Post 23x1 (well, I guess 23x2 if you want to be technical about it. There was a lot to unpack in those two episodes so this premiere may be featured in one of these again...)
"I'll try not to channel my inner guilty Catholic."
"Don't go too far. I like that guy."
He chuckled, still slightly amazed at how easily Amanda let those words slip through her lips. It was as if he could actually see the last of her walls begin to crumble, and he didn't say anything while he took a long moment to simply study her and catalogue everything about this moment in his mind.
Her vulnerable question of "and tomorrow?" has been in the forefront of his mind for the last few days. He answered sincerely, assuring her he wanted tomorrow and all the days that followed, but there was a little bit of doubt that bubbled up and made him back pedal slightly – worried that maybe she didn't want the same thing he did. After years of misses, there was a little voice in his head that told him maybe this was too good to be true.
That's why he tried to protect his heart, to prepare himself for the possibility that this was just a fling. That was why he mumbled something about only filing disclosure paperwork if it was a serious relationship. It wasn't until that night in his office when she nervously asked him if he had time to take a small break, that he realized how she may have taken that comment to mean that he didn't want a serious relationship. In that moment, he knew instantly what he had to do.
He had to show her that she was worth more than stolen moments throughout the day. He wanted to show her that he was serious about her, the girls, and this new relationship between them. So that was why he suggested taking her out for dinner, no doubt to either one of them that it was supposed to be a date. That was when he wanted to have a conversation about everything, but before they could even leave his office, both of their phones rang, the case began to crumble, and they had to sustain themselves on the stolen moments for a little while longer.
"Wanna come over for dinner tonight?" Amanda asked, nudging her shoulder against his as they sat as close to each other as they dared in the quiet courtroom. The declaration that this was serious for both of them left her buzzing and she couldn't possibly imagine being away from him now.
Her words rattled him from his thoughts.
"Hmm," he leaned back against the bench, pretending to think about it, lips already quirking into a little smirk. "You learn to cook yet?" He asked, recalling a conversation from what felt like so long ago.
"Nope," she replied, smiling.
"Didn't think so," he quipped. "Let me guess: I'm gonna cook, and we'll shop on the way?"
"Mmhm."
"Deal."
He smiled at her and she smiled back before her smile slowly faded, her eyes never leaving his. "Shit."
"What?" he furrowed his brows, gently reaching out to push a flyway piece of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger for a moment as he caressed her cheek. This new way of touching her like this – touching her skin- would never get old to him.
"Sienna can't pick up the girls from daycare today." She glanced at her watch. "I should probably head out now to get them."
He nodded understandingly. "Okay, so you get the girls, and I'll stop to get the groceries. Then we can meet back at your place?"
"Can't wait," she said as she stood up, wanting to kiss him before she slipped out of the courtroom, but instead, she opted for placing her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it affectionately. "See you soon. Make yourself at home when you get there."
Jessie skipped along happily as they approached the apartment. "You're so smiley, Momma. Again."
Amanda felt her cheeks flush. "I'm smiley again?" She parroted back, shifting Billie in her arms as she reached for her keys.
"Mmhm. Your smile's extra big and your eyes are even prettier," Jessie said innocently with a shrug. "You've been like that for a few days! Wait...did you have ice cream before dinner?" Jessie asked suspiciously, " 'cause that would make me smiley."
"Uh, no, Jess," Amanda chuckled. "I didn't have ice cream before dinner," she replied, probably smiling more as the memories of this new dynamic with Carisi flooded her mindset – the Hudson, the pillar in the courthouse, the stairwell, the offhand comment in the hotel room, that led to them becoming a tangle of limbs in his bed after another late work night before she had to rush home and relieve Sienna.
Those were the reasons she'd been "smiley" and incredibly amorous 24/7 since she allowed herself to take a leap that night on the pier. It was easier than she thought it would be, because in the moment after she heard that speech, everything became crystal clear. She knew she could take the leap and she knew he would be there to catch her - that he had been ready and waiting for years. This new dynamic still may be a little confusing, though, and require a bit of a learning curve, but she knew she was safe.
"What is for dinner?" Her daughter asked dramatically. "I'm starving. The snack today was so gross. They gave us peas with our hummus instead of carrots." She wrinkled her nose. "Yuck."
Amanda shrugged. "I don't know," she began casually as she unlocked the door. "I think you're gonna have to ask Uncle Sonny what he's making us." She finished as she opened the door and shuffled Jessie and Billie inside.
"Uncle Sonny's here?!" Jessie exclaimed before squeezing between Amanda and the wall and running down the hall, dropping her backpack on the floor behind her as she went. "Uncle Sonny!" she called.
"Jessie Girl!" he exclaimed happily turning around from the stove when she came into the kitchen with the biggest smile on his face. His eyes darted to Amanda as he debated his next move. He wanted nothing more than to walk over and kiss her, but he didn't know how to handle this new terrain in front of the girls.
"Watchya makin' us? Momma said your makin' dinner!" She giggled happily as she leapt into his arms.
The way she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him the biggest hug she could made his heart melt. The stress of work and the case hit differently when he was standing in Amanda's kitchen with three of the most important people in his world. It was so much better than going to his own apartment nursing a beer or watching Amanda leave in a cab after they shared a few drinks at a bar. This was the life he'd been searching for and the reason why it could have never worked out with anyone else.
"I thought tonight we'd have chicken parmesan. How's that sound?"
Jessie's eyes lit up. "Can I help with the sauce or are we usin' Momma's sauce from the jar?" She cringed visibly.
"Sauce from a jar?" He asked dramatically. "Never on my watch. I'll have a talk with Momma about not buying that anymore," he winked. "I just was waiting for my sous chef to get here to help me."
"Wait...is that me?" she asked.
"Sure is! Why don't you go wash your hands and then you can help me?"
"Okay," she nodded as he set her feet back on the floor. She started to walk away before she turned around and crossed her arms, studying her godfather carefully. "Wait a second...did you have ice cream before dinner?"
"Ice cream before dinner?" He asked, knitting his brows together, his gaze darting between a very curious Jessie and Amanda who was biting down on her bottom lip forcing back a smile as she situated Billie with a toy on the floor near her feet.
"Yeah, 'cause you're smiley like Momma."
"Mommy has been smiley lately, hasn't she?" He said, his own smile growing more and more at the thought that he helped put that smile on Amanda's face.
Jessie nodded. "Yeah, and her eyes are happy, too. They go like this..." She trailed off as she gave her impression of Amanda's smile. "She's so pretty when she smiles big like that!"
"She sure is," he agreed. "But I think she's pretty all the time. You and Billie have the prettiest, most beautiful and amazing momma in the whole wide world."
Jessie nodded in agreement before becoming focused again. "But did you have ice cream first? 'Cause that would be a reason to be smiley. Momma says no dessert before dinner, though." She crossed her arms. "You'll get in trouble if you did!"
"No," he chuckled. "I didn't have ice cream before dinner."
"But you're happy, too?"
"So happy."
"Well, that's good, but maybe ice cream before dinner would make everyone even happier," she attempted to bargain, cocking her head to the side and batting her eyelashes at him. "Maybe Momma will say yes if you ask her?"
"Not today, kiddo," he ruffled her hair.
She shrugged. "It was worth a try," she said before she ran off towards the bathroom to wash her hands.
Sonny closed the distance between him, Amanda and Billie. He noticed how intently Amanda studied him as he moved closer. He smirked to himself as he watched the rise and fall of her chest speed up and her breath catch in her throat as he took each step forward. Still, though, he couldn't resist the urge to tease her just a little bit. So, he acted like he was going to pull her in for a kiss, but at the very last second, he bent down to scoop Billie up into his arms instead.
Billie laughed hysterically at the sudden movement and Amanda pretended to be upset even though watching him with her girls always made her feel so many things.
"Hi, Silly Billie," he said before kissing her forehead.
She smiled happily at him and then she rested her head against the crook of his neck.
"Any kisses left for me, Counselor?" Amanda teased him as she crossed her arms and sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Oh, I think I have one or two left in me," he replied, shifting Billie in his arms so he could lean down to kiss Amanda – once then twice.
Billie's eyes grew wide at this new dynamic between her Uncle Sonny and her mom. She was much too young to understand it but she knew it was different, and being pressed between them made her laugh.
Amanda smiled against his lips. "Only one or two?" she asked with a slight pout.
"Nah," he grinned. "I have a whole lifetime of them for you."
"Right back at ya, Carisi."
Billie kicked her legs a few times, and Sonny placed her back on the floor.
"Look, Dominick," Amanda began after Billie crawled away and she peeked around to see if Jessie was on her way back yet. "What I said earlier...about not disclosing yet..."
"Yeah?"
"I am serious about this. I just didn't want to disclose right away because this is the first time I've ever been in a relationship that I wanted to be serious. I just want it to be ours for a little bit without our friends teasing us and our bosses watching our every move. I want to prove that we can be like this and still work together. But I also don't want to risk our careers over it, so if you think we need to disclose sooner rather than later, I'm okay with that. We can do it first thing tomorrow morning. I'm all in." She tugged the apron he was wearing to pull him closer. "Today, tomorrow..."
"And the next day, always," he said softly, alluding to their conversation in the middle of their make out session in the courthouse nearly a week ago. "We can keep it between us for now," he assured her. He knew her well enough to understand why she felt the way she did. "But I can't promise that I won't let it slip to my Ma. She always asks flat out if you and I are together yet, and I can't lie to her."
"You can tell your family if you want," she whispered, standing up to kiss him again... and again...and again.
"Rollins," he mumbled, as his hand came to cradle the back of her head as he walked her backwards until she was pressed against the wall.
He caught a flash of movement from his peripheral vision and started to pull away.
"Carisi," she groaned. "There's no cleaning crew that's gonna bust us here," she teased, attempting to press herself even closer to him.
"Uh, maybe not, but..." he trailed off, clearing his throat and nodding his head towards the hallway where Jessie was standing, mouth gaping and eyes wide "...little spies are everywhere."
Amanda's eyes grew wide as she and Sonny separated from one another. She straightened her clothes and ran a hand through her hair to tame it some. "Jessie!" she exclaimed, her mind scrambling trying to figure out how to explain all of this to her daughter. This was the first time her daughter ever caught her kissing a man, and it wasn't just any man. It was her godfather, so Amanda really had no idea how Jessie would feel about that.
"MY WISH CAME TRUE!" She yelled, jumping up and down, spinning in circles. "IT WORKED! IT WORKED!" She propelled herself forward and threw her arms around Amanda's legs. Jessie moved forward with such a force that Carisi quickly reached out to steady Amanda because he was afraid that she was going to simply fall over from the momentum since she was clearly flustered.
"What worked, baby?" Amanda asked, catching Jessie in her arms.
"In Pinocchio they say if you wish upon a star, all your wishes come true. So, every time I saw a star, I wished that you'd kiss Uncle Sonny 'cause you two always look at each other like the princess and prince do. The exact same way. Is that why you're so smiley?"
"Oh, baby," Amanda sighed contently, wrapping her arms tightly around Jessie. "I know this might be confusing. We'll answer all your questions. I promise. But, yes, I am smiley because Uncle Sonny makes me happy."
"Does he treat you like a princess?"
Amanda nodded. "Even better than a princess."
"Are you dating?"
"Mmhm."
"How's that different than before?" She wondered. "Will everything still be the same but you'll be smiley and kiss Uncle Sonny?"
"Well, I guess things won't change all that much. I'm gonna give him hugs and kisses now, and he'll probably come over even more than he already does. Sometimes, Uncle Sonny and I will go out on dates – just the two of us – and sometimes we'll bring you and Billie. He's gonna sleepover in my room and not on the couch like before..."
Carisi's eyes shot up at that remark and he coughed. "Rollins!" He exclaimed. "She's five!"
"But I'm almost six, Uncle Sonny!" Jessie pointed out, completely oblivious as to why her uncle suddenly blurted out her age.
Amanda shrugged and rolled her eyes jokingly. "Are you okay with that, honey?" She asked, turning her attention back to Jessie.
"Well, yeah," Jessie replied like her mother had just asked her if the sky was blue or the grass was green. "I wished for this! I wished for a unicorn, too, but I'm glad this wish came true instead."
Now that Jessie knew wishing on stars helped wishes come true, she was already thinking about how soon it would be before she could see a star again, because she knew what she was going to wish for next.
She was going to wish that Uncle Sonny would marry her mommy and become her and Billie's daddy.
Because if that happened, it would be even better than ice cream before dinner every day and unicorns combined.