23x07

Super short, but I am having MAJOR Rollisi withdrawals. For my own sanity, I *need* to believe they disclosed off screen already because the longer this goes on, the more worried I become.

"Amanda...Amanda...hey."

Amanda jolted awake with a gasp before she realized it was Carisi's concerned voice and his gentle hand on her shoulder that interrupted her fitful slumber.

"Dominick," she breathed, her heartrate stabilizing when she caught sight of him. The relief it brought her – as well as the sense of safety and security it provided- was instantaneous.

"Sorry," he winced. "I didn't mean to startle you, but I had a feeling I'd find you in here," he said softly as he tilted his head. She was sleeping on the floor in Jessie and Billie's room, between Jessie's twin sized bed and Billie's toddler bed, using a stuffed animal as a pillow and one of Billie's baby blankets was barely covering her stomach.

It had been a week since she and Velasco discovered the mummified remains, and now that the case was closed, the adrenaline of it all wore away and she slowed down enough to process how terrifying everything had been.

"I...uhh...I couldn't sleep," she confessed. "I just came in to check on them...and then – then I sat down. I told myself it was only going to be for a few minutes, but I must've dozed off. What time is it?"

"Just after eleven," he replied shifting his position so he was sitting on the floor instead of kneeling over her.

She hummed in response.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No...we already did," she shook her head as she reached out to touch the knot of his tie. "Nothing changes...it's just – every time I close my eyes, I see it again. It doesn't go away." Her voice cracked with emotion.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He'd seen a lot in his time as a cop and a prosecutor, but when he saw the picture from that scene, he couldn't even begin to imagine what it would have been like for her and Velasco when they discovered it.

"It's our job," she tried to dismiss his concern because she thought maybe it would be easier for her to process if she did.

"No," he shook his head, "no one should ever have to see that – the absolute worst in humanity."

She sniffled and nodded her head in agreement before scooting closer to him and leaning into his embrace. "I'm glad you came." She whispered against his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Despite the tension in the room from the conversation he chuckled at her attempt to lighten the mood. "Well, I do live here now..."

She smiled up at him and blinked through her eyelashes. "Yeah, you do." She kissed the corner of his mouth. "Best perk of disclosing, by far."

"Mmhm," he mumbled in response as he moved to give her a kiss this time. "What can I do to help?" He asked sincerely when they pulled away.

"You being here, being with me, it's enough." She assured him. "It's everything and then some."

If this happened a few years ago, she would have closed off a part of herself. She would have forced herself to compartmentalize and chase the images away with shots of tequila and a one-night stand, but that's not who she was anymore. With him, she was able to be vulnerable and that no longer scared her more than facing the demons that lingered in the dark.

"Give me five minutes to change, and then I'll be right back."

"Hmm?" she furrowed her brows. She thought for sure he would coax her into bed and tell her to try to get some sleep.

"If you don't want to leave the girls tonight, I get that." The truth was, he didn't want to leave them either – they always were the best medicine after a particularly challenging case or bad day. "But if you're sleeping in here on the floor, I'm sleeping here with you. Just let me change and get some actual pillows and blankets."

"You're one of a kind, Dominick Carisi, Jr.," she whispered against his lips before he began to stand up. She couldn't help it if her mind flashed to Al for a second and how she knew without a doubt he would never understand her need to do something like this after a tough case – and he would never sleep on the floor with her, either. "The girls and I got lucky."

"I'm the lucky one," he countered– like he always did when she said things like that. "You and the girls...it's everything."

And tomorrow morning, when they would wake up to discover that Jessie and Billie migrated to the floor as well in the middle of the night – Billie sprawled out like a starfish over both of them, and Jessie curled up against Sonny's side with both of her arms wrapped tightly around his left arm- they would be reminded again that darkness and light, goodness and evil, and sadness and happiness would always coexist in the world. So, it was important to savor the little moments like this, where nothing else mattered except the four of them and the love they shared.