So, I'm rewatching some of my favorite Rollisi moments during the hiatus, and that means more ideas for this collection (especially because everything just hits differently now knowing about that finale kiss!). Thank you to everyone who is along for the journey!

Post 21x05

"Rollins. A minute please?"

Amanda Rollins looked up from her desk at the sound of her captain's voice and bit back a sigh. "Sure, Captain." She replied before standing up and making her way to the captain's office.

"Have a seat, Amanda." She said as she removed her glasses and placed them beside her laptop.

"Is there something wrong?" Amanda asked as she cautiously sat down in one of the chairs across from Liv's desk.

"No. I just wanted to check in. It's been a rough week."

"Yeah," Amanda nodded. "Look, if this was about my fight with Carisi in the bullpen the other day...I'm sorry about that. It was unprofessional. I know that."

Olivia pursed her lips together for a second before she spoke again. "Can I say something to you as a friend and a colleague...but not necessarily as your boss?" She began tentatively, almost unsure of whether or not it was appropriate for her to broach this subject.

"Yeah, of course."

"I know," Olivia began before taking a deep breath and then starting again. "I know what it is like to feel abandoned by your partner – the one person who is supposed to be there no matter what for you. I get that. I really do."

"Liv..."

Olivia held up a hand and shook her head, signaling that she didn't want to be interrupted. "When my partner left, he didn't have the nerve to tell me in person or answer my calls. I spent a lot of time wondering if I could have done something differently and just as much time thinking about what I would say if I saw him again. I still don't know what I'd say to him if I saw him again, and that's the worst part. He was the single most important person in my life for so long and then one day he was just gone and there was his huge void in every aspect of my life."

Amanda nodded and Liv sighed.

"Carisi didn't do that to you." Her voice was compassionate yet firm. "He didn't walk out on you or abandon your friendship like my partner did to me. I think there was a part of Carisi that didn't want to make the move to the DA's office, and I don't think it was because he didn't want to leave the squad, or policing, either. I think it was because he didn't want to leave you...his partner." She shifted in her seat. "A loss is still a loss, and it hurts no matter what. You are entitled to your feelings, Amanda, you absolutely are, but I know Carisi didn't mean to hurt you when he left. He would never do anything to hurt you. I don't want to see you two lose your friendship over this. I think you guys need to talk it out."

Amanda bit her bottom lip. "You know," she scoffed. "I didn't even like him when he first came here with that ridiculous mustache and a box of zeppole. I never thought he'd stick around. I thought he was annoying and I wanted to hate him, but now... now I can't imagine my life without him. I don't even know when that happened...it just did."

"Life has a way of sneaking up on us, doesn't it?" Liv asked with a sad smile.

"I just want him to be happy."

Amanda's words transported Liv back to another time, not all that long ago, when Carisi had said essentially the same thing. She bit her tongue and sent a silent prayer to the powers that be that maybe those two could finally figure out whatever it was between them sooner rather than later.

"Then make sure he knows that."

Amanda nodded. "Yeah," she said softly.

"Now, why don't you get out of here and take an early lunch today...if you know what I mean."

Amanda smiled. "Yeah, Liv. I do." She stood up and walked over to the door. "Thanks," she said before she slipped out of the office and went to collect her purse from her desk.

"Knock, knock," Amanda called out as a courtesy as she knocked on the already open door to the conference room where the office assistant told her she could find Sonny.

"Rollins...hey," he began cautiously as he looked up from the files in front of him. "Do ya need a warrant?"

"No, no. This is more of a social call."

He rolled his pen around between his fingers. "I have a lot of work to do, and..."

"Yeah, well, what's that you always tell me? Oh, yeah. You gotta eat," she answered her own question as she produced a white paper bag from behind her back. "Italian sub just the way you like it," she practically sang as she stepped further into the room.

"With oil and vinegar dressing and hot peppers?" He asked with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes affectionately. For a man who was downing Pepto like shots on a 21st-birthday party these days, he sure wouldn't give up his Italian hot peppers. "Of course."

"Well, I guess I can take a little break, then."

"Good." She sat down across from him and handed him his sandwich before pulling her own turkey sub out from the bag. "Look, Carisi...I know I said some things the other day..." she began after a few moments of slightly awkward silence between them.

"Water under the bridge, Rollins." He said a bit too quickly for her liking.

"I still owe you an apology. I was sleep deprived and stressed and I took my anger out on you." The part she left unsaid was how she thinks she may have taken her anger out on him, because he was the only person in the entire world that she felt safe enough to do that with. She chewed on the inside of her mouth, nervously, thinking about how to even begin to unpack that. Maybe therapy wasn't such a bad idea after all anymore, she finally decided.

"I've done some pretty stupid things since we've known each other...made some questionable choices...and you never once made me feel stupid. You always supported me – even when I know it was difficult for you." Thoughts of Dr. Al asking her to move in with him and his awkward hospital hallway proposal flashed in her memory. "You've always been an amazing friend to me," for a second, she allowed her mind to wander to another place where maybe they could be more than friends. "And I want to be like that to you. What I said...it wasn't fair. It was just a bad day, and I know that doesn't make it go away, but it was just that. A bad day. Following your dreams doesn't make you stupid. I. never should have said that."

I would be fine if you were right here beside me.

The words played back constantly in his mind ever since she said them. The phrase that hit him like a gut punch each and every time. He never wanted to be the man who failed Amanda Rollins and now he felt like he had.

But that wasn't the only reason he played those words back in his mind. He constantly found he was trying to decipher what she truly meant when she said that. Did she mean it literally -being beside her in the squad room looking over victim and witness statements while chasing down perps and leads? Or did she mean it symbolically, more in a personal way rather than a professional way?

The simple truth was he did want to be there beside her – in all aspects of the meaning – at all times. He wanted to be there every night to tuck in the girls, he wanted to make special breakfasts every Saturday, he wanted to tag along to school and daycare events, and be the shoulder she leaned on after a rough case at work. He doesn't even know when or how it happened. It just did. At some point, there was a shift and that crush he had on her turned into to so much more. He was in love with her.

The problem was – he didn't know if she would ever see him as more than a friend. He knew her well – the most private, intimate parts of her that she didn't like to share with other people– but he couldn't decipher what she felt about him and that was beginning to take its toll.

"I really am proud of you, Dominick." Her voice became softer and she smiled at him as she reached over the table to place a palm on his arm. "You deserve this, and I support you completely."

"I know you do," he assured her. "And it wasn't fair to promise things weren't going to change, either, because obviously things at the precinct are different now. I may have changed jobs, but that doesn't mean I walked out on your life."

"I know. It's an adjustment and I just ...I miss you, I guess."

"You guess?" He teased.

She chuckled. "I do miss you," she amended. "We still work together, but it's not the same. I suppose I don't like change."

He nodded in agreement before saying, "Well, maybe sometimes change can be good." Because, he thought, maybe with this change in dynamic, they could finally work towards addressing whatever they were or weren't to each other.

"Maybe." She flashed a small smile.

"How are the girls?"

"They miss you," she replied, before she could even filter her thoughts. "You know that picture that was on the fridge of the three of you in the photobooth at the zoo?"

"Mhm," he nodded.

"Jessie asked to keep it in their bedroom. She says it keeps the monsters away, and she loves to say good night to it every night. She wants Billie to say it, too, but she's still too young to string all of that together, and Jessie gets frustrated."

Another gut punch.

It was one of the sweetest things he had ever heard, but he felt like he had failed both Amanda and his goddaughters.

"I miss them." He paused for a beat as he leaned forward in his seat. "Look, I probably won't get outta here in time for dinner, but what if I brought over ice cream sundaes for dessert?" He suggested.

She raised an eyebrow. "Only if you plan on staying and helping with bedtime since you want to give them all that sugar in the evening."

He nodded. "I'll even bring a bottle of their momma's favorite wine and we can catch up on whatever drama is unfolding on reality television this week," he offered, even though, judging by the look on her face, he didn't need to sweeten the deal anymore. She was sold, and he knew it.

"That sounds good, Carisi."

"Good." He stared at her a second too long before he blinked and the moment was lost.

"Uhh, well," Amanda began as she crumpled up the wrapper from her sandwich. "I better get going and let you finish working. Feel free to let yourself in whenever you get there tonight." She reminded him.

She paused when she reached the doorway – realizing that even though he was no longer a cop, their bond was still there. The universe had brought them together and their lives had become woven together in a way she never would have expected.

"Are we good?" She asked softly, looking over her shoulder. "You never told me last time..."

"Yeah, Rollins," he assured her. "We're good."

"Good," she couldn't explain how relieved she was.

"Ya fight, ya make up," he shrugged, "but in the end, you and me...we'll always be good." He added with a smile, "And we'll always be partners, too."

And when he smiled at her like that, she believed him.