enough for her to be considered his girlfriend? Would he marry her someday? Would he be crazy enough in love to introduce her kids to this woman while she was away?

She tried to bring it up again in the hospital while he spent the entire day with her waiting for news on her dad. She heard him whispering on the phone when he thought she wasn't paying attention, but she was a detective. She knew he was cancelling another date to be with her, and she didn't know how to feel about that. After they were leaving the hospital and he was walking her to her car, she asked him point blank. She couldn't take the not knowing for sure.

"It was just never a good time to tell you."

And she couldn't help but to wonder if it was because he knew she had feelings for him, and whatever he felt for her at one point in time had dissipated.

"I'm happy that you're happy, Carisi."

And she could only hope she sounded convincing. Once she was in the safety of her SUV and his figure disappeared down the street into the darkness, she cried more than she ever remembered crying in her entire adult life.

Now he was sitting on the side of her bed, injured, as she walked into the room holding a glass of water and a few pills in her hand. "Here, it's time for these."

"Thanks," he swallowed the pills and gulped down half the glass of water before placing the cup on the nightstand.

"I really can sleep on the couch," he offered again.

"You're injured, Dominick. Absolutely not. May I?" she took a step closer and gestured towards the bandage on his ear. "I want to check on it."

He nodded.

"I'll be gentle." She assured him.

"Don't be gentle, be good." He teased and Amanda thought her heart would beat right out of her chest. She would have sworn his tone was flirtatious.

The energy in the room was electric as her hand reached out to tentatively touch his injured ear and removed the gauze. "It looks okay, I guess, but you can never be too careful. I'll put a new bandage on it. You're not getting an infection on my watch. Sit tight, I'll be right back," and with that, she slipped away to grab the first aid kit.

When she came back in and rebandaged his ear, she couldn't help but to think about the evening they had just spent together. She watched from the kitchen, while preparing the grilled cheese sandwiches, as Jessie, with a stack of books in her arms, came back into the living room and crawled up to join Billie on Sonny's lap. Her heart fluttered at the sight of her girls curled up against his chest as he read The Rainbow Fish to them. She never wanted to miss out on moments like this again.

"You're a good nurse, Rollins," he said, and his voice rattled her from her thoughts.

"Yeah, well, I had a lot of practice fixin' Momma up after Daddy'd drink his paycheck away after a bad week."

He couldn't help but to notice how her Southern accent came out more when she talked about her parents and her childhood. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

"Me, too," she sighed. After a beat, she spoke again. "I hate that you're my patient." She couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she worked the gauze– the memory of his blood on her hands in the courtroom when she went to assess the extent of the injuries would forever be burned into her mind. She was no stranger to blood, but it was different when it belonged to him. "I was so scared, Dominick. You're not a cop anymore. This shouldn't happen to you. Don't put yourself in danger like that."

"What was I supposed to do? I was a cop longer than I have been a lawyer. I knew he could get to the judge, and the cop part of me kicked into gear before I had time to think about it. I had to protect the judge and Henry's attorney. It was a combination of instinct and training."

"It scared me." For some reason she felt the need to state the obvious again.

"How do you think I feel every time you get in a situation like that?"

"Yeah, but I have a gun...usually."

"That doesn't make it any less scary."

"I'm just glad you're okay. If …" She trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. She cleared her throat and tried to speak again. "Well, I would have shot Henry myself. There's not a doubt in my mind. I know I would have taken him out."

The room was silent for a few moments before the combination of painkillers, adrenaline, and maybe even the antibiotics he was pumped full of caused him to say something he normally wouldn't say. "Is being injured the only time I'm allowed to sleep in your bed?"

She used her hand to gently turn his face towards her. When they locked eyes, she grazed her thumb over his lips. "No, but..." she let out a shaky breath.

"But what?" He asked nervously, frowning.

"I don't want to be a consolation prize or a rebound because things are over with Nicole..." She knew she loved him, she even suspected that he loved her, but there was this underlying nagging in her subconscious that told her she didn't get to be happy.

"Amanda..." he began, reaching for the hand that was still on his face. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and stroked his thumb against her skin. "That's not what this would be...if anything...it's what she was."

"Dominick..." she breathed, her expression hopeful, as the nagging in her subconscious began to lessen. Maybe they didn't miss their moment after all.

He shifted his position at the edge of the bed, moving backwards so there was more room for her, and motioned for her to sit. She followed his movement like a magnet, or a moth to flame. She knew she'd always follow him anywhere.

"I met Nicole in the middle of a damn pandemic and she was smart and funny and easy to get along with. I thought maybe it was destiny or fate or somethin' like that, but it only made me realize one thing..."

"Which was?" she asked, as she used her free hand to clutch his shirt in her hand, pulling him closer, and she swore his heart was beating just as fast as hers was.

"That you, Amanda Rollins, are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I thought maybe if I got out there, I could get over the feelings I have for you...but I can't...at least not until I know if there is even a remote possibility that someday you'd be willing to explore the idea of us...together...as a couple."

"There's more than a remote possibility." She replied quickly, not an ounce of hesitation anywhere to be found.

"Yeah?"

Amanda watched as his whole entire face lit up, and she realized it was the same level a joy she saw in his expression when he first held Billie and Jessie as newborns. She gave him a gentle shove so his back was pressed against the headboard and she could straddle his lap. "I've been ready for a while now, and then life happened, and Nicole...and I thought I missed the chance to tell you. I have a lot of regrets in life, but if something were to ever happen and I wouldn't have been able to ever tell you, well, that would be the top of the list."

"Oh, Amanda," he sighed. "Come here," he pulled her even closer to him.

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to get to this place. Along with the girls, you are the absolute best and most important thing in my life, Dominick, and that's equal parts amazing and terrifying. I don't really know how to be in a healthy relationship, but I want to learn. For you. For me. For the girls. For the family we can be."

"We take things one day at a time," he told her reassuringly. "This is important to me. You are important to me. The girls are important to me. I'm not going anywhere when things get tough. I promise." He cupped her head between his hands and brushed the pads of his thumbs underneath her eyes gently. "You understand that, right?"

"I do." Amanda nodded. "I believe you."

"Good...I'll prove it to you every day, if you'll let me."

She wrapped her arms around his torso and held him tightly, her cheek resting against his chest. "I guess what I mean, what I'm trying to say, is..." she began, choosing her words carefully, pulling away slightly so that she could look into his eyes. "I trust you, Dominick."

And in this simple moment, after a stressful and adrenaline filled week, in the quiet of her bedroom, with only the sounds of their shallow breathing, and the very faint sounds of the nursery rhymes playing from the speakers in the girls' room across the hall, those three words – I trust you – meant more to him coming from her than "I love you" would have.

Because he knew her.

He understood her.

Disclaimer: The "don't be gentle, be good," line did come from one of my favorite Harm and Mac scenes in JAG. :-)