23x10

I'll forever be bitter that we got parts of Carisi and Nicole's relationship via one-sided telephone conversations, but we don't get that for Rollisi...so this is my attempt to remedy that.

When Olivia called Amanda, on Christmas Eve, telling her she was needed for the Hate Crimes Task Force, it has been disappointment all around. Amanda knew she was on call, and it was a possibility, but it still stung. In fact, her being on call was the whole reason she, the girls and Carisi weren't already in Staten Island for the annual Carisi Family Christmas Eve Feast.

"Where's Noah going to go?" Amanda had asked, concerned, as her eye met Sonny's and they had a silent conversation over the dinner dishes that were piled up in the sink of her small kitchen.

"Well, Lucy and her mother are out of town, so he'll just have to hang out at the precinct with the desk sergeant, I guess."

"Oh, Liv. That's no way for him to spend Christmas. Carisi is going to stay with the girls tonight, and then tomorrow, he'll bring them to Staten Island. Do you think Noah would like to have a sleepover here and he can join them tomorrow?"

"I just called you, Amanda, and you already have a contingency plan for childcare before we even hang up? You didn't even need to callCarisi?"

Amanda took a breath. "I'm saying this to my friend not my captain, but I didn't need to call Carisi because he's already here," she replied confidently, smiling in Carisi's direction.

Olivia hummed. "I suspected, but I need the paperwork after this case." Amanda could practically hear the smile through Olivia's voice.

"I know."

"Are you sure he won't mind? That his parents won't mind?"

"He won't mind and neither will they."

Dominick Carisi forced a smile as he alternated between taking pictures on his cellphone and his digital camera while Billie, Jessie, Noah and his nieces and nephews played with the dozens of toys scattered across his parents' living room. He understood the job better than anyone, but his heart still broke for the fact that Jessie and Billie and Noah didn't get to spend Christmas with their mothers.

"Rollins, hey." He greeted the second he realized the notification for the incoming call as he closed his camera app.

"Carisi," she breathed, relief flooding over her the moment she heard his voice.

He immediately stiffened at her tone, and discreetly worked his way from the living room to the kitchen to take the call. "What's wrong?"

"I just miss you and the girls. I wish I could be there, but I don't think this case is resolving itself anytime soon. I won't make it out to Staten Island tonight."

Carisi sighed. "I was afraid of that."

"This isn't how I imagined our first Christmas together."

"Me neither. Ma wanted to see if Noah and the girls wanted to sleepover tonight with the rest of the kids, but if you and Liv want to see them, I can have 'em back in the city before you know it."

"No, no. I, uh, actually told Liv you'd be willing to do that, but it's better for the kids to be there. I think it's safer that way, too. I don't even know if I'll make it home tonight. I'll probably just try to take a power nap in the cribs later. I'll stop home long enough to walk Frannie and that's it."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

He waited a beat but she didn't say anything. "What else is going on, Manda? I can tell there's something else."

"There was something I didn't tell you when we talked last night." She let out a long sigh. "The new captain for the hate crimes unit...It's Declan Murphy."

Of all the things he was expecting her to say, he didn't know if that would have even been remotely on his radar. He had pretty conflicting thoughts on the man himself and could only imagine what this situation must be like for Amanda.

"Oh. Wow. And how's that going?" He finally managed to ask.

"It is what it is," she replied, and he could imagine the way she was shrugging her shoulders.

"It's okay if you're not okay."

"It's a big case and I don't really have time to not be okay." She practically snapped at him. "I don't need any special treatment."

"Amanda..." he said her name in a whisper, like a prayer, and it was everything she needed to feel grounded again.

"I'm fine, Dominick. Really." Her voice softened as he grip on the phone tightened.

"Okay," he sighed. "But I'm only a phone call away."

"I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you." She said sincerely. "So," she sniffled, "tell me about these big sleepover plans. Is Mama Carisi serving up her famous cannoli?"

He chuckled. "I'd imagine so, but I've been informed, by my niece and Jessie that no grown-ups are allowed at the sleepover- only grandmas and grandpas. I may already have the gray hair, but I sure don't plan on being a grandpa anytime soon, so I guess I'll have to find something to do to occupy my time."

That drew a laugh out of Amanda. "I'm glad they're having fun. Give them a hug and kiss from me. I'll call again closer to bedtime. Liv's gonna call Noah as soon as she gets a chance."

"Safe home, Rollins."

"Counselor Carisi dropped by to bring us a Christmas feast!" The desk sergeant told Amanda excitedly as she stepped off the elevator.

Amanda didn't even care that it was nearing 1:00AM, she was going to indulge in every single part of the meal Carisi brought to the precinct.

"His mama must cook for an army," the sergeant continued. "He said these were just some of the leftovers," he shook his head, almost in disbelief.

"I think it's an Italian thing," Amanda smiled. "How long ago was Counselor Carisi here?"

"Oh, probably two or three hours ago, maybe even longer. He wanted to wait around for you guys, but he said he had to head back to Staten Island," the man shrugged. "I guess his family needed him or something. I was surprised he came all this way just to drop off the food and go back."

Amanda tried to mask her disappointment over not crossing paths him while he was there. But on the other hand, maybe it was a good thing she didn't see him. She didn't trust her emotions after her most recent conversation with Murphy a few hours ago, and she knew Sonny would see through the walls she put up the moment they saw each other.

"You better get some of that food before it's all gone. The tiramisu was to die for. If my mama could cook like Carisi's ma, I don't think I would have ever moved out."

"Tiramisu, huh? No cannoli this time?"

"I don't think so. It was tiramisu and a tray of cookies. Pizzelles, biscotti, those red and green layered things..." he rattled off. "I didn't see any cannoli, though."

"That's too bad," Amanda commented as she made her way to the breakroom.

Since the break room was empty, Amanda took the time to call Sonny. She knew that it was late, but she had a feeling he was still awake, and even if he wasn't, she knew he'd be glad that she called.

"Hey," she greeted when he answered on the second ring as she put her plate into the microwave and pressed a few buttons.

"Hey, yourself," he could hear his smile. "I hear a microwave. Does that mean you found the food?"

"I did," she smiled herself. "Did I wake you?"

"Nope, I was waitin' for you to call."

"I had a feeling. Thanks for dropping the food off. It smells amazing and it's the first real meal I had all day."

"Well, I wasn't gonna let your only Christmas meal be shitty coffee and snack cart food. I was gonna bring you a plate no matter what, but you know Ma...we had a ton of leftovers and I figured it was less suspicious if I brought food for everyone."

"It's appreciated. How are the kids?"

"Fine, fine. They were out by them I got back from the food run. They miss you."

"I can't wait to see them. And Jessie...oh, sweet, innocent, Jessie," she sighed as she took her plate out of the microwave. "I just want to snuggle her and smother her and hugs and kisses. Murphy and I had a chance to talk..."

Carisi swallowed before replying. "And how'd that go?"

"I don't know, really. It was a whole thing. I told him Jessie's happy and that I'm happy, but I don't know if this locked a door that was already closed, or unlocked a door that was already locked."

"Whatever it is, we'll get through it."

"It impacts you, too. You've always been more like her father than her godfather. I mean, he's not on Jessie's birth certificate and I don't think he'll take me court to establish paternity, but what if he wants to meet her? She's six, so young, and I don't know if now is the right time... but I don't want her to hate be someday and think I kept her from him, and I just...I don't know."

"There's a lot to unpack, but you know what? You're an amazing mom, Amanda Rollins. Jessie will understand that you made every single decision with her best interest at heart because of your love for her. Maybe there isn't a right or wrong here."

Amanda chewed on her bottom lip as his words settled in her brain. "Can we table this for now? I'd rather talk about it in person, and I have a lot on my mind with the case and all." Honestly, though, she didn't want to talk about it at all. She wanted to lock it away and go back to the time when Declan Murphy was thousands of miles away and not a captain in the same city, but she knew that wasn't an option.

"Yeah...yeah... of course."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Rollins. Did you get to your desk yet?"

"No."

"Well, when you do, be sure to check your bottom drawer. There's a surprise in there for you."

"Is it-"

"Ma's cannoli? Sure is."

"You really do love me." She grinned as she made her way to her desk.

"I do, but I also like seein' you happy, too."

"Thank you, Carisi...for everything."