Post 23x04

"Now, Jessie," Amanda began, "remember that people work here. We have to use our inside voices- just like when you come to Mommy's work."

"I know, Momma."

Amanda took a deep breath as they stepped off the elevator. This was a huge risk to bring Jessie and Billie to Sonny's office, but it was late and she figured most of the key players on this floor would have left for the day except for the occasional intern or cleaning staff member.

"Knock, knock," Amanda said as she tapped on the window to Carisi's office. He had his head buried in the paperwork on his desk and there was no indication that he heard her. Before Amanda had a chance to knock again, Jessie took off running and pushed open the door.

"SONNNYYY!" She exclaimed, happily.

After they explained to Jessie that they were dating and what that meant, she quickly dropped the "uncle" from his name. In fact, lately she'd been dropping some hints that she wanted to call him "Dad" and just the idea of it made his heart swell. The girls could call him anything they wanted to for all he cared, but he felt like their dad, and loved them as if he were, so the fact that Jessie felt that way too was nothing short of amazing to him.

At the sound of her greeting, a very surprised Dominick Carisi pushed his chair away from his desk and took a few steps across the office to catch her as she ran to him. "How'd you get here, little lady?" He teased as he reciprocated her hug. "Did you learn how to drive and not tell me?"

Jessie laughed. "No, silly! Momma brought us. I can't drive!"

"Oh, whew. That's a relief." He laughed. "Hey," he greeted Amanda with a smile as she and Billie stepped into his office.

"Hey, yourself."

Knowing they were safe from prying eyes for a moment, he placed a quick, almost chaste, kiss on her cheek as a greeting.

"Billie next! Billie next!" Billie chanted holding her arms out to him.

"Okay, okay, okay. Billie next," he agreed before he kissed her forehead. "I missed you this morning," he said as he tickled her belly. "Someone didn't want to wake up before I had to leave."

"Billie was sleepy." She shrugged.

"Yeah, probably because Billie was singing Baby Shark at 4:30 this mornin' instead of sleepin'."

"Billie no sleepy then!"

"This stupid sleep regression stage," Amanda muttered. "I'd understand if you don't want to sleep over until it passes, you know."

"Not a chance, Rollins," he replied, nodding his head towards the duffle bag of extra clothes near the coat rack as Amanda plopped Billie down on the couch and pulled a book from her purse. "I'm always prepared."

"Such a boy scout," she teased. "Here, Jess. Come help Billie read this book."

With Jessie and Billie entertained, Amanda and Sonny walked closer to his desk. "I'm surprised you're here," he began honestly. "I thought you'd be mad at me."

"About...?" she prompted.

"Crystal's case," he said dejectedly.

"Well, I'm not thrilled about that, but I know it came from the 8th floor..."

"But I could have fought harder. We had the evidence. I should have stood up to them and stood my ground. For Crystal's sake."

"You're in a tough spot, Dominick. Still being relatively new here and all. That makes things complicated."

"That's not an excuse and you know it."

She grimaced because they both knew he was right.

"Liv was pretty fired up when she left, too," he continued. "She said she was going to let McGrath have it tonight, and I believe her. There's no way she was gonna cool down by the time she got to 1PP."

"That's why you're here still, isn't it? You're going over every detail again to find a loophole."

"Partly." It was also the fact that this perp was targeting single moms and he couldn't help his mind from going to the dark places where under different circumstance Amanda would have been one of the targets. Plus, the fact that since it looked like the case was actually going to go to trial and not end in a plea, he knew he had to have it passed off to a different prosecutor. There was no way he could prosecute a case where a perp pushed Amanda and they had yet to disclose. He could just see the grounds for an appeal already if he got a conviction.

"And here I thought you'd be working on plea deals with Anya again." She teased. She couldn't help the jealousy that bubbled up when she found Anya in his office a few days ago surface again – even though she knew she had nothing to worry about.

"I don't think there will be any more after hour meetings with Anya...I'm not going to help with those pleas."

"Oh?" Her eyebrows arched.

"Out of an abundance of caution." He explained.

Now her eyebrows knitted together. "Because of us?" She whispered. "I thought we were in the clear as long as I didn't testify before we disclosed, I didn't know that would carry over in plea deals..."

"Well, technically it doesn't, but it's just..." he hesitated.

"Dominick?" She prompted.

"The other day – when you said Fin thought Velasco was a mole..."

"Yeah?"

"It got me thinkin'... I noticed the way Anya was watching us when I walked you out and I didn't like it. I know I said she was a good human a few months ago, but maybe that was a bit premature. I think the case with Howard sweeps a lot further than we know, and I think she knows more about it than she lets on. My secretary likes to gossip with the interns, so I've heard through the grapevine she's had some closed-door meetings with McGrath."

"I think McGrath is dirty, Carisi." She whispered.

"So do I – especially after what he pulled in arraignment court. I'm just not sure where Anya falls into all of this, but I know that we can't risk more than we already are. You know?"

"I do," she nodded.

"If McGrath finds out about it first...it can be bad. We need to talk about disclosing, Manda."

"I know. I'm just afraid..."

"Of what?" He asked gently.

"Failure, I think. Everything is so good right now just the way it is. It's damn near perfect, and I don't want to mess up a good thing by letting other people in with their opinions."

"Their opinions don't matter. The only opinions that matter besides ours are those two little girls over there," he nodded his head towards the couch were Jessie and Billie were, "and that's it. What anyone else thinks or says doesn't matter."

"I know that rationally...but I guess I'm being a little..."

"Irrational?" He supplied with a smirk, eyes sparkling.

"No," she rolled her eyes. "I was gonna say superstitious."

He chuckled. "Talk to Ma...she knows all the Italian remedies," he teased before becoming serious again. "I will choose you and our family over my career any day, but I do rather enjoy having a career so I can take care of said family. The longer we put it off, the riskier it gets..."

Our family.

The phrase sounded so natural coming from his lips, and he said it so sincerely that she fell in love with him again. "I know. Can we talk to Liv first –tomorrow- and then do the paperwork? I owe her that much at least."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course."

"Thank you." She ran her pointer finger up the length of his tie and tugged him towards her. "You know, I'm gonna miss sneaking around."

"Yeah, that was kinda hot," he agreed with a smirk - he'd never pass the pillar in the courthouse – or one particular stairwell- without thinking about her.

"And fun."

"Suppose we still can."

"I'm listening."

"We disclose to our bosses and have the paper trail for the defense team for when it comes up in a trial, but other than that...we go about business as usual...keep people like Anya and Velasco, Crosby, the interns and the rookies guessin'. The only thing that's different will be that we have the satisfaction of knowing everything is on the up and up."

Amanda grinned. "That sounds like the best of both worlds. You've got yourself a deal, Counselor. Now, are you finished up here? I can't persuade you with a nice home cooked meal, but I can offer you leftover Chinese food, a Disney movie, three Rollins girls – plus Frannie - fighting over who gets to sit next to you on the couch and a special grown-up treat once everyone else is asleep if you come home with us." She barely had a chance to wink before he was turning off his computer and locking his filing cabinet. Smiling, she turned her attention back to her daughters. "Okay, girls. Time to go home."

"Sonny, too?" Jessie asked.

"Yep, me, too," he confirmed as he slipped into his jacket. "That okay with you?"

She beamed, nodding her head up and down. "Yes! Maybe you can carry me 'cause I think my legs are getting tired. I played a lot today, y'know...it was exhausting," she finished dramatically.

"Jessie!" Amanda admonished. "You can walk. You walked just fine from the car to here."

Sonny waved his hand before he brought it to rest on Amanda's arm. "Nah, it's fine. Come here, Jess."

"Billie, too!" Billie chimed in, before tacking on a, "peas?" with a little pout, as if there was even the slightest chance he'd say no to her request.

"Yes, Billie too," he said as he moved Jessie to one side so he could hand Amanda his briefcase and take Billie from her arms. "Can you grab my keys and lock the door for me?"

"Sure," Amanda reached into his pocket for the keys. She ushered them out the door ahead of her, and after she secured the door, she paused for a moment to study the scene before her.

She watched with a smile plastered on her face as the man who made her realize what it was like to be loved walked down the hall with both of her daughters securely in his arms. They were laughing at something he said, and she heard him promise an extra bedtime story tonight. That was the type of childhood she dreamed about. The one where Daddy didn't come home drunk and give Momma a black eye after he gambled away his entire paycheck. The childhood she fantasized about where Momma and Daddy tucked her and Kim in with goodnight kisses and bedtime stories. The one where there was no screaming, calling each other names, and throwing vases across the room as she huddled under the table and tried to protect her sister from flying shards of glass.

Sensing that she wasn't near, he carefully spun around to see what was going on, smiling when the girls giggled at the movement. "Rollins? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she assured him, smiling as her eyes met his. "In fact, I couldn't be better. I was just thinking."

He nodded, but she could tell he was still concerned.

"I was just thinking that this is what it feels like to be happy, and sometimes it's still a bit surreal."

His expression softened and he watched her intently as she caught up to them. "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."

"You make me happy...you make all of us happy," she amended.

"You all make me pretty happy, too."

I'm starting to get nervous about them not disclosing yet. I think it's going to blow up this week, so I had to kind of fix that here preemptively. Thanks for reading!