42 – Jack

Ianto is in one of his dark phases. He doesn't go there that often and although Owen had warned me a little while ago, I never thought it was real. I thought Owen was exaggerating as I have seen Ianto upset, sad and bereaved. I thought I knew how low he can go but I now realise what Owen was trying to tell me.

Ianto suffers from his own melancholy.

He is like a wraith here at the Guest House and I wish I could take him home, or to the country place. He just seems so uncomfortable and deep down I know it has nothing to do with where we are, rather where he has been.

He does not trust authority, nor does he trust shrinks. I mean, he got the kids one, he went with them and everything but he never gave a piece of himself to that. I guess a lifetime of being let down and betrayed makes a man leery of giving anyone a piece of his soul. I know how lucky I am.

"Hey" I call as I return home and there is no answer so I walk through the house to the pool where I find him in the shade of the large tree, sitting on a lounger with his feet up, a book unopened in his lap and his eyes glassy as he stares out over the pool. "Ianto?"

He focuses on me and for a moment I am afraid he does not know me, then his entire face changes as he lights up "CARIAD!"

"Where are the kids?" I ask as I look around at the silent house.

"Gray took them to the store, they are helping him make the evening meal. The poor man has no idea what he is dealing with" Ianto was animated, like I had not just found him so still and …. Gone. "How was your day?"

"Boring and I missed you" I say honestly and something flickers on his face as he looks at me then he leans in.

"Me too" he whispers as he plasters himself to me and I love him so damned much that it hurts… ya know?

"I gotcha something" I remember what I am carrying in a bag in one hand and raise it between us as I step back, his face full of shock as he stares at it. I don't do gifts. Not a gift kinda guy and I know I have to fix that too. Flowers, chocolates… not feminizing him but remembering that we are in this together might be nice.

He takes the bag by the handles and sits back on the lounger, looking up at me with open confusion. There is no fear, he trusts me and it feels nice to know someone sees me and likes what I hide from others. I hope one day he feels safe letting me see all of him too. He opens the bag, peeking in then his eyes widen as he looks back at me again. "Jack?"

"Well… the kids are getting bigger and Jessie… well… I think it might be nice" I explain.

Ianto pulls out the box and stares at the picture on the box, then opens it to remove the camera. He turns it over in his hands and then to my surprise he expertly opens the back to pop in the memory card still waiting in the packaging in the bag as well. He knows more than me about this.

"I was thinking we could fill the hallways with frames, pics of our family" I say as he stands and looks down the lens, then the whir of the camera begins. He seems happy, animated and genuinely pleased with my gift.

"I had one like this… not as good of a model of course, just a small cheap version but I did love it." He tells me as he crouches to take a photo of one of the pots of colour "Rhiannon sold it when I wasn't looking. I was so pissed… David was a baby and I had got it to make memories of him. This is lovely, Cariad… thank you. I've not even thought bout photography in years. I took a course on it while in college."

Well. There ya go. I have accidentally hit the nail on the head as far as pleasing him and the smile is genuine. Ianto turns the cameras in his hands again like he cannot believe it then places it on the lounger before kissing me and whispering that they will be at least an hour.

Ooooo.. afternoon delight?

I hope I made him happy... really. He makes me so happy ad I know he is in some sort of funk right now. He really needs a shrink but he will not go.

Hopefully this is an outlet somehow.

He does seem happy again.

Mind you.

This is an amazing actor here.